&t skeet on mischa: 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005

skeet on mischa

i wouldn't have given you it if i didn't agree

Jun 29, 2005

your little hood rat friend

mtv has most likely a horrible audio quality verson of the new missy record, here. i'd say something but i couldn't hear anything cause mtv hates macs or whatever. i'm already requesting a diplo remix.

speaking of diplo, anybody else diggin' upon "reload" from kano's new album? i emailed 679 recording a week ago about kano's album in the states and they didn't write me back. i mean, can't they say, yeah, it's in august and it'll be on vice/atlantic and if you're nyc, check out the show with kano & diplo at the knitting factory, it's going to be like a mint chip ice cream sandwich.

i don't know what kind of super secret project that p diddy and p cruz are working on together, but color me interested and if it' an album, no better cover than this one; they could call the album, "mind your own business" and include a cover of delta5's "mind your own business," but you know sample the chicks on speed version of it. or at least, i hope that p and p aren't working on a top secret project similar to the one i'm working on with my friend, mark; cause you know, we'd be shit out of luck there. although, i can safely say that they're definately doing meetings in better locations than the dinning veranda at the shops at mission viejo.

sorry lake show, this kid isn't going to be a shaq replacement, but the dude will look might cool riding the pine and waving the towel if (key word), if you make it to the playoffs. i still can't wrap my head around the concept of drafting kids out of high school. sure, people like lebron james have proven this theory of drafting kids out of high school works, but i mean, how can you tell if some kid can hang in the paint with some 28 year old dude whose been doing it for 5 years and some change. its one thing to dominat in high school, it's another to bang boards with cats like ben wallace. you know tim, the center from the arch rival high school just doesn't hold a candle to somebody like that. seriously, andrew bynum is the second coming of oliver miller. just wait, give him two seasons, and he craps out.

a friend of mine just shot me a note about a show in san diego next week. first off, we have moving units a band i once stalked as the headliners, then we got the ultra cute the like and there's san diego's prodigal sons, the plot to blow up the eiffel tower. what a line up only because it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. you have moving units with that jingle jaggly rock n roll that gets the kids in tight sweats and too much foundation on dancing, then there's the like who should be on tour with rilo kiley or like tilly and the wall and the plot, well, the plot will go into the audience, pull peoples' pants off and blow something up on stage like jesus makes the shotgun sound did that one night at the glasshouse.

i don't understand why everybody thinks that morgan spurlock is this great, insightful muck racker. ooh, he ate mcdonalds for a month. oooh, he has a show where a dumb white guy lives with a muslim family for a month. doesn't anybody else remember that morgan spurlock used to host the show, "i bet you will" on mtv? doesn't anybody else remember when he would be on the sally jesse raphel show showing clips of people in time square drinking whole jars of mustard for like 50 bucks? i mean yeah, everybody's gotta start somewhere, but you know, i just can't believe a guy who encouraged people to eat hairpies for 10 bucks that mcdonalds is an evil corporation. or maybe it's cause he wore a cowboy hat with a shevleless shirt that just makes me not want to believe in him. cause you know, i'm a shevlist.

speaking of things i don't believe in, senor spielbergo's war of the worlds has tom cruise as a self absored blue collar type of guy. the self absored stuff i buy into, the dude is an ego monster, sex monster steez, but the problem is the costume design of the film. from what i've seen of the film via the trailers, it looks like tom cruise's character is a docker worker, but unless there's a bit of backstory that explains tom cruise's character was recently made over by the queer eye guys, then i ain't having any part of this movie. sure, metrosexuality has come and gone as a buzzword, but i believe it never ever became a buzzword amongst the proud longshore men of america. sure, if the character was completely self obssessed ad guy like that creepy eye borrow guy on "blow out" (btw, excellent episode last night), then yeah, i'm with ya, but you know if he's just an average joe, then put him in a pair of levis from mervyns and a beat up leather jacket from the 80s and like a flannel shirt. that's blue collar; not some zippy leather racing jacket you'd see in a justin timberlake video.

anybody else watch "dancing with the stars" and get distracted by how tiny kelly monacco is?

seriously, all of this is just window dressing until being bobby brown is on thursday night.

