&t skeet on mischa: 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005

skeet on mischa

i wouldn't have given you it if i didn't agree

May 31, 2005

mislead youth

first and formost, we're not ones to be all excited and racking the brain to come up with some clever zinger about paris hilton getting engaged to paris, the boyfriend (the only thing i came up was that paris hilton will probably name her child after the expression, "that's hot" or at least some varation on that but in a different language. "yeah, these are my twins, quello è and caldo, which means 'that's hot' in italian, cause you know they're hot" and secondly, her kids are gonna end up looking like steven cojocaru). the day that paris hilton falls off a cliff and right into the pacific ocean, i'll be excited; i'll have more than something to say, but you never can tell. it's odd though, one of the local news station teased the story of paris hilton's engagement as if it was earth shattering news. they said something like, "paris hilton makes a major change in her life," and me being the hateful person that i am, hoped that it was she was converting to islam or retiring the expression, 'that's hot,' but it's like, 'nah, she's getting married.' so friends and neighbors, brace yourself for months and months and months of paris hilton marriage stories. i think in the fall, i'm gonna take all night classes, just to avoid the extra access insider entertainment tonight news daly stories.

geez, does anybody know if e! had giuliana depandi break into regularly scheduled programming again to announce the news of paris hilton? i can imagine somebody in the midst of their "dr. 90210" marathon being just so bummed that they intreputed that one doctor talk about how he's brazilian for like the 9 millionth time.

but anyways, that's the point i'm trying to make. if anything, i want to talk about tom cruise. you see, i'm a little late to the big stories of the world because i'm too busy teaching scarism to travis barker fans and making phoney profiles on iranian personals. probably heard it before and the conclusion has already been made by you, but i honestly believe that tom cruise is having a mid life crisis and he's on the drugs. the young woman on his arm and i can safely assume that he drives some redonklicous sports car or at least he recently got his prius pimped out, you know 40 inch rims, tom loves katie license plate bracket and on the interior, leather with, "tom-kat 4eva" switched on the head rests and the only dvds he watches in are "dawson's creek" seasons 1 through 4; he's not that much into season 5; clearly signs of mid life crisis,yet he's only 42. i guess it makes sense, but you know, tom cruise makes alot of money, so what would be the problem? his old publicist said he can't talk about scientology in interviews? he fired his old publicist so he could talk about scientology with billy bush and look like rick james on "chappelle's show.' you know that part where rick james says he didn't stomp on eddie murphy's couch, then like two seconds later, he said he did, and you know those immortal words, 'cocaine is a helluva drug,' i swear, i saw or at least heard tom cruise do something on par with rick james when defending scientology with billy bush. the dude is a trip and frankly, he's on some sorta drug. i mean, cruise is talking about how he gives out his phone number to people so they can call him and you know, talk to their problems and you know, he's probably up all night, doing lines and ordering swords on the internet, watching his phone like the chick in audition and there is in fact, somebody in a burlap sack next to him; probably emilo estevez. katie holmes in the corner, crying as she watches like vanilla sky for 10th time that day while he shouts, "that's my best work!" over and over again. you may not believe me now, but just wait until you see the horror scene on a&e and how much more creepy its gonna be when narrated by bill kurtis.

related, i've always wanted to do an audio version of skeet on mischa, but not read by me because i would rewrite it as i read it, so instead, maybe somebody like kcrw's tom schnabel. call me crazy but i think the calm, relaxed, easy listening voice of tom schnabel would do just incredible justice to something like this. of course, i'd have to spell check things (i rue the day that i have to spell cehck what i write), edit down the swears (it's true, it's bit of a poty mouth scene here) and explain what slang terms mean. "hey, doug, good stuff here, but what exactly does skeet mean?" "ah thanks. what's that, tom?" "skeet on mischa, does it stand for anything?" "ummm, tom, it's sorta top secret. can't really explain it; too long of a story and we just have this one last voice over to do and we're done for the day. maybe another time, okay?" then he'd bang out that last v.o. in a single take cause he's a pro and i'd cross my fingers, hoping he'd never bring it up ever again. so, like tom schnabel or cindy burke, who used to my voice of reason and sanity while stuck in 5 o'clock traffic on the 5, but i don't know where she went. so those two or like hot rod todd, formerly of le shok & neon king kong, because you know, what's he got going on?

oddly further related, while researching the accurate spelling of scientology, i found this thing on communication and frankly,it's worth a look to see a scared dude play catch while wearing a blue shirt and standing in front of a blue screen. hello new myspace profile photo! (myspace.com/skeetonmischa; if you don't believe me)

i'm not signing off on the mtv vj, susie. for me, she seems sorta like a broke ass version of bet's julissa and basically for as much as love as i got for julissa, julissa in a sense is basically bet's version of idalis, but like julissa has this certain public access tv show host quality to her; she's always fumbling over her cue cards and running out of breath, it's awesome.

once again, just putting it out there, my friend, robin brown, the director of johnny benson's adventures in the blogosphere(check the side bar for the trailer) has graduated from film school and if you're a member of a local band or an indie band with money and a desire to make a music video, hire him. his film, johnny benson may have been about lcd soundsystem, but dude is about death cab jawns as well. so if you want a good lookin' video and probably a smidgen of publicity from me (i'd probably end up p.a.-ing the thing), hire him to make your video. so if you see robin brown at cinescape or the beauty bar in the next few weeks, buy him a drink and say that you want to be in the robin brown business.

another friendly reminder and this sorta snuck upon me the other day, it's beach/pool party/hot tubbing time of the year, so indie dudes be fair warned that may be situations where you may have to take off your shirt. so get comfortable with your body quickly because it's even more suspect if you go swiming with your shirt on. i mean, who are you, my cousin curtis? the elusterious security guard of a shampoo factory. don't be that guy, let your spirit free like i did at this one rapture show many moons ago where i walked in front of the la cool kids without a shirt, covered in sweat. i mean, somebody has got to say, 'fuck you' to the modern conventions of what we call, 'beautiful' today. so the indie dudes be the ones without their shirts on, i'll be the guy with the reverse mullet, and the hot girls will be coming home with us, right?

my new favorite anaheim angels (fuck this la business) player is jose molina simply cause his up to the plate is some reggaeton, while i do apperciate adam kennedy's use of 2pac & dr. dre's "california love" and new shortstop orlando cabrera's multiple 50 cent songs, i just like the reggaeton a wee bit more. although, steve finley's music has got to go; i mean, "sledge hammer" by peter gabriel? that's not scary. why not use some morrisey while you're at? if i were a pro player, i'd want to walk out to either "regin in blood" by slayer, "straight outta compton" by n.w.a, specifically, mc ren's verse (d-o-u-g spells doug, but i'm raw), or "kiss of the octopus" by the blood brothers; i figure these songs would make me seem crazier and a bit of a wildman. where as if i walk out to "sledge hammer," there' too much pressure to have a good at bat and knock something out the park; if you strike out, it just makes the whole thing one big comedy scene. some 'sledge hammer' he's got, insert snickers and giggles here.

and finally, over this memorial weekend, i learned that i will become that bitter, cranky old man who'll call the cops on the party a few doors down when i grow up. it's not like i hate kids, it's just that, they're terrorists and i worry that little becky on her razor scooter is gonna hit a rock in the road and land head first into my car. kids can be cool at times, but you know, when they start a soccer game in the car ports and car alarms go off every five minutes when there's a big green belt a mere 200 feet away just begging to be ran upon. the kids are our future, but it's not a bright future when they're engaged in a light saber and water fight on your front lawn and really close to your recently washed car. call me crazy, but why do these kids have to make their base camp my front lawn and make feel like the bad guy when i take my dog out front so she can go potty. i'm not asking much, i'm just want my lawn back. don't these kids have their own lawns to play on and their own parents' newly washed cars? why can't they potentially scratch up mommy & daddy's car? in my neighborhood, there are two fairly decent size green belts which are beyond ideal for playing their little light saber duels and kick the ball games on, but they just go unused by these kids for some unknown reason. do their parents believe that it would be better for the children to whip around the block, in and out of car ports and onto the street where they could get hit by a car? i saw some kid get hit by a car while it was backing out a few weeks ago and the kid got hit because he was crusing willy nilly in the car port area. yeah, it is the driver who has to pay the most attention to what's going on, but you can't account for some kid who was going one way, but just all of sudden, decides to go the other way, then boom. what is so wrong with a green belt? it has grass and it's located near the house and there are no cars that will run anybody over; it's not like the island on "lost" or something. then these kids while running wild in the car ports, set off car alarms and haul ass. like the other night, these kids across the street were kicking the ball and hit one of the cars located in the car port by my house and i went outside, to check on my car cause you know, i highly doubt the next pele, let alone the next cobi jones lives across the way. so i look over to see who kick the ball over and i see this kid hiding underneath his parents' suv, so i wouldn't yell at him or something. instead, i just held his soccerball for a while, then i put the ball next to my patio door and i thought about standing behind the door, waiting for the kid to pick up his ball, then i would soak him with a hose. but i showed restraint; i held back because my fear of confrontation from the child's parent. yeah, i'm not good one on one; i'll diss you and lack of parenting skills on the internet, but face to face, peace means see you later. don't these parents see the problem of their kid kicking a ball around a parking lot or is it going to take tommy slamming that soccer ball in the brand new navagitor for the parents to wake up and see that green belts are much safer.

