did anybody else catch chris wylde on "american idol" as the rappin' nanny? so sad, yet oddly, a good move cause you know some plucky nerd would be watching and say, 'hey wasn't that the guy who had a horrible show on comedy centeral and was on an episode of trading spaces?' and pull attention to your website and well, you're reading the rest of what would happen or at least i assume that's what would happen.
how has wendy managed to stay alive on "project runway" ? i mean just look at her, she's crazy, but not in that good joanna newsom kind of way. i mean just look at the stuff she has made. it's awful, but she manages to sneak through every week by placing the blame on somebody else and most likely, she'll probably sneak through to the finals with her unkept hair and awful blood red shoes and the fashion world will be like, michael korr, why didn't you vote her out in the third week when you had the chance instead of facing the embarrasement at fashion week. so please send wendy back to her lab and off my tv set. it was bad enough that she put too much clothing on melissa, the hot 16 year old model.
dudes, l.a. hipsters,steve aoki says that the m.i.a. knitting factory show isn't sold out, yet. i'm sincerely dedicating lil scrappy's "what the fuck" to you. do you know that everybody and their kid sister with a 20 gig ipod on the east coast are dying to see this show, but you're sleeping on it. now, allow myself to excuse myself from the situation, i can not make it to the show because i have class on thursday night, i know total bummer and if it wasn't the first week of classes, i'd totally skip out on class, but you, hipsters, should go and say to people afterwards, "i was there when m.i.a. destroyed the knitting factory" and i'll do my best to hum the beat of lcd soundsystem's "losing my edge" to make you even more speical.
if you're not going because you don't like the knitting factory or you've had a bad time there, trust me, it's not as bad as my times at the knitting factory, okay. sure, we may have seen that episode of ashlee simpson where her and ryan yugioh got lost in the parking structure, that's a bad time, but have you had to take pictures of two girls against the walls of that parking structure for one of the girl's 'art project' and flirted with other dudes right in front of you? mind you, not any normal dudes, but ska fans who were hotboxing and underage drinking in their lil' truck? have you ever eaten the designer nachos and had stomach problems and funny colored bowel movements (sorry for being graphic), the next morning? have you ever be so drunk there that somebody who also was intoxicated told you, "you look like how i feel" to which you replied, "what? i'm so out of right now. i have no idea of where my friends are or where i'm sleeping tonight or how i'm even getting home." has some cute girl that hangs out at your favorite mexican resturant took advantage of you and made you buy a cd for her, there? did you go there one time with a girl you used to have a crush on, along with another guy who used to have a crush on the girl and the girl's ex boyfriend is meeting you there, but then the girl you went with, is outside most of the time on her phone, talking to some other dude and crying the whole time? have you causally mention that you were gonna see a band play there in an aim convo or text message with somebody that sorta creeps you out and when you get to the show, that person is there and you feel forced to hang out with them and it's super awkward the whole night? did you have chocolate syrup get all over your designer jeans (that actually happened to somebody i know, but i was there when it happened)? did you go to a show with a friend who ends up pulling a batman and you can't find him, so basically you go down to hollywood blvd to find him, but it turns out, he was asleep in the balanchony area and you missed a bunch of shit trying to find him? so, you see, your times at the knitting factory are nowhere as bad as mine. so suck it up, go there and be apart of something cool. who knows, you'll probably get on cobra snake, see some babes, have a brew and realize that you're better than everybody else cause you saw m.i.a. dude, diplo is djing for m.i.a., so he'll probably slip on the instrumental for "big pimpin" when she does 'bingo' and you could do the dame dash dance and make believe that your red stripe is a bottle of chrissy while you do your dance and shout 'bingo!'.
i mean, what else is there going on tonight that's better than this? you gotta watch "the o.c." cause you wanna see mischa b finally go gay and wear a le tigre t-shirt? do you think that the big kiss is gonna be the second coming of sarah michelle gellar and selma blair's kiss(sorta nsfw)? it's gonna be okay, no spit bubbles or anything like that. you could tivo this and it'll be kosher. unless, you're at super rad hot model, h.j., hollywood hills party with like kelly ripa, scott biao, gene hackman, and alessandra ambrassio featuring a concert by ghostface, then you can skip it, but the chances of all of those peeps being in the same room doing those disgusting things are slim to nill, so go to the knitting factory tonight.