Jun 28, 2005

hold on, i'm still recovering from sneezing and bleching at the same time. has that ever happened to you? it hurts so much. i mean, what do you do first? sneeze or blech? but at the same time, i think some blood came up.

and that king kong trailer is only all right.

Jun 27, 2005

bread & butter

jordana brewster can have my bread & butter.

partially related, how slept on is "bread & butter" by beanie siegel & brand nubian? why didn't dame dash release this as the single instead of that snoozer of a 2001 neptunes song, "don't stop"? i know beans is in jail and all, but still put out a decent song. probably the best just blaze beat since "breathe" which was only a couple of months ago, but that was the best just blaze beat since "oh boy". and if it wasn't for "trapped in the closet chapter 4," by r kelly, "bread & butter" would've been the single of the year.

can anybody else explain why are the dirty south guys are whispering these days? first there's the rather dreadful "wait" by the ying yang twins, and now there's "play" by david banner. i guess it's sexy to whisper rap over some awful beats; i dunno, give me a 'might getcha' or a 'say i yi yi' any day of the week; whisper rap is about as sexy as asking, "what's your sign?" but you know, joey badass is down with the whispering.

and my last thing about rap music, is it me or does the recent jay-z cameos on the "diamonds are forever remix" and "dear summer feel not like jordan coming back with the 45, but more like jordan taking batting pratice with the chicago white sox or jordan in the wizards' starting five? and can somebody explain how lebron james is connected to the roc? he's on the cover of xxl with kanye, jay-z and foxy brown; so does that mean we're gonna get another vaulted rap record from a heir to jordan's throne? (hi k.o.b.e.!)

to all the girls with the big bazooms. if you don't want to draw attention to it, then don't wear a sheer top with a white bra. dudes already know that spot is just like heaven, don't need to beat them over the head with it. cause you know they look like comfy clouds and what not. anybody else ever have that desire to sleep on a cloud as a child or still hold on that dream of sleeping on something comfy like a cloud?

by the by, big ups on the excellent fill in job at fleshbot by jesus martinez the other day; especially this link(nsfw)

saw george a. romero's land of the dead over the weekend. three times to be specific. yeah, i have that much free time on my hand. now, i'm not gonna do a full fledge review because i figure it'd be an eight page paper and i'll just save that for a rainy day during next semester. i'll say this, i liked the film quite a bit. not totally in love with it, but it's better than day of the dead. it has its moments and i don't know why but to me, it just felt like a paradoy of the matrix and all those resident evil movies.

i once met a girl who went to harvard. bear in mind, this was a few years ago, i was over at somebody's house after the warped tour (it was the one weezer played and i flipped off dickie barrett when he sang horrible) and there was this nerdy girl there. not the cool kind of nerdy that ashton kutcher is pimpin' these days on "beauty & the geek," but like, i've seen pavement in concert 5 times and i go to harvard nerdy. me being me, i asked her if she had seen natalie portman on campus, since at the time, she just started to go harvard and this woman was a complete hater. she was like, 'oh yeah, i've seen her. she's really short and not that pretty in person.' so my experince with harvard chicks isn't that grand, but i bet you dollars to donuts, this harvard chick is ten times cooler and will say that clap your hands say yeah is way overrated. it should be noted, that before the people i was with left, i want to say they threw chicken soft tacos and peed in the pool and threw all the toliet paper in house over their fence. i mean, you gotta stick it to them haters one way or another.

while a friend of mine may like that clap your hands say yeah album, i'm going to have throw the 'i don't get it' card. it's all right. i mean its better than maroon5, but you know, it's not as great as pitchfork proganda has it out to be. although, i agree with everybody on that art brut album. "emily kane" is the new "in your eyes," but only not so much.

and finally, i know i've been slacking and lacking in the updates last and most likely this week as well. i'm telling you i'm up to my elbows in rewrites and writing brand new stuff for this summer school class. and this class is just beyond frustrating because i'm stuck in this holding pattern of a grade. i'm stuck between a and a b and i have no fucking clue as to how i can improve my grade. i can understand being marked down for frequent spelling errors, but to me, being marked down because the professor doesn't like the ending because you know, it's not like finding nemo and it ties everything nicely. you know, me as a writer believes that this ending works and for the most part, the story i wrote has structure. i think i can honestly pin point why nobody goes to the movies anymore, or at least nobody in america goes to the movies anymore, it's these screenwritng courses. people are drilled into believing that everything has to have tension and climaxes. i'm probably wrong because i'm just frustrated.

on the real, if anybody wants to buy the rights to my story, hit me up. its got exploding meth labs and frisbe football.