May 27, 2005

beauty school dropouts

i think as a public service for those who suffer from insomnia and have an overall fear of taking sleeping pills caue of the 85 million side effects including diarreha that come with 'em, that coldplay and death cab for cutie should tour together as the monsters of bore. each ticket purchased comes with a mat, blankie and juice & cookies. i guess, it'd be the ideal show for lovers and seth cohen, but for your humble narrator, "bupha, this is the sound of me snoring".

i mean i'd listen to coldplay if their music had this same spirit. like if "speed of sound" actually made girls get on to the hoods of cars, instead of making people feel like they're adults and wonder if all of their bills are paid this month. well, i guess, everybody has to deal with that, but you know, coldplay is the new nora jones. also, if the darkness had videos like this and got rid of that vocalist guy, i'd be down or if metalcore bands made videos like this. instead of boring, pretenious hack jobs from fincher wanna bees fresh out of film school, why not have a sense of humor and have some girl roll around on a ford fiestva during some killer breakdown

related; this girl is still outta control like a line at starbucks at 8 in the morning. why isn't she on the real world or like mtv in some capacity? why not her as the new host of 'wild on...' ? i could always trott out that treatment of mine called, "rockin' the scene," which was the 'indie rock' verion of 'wild on' cept, you know interviews with indie bands, drinking it up at faux dive bars, helpful hints on how to stay pale and maybe tours of hometowns with yr favorite bloggers with a snappy theme song by diplo.

word to the wise for next weekend, before y'all head out to the el rey to see bloc party, you may wanna swing down costa mesa way and hit up the paul frank summer sale. i'd go, but i don't want another panic attack from trying to find a parking spot, but yeah, it's gonna be babed out and there will be some tees for nice prices.

new dip set mix tape; there's alotta juelz santana, but you know, he's got an album in july, but it's all good. dip set, all day, every day.

related, does anybody know a store that sells those giant shirts with biggie on them? i want to get one, but you know normal size, naturally. for the fall, i want to rock the look of horror movie shirts from rotten cotton (mostly the argento ones) and hip hop gear.

j5 and the donnas are rip shit up with dj dan at electric daisy carnival in the san berndo this summer. we'd go, but you know, it's the 909 and if you've seen j5 once, you're pretty much golden

in case you haven't noticed this week, the new key on my keyboard thats sticking is the 's' key. so there be a lost 's' here and there.

could alexis bledel look even more uncomfortable on "trl" the other day? i mean, i wouldn't want to be on that show either cause who the fuck is tyler hilton and jesse mccarthy? are they related to paris and paul, repectively? probably, she'd be more comfortable tossing to a shins video or whatevs. or maybe, she ate some bad food at lunch or in the green room and it's like the battle of modor in her tummy or something. also, can anybody explain the show, "the gilmore girls" to me? i watched it for 15 minutes once like two years ago and all i can remember was there a nerdy girl living in a closet. i want to be able to understand, not necessarily be caught up to speed, so i engage in whatever season the show is in, i just want to know what's up because i like lauren graham; she's good on talk shows and alexis bledel was good in sin city.

if you sorta remix lisa lisa and the cult jam's slow jam classic, "all cried out," and replaced 'cried' with 'laughed,' you'd reach my current state of mind. i haven't laughed either this hard or this much in a while; well at least, from tuesday to like thursday afternoon, i was consistently laughing at something. first off, there's chappelle's show season 2 dvd; it still makes me laugh and perhaps, it's the 11 in me, it's even funnier to hear all the dirty words unbleeped. and secondly, on wednesday, it was my last class of the semester, so me and my class friend, who had been spent the whole semester goofing on people in class and just about everything else in the world, so you know, we had to get all the jokes out because you know, when am i going to make fun of the class dad who flirts with the professor and eat dove bars and has game ringtones. this bit of infectious snaps, diss and jokes literally blew my mind and i had a case of sensoury overload. literally, there was too many funny things going on at once and i just got this horrible headache. allow me to paint the scene for you, myself, i'm still laughing over this lord of dogtown yelling 'what' at his skateboard after he had difficulties riding over two different forms of concrete, then my friend is telling me some joke, then in another spot, we had two frat bros talking with two frat girls about partying and how awesome it is live on campus and within that little sewing circle of frat people, there was a girl who could've been a page 3(nsfw) girl if she lived across the pond and you know, state college, holla! so literally, i had all of these going on all at once and i just felt my brain fall apart and i left the area in which i was sitting because i had to drive alone eventually and i think i would not have been possible if i continued to listen frat boys & girls carry a conversation on.

anybody catch "i want a famous face" the other night? the one about the girl who wanted to be a hair model and look like posh spice and lives in huntington beach. cause the people on that episode are sorta like the characters i'm gonna write/ing about in my scripts. so hopefully, people thought those people were interesting because other wise, i have to go back to the drawing board and focus in on horror scripts.

i'd say something about getting my haircut the other day, but first off, it'd be hypocritical because ohmygosh, i feel so violated because i was judged by hipsters, who in turn are the same people that i judge. it's like that one argument i got into with a person the other day who said i can't be critical of people seeming rude and anti social because i am myself am anti social and not very approachable, to that i said something about how she spends her weeekends at appleebee's. and secondly, i just feel weird because i go to these haircutting schools cause it's cheap and i have a thing for girls in black, but girls who go to the school that don't feel really up to cutting some hair after lunch, hang around, watching as i get my hair cut. i guess that's part of the deal of getting cheap hair cuts is that you have to deal with an audience. you know, i'm a person who can barely be photographed, so to have an audience around me, begin move around in my seat, which of course, isn't good while getting your hair cut. and i can count down to when one of these people will say to me either, "oh, i wish i had curly hair like yours," and "ladies love that curly hair." okay, here's the thing, i've never met anybody whose loved my hair other than my mother. well, maybe i have, but still, it's not a fun thing to hear over and over again. so it's all the unnecessary attention towards me filled with this weird feeling of do i have to say something or should i be quiet cause i have a lot of hair and they need to focus in on their job. literally, i've been asked, "why don't you say anything" and when i do say something, generally about the show, "blow-out," they don't know what i'm talking about. then there's the rub of not getting the foxy stylist. yes, i have a dream of getting some foxy girl to cut my hair. you see, i don't think i'd be at a lost for words in that circumstance because i don't think she'd want to strike up a conversation and frankly, i love to ease drop on people; so i wouldn't mind listening to the stylist talk to her friend who is trying to duck out of doing a hair cut about how they should the friend's hair. that i don't mind. but when i got two other people standing around saying, "wow, you're cutting alot off."

in fact, i learned that beauty school kids and film school kids are pretty much the same people. they're the worst people to watch movies with and they're the worst people to look through star magazine with and most definately, they're going to be completely obnixous with hd tv takes off. not to mention, alot of them listen to metalcore for some reason.

and with that, people, i'm out until tuesday. so if you're gonna be drinking this memorial day weekend, make sure you have somebody sober to drive you home or at least a crouch to crash on at the place you're drinking, if it's a house party. also, remember to eat something while getting all sortas of crunk and if you're bbq-ing, cooking shit all the through, but not canjun style. also, if you're gonna be the crazy guy with a digital camera at your hipster bbq, wait a minute before crusing over and take pictures of the foxes, you're just gonna creep 'em out and you're fucked for the whole party. and as i've said before, carding people is fun, so if they look a wee bit too young to drinking a coronoa, card 'em and if they're barely scraping by, break 'em off with some coors light. and if you're djing, you gotta play "ace of spades" by motorhead or you're not human at all or at least throw a little "hootie hoo" by master p featuring c-murder and silk the shocker.

ps. how does a blogga get hooked up with passes to see high tension a bit early?

May 26, 2005

kids with guns (revised 10:48am pst)

am i alone in my maddness over why didn't i think of this idea first? i mean, honestly? or at least, i hope that goofy guys with digital cameras in other states are getting their own ideas to start up their own site. take it back to the old punk rock aestheic, if you will. no scene is more important than your own scene. so i'm hoping a kid out in arizona is scratching his chin and thinking that he could do that. i hope that maybe there's a girl out in alabama thinking of doing it for her local hardcore scene because you know, everybody probably sees each other at the shows, but now they can feel like cewebrities. it doesn't matter if your photos of party people in la hanging out with andy dick or if its photos of some willamsburg babe flashing her boobies at misshapes, the photos of your own scene is gonna be interesting. and over time, if you're a goofy guy in a small scene where everybody knows everybody and people dig what you do, eventually or at least, hopefully you'll reach a point where you'll get to take a photo of yourself with your paws down some cute girl's shirt. shit is like fields of dreams. if you take pictures, they will flash.

anybody else heard the new common album, "be", yet? pretty nice, but the album solidifies kanye west's standings as the new p diddy. like three tracks are produced by dilla while the rest is kanye and he's on top of the track, saying some junk like the same p was saying stuff on biggie records. i just sorta wish kanye would stick to making beats and not trying to be all up in the video or whatever suge said at the source awards that one time, but never the less, i'll be there the day that "late registration" drops.

tarantino & rodriguez are gonna make a horror movie together; two short films, released as one as apart of the new weinstein group. that's cool to see tarantino making a straight up horror film, hopefully it'll be in the vein of italian heavy metal horror, but i dunno if he could crank anything by spring '06. not to mention, what about inglorious bastards? when's that supposed to go down? always distracted. i bet you tarantino shots the thing on digital.

so the other day, i was talking about how me and phil spector sorta have the same hair do, but i lacked the photos to prove it, well, dudes, i rest my case:

that's phil spector. pretty scary, eh? he's not guilty, right?

and this is me. now, i know it doesn't look that bad, but i'm telling if i don't get a hair cut today, but within a month, my hair will be like that and i'll be the ruiner of peoples' enjoyment at the movies. you know, some guy coming in to the theater during the first trailer, sees the seat behind me is the only free seat and has to suffer through the new batman movie with bits of an afro in his face. it'd be like the time, me and my friends went to see moulin rouge but we intended to be mean to people that night. yet, the thing is, i may have phil spector hair, but ladies and gentlemen, i'm not phil spector crazy. yeah, i'm crazy, but not on that degree of craziness.

for as lame i think cnn's "inside the blogs" segment is, there still is apart of me that wishes they would shout me out. yet i don't know how to get on it because i'm not political. i mean, what can i say? george bush sucks, howard stern rules, recall schwarzenegger and to improve the california economy, do more night time construction. yes, it'll cost more to pay the workers at night, but they'll have more money and they'll want to spend the money and people will get to work much more easily and may not hate on their job as much. i dunno, happy people do happy things.

and finally, yesterday was the end of my first semester of real college and amongst many things i learned, perhaps my favorite was, private college, fake boobies. state schools, real boobies. think about it.

ps. go ahead and get your bloc party tickets for next weekend. i gots mine.

