filling the void in late night...
while such talented cats like michael ian black and amy sedaris are going to be doing guest hosting stints on the vacanted prime real estate for informercials on most cbs stations, i feel that i would like to throw my name in to the mix.
basically, i want to do a talk show that's like conan o'brien meets dance party usa. so here's what a typical show would be like: the killers are performing and they're performing, you're gonna see the audience dance, me, douglas reinhardt, your host, dance, our first guest, anthony hopkins, dancing, my sidekick, george takei dancing, we couldn't get our second guest, mila kunis to dance, but whatevs. its jokes and jokes, then interview, then a dance party. its as simple as apple pie and we could give birth to the next kelly ripa, which may be a bad thing depending who you is.
on my show, "late night dance party," basically we're gonna go after carson daly's talk show, so if anything, we'd like to be cbs' 1:35 am show. i want to believe that interviewing skills are on par, if not better than carson daly's. yeah, i'm pretty self centered, but i would actually listen to what the person has to say as opposed to primarily relaying on the pre interview and the big blue cards. i make this promise to you, i'm not a big fan of the reception i get, so no interviewed would ever be phoned in. as i mentioned earlier, that my sidekick would be george takei. any self respecting sternaholic knows that a simple laugh from mr takei equals comedy gold.
some nights, i'd like to take the show out on the road, down to the valley, some place like chatsworth and find the sleaziest hot tub this side of a porno, and estentially, do hot tub talk (a treatment i wrote in 2001 for the defunct ptr! show). basically, me, george takei, and our guests in a hot tub, just keepin' it real, drinking mimosas and blaming somebody else for the bubbles we make in the hot tub. sure, i don't truly believe we'd be able to book angeline jolie that night, but maybe some girl from a wb show with rad knoobs whose plugging an apperance in stuff magazine.
so that would be my talk show. musical performance/guest introduction/dance party, monologue/desk chat, 1st guest, 2nd guest, 2nd performance and all out dance party. we'd share some laughs and some popin' fresh dance moves.
one time, when i worked at juice stop, i put a note on the tip jar about jennifer lopez. it said that she came and was really rude to me; people put money in the tip jar and asked questions about her. i said, "yeah, she wanted some skim milk and i had to tell her that we didn't have any and she just stormed out and yelled at me. she was such a bitch." then the person nodded or would say "yeah, she seems like she'd be one." then i think i had about four bucks in the tip jar at the end of my shift and i was working solo, so i kept it all to myself. then other people used celebrities as a way to get tips, but they picked like dudes from *nsync who weren't timberlake and they got no love. so it pays to write some lamey story about a person everybody thinks is a total bitch or at least when you work in a spot with a tip jar. for people who live in the east during the baseball playoffs, write yankees suck and you'll get some money.
so i took another butchers to that new faint album, "wet from birth," what i came with from it was: ever hear that joke about chocolate & peanut butter? no, you got chocolate in my peanut butter. no, you got peanut butter in my chocolate or however the line went on "news radio," which i think was a reference to a paraliment funkadelic song, but anyways, i'm getting sidetrack. "wet from birth" is like, "you got cursive on my cure album" "no you got the cure on my cursive album" or you could say, "you got afi on my hot hot heat album"/ "you got hot hot heat on my afi album". maybe, if i was 15, then the album would be on the top of my list, but its not, its just a mildly good work out record.
wow, roselyn sancher, the star of such landmark cinematic efforts as rush hour 2 and boat trip has made the leap from sexy c list actress to sexy bad singer. man, this has to be a first, right?
i believe that pitchfork is stealing their news from either soviet panda and/or burned by the sun cause interpol touring dates as well as info on the "slow hands" remixes by dan the automator and britt daniel. yours humble narrator maybe unable to attend any of the shows when interpol comes to town unless i grin and bear it and go to ugh, san diego. there hasn't been an ounce of excitement related to san diego ever since jaime real world left town.
annonying ring tones from green day. a friend of mine told me that i was going to be beaten up for my ring tones cause they're annonying. yet how annoyning is having an mp3 of "clocks" as your ring? not at all and to be even cooler, i got that 'zombie crunk' classic, "no problem" as my new ringtone, but i'm working on a whole zombie cell phone motif since my voice mail message is dialogue from day of the dead
on the matter of kobe, i feel that robin brown said it best, "kobe and oj r selling bottles of their sweat and calling it good luck juice." kobe, got lucky. plain and simple, but i think that the lakers are still not terriblely stoked on the season or at least that's the impression i got from interviews done with laker fans. now with this road block out of the upcoming season, people are coming to their senses and realizing that we're replacing one of the greatest centers of all time with vlade fucking divac.
just when you thought the movies couldn't get any better, possible return of the mighty ducks?
poor miss universe jennifer hawkins