Jun 23, 2005

i'd say something, but my mind is completely focused on the midnight screening of george a. romero's land of the dead tonight.

if you run into, i might be singing that death from above1979 b-side, "better off dead," but i've replaced 'better off dead' with "dead, dead, dead, land of the dead!"

Jun 22, 2005

typical me

so i was watching tv the other night and they said that skeletor's daugther aka lindsay lohan was dating the dude from elefant? remember them? me either, but what i do remember about them and their lead singer, diego was this wonderful interview he did with burning angel( a bit nsfw). so please pull quotes and make your own conclusions about lilo and diego's relationship.

can anybody confirm that the track with m.i.a. & vybez cartel on that new missy elliott record is produced by either diplo or timbaland? bueller?

i wish i had more to say, but boys and ghouls, i've been running on empty the past coupla days and probably will be for the next few weeks as well. too many things, too many things, too many things.

although, i can say this, i tried real hard, ringo to hang with the new season of the real world and i was out after about 5 minutes. it's been said before, but it just seems like they're casting these shows strictly with the road rules/real world challenge in their mind. most of them kids would probably be killer in a rv, but in a house with a bunch of other strangers, boring. look at real world: san diego, that was amazing. you had jamie chung and you had brad & randy and you had cameron punching people in the balls and you had frankie in the bathroom cutting herself and you had jacquesse in that ugly green shirt that had jeans with matching green washed out spots. you know, those kids were amazing. boom bazooka joe! what are these kids? a bunch of third rate abhrams and mormon julies.

but with these austin kids, it's like i'm feeling peer pressure to think johanna is like the most outta control girl in the history of the real world. yeah, she's cute, but i mean, come on, the bar has been set and probably won't be touch for a while, holla at jamie chung. but johanna is on par with that one girl from real world paris with the fake boobies. she's cute, but she's not outta control, she isn't even outta hand. this is outta hand and that's outta control.

Jun 21, 2005

sittin' sidewayz

can somebody please tell tom cruise or at least remind him of seven important words he once said, "respect the c--k and tame the c--t." frank tj mackey must be so fucking embarrassed right about now. if you're either one of these people who go to movie premieres to scream at celebrities or know somebody who does do that, let me know, cause i want to be the person they call so tom cruise can talk to them at the la war of the worlds premiere. i'd just say, "respect the c--k, tom. respect the c--k." he'll probably call me a 'jerk' and tell that person they have horrible taste in friends and i'm a 2.0 on the tone scale.

although, if tom cruise is still in the uk, can dude pick up a copy of that kano album for me. i'm good for the money and i'll make a mix cd as well. hope he's into slayer and david banner.

seriously though, does anybody know if that kano album is going to get north american distrubtion? probably through vice, right? i would just say don't necessarily market this record just to the cool kids; to either quote or paraphrase somebody else who said this before and undoubtleldy knows more about rap music than i do, but anyways, put kano on some mixtapes, have him freestyle with paul wall and hell rell over like "diamonds from sierra leone". it'd be redonklicous.

back to tom cruise a minute, i know i'm a bit late, but why are the media making so a big deal out of the squirt gun incident when leonardo dicaprio got hit in the head with a beer bottle by some crazy lady? that's more serious and scary than a bit of water. and here's the weird thing, as of right now, dicaprio has yet to press charges on the lady. so let's took at minute, i may believe dicaprio has ruined scorsese for me, but at least homebody isn't all in my grill about his love for gisele and not pressing charges against a woman who smashed a bottle on his face that required 12 stiches. 12 stiches, no charges. water gun, charges are going to be made.

anybody know if me and you and everybody we know is going to be worth the time and money or just another napoleon bonerpart? i don't want to wast my money on some movie where everybody but me is laughing and adding it on their favorite section on myspace.