May 25, 2005

Samantha Ronson

I guess when your step-dad is a member of Foreigner, your sister is the designer Charlotte Ronson (who apparently gets shout outs from Jay-Z) and your brother is Mark Ronson, New York Dj/producer, it's inevitable that you would be signed to Roc-A-Fella Records as the only female on their talent roster right? And then inevitably dropped due to lack of talent.

Samantha Ronson is to Roc-A-Fella as Skye Sweetnam is to Capitol.

george constanza status part 3

okay, first off, i dunno about your blog, but my blog was sorta taken down yesterday for unknown reasons and technical issues. so i'm not even sure if this went thru or not. if it's up, kosher. it's not up, this does not mean skeet on mischa is dead. it's still alive, but just give us another minute while we figure things out.

and secondly, is there any way that we as americans can put a gag in g.w. bush's mouth tonight. it's the "lost" season finale and if that gets pre-empted so g.w. can stumble over his words and talk about how bad steriods in baseball is and how much he hates stem cell research and cloning. i don't want that, i want to see what's in the hatch.

and thirdly, can we also prevent all the kroq weiners from hording and buying up all the bloc party tickets for next weekend's shows at the el rey. some of us, mainly me have yet to see bloc party in person and frankly, i need to point my finger at the band and sing right with, "i can say the right things" and "how did you get so cool" or at least my version of lyrics.

and fourthly, that chapelle show season 2 dvd is really nice, if only for the bonus disc of bloopers and stand up. still laughing at some joke about steve harvey.

May 24, 2005

the universal remonster

chalk it up to either ultra conservite measures of anti piracy or a lazy and bitter projectionist; well whatever it was, it most definately made for a rather interesting movie. i'm not sure if it's an o.c thing or if it's just a regal movie theater thing, but anyways, before the movie starts, there's "the twenty," which i about twenty minutes of commercials from univeral nbc projects and those jerk off tnt ads where actors talk about the meaning of 'drama'. basically, it's the pre show entertainment and its about 20 mind numbing minutes, especially those tnt things. why do i have hear some guy from some tv i don't watch talk about what makes for good drama. so as i'm sitting and waiting for star wars: revenge of the sith to start, "the twenty" of course comes on and features the electronic press kit for ron "arrested development" howard's lates opus, cinderella man, amongst other things.

so eventually the movie starts and it's maybe the 15 minute mark, when all of the sudden, the twenty begins to run again. both things were projected at the same time. i mean i was already sitting next to a person who smelt like an odd mix of chocolate m&ms, milk bones, and maple syrup, now i have to watch ron howard rescue palptine with obi wan & anakin skywalker. honestly, i have no idea how it could happen that two machines are on at the same time, but you really haven't seen star wars until you've seen a commercial for motorcross store at the same time. i guess this could be a preemptive strike against bootleggers and movie pirates, but don't you think they would be a bit more subtle about the whole thing? eventually, the twenty stopped, but the projectionist's schemigoats did not stop for a bit later on, he/she/it briefly threw up the house lights. sure, it was digital projection and it's probably the cleanest print to tape, but come on, it's orange county. whose gonna pirate a movie? prada bags, yeah, of course, but movies, nah never.

it should be noted, that in fact, also got a pass for a free movie due to the projectionist's crack up. as for revenage of the sith, there are moments where the film works, but these moments are few and very far between. parallel editing is cool and all, but georgie boy, don't cut out on a scene when things are getting interesting for some clumsy, forced, unnatural scene with natalie portman and hayden christian. i honestly believe that george lucas has been hanging out with josh schwartz and they're dropping in on community college creative writing classes. geez, the dialogue, my dog can write better dialogue than that. and regardless of what chicks he may be knodling with or how good he is in his next film, hayden christian will forever be a symbol for 'head for the hills'. hayden christian's performane makes chad michael murray look like sir laurance oliver. yeah, the fight sequences are nice, but the thing is genndy tartakovsky's "clone wars" is way more interesting and far more action packed. i want to see jedi fights, not discussions about politics. but at the same time, jimmy smits' cruiser was sorta nice; very mid life crisis sports car steez.

for those with dogs, may i recommend to you, doing a rather througho brusing of your pet. summer is right around the corner and it's better to prevent against shedding as opposed to walk into the living room one morning and your feet get covered in dog hair.

while i can't find a photo of it and you're just gonna have to take my word for it, but when my hair and the hair of murder suspect/amazing record producer, phil spector look very similar, it's time for a haircut. luckly, it's this thursday.

most definately nsfw, but i think i could spend hours reading porn star performance. i can't quite put my finger on it, but i just love reading producers complain about girls they booked and how they flaked out and there's gems like this: "In a perfect world, you would schedule a shoot at 12:30 and everyone would arrive at 12:30. Unfortunately, our world rarely works that way. Being 40 minutes late is not that unusual for a model." maybe it aint that funny for you, but if you've booked somebody for a job.

speaking of nsfw, check out terry richardson's latest campagin for sisley here. while not as distrubing as that josie maran milking cow sisley campagin, it's still pretty nice; feeling the brunette.

and finally, tonight we have another episode of brit brit & k-fed's "chaotic" and all i can say is if that mystery booty girl, keyra can shoot a video(nsfw) of herself by herself without making us throw up, i want to believe that brit brit and k-fed can do the same or is that asking too much of them? related, more keyra here(nsfw).

May 23, 2005

snow on the tv

i got my fingers crossed that i make the c-list of bloggers on blogebrity. that way, i'll be able to hang out with my fellow c listers like jaleel white and ask that burning question, "who did you like playing the best stefan, urkelbot or mrytle urkel?" cause for me, i would figure that playing urkelbot would be an easy job, if he's just doing the voice and some poor dude has to be in the suit doing some weird dance and knocking stuff over, but jaleel would probably say, he liked playing stefan the best because he got to be himself and say that he's a ladies' man, then he pretended that his phone rings and he'd fake a conversation with some lady and he'd say, that he has to go cause he got a booty call and of course, i'd say, i didn't hear the phone ring. then he would explain that it's on vibrate, and you know, i'd accuse him of faking it and he'd probably say, whatevs, i'm getting some poonnanny while you're still obessessing over "family matters".

for those in college and will be graduating next may, mark my words, do not get max weinberg as your commencement speaker. the dude is extremely boring and will not be inspiration, let alone, being funny. his speech more or less was the potential sound bites taken from him in a future episode of "e! true hollywood story: conan o'brien". so boring and to make matters worse, it was like 95 degress outside. i don't mind standing in the heat to check out a band, but to hear how max weinberg saw conan o'brien walking down the street the one day and how he went over to talk with him, yeah, no, i'm not havin' it. i was talking with somebody who would be graduating next year afterwards and we were talking about better speakers. first, there's prince becaue you know, some how he'll be wearing an all purple velvet graduation robe. then another idea was gwen stefani because the school will have to give honory degrees to those hijakru girls too and gwen stefani would be in some dolce & gabanna remixed robe with an early 80s hip hop vibe. then it came to me that the dipolmants would be the best commencement speakers. do i need to finish the rest of it? i mean, the idea pretty much writes its self. the kufi slapper telling the graduating class of some redonklciously expensive school, "if you call a girl and you ask her, 'what's the plan?' and she says, 'i don't know, baby. what's the plan?' break up with her." then regular pomp & circumstance would be replaced by some killer beat by heatmakerz. shit would be like the video of "oh boy".

although, the guy said he was max weinberg, but as you can tell from the photo, i didn't really have the best view of the stage. so maybe it was an imposter. but here's the thing, yeah, it was really hot on saturday and it probably took like 8 minutes or less to get a sun burn, but these douches didn't need to use an umbrella to protect themselves from the heat. yeah, they wanted to see their kid graduate and they probably paid a poop load of money and they probably didn't have a panic attack when trying to find a parking spot that day, but it doesn't give them the right to block my view of the stage and seeing my friends graduate from school. it should be noted that these douches must've been dodgers fans cause they showed up late and lefted early. "yeah, suzs, we tried to hang at your graduation, but your mom just got too hot and you know, how she gets when she starts to sweat, so we went to dinner, but never the less, congrats and we're proud of you and stuff."

for those who care, colter freeman's facility 4 got shut out at the award show. it felt like being scorsese at the oscars or something because you know this film deserves to win, it should win and when it doesn't win, you just get sad and bummed. tis just an honor to be nominated and what not, but i wish the film would've won something, simply so i can say, i swept medicial waste on the set of an award winning film. the award show afterparty, umm, maybe if i had go to that school, i would've had a better time, but the fact is this, when the dj only has house music and only three people are dancing and one of those people is the dj's lady, it's bad news bears. i'm not asking for don omar or the dip set, but you know maybe some m.i.a., postal service, or even some michael jackson; you know, give me something that has a different beat than the past 10 songs the dj played. and you know, it's an oc party when the most attractive woman there was a waistress. but for more on oc parties, please read the oc idiots.

i guess to hang with indie rock eva longoria you gotta be in high school, and still into the killers. but here's the thing with me and the killlers,they are a last summer thing. it reminds me of my old car and my ipod adapter kit blasting out the bass less speakers, "indie rock n roll" while on the way to see saved!. it reminds me of extended car trips to wendy's in my new car and singing, "gotta be down cause i want it all" while bang on my steering wheel. i probably haven't even listened, like really listened to any of their songs other than those brief months where "mr brightside" was my ringtone, since the summer. like if i was in high school during that summer, i'd probably be writing references to the killers on the page that my friend designated for me in their yearbook.

related, does anybody know if they let indie rock dudes into those steve aoki's dancin' pool parties at the standard? cause your humble narrator could care to attend, but not if the anoxeric peanut gallery will be grossed out and making faces like when fat joe took off his shirt during mtv's spring break a few years ago? sometimes, people have beer tummys and farmer tans.

while i do believe that annie did a rather good job on writing up the kroq weenie roast, i also have something to say about it. i did not get to put into play my theory of if i park at the burger king across the street, will i still hear the concert? cause you know, i don't want to pay that much money to see a bunch of people in their late 30s who didn't make a musical back up plan (in about 10 years, i'm gonna sell all my jay-z cds for u2 cds because you know i figure thats what people in that age range listen to) dance around to my chemical romance. so i couldn't do that, but i ended up talking with some people who knew better ways to hear concerts there and i figured out some ways to avoid paying for tickets the next time somebody is at irvine meadows, IE the journey concert in late june. i don't want to pay money to see journey and make the treacherous drive out the parking lot, dodging all the broken miller lite bottles. you know, i'm just gonna drive up some hill, park the car, drink on my smoothie from jamba and take off after they do "anyway you want it". i also may do that when coldplay comes to town.

by the way, coldplay at irvine meadows, what the fuck? do the bookers of that tour hate guys or something? coldplay at the hollywood bowl equals poonnanny because first and formost, the hollywood bowl is just a classy venue to begin with; it's like that expensive four star restutrant but they play good tunes and you could score tickets for about 4 bucks. perhaps, the best aspect of the hollywood bowl and why it would work for mr. romantic dude at a coldplay show, is the fact that you can bring in your own food and booze. how killer is that? hopefully, mr. romantic packs a picnic basket full of all the stuff that his lady friends enjoys or at least, popeye's chicken and some good desert. i'd say bring chipwiches, but i dunno if they would work in that environment, shirley on the jealousy vibe alone ("oh man, where did that guy get those chipwiches?"). then there's your booze, me, i'm not a wine person, so this is a circumstance where i contact my father and say, "dad, i need a wine that a girl would dig upon while listening to one of the world's most boringest bands, evs." so choose wisely what you're gonna bring in, but you can bring in your own alcohol, how amazing is that? of course, they have booze and food there for purchase, but you know, it's a bit expensive and if you plan something out, it shows that you care and were looking forward to the show, even though, you'd rather be at a slayer concert. then, there's the blanket factor and the whole cuddling up together business and do i need to finish the rest? i might be getting lazy here, but i think you get the idea. the hollywood bowl, while on site parking is rather difficult, it's beyond good times.

now with coldplay at the irvine meadows, what do you have? an rather exciting view of the 405. overpriced greasy hotdogs and miller lite. gross rich newport people in their 40s who think they're in their 20s cause the kids are off at college. probably some guy in a modest mouse shirt blazing up during "clocks". me across at the burger king, eating a whopper, booing from across the street. that's not romantic.

it should be stated, that whatever show you go, there will always be a guy in a modest mouse shirt blazing up. i mean, if you were to see hiliary duff show, he'll be there and you'll see him the next week at good charolette and the following week at kenny chensey, and probably the next night, right next to you at a killers show. although, you won't see him at a madlib show cause you know, he doesn't like rap.

and with last thursday's season finale of "the oc," we all say bon voyage to that trainwreck, but oh boy, this season certainly ended in flames, but not jon bon jovi 'blaze of glory' steez, but like kobe bryant style. i always thought that josh schwartz was a decent writer; for as annoyning as his alter ego, seth cohen gets, he has some good one liners here and there. but what the hell happened to josh schwartz, when it came to the scene with the asian gangsters in the club? did he play telephone in the writers' room with that one, "here, nora, you write the next word, then terry, you're next." i've been in my fair share of community college creative writing courses and i watched nearly 10 hours of student films last week, but that has to be some of the worst dialogue i've ever heard. first off, it didn't make any sense. why was that blonde girl selling drugs to the asian gangsters? from the cataylast scene, it seemed that the blonde girl was the one buying drugs because it's graduation time and newport kids wanna go crazy. secondly, if the blonde girl is the supplier in the newport, then who is she importing these drugs from? sure, the world could use a lady tony montana, but nobody in their right mind would sign off on some blonde little girl with perky tits as a big time drug dealer. i know it is a tv show and you're supposed to suspense disbelief, but i just can't let this slide. if josh schwartz was in one of my community college classes and we were doing peer/group editing, we'd all tear it to shreads. well, lemme, rephrase that, we'd all politely tear it to shreads (nobody is really to mean to each other in community college creative writing classes) and say, "i just don't buy into it" or the ever so polite, "it didn't work for me." and why didn't josh schwartz refer to garden grove as garden grave? if it's a show about "the oc," then somebody would've called it garden grave because garden grave is the scariest place in this county.

then we have the shooting of trey. well, i don't really have to anything to say, other than, the show is becoming "melrose place" but with death cab & alan moore refrences. i dunno, it's not the show i dug the first season. all this season has been a bunch of backpedaling and attempts to correct mistakes they made in the first half of the season. oh, they're bringing back jimmy cooper; too late. he was written off for no reason and now, he's brought back to help save a sinking ship. right now, personally, for as much as i dig upon rachel bilson (i know, it's weird for a site named after mischa barton, we never talk about her and weren't not big fans either), i'm not sure if i'll be back for season 3. for me to come back, they're gonna either have to time travel with kobe and fix shit or go through with that proposed "arrested development" storyline about tobias getting a role on the show; so like if david cross played tobias playing somebody on "the oc," i'll be back, but if it's gonna be court rooms, rehabs, ross & rachel2.0, and heather locklear guest spots, then i'm out like trout. or if there's a storyline about rachel bilson leaving the oc to stalk james murphy in new york city and she ends up hanging out with beans and starts making rap records (not like fannypack), i'd be down, but nobody ever seems to listen to my ideas.

and finally, i'm going to be catching up on my movies this week. star wars today and probably layer cake on tuesday. anybody know if it's worth my time? anybody know if the new dance disaster movement ep is any good? i'll never forget the time i saw them and i fell down while trying to dance, thats when i lost my edge.

May 22, 2005

Kroq's Weenie Roast

Our local "alternative rock" radio station, Kroq 106.7 , had their annual Weenie Roast this past Saturday at Verizon Ampitheater in Irvine. There were two stages, a side stage where most of the bands I wanted to see played and the main stage where the larger bands played. We caught Bloc Party, 10 minutes of the MArs Volta (explanation soon following), Interpol, The Killers, and Jimmy Eat World.

Unfortunately adidas was not able to wrangle us any backstage passes until mid Killers set and what good does that do me? Matt Tong from Bloc Party probably left the area (fuck , I would if I were him). I don't even know where to start with the Weenie Roast. I am so happy that I did not pay the 60 or so dollars it took to get into this bastion of tacky middle-aged people trying to relive their youth. During the Interpol set there was a group of late 40 year olds drunkenly dancing and waving their arms about. I wanted to squeeze their windpipes until their eyes exploded. It was horrible. I didn't know whether to burn them with searing hatred or be outstandingly embarassed for their children; a little bit of both I've concluded.

Bloc party played a good solid set with few deviations from their past shows, which was a little disappointing. Kele, I love you, I want to have your babies, but please stop prefacing songs with the same "This song is about boredom" or "This song is about sex." Talk to us, woo us with your silky smooth British accents, please. Immediately following Bloc Party was The Mars Volta. It was a surprise that they would be willing to play such a large event. And then they started and I knew, their set would be one big middle finger in the air to Kroq and even their fans. God bless them for it too. It was 30 minutes of utterly pretentious ambient noise with sporadic yelps from Cedric. They pretty much told Kroq "We're fucking amazing, fuck you." But seriously, that's the spirit. Because otherwise they would have ended up like Interpol with middle aged white women dancing in a pink tube top to their songs. Could death come any quicker?

May 20, 2005

The Beauty Bar vs. Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

And Star Wars surfaces as the champion.

Because there was no other reason The Beauty Bar was that empty last night. Unless, every dirty scenester caught wind (literally) of their no-shower brethren, Mah Jongg. They were the guests of the night after their show at the Glass House. Performing on stage+bright lights+writhing bodies+alcohol= one gamey motherfucker. And by gamey I mean, Italian brothel in mid-August gamey.