i was gonna make a joke about cassidy being a phoney gangsta rapper, but i guess i was wrong. i still believe that he's a horrible rapper and nobody will rock a "free cassidy" shirt. free pimp c, though.

is it me or doesn't jonathan antin's sister & pussycat dolls creator, robin antin look exactly like her brother, cept in garter belts and feathered boas. wonder if she has also that overtly pretenious and overly dramatic vibe as well.

related; that one girl who is in the pussycat dolls, the pop group that was in eden's crush, the pretend pop group for a million years ago, is still kinda nice, but the same can't be said about former eden's crusher & former seacrest sidekick & tv guide channel personality, rosanna tavarez (she should've kept her hair short or maybe grew some bangs.)

anybody going to arthur fest? tickets are on sale this tuesday. i'd go, but you know, labor day weekend and you know, just the constant shift from extremely noisy rock like sonic youth then like somebody like six organs of admittance comes on and you have to walk directly up to the speaker to anything, since you know, dude is really quiet. well that statement should be flipped around, first you listen to six organs of admittance, then you get your ear drums destroyed by sonic youth. but, hey maybe, marc jacobs will be there since he outfits thurston moore or at least in that one photo he did.

related: i don't get arthur magazine. can somebody explain it to me? is it like the 'urb' of the neon hippy, electronic psych folk noise rock movement?

for those who may have not already seen photos or heard stories from 14 year old girl on livejournal about debbie gibson's cameo during rilo kiley's show at the wiltern last sunday night, click here. the weird thing about it was i don't think anybody knew who it was until she started to sing, but even then, it was a bit iffy. when debbie gibson was introduced by jenny lewis, i just assumed she was one of the many friends of the bands. maybe, it's cause i see rilo kiley on their home court, so there's that advantage. but, i'm getting a bit ahead of myself. let's rewind a bit and go blow by blow, if you will.

the thing about rilo kiley shows is a great live band, but the rub is the audience. once again, it probably has to do with the band's home court advantage, but alot of the kids, the die hard rilo kiley fans just have no respect for support bands. me and my friends were trying to listen to fiest and they could not shut up. just yammering away. well, it should be noted that the core fan base of rilo kiley or at least for this show, looked like some local high school's grad night. as i walked to get on line, i shouted, "woohooo! class of '05!" but nobody seemed down or willing to party. i thought high schoolers were stoked to be graduating. personally, i didn't care when i graduated high school cause at that point, my greatest accomplishment still remained graduating elementary school (and still does to this day). so there's overwhelming "oh my gawd! it's like my first real show evs and oh my god i love jenny lewis so much." i think jenny lewis has reached that point where she can be mentioned in the same breathe of people like stevie nicks and gwen stefani. not because she's a powerful and amazing front woman, but because a high percentage of the female audience dress like her. and these jennyities consistently scream out for "glendora" after every single song. okay, we've all been to our fair share of rilo kiley shows over the past couple of years and they haven't done "glendora" once, so what makes you believe that they'll change their mind just this one time because you scream loud enough to be heard by blake and walks over to jenny and says, "hey, it seems like they want to hear 'glendora' and we haven't done in 3 years and we've explain countless times why we don't do it anymore, but you know since that girl in the second section over there on the left whose being taking horrible photos on her digital camera all night long, asked for it, so we're gonna give it to her."

let's just get it out there, they won't do "glendora," so can we please move on? can we please stop all the cat calls for it? and this includes "the frug". i'd love to hear "the frug" too, but you know what? me and you and everybody else at the show weren't cool enough to be at the shows at spaceland back in the day. if you must hear "glendora" at a rilo kiley show, burn it onto a cd and listen to it either before or after a show. do a little parking lot party and dance around "glendora" while eating vegean hot dogs.

and another thing, the whole high school aspect of the crowd, is that at one point or another during the show, i thought i was going to be arrested. everybody on the floor are smooshed together and these tiny, pushy jail bait girls just shove their way up to the front. i had to stick my arms up in the air as if i was being arrested by the police, just to avoid any awkward brush ups.