Before I had the chance to throw my vagina at him , Daniel Kessler, man/child lead singer of Interpol walked out. (Post edit-3:05pm. Apparently Paul, referred to as "dreamy" in addition to "cherubic" by a few is the lead singer. Okay, so it was Paul not Daniel. Either way, vaginas and cristal for him) My friend Alice told me after the fact that Vivi and Hotel of the Kills were also present. It's good to see that indie-rockers have their priorities straight. Getting shitfaced first and foremost.

This Saturday I will be attending Kroq's Weenie Roast for work. We're trying to wrangle some backstage passes, so we'll see how that goes. Either way, mark my words, I will be making out with Matt Tong of Bloc Party fame be it the last thing I do.

May 19, 2005

for macy

the stress levels from finals are running rather high on campus these days. people are takin' it out on helpless toliets and since monday, i've been nearly ran over two times while going to my car at school. i know that i got some enemies, foes, haters, and people who have a bit of disdain for me, but not enough disdain to try run me over.

much respect to colter freeman, whose film facility 4 got nominated for 6 awards including best picture at the chapman film school awards. if it doesn't win, i'm gonna riot, clash style.

who doesn't believe that mtv will eventually do a true life special entitled, "true life: i'm a blogger" ? since most media outlets (hi there, cnn) have blown the concept of these things way out of preporation, it just seems fitting that mtv would waste an hour of television interviewing republicans who take their writing way too seriously and believe they're the new woodward & bernstein. i would throw my hat into the ring, only because i want to meet the videographer who has the unforunate job of having to film me typing on my computer and play air piano and lip sync to neon blonde songs, cause you know, that's how i get creative. although, i'd pay top dollars to see trent pink steel on an episode of "cribs" though; would be infinity more interesting than some motorcross guy nobody knows about, everybody loves trent.

speaking of blood brothers side projects, if you're into hardcore and nick van zinner, then check out head wound city, if you haven't already. it's got justin from the locust involved as well, so you know, either, it's the most brilliant thing ever for you and you'll buy all the merch or you'll be bummed cause its too loud and sorta bummed that some fat fashionlcore guy will be wearing their shirt in a bad video on mtv2. personally, i'd gland that nick van zinner is doing something interesting as opposed to helping conor obsert craft his snoozer of a "kid a" impression. also, weird, karen o always reminded me of justin pearson, so it's ironic that nick van zinner is doing a record with him.

i guess this would only apply to la peeps and i believe that robin brown came up with the idea of calling it a game, but anyways, it's called the tennessee game. like it every time, i'm at a show, i see tennessee of the like there. so the next time you're at a show with your friends and who ever spots tennessee first wins a beer or something. related: i like the new look of the like website; much love to alex berg's drawings.

this is like, "losing my edge" style here because much like james murphy, i can claim, i was there and that woman's top was pretty out of hand. i saw her way earlier on because i was fourth in line, right behind this guy talking about the evolution of punk rock and why cbgb is a national landmark or something like that; real nerd speak, then again, me and my friends were talking about short films and film theorys, equally as nerdy; then that woman cruised by with that top on and everybody including punk rock historian dude stopped their conversation, checked it out and wondered how those things stayed inside and then some of us thought that homeboy is lucky, but he'd just say to us, "nah, dude, it's skill, but none of that napoleon bonerpart bobby bonilla skills"

once again, "losing my edge" steez here cause i was up that close and i saw this photographer rock out during the show. okay, so this middle age photographer who probably spends most of his job shouting at paris hilton to turn around, actually danced a bit while up in front at the lcd soundsystem while hipster fucks didn't dance at all. i'm sorry but who's hipster in this situation? the photographer and basically, i'm sport from taxi driver and i see the cool kids and i'm tellin' 'em, "buddy, you don't look hip"

skeletor's daughter aka lohan just does not strike me as the j.j. abrams type of casting, let alone casting for action film. honestly, it just seems like the whole thing would be play for laughs if lohan is running around, shooting guns at bad guys or trying to fend off people with karate. not even mentioning the fact, that lohan is just basically bones and a horrible dye job. it just seems like a casting decision tom cruise wanted to do because you know, lohaeletor is hip, young, and the kids like her, but by that same definition, cruise should be asking paris hilton and jimmy fallon to be in m-i 3 as well, since they're young and hip as well. from j.j. abrams' perspective, this might be his big cinematic break, but the fact is, he got hired because he's a first time film director and will be easy to bully around by tom cruise. these mission impossible films are just vanity films and i don't understand why he, himself direct one because only he can set up that shot where the audience will sort buy into the concept that he's tall for once. not to mention, j.j. abrams should just keep on crankin' out those episodes of "lost," did you see it last night? so good. i mean casting lohan in an action movie makes about as much sense as casting tara reid in a movie, period.

while the tv gods smiled on us and gave us a third season of "arrested development," which is great and all, but the powers of the tv gods did not reach the executives over at nbc for they decided to pass on rodeny rothman's "early bird," which would've based on his book of the same title. while i have yet to read the book, i had seen the pilot and sorta wrote about it a few weeks back. i thought it was smart, funny and relatable. i guess the networks are scared of single camera shows without a laugh track, but the fact is "early bird" is a show with pretty much universal appeal, since it's about a guy in his late 20s struggling to find meaning in his life and he ends up living with those who've already found meaning to their life in a retirement community. it's high concept, but it's not a high concept/low laughs type of show like that lorne michaels thing that got picked up for mid season. i can't say i speak for everybody, but you know, i would be interested in a show about a character that's sorta the same age as myself and much like myself, has no clue what to do after college and being fired from a job; i can relate, but a show that's basically john kerry version of "fat actress,"? did anybody else watch an episode of that show after the free showing of the first one? maybe, i'm too wide eye and hopeful when it comes to comedy that everybody will want to see the same thing and laugh at the same thing, but i guess not everybody watches the local community college's tv station for the student news shows because they're hilarious like i do.

besides, while the tv gods gave the world another season of "arrested development," it's on a monday night now. why move it? it was in the perfect time slot, right after the simpsons. it was the reward for stomaching another dana gould shit storm of a simpsons. it was the prize in the box of ceral after watching an episode that made no sense whatsoever and threw in some lamey, half assed political message. seriously, i think we all should send matt groening copies of that feist album, "let it die" not only because it's a good album, but he should take a hint from the title of that album. seriously, let it die.

do you think i could probably get with jennifer love hewitt after her new show fails? while your humble narrator isn't too into pears, i would like to be seen in the tabliods. after watching "chaotic," i sorta aspire to be dirtybagging on kevin federline's level and i think i could pull off being d-ren for jlh and basically, we'd try to sell a pilot that i'd write for her about an orange county socialite who has a new next door neighbor, e-40! basically, it's fresh prince meets the oc but with more bowl cuts.

speaking of "chaotic," when it did not make me want to throw up, i found myself fascinated by felicia, her personal assitant. i could care less about brit-brit and her zoom happy little fingers, let's look into the world of felicia and how much of a waking nightmare her life is every day. i can barely be around friends for no more than 4 hours, so i can't even begin to imagine spending 12 to 15 hours at a time with some over caffinated redneck constantly shoving a camera in my face. i would not be surprised if felicia pulls a 'skippy' in a couple of years on dear old brit-brit and honestly, there would be no jury in america that would find felicia guilty because her lawyers would just have to show an episode of "chaotic," and they'd ask if they could award felicia some money for doing the right thing.

and finally, our pick for america's next top model, detroit rock city's naima won the thing last night. we would've talked about naima earlier in the season, but you know, it's that skeet on mischa babe curse thing; we didn't want to jinx it for her.

May 18, 2005

Rjd2 and M.I.A.

RJD2 played at UCLA last night. I have really nothing to say to that other than it was a great show. I love watching (am embarassed at) the World Arts and Crafts majors flailing their bodies about in their version of tribal/break dancing to the hip hop stylings of RJD2.

That show ended at 9:15pm which gave Alice and I ample time to get to the Echo for the M.I.A. show. Surprisingly, Asian scenester Dj Steve Aoki Kid Millionaire was nowhere to be found. A surprise because he has somehow attached himself to Diplo and M.I.A.'s collective pelvic bone. (I shouldn't talk shit, he's a really really nice guy) Later I found out he was at Cinespace ( Yes, spit in my face, I went to Cinespace after the M.I.A. show). As usual, she was beautiful/radiant/moved like a high class Sri Lankan call girl.

The crowd at the echo was definitely more eclectic than the El Rey. Energy at the echo was much higher, probably because the pretention was at an alarming low. Otherwise how else would this freak of a thirty year old have been able to exist without feeling the burn of a hundred searing hipster glares. If only I had pictures, but stay with me. Thirty or so caucasian female, stringy brown hair, fish net tights, Doc Martin creepers, Retro-inspired glasses, ill fitting cotton skirt that I am positive she got from Hot Topic's voluptious woman line Torrid, and an attitude to match. I am one for individuality in style, but if it's going to be offensive, please stay home. Yea, I'm a hater. Whatever.

M.I.A.'s set was the same as the El Rey so it ended relatively early. What's to do on a Tuesday night? Head over to Cinespace to enjoy a gaggle of LA scenesters and awkward sorority girls. The only excitement was Carlos D. of Interpol fame walking in, in his usual get up (holster, black tailored shirt and pants and shellaced hair). Watching girls throw themselves at Carlos D. was watching the spread of Herpes in action.

May 16, 2005

free the libertine aka hate it or love it

for some reason, i have an obsession with rebellion or at least forms of rebellion and sticking it to the man. the last great form of rebellion, punk rock is now a marketing tool, so what’s left? what can people do to show the fact that they’re attempting to be against the system and the grain, if you will? can’t get a tat because everybody and their kid sister has one, if not two of them these days. graffiti is considered art by some, so bombing a train ain’t no big thing. then it came to me at school one day, i saw this one girl cruising to her car in the parking lot and she was wearing a tank top with a bikini top underneath, that is the last form of rebellion. i mean, how in your face is this girl with the fact that she’s already done with her busy work and now, she’s gonna go to the beach, and it’s like 11o’clock in the morning. if i had a job and i saw one of these ‘so going to the beach’ girls while i was scarfing down a burrito so i can make it back before my lunch break is up, i’d be so upset. it’s like the biggest fuck you to society since iggy pop cut his self and smeared peanut butter all over his wounds.

undoubtedly, tan lines are the new nose rings and “vamos ala playa” by u.s.e. is the new “anarchy in the uk”. although, the same can't be said about boys in board shorts. its kinda creepy and frankly, i'm not comfortable that a thin piece of fabric is all that protects me from seeing somebody's stinky junk.

the ‘a’ key on my keyboard is sorta sticking, so i may be avoiding words with ‘a’s for a minute, now. don’t worry about it, dude. i got a thesaurus, so i'm gonna keep it movin'.

friendly reminders, evelynn, you still have my copy of wet hot american summer and i'd like to get it back. rob, also, i still have your copy of "daydream nation," do you want it back?

it can either be chalked up to southern california's love for their latest rap hero, the game or the broad, crossover appeal of dr. dre production, but as i was leaving in-n-out the other day, i swear to goodness, i saw these grannies in a convertable, top down, blasting "how we do". i guess, grandma likes to move and act like a fool while up in the rec room of the nursing home.

i don’t know how many of you are still hanging with the rather awful real world/road rules challenge: inferno 2 (save for dan, he’s entertaining). i haven’t because i got night classes, but on the chances that i have seen it, umm, the miz, mister pro wrestler wanna be, mr meat head, jock-o #1 has totally pussed out on the inferno challenges at the end of the show. like his level of pussing out is on par with me pussing out on social events and correct me if i’m wrong, but doesn’t the miz present himself as the tough dude who’ll never back down when his back is against the eight ball or whatever horrible sports cliched metaphor you want to interject into the discussion. yet, the miz, we’re seeing on tv this season is a dude who think i even could maybe take in a fight, if push came to shove. if anything, i saw the man that the miz will become in a couple of years the other night while picking up some dinner. he’s gonna be one of those dads who’ll try to be hip and cool, but really, it’s just an embarrasement to the children.

ever see one of those dads? for me, when you become a parent, you lose all of your rights to be hip and modern because you’re focused on raising a child. your cocerns shouldn’t be with heading over to nordstroms cause there’s a sale on designer jeans (there was a time when i would know the name of the it jean, but since i’ve switched to levi’s, i have no flippin’ clue anymore). it’s just embarrasing to be that kid who has to go to friday night dinner with mom and dad is wearing ripped jeans and some flowery button up then off to blockbuster to pick up some bad movie. it doesn’t even matter if the father has the money to spend on nice clothing, buy like tommy bamaha shirts and rock dockers.

gotta love the french photogs because they’re only cocerned with one part on maxim’s hottest woman in america, eva longoria. in regards, to maxim’s hot 100 and fhm’s hot 100, we have a quick little list of skeet on mischa’s top ten hottest: rachel bilson, lesile feist, that apple bong girl from the cobra snake, sun from “lost” (that kate girl is way overrated; she’s jennifer garner when “alias” first came on the scene status), jenny lewis, julissa from bet,the girl with the short hair in the new louis xiv video(nsfw), that latina girl from the pat o’brien show, maria menounos, and gwen stefani's harajuku girls, especially the one in the hollaback girl video with the r. kelly corn rows.

i can personally relate to alex from a clockwork orange, nowadays. save for a couple of films, including johnny benson, it was sheer tortue the other day as i watched like 4 or 5 straight hours of student films. it just makes you wonder the amount of money people raised for their project and the way it turned out; it may have cost 20 grand but it don't look like 20 grand up on the screen. sure, these are just peoples' first, big, real project, but for the amount of money it cost, it just begs me to be overtly critical. ever since, i've taken a couple of courses over this past school year, i've become increasingly critical and look for symbolism and explain symbolism in shots or at least, attempt to make symbolism out of nothing. i want to say, "did you have x character in the shadows when x was talking to y character because x doesn't feel worthy to talk y, like the scene in 8 1/2 where guido talks to claudia?" although, one of the few good films and probably the best film i saw that day was a film called darling, darling and i have no idea if it has a website or anything, but it was rather amazing. it starred michael cera aka george michael from "arrested development" and it was the most deconstructive guy meets the father before the first date movie ever made. if you have the chance, watch darling, darling, johnny benson, and facility 4 if you do the festival thing.

can anybody actually explain why it was a good idea to record the commentary track for the life aquatic dvd in a fucking resturant? the cuteness factor of doing a commentary track where the film was written wears off in about two minutes as the sounds from other people in the restruant drowns out wes anderson. does wes anderson hate film students? i dunno, if he receives like 30 awful student films on dvd every day that aren’t like rushmore, but more like dynamite and to pay them back, he did a commentary track where you can’t hear a thing he’s saying. i mean these kids are the ones who’ll write flowerly essays about how brilliant his work is and you know, when it comes to the life aquatic, it’ll be a lbit lite on insight and interesting quotes about the film’s themes (how junior year english class am i?) and production problems. you gotta take care of the kids, wes. although, upon second viewing, the life aquatic isn’t so bad; it’s a fellini film with action sequences and no religious undertones.

mtv the other night ran a back to back marathon of “laguna beach: the real orange county” and “my super sweet 16,” and it just made me wonder why haven’t mtv aired the new episodes of these shows? ratings are down for all prime time programming. nobody gives a fuck about travis barker. nobody wants to see rich people traveling to exotic locales and preach to us about how we have to save the environment. nobody wants to hear some rapper or celebrity point out that he/she has a copy of scarface on dvd for like the umpteeth time and frankly, plastic surgery shows are rather played out. so bring out kirstin and lo to make us laugh again. introduce the world to some great spoiled, bratty girl who’s entitled to everything in the world cause her dad can afford to wear designer ripped jeans and drives a benz. as stated earlier, the miz is a pussy and i bet you dollars to donuts that ava from “my super sweet 16” can take him in a fight. why not show “laguna beach”? dude, talan hooked up with lindsay lohan or at least was spotted with lohan for a few times. who has the miz been spotted with? trishelle? boring!

speaking of lindsay lohan, she sorta brings me to a point or a train of thought, at least. don’t you remember when it was interesting to write about lindsay lohan? you know talk about her big boobies or how great mean girls was, but nowadays, it’s just scary to talk about her because she’s basically becoming skeletor’s daugther or just quote rick james, "cocaine is one helluva of a drug." maybe it’s just me, but i dunno, i just feel like i’m grasping at straws when i try to write about stuff these days. you know, nothing moves me cept for a couple of records that came out this year and there’s somebody who is a better writer and did a better job of explaining why you need to have that record in your collection other than saying, ‘holy shit, how amazing is “yr city is a sucker” that beat. i listened to it like ten times in a row on my way home the other night.’

well, i guess what i'm getting at is, isn't me or just has this year just sucked a whole lot, so far? where have been the quality films? i've seen probably 80 films so far this year, mostly for school, but only one of those some odd films was a new release for this year. it's not a matter of movie ticket prices being too high because i am a person who went and saw lost in translation like 5 times in the theaters. ticket prices is not the problem; it's the actual film themselves. so far, most of the films that have come out this year deserve reviews on par with spinal tap's "shark sandwich," and frankly, the summer season with exception to george a romero's land of the dead (holla at me in mid june cause i'll be camping out for it), isn't promising either. while taking pot shots at the last two star wars film is like playing a game of tee ball, but you know, when chewbacca is in a burger king commerical trying to wear a hair net to promote the lastest film, something has to be wrong. it's not the biggest confident builder to see darth vader square off with the m & m guys, to me, it just scares desperation. kevin smith and steven spielberg could talk the shit out of this moive and say how brilliant it is, but the fact is this, kevin smith made jeresy girl and spielberg hasn't made an rewatchable film in twenty years, let alone, a film that knew when to end, so their opinions are bullshit. not to mention, george lucas, who is begining to look more and more like adm. ackbar with each passing year, doing the same exact thing that stan lee did in mallrats on "the oc" last week and stan the man did it way better.

speaking of "the oc," while the last three episodes have been good, the show is basically a reoccuring role for heather locklear and a explosion away from becoming this generation's "melrose place". people are getting shot, dying left and right, drug problems, drinking problems, i mean, when are they gonna, wait, i think i've pretty much hit all of the melrose spots, so far in this season. so why not bring back oliver and re-introduce the same exact way they re-introduced kimberely onto melrose place or at least have a spot where he pulls off a wig and reveals a big nasty scar. for as orignial as the show is in spots, they take alot of things from movies and they forget to remix the idea a bit. the whole spider man kiss fiscaso, the ross/rachel melodrama known as summer/seth and marisa/ryan melodrama. for those with the dvd set of season 1, i ask you to watch the first season again and realize that each episode flowed together so smoothly. story arcs reached their limits and end in a nice way. where as this season, it just seems, the writers are scrabbing every three episodes or so, to end whatever horrible storyline they're doing because it wasn't working. why did we have to spend three months with the lindsey character, only to write her off in such a poochie the rockin' dog style? yeah, caleb is my dad and he sorta wants to help me out, but you know, i'm gonna leave and return to my home planet. then, they kill caleb, okay, whatevs, but here's the thing, who'll be the one to fight sandy's wide eye sense of idealism and liberal views? where's the yin to the yang, dudes? caleb was the perfect foil, but now, he's dead so for season 3, there'll be a court case about julie cooper being tried for murder of caleb, so she could get her premup money. played out. it just seems that the writers just had one of those moments, where they collectively went, "oh snaps," and figured that they needed to kill people off because you know, that's what hour long dramas do.