now, it may seem like i don't like rilo kiley. that's not true. i love rilo kiley, it's just that i hate their die hard fans. seriously, they need to ease back on the digital camera action, too. you don't know how many out of focus, blurry photos i had to see last night on lcd screens. turn down the flash, kids or if you want to take photos, get up closer.

feist was one of the support bands. she was outta hand because it was just her, a guitar and a bunch of pedals. you really got to hear her voice and realize how amazing it is. i dunno if this babe of the week has created a monster, but i was sorta weirded when i heard these high school kids in front say that feist was so hot. i don't know but that was sorta creepy. yeah, feist is attractive, but the thing about feist and seeing her in person, she just reminded me of a cool writing/english teacher. like she reminded me of this writing teacher i had who let me miss the final so i could see death from above1979, but only if she was hot. a friend of mine tells me about her writing teacher who trades mix tapes with students and has copies of like devandra banhart albums in the office to hand out to the students. i think the teacher is a guy, but in mind, it's feist.

and finally, saw kirsten dunst at the rilo kiley show. it should be noted, that i once before met kirsten dunst at another show and talked to her about spider man & the virgin suicides (she wasn't too hot on the spider), but this was a few years ago. and i guess, one could say the kirsten dunst i talked to that night was the 'classic' kirsten dunst. you know the long hair and the somewhat healthy apperance and perhaps most importantly, she seemed happy and upbeat. i mean, she even pogo'ed during the show.

flash forward to sunday night, like around 7:15-7:30ish, the rather long line of graduating seniors from calabassas high was slowly moving in, when all of a sudden, a rather incoginto kirsten dunst walking extremely quickly heads to the back of the line. no, i'm on the list entertance at the up front. no, i'm in spider man or i'm kirsten dunst, so let me in style of attitude. she just went to the back of the line with her friend and it wasn't the hot brunette who wore the booty shorts on that awful episode of "punk'd" (is she on myspace? and does anybody know her name as well? she should be babe of the week). shades on, eyes sorta focused on the ground in an attempt to not attract attention. she was giving off the vibe of "oh that girl looks like kirsten dunst". like looks wise, kirsten dunst just seemed sketchy and exhausted. either, she's on the cocaine rodeo circuit or sofia coppola in one tasking director and took alot out of her during that french movie. but, just homegirl seemed sketchy and probably not up for a conversation about bring it on.

although, i'll say this, during the opening band, the brunette's set, kirsten dunst was there watching and apparently a mere two feet away from robin brown and his gal pal. i would've taken a photo, but they stopped me. so send all of your complaints to them.

and before, i go, i just wanted to snap off on one last thing. as we all know, it seems like the program director of indie103 gives washed up rockers their own show, so he could have famous friends. now with the addition of suicide girls radio on sunday nights (12-2am), one has to wonder did the program director have the show to get into the pants of some suicide girls? although, i defy you to listen to more than 10 minutes of their radio show. could've been an off night, but their show had to have been one of the most boringest i ever heard on the radio and i've heard paul harvey a few times. in a way, it reminded me of this one don't from the vice book of dos & donts, it was a picture of some outta hand hip hop girl and the caption read: "sex is 20 minutes. hearing her talk about the black eyed peas for three hours is a thousand years." (pg 77, if you got the book) the two girls talking back and forth about bad pick up lines and open relationships felt like a lifetime. and the people who call in, are guys who are probably whacking it to photos while they're on the phone. there's just a lot of heavy breathing and dead air. even if they're gonna play a bunch of bands that are their upcoming dvds, play more records cause you're boring. look at rodney on the roq, he talks really slow and rambles on, but after he rambles, he'll play about 20 minutes of music, then come back for 5 minutes and say shit is 'god head'. you know, suicide girls talk for a couple of minutes, then play a bunch of music you guys like or at least one of you get drunk, so somebody is funny.

Jun 20, 2005

in a world gone mad part 3

so crazy right now. and i have no clue as to where i should begin, let alone the time.

i don't know what's crazier:

-debbie gibson on stage, performing with rilo kiley at the wiltern on sunday night


-a kirsten dunst sighting at the wiltern and home girl had to go to the end of the line.


-the fact that my beloved albertacos is no longer 24 hours aday.

so crazy right now.