another thing about this year, there's no great scandal. last year, there was janet jackson and the start of brit-brit & k-fed. i mean, what do we have these days? pat o'brien? while funny, it was also sorta sad and the supposed grand pay off, the dr phil was rather lack luster. when pat o'brien threw in his son angle, i just felt bad about driving around listening to those voice mails and laughing with people as we crowd around the ipod before class starts. sometimes, we fly a little too loose and free with those ironic statements completely unaware of those who we may harm. there's this whole paula/corey clark matter, which if you haven't already realized is a publicity stunt done by corey clark. the dude is making the whole thing up cause homeboy said that paula took the protein shake on howard stern. that's utter bullshit because i've met paula once and while, i was in the third grade at the time, and it was the early 90s and at a hockey game, she did not seem like a woman who would do that type of thing. yeah, paula is crazy, but she's not that crazy. and another thing, why aren't we making more fun of fred durst these days? if my slang game is accurate, durst still means worst, so why are we talking about how he got down with jessica simpson? we shouldn't even go there, if anything we should be implying that fred durst got down with bee arthur and estelle getty in ultra gross three way. people, we're only encouraging durst when we speak of him in such a fashion way. let's be more hypercritical, let's not buy his albums, but i think everybody is already hip to that. remember, durst is worst.

so in other terms, i'm awaiting for the great pumpkin in 2005 to make this year alot more interesting than it has been so far. alot of good albums came out, so far. some quality moments on tv, but overall, i dunno, maybe, my mind is to focused on school or something, but pop culture is struggling. if it keeps up like this, i'm going to have engage in more embarrasing activites and write abot them like the other day, i was walking around campus, ipod on, so i couldn't hear anybody talking. i was probably wandering around for 20 minutes or so before i realized that one of the buttons on my button fly was undone. i guess, it's on par with having your fly down, but it's weird cause it's buttons and there's like 4 other ones that are done, so it's not as bad, right? but it is as bad because i wandered by the hottest girl on campus like that and you know, that's not a good impression. although, it was slightly upbeat to see the hottest girl on campus holding court not only with the anoxeric indie boys, but with what appeared to be an indie dude (dudes who are sorta chubby, but dress hip enough within their weight categories and can talk endlessly about q & not u), but at the same time, the whole scene reminded me of catherine zeta jones in high fidelity or maybe, i'm in too much of a john cusack movie frame of mind, lately.

it's bizzare, ever since i started writing phoney captions for photos of la hipsters, i sorta dreaded going to any hip, cool event in la. i want to say that i have a degree of iminity in doing this thing, but you know, there's apart of me that believes if i go to show, it'd be like me going into crip terrority while wearing red. i have no idea if a) the cool kids have a sense of humor about themselves, let alone b) does anybody actually read this business or is it just like the mayor race in l.a., nobody cares? so there was a bit of me that wondered if i'd be wearing a bullseye on my back while at the lcd soundsystem show last night. but the thing is, l.a. cool kids sorta let me down.

(note: this is even more blurry than a normal cell phone cam photo due to the sweat generated that fogged up the lens)

this thing is long enough as is, so i'll bring things down in shotgun blasts, silver bullets (trademark uncle grambo), flip flops or whatever you want to call it style:
-probably the best show i've ever been or at least in a couple of years. lcd soundsystem was better than the last two times i had seen them. seriously, i can't fully explain why you need to see lcd soundsystem, other than saying, "yeah" live is a religious experince
-m.i.a. was amazing; there's just something about her and diplo, it's pure magic.
-um, if you didn't dance at all, you need to check yourself into the morgue because you have no soul or heart.
-dj steve aoki played the death from above 1979 cover of bloc party's "luano" and it was rather good. kinda metal and i like when sebstain grainger sings "i can say the right things," better than kele. anybody have an mp3? as a whole, steve aoki is an okay dj, but for the next time, more grime and less keisher chiefs, thanks.
-in general, the la hipsters girls, not as hot as i would've thought. it's either, they're dressed like they wanna be a suicide girl or like joanna newsom or stevie nicks core. the only girl that blew my mind was probably in her early 30s and there were these creepy old guys trying to dance with her and i felt bad for her. if you were there, did you see the two guys with breads and glasses? like one of them was all gray and some 80s style button up shirt on. it was just an awkward scene as the man started to grind up against this woman.
-robin brown's girlfriend got 'cobrasnake'ed and she was geninuely creeped out and left uncomfortable by the experince.
-the merch people needed to have more t-shirts and diplo mix cds. it's hard to enjoy the show while holding onto a t-shirt and a cd. your movements are restricted because you don't want your shirt to hit the sticky, dirty ground and your cd to break.
-apologies to anybody whose feet i stepped on and 'bows i threw in their direction during m.i.a.

so to sum it up, m.i.a.=amazing, just see her if you can. lcd soundsystem=brilliant, see them if you can. l.a. hipsters don't know how to dance or at least they don't want to dance cause there's a fear of getting sweaty and messing up their clothes, which is lame. as annie said, courtney love is a porker. from pain killers to apple bee's appetetizers, i guess. she looked like mama cash or carnie wilson, whatever overweight singer works best for you.

Courtney Love is the walking ugly

Quick sidenote: Douglas, I think I saw you at the MIA show. Were you closer to the back on the left hand side of the stage?

I was upstairs and our favorite downgrade ever, Courtney Love, was stumbling around with her handlers wearing a huge white tablecloth and her signature smeared lipstick. Someone please put a plastic bag over her face and pull already.

May 12, 2005

Hi everyone. I'm Annie and I own www.investinfame.com. I'm supposed to ghostwrite for Douglas when he is too busy (a) studying for finals or (b) making fun of hipster trash. I would have written earlier, but as you may notice on my own website I am too busy insuring a lifetime of celibacy. More from me to come, for now I'm going to watch MTV and pray that P.Diddy's Making the Band 3 Marathon is on.

"ATL, where you from!?!"

the american dream

the thing about jay-z's "dear summer," is it feels like jordan doing a warm up drill before the game. you know, how when you go to a game earlier, there's always somebody out in there in shorts and warm jackets doing lay ups? basically, "dear summer" is jay doing a couple of lay ups to shake off the cobwebs and most importantly, help the unmovable bleek actually move units (the day that bleek goes plantinuim, hell has frozen over). the beat, depending who you talk to is either by 9th wonder or just blaze, is rather nice and hopefully it means jay is coming back. frankly, i can't stand to see 50 as the king of new york. for as hard as he may seem, 50 releases nothin' but the girly songs as his singles.

if anything, i feel like the kid at the end of shane, just begging jay to come back after listening to "dear summer".

i wonder if these girls like the song, "across 110th street" by bobby womack as much as i do? related, i think one of those girls is in robin brown's film and currently on the sidebar of this very website. i can't confirm nor deny, so i sent him an email asking because you know, he's hard at work, editing the thing and he probably sees her face like every day on his g5 or there'll be some clever, plucky, far more insightful reader who'll say, yeah, it's the same person. but on the real, the girl in yellow is blowin' my mind like the grades i'm getting this semester at school. [ed. note: robin brown confirmed that it is the girl from his film, and from personal experince, she's a nice person]

related, how good do girls look in green? like bright greens? it may not be the it color for the season, but when a cute girl cruises by in a nice shade of green, is so refreshing and calming; it's like a freshly cut lawn, but you know with boobies and shit.

i aspire to be fair & balanced, but i can't when i'm talking about the films i've been working on for the past couple of months. luckly, i got to see three of the four films and yeah, they're really good. if you're a film student or been one or are film teacher, then you know most student films are horrible. either it's a period piece set during the roaring 40s that comes off like a remake of bugsy malone (am i the only one that was forced to watch this movie while in daycare?) or it's a knockoff of whatever director is hot right now or it's just something terriblely personal that nobody but the director can relate to or there are characters in the film that don't represent anything but being cool. watching student films gives me mixed feelings; oh, i can do better than that guy or it's, geez, i think i'd end up making movie like that dude did.

yet, bento productions' stuff does not scream out 'film student'. example, colter freeman's facility 4. the acting is spot on and the thing just flys by. most shorts feel longer than they actually are, but with facility 4, it runs the perfect length and it leaves the audience wanting more. i mean, michael bay look at this film and do a full length version of it instead of remaking old horror films. the thing is like new wave horror or if you want to be clever, post modern.

unforunately, the trailers for derek doi's job one and morgan alhborn's fate are not on line, yet, but i can tell you that they're good and frankly, it's quite an excellent feeling to see your name in closing credits in two good films that are screened back to back. more to come in the near future.

while i may still believe in the curse of the babe of the week, et's new corresponant and former babe of the week, vanessa minnillo sorta reverses the curse, red sox steez. while she may not be as killer as maria menounos, we'll sign off on vanessa minnillo as a beyond suitable replacement.

does anybody think that mena suvari's husband actually saw her up close and realized his wife is a total monet and is leaving on a jet plane, mos def/dj honda collabo steez minus the whole coming home part.

is there a market or a need for a book about the heavy metal horror films from italy in the 80s? just putting it out there cause i think there needs to be an academic discussion about a movie where a monkey attacks people with a straight razor.

david lynch is about tackling my potential screenwriting turf, with inland empire, yet i'm not threaten because i can say, most likely, we're not gonna be writing about the same things

if mtv2 wants to keep getting buzz, they should cancel that awful "team sanchez," and show you can awesome after wonder showzen. "you can awesome" is in a similar vein to wonder showzen and just as funny. check out the clips.

May 10, 2005

if a guy named shunkur shows up, tell him i'm in the back

must extend apologizes to those who read every day looking for something to read, but shit, finals is a bitch and i think i might've popped a blood vessel in my eye last night, but i just laid down for a while and it was fine.

perhaps, it's too much time in front of a computer and a tv screen that's cause all of the eyeball strains. that and the caffine headaches.

so just give me a minute, everything will turn out lovely.

yet, allow me to break you off a moment of brevity:

is it weird to consider that maybe somebody in a class of yours could be preggers? i mean, like at the start of the school year, she appeared to be normal weight, yet as the semester wore, the heavier she got. is it rude to believe she's preggers or would be nicer to call those extra lbs 'the freshmen 15'?

i ain't talkin' about anybody in particular, i'm just sayin' that's all.

ps. if you're a female writer or know of a female writer who has nothing to do with your time, email me because i need like a ghost writer pretty much for the next couple of weeks. i figure, it'd be funny to have a woman write a dudeblog, if you will. imagine like funny captions about some hot dude from the cobra snake and posts taht are actually spelled correctly and have been proof read. so if you know anybody or are that person, holla!

pps. if anybody knows diplo, tell him if he doesn't do already, to play 2 live crew's "me so horny" when m.i.a. does "$10". shit would not be banannas cause that's a played out statement; so shit would be like ice cream sandwiches.

May 8, 2005

she picked metalcore, so she has to live with metalcore

it's good to see o.j. back out on the scene, again. having a good time and what not. be on the prowl for the enviable cameo on last night's party.

if i ever left my house other than to go to school, i'd write something like the oc idiots. instead, i spend my saturday nights writing about kubrick films, crafting clever profiles for consumating [ed. note: at the time, this was written, only one person wants to do us on consumating.com; so, we're a bit bummed) and doing the rapper dance to mr lif songs in the kitchen. frankly, the oc weekly should have those oc idiots write the magazine for them because who actually gets beyond the cover of an oc weekly? the cover is usually a shot of some atypical bro-ho who thinks she's a model cause her boyfriend has a clothing company and she's in the internet catalog and the main story is always about some obscure legal matter that i'd be aware of if i lived like in h.b. or something, but i don't live there; i have no interest. sure, the fundamental goal of journalism is to expose the unheard problems, plights, and overall situations to the masses, but you know, i aint got time to bleed, let alone, spend the time while waiting to get my burrito made at chipolte to read about club promoters who dress like ryan seacrest and columunist who consider long beach apart of the oc.

since they have pretty much throw everything including the kitchen sink into this season of "the oc," why not work the angle of ryan starting up his clothing company. it seems like every way ward, disenfranchese, eXtreme teen of wealthy parents starts one. they all have a singular vision of reinventing th way we see the iron cross as a logo. i mean, i even tried to start my own clothing company in high school. didn't sell that many t-shirts, but i did manage get one of those giant banners of fight club for my office in trade for a t-shirt. and no, there were no iron crosses, just bad photoshopped pictures stolen from maxim.

related: holy shit, how annoyning is seth cohen these days? don't you just wanna take him and throw him over the pier? most annoyning character on television since the cast of real world: philly. also, the same goes for zach aka the male anna whose not interesting nor a wearer of horrible hats that would cause me to say, "i hate hats like that," while sitting next to a person who was the same exact hat and one can only imagine the amount of back pedaling i had to.

breaking news: i felt extremely sorry for e!'s giuliana depandi because she had come into the e! studios on the weekend to shot an very unnecessary, all points bulletin, news break thing that air at the start of every commerical break on saturday for the announcement of bennifer 2: electric bugaloo's kid. now, if a celebrity died, yeah, interupt a show and have the news brief like every other commercial break. but, i mean, it's just jennifer garner. it's a story that can wait until monday. i mean, if anything, this kid at first, we're gonna totally be into and look forward to it's projects, but you know much like its' parents, we're gonna grow tired of their stuff and ask them to hang it up for a smidge. i mean, don't you remember those few months were ben affleck was kinda cool and you actually watched "alias"? i defy you to find somebody who still actually is into "alias," let alone a person who can actually explain what the show is about, other than saying, 'she's like this spy and that guy from the new j.lo movie is her partner, i guess. i only watched it a couple of times, cause i forgot where the remote was after "lost"."

just a thought, does anybody know if the fan base of system of a down actually listen to the lyrics and take them to heart. sorry to be placating stereotypes, but for my money, it seems that the average s.o.a.d. fan would be a 14 to 18 year old angry white male and i just believe that the message of their music is lost on them. i could be wrong, hopefully i'm wrong, but you know, the whole thing reminds me of rage against the machine back in the day. did anybody really care what zach de la rocha was rappin' about? did they take it to heart and become politicaly active or they couldn't even be bothered with being political with that phat grooves tom morello and the rest of the band were kicking out? i mean, that could explain the success of audioslave. all of those young dudes who blasted rage out of their cars in college and talked about che without any real knowledge of who che was, grew up, cut their dreads, traded in their fresh jive shirts for some ben sherman and a 9-5 and now the soundtrack is audioslave. the phat grooves are still there, but you know, the lyrics are more relatable and the kids can listen since it isn't loaded with swears.

does anybody know if that new stars album is any good? i'm kinda crushin' on the single, "ageless beauty" right about now.

i don't want to be all craig kilborn style here; well, if i was being craiggerscore, i'd be asking if you wanted it tall, grande or ventiti, but anyways, i have to say, l.a. cool kids, i'm proud of you. next sunday's lcd soundsystem show at the el rey is sold out. okay, so we got that taken care of. now, we gotta work on those who refuse to dance, but seriously i aint got time to bleed. so i'll see you there next sunday, i'll be the dude selling fiji water out of his car after the show.

next thing, you're gonna tell that the l.a. cool kids have start up a petition making it mandatory that everybody listens to art of noise's "moments in love" the long version at sunset while drinking some sangria during the summertime.

May 6, 2005

99 million questions

i don't know how many of you caught last night's episode of project greenlight. good episode, but my question is this, what kind of pizza were they eating after the rough cut screening of feast? i mean, i'm no pizza sexpert, but that thing looked something rather vile and deposits from pizza the hut. so does anybody know what kind of pizza that was, and most importantly, the place that made it because i need to put it on the tippy top of my list of places never ever be near.

secondly, it should be noted that tickets to see rilo kiley with feist go on sale, tomorrow. it's been a year since i've seen them and i hope like to go, but it's in the midst of summer school session.

also, journey is playing in my backyard. anybody wanna go?

probably not see you next week, either.

ps. weren't you also sorta disapointed by the pat o'brien/dr phil thing? i mean, maybe i'm asking too much, but i want to know who this mystery woman is and i want to see betsy and i want to buy the rights to pat o'brien's hellacious sunday night and turn it into a short film.
pps. i mean, can't like that dude who interviewed corey clark find this mystery woman and find out why p.o.b. wanted to go crazzy with her.

May 4, 2005

does anybody else have better photos of eva green falling down at the kingdom of heaven premiere? i highly doubt her fall will be on par with kimberely stewart on that motorcycle or a coked out tara reid on the red carpet with her boobie hangin' out, but still, i'd like to see it.

one could say that the fall may be apart of the skeet on mischa babe of the week curse, developing....

fast times at ridgemont high

okay, so today was weird day on campus. when i first got there around like 12:30pm, we had some kids breakin', but it felt like an episode of "dance 360"

the problem with cali indie hip hop is that like after one or two songs, it gets boring and rather repetitive. yeah, you rap old school style and yeah, your shit doesn't sell but you rock so well. you know, give me jim jones or like mr. lif because they make me laugh or have something interesting to say. like madlib is interesting and del when produced by automator is cool, but most cali rap is dull.

then like, an hour later, we had this going on...

the juxaposition between nerdy b-boys and jesus freaks is probably like a scene in a bunuel film, but you know there's something rather exciting about some babe arguing with a jesus freak about religion and what not, yet at the same time, am i smart enough to hang with this girl? although, being apart of yelling angry twenty somethings was rather funny because alot of us would just move from one guy to the other when we got bored or whichever one would respond to the wise cracks about jesus being on myspace.

related, i saw probably the hottest girl i've seen on campus, all semester long, but i got sketched cause she was handing out flyers for the gay, straight & bisexual alliance meeting that week and i was like, do i have to listen "pink triangle" by weezer?

further related, there's a guy watching the demostration who was a) wearing a mesh shirt b) had white hair with a pink mohawk streak and c) dude was riding a lower bicycle. basically, homeboy looked like a dave foley character from "kids in the hall".

it should be noted, that we at skeet on mischa, love pretty much everybody in the world cept those who talk during movies and jerks who drive giant trucks with their high beams on at night. those people are dicks.