Jun 17, 2005

loose stools

rachel bilson just cruised by to holla and say she's dating adam boredy (ew! who wears lime green unless they're on "miami vice"?) still and that zach braff has like the best stories. we just looked around and said, "i broke my chair the other night while writing a treatment. so i don't know if that meant it was an old chair or am getting too fat?" then we told her to listen to "ice hatchets" by the chromatics.

has anybody else notice that the mars volta's line up for their all tomorrows parties reads like the roster for gsl records? i know that omar co-owns the label and all, but come on, rock nepotism is for old farters and southern rockers.

related, new gogogo airheart record in september. those guys get the skeet of approvial. frankly, waiting is the toughest part.

seriously, if not's one thing in california, it's the other. last sunday morning, earthquake. tuesday, the goventor gets booed at a junior college, phil comes back to the lakers and then there's a tsunami threat all along the coast. wednesday, i don't remember anything that happen, too busy watching batman begins and then, yesterday, another earthquake. the weird thing about the earthquake was that the newscasters were joking around with the story. the moment of brevity went beyond the horse race announcer, anchormen were cracking jokes with reporters on the scene with the carefully worded statement following soon after, "oh we wouldn't be joking if there was serious damage. so us laughing is a good sign."

although, the weird thing that happened on wednesday could've been when i walked by these two vendor carts on my way to the movies and one was blasting out audioslave and the other was blasting out house music and together they made these musical shit sandwich known as an audioslave dance remix. seriously, chris cornell should quit the rock and make house music. his voice sounded half decent for a change. and why do these cart guys play like trance and house music? does it make them seem cutting edge and post modern? when it just makes them look they're stuck in the 90s and a guido.

i sincerely hope that somewhere in new jersey, there's a guy like me who writes phoney captions for the photos on nj guido. i mean, i can't really do it becaue, i'd just post a link and say, look and of course, i'd fear getting beaten up.

but then there are things like this happen when 'our' scene gets invade by sketchy guys. it's like i said to a girl a few years ago, "bros are gonna become scene cause thats where are all the cute girls are and check it out, right now. he wants to talk about dj irene while she's like, whispering "help me," but she's talking about how she likes the bravery.

i saw skeletor's daughter aka nyc tranny amanda loper look alike aka lindsay lohan on leno last night and i just thought one thing, why hasn't anybody made her a mixtape with coldplay's "fix you" on it? why hasn't that guy with the wacky hair that was on trent steel the other day, look over to her, pull down the sunglasses just a smidge and say: "lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you" i know chris martin can't do it because he's too busy trying to stamp out poverty, but can we get a sycophant or a yes person to the work for the greater good of the masses?

i was at the movies last week, to watch the slightly dreadful high tension (which was good when it was all the last house on the left style, but when it went the way it did, i was like, seeyalaterbye) and i was waiting for my friend to show up when i came up with the idea of a contest of sorts. i had thought of doing contests in the past, but due to the legality of it, i don't think it would've worked out. then it came to me, why not do a contest where somebody wins the chance to hang out with me. it's one thing to read about my social shortcomings, it's another to experince them live and direct. you know, come with me to the movies and feel weird as my friend shows up also wearing a mr. rogers sweater, so me and him are look like twins. come with me as i walk to my car when the gardeners rest on my front lawn during their lunch break and make me feel guilty about going to get some lunch. come and watch me break my chair and fall onto the floor while i do my homework. come with me to school on peer editing deal and give notes on other peoples' screenplays. listen to me talk about dario argento's opera and just how cool that part is when they shoot the woman in the head through the peep hole and tell you that they strapped dynamite to the side of her head. basically, i want you to come skeet with me.

i tend to repeat topics over again and again as well as my narrow point of view, but here's the thing, i can't get over andre3000. whatever happened to the dude who once said, "if you don't move yo' feet then i don't eat." i'll glandly trade eight million "hey ya"s or "roses" for a simple "elevators" any day of the week.

and finally, tonight is the blood brothers show at the el rey, which is sold out. if i was smart, i would've written the whole week about how i want to go to that show and is it possible to get on the guest list for that show. i assume people who write these things that have a great deal of readers could probably paralay it into some guest list spots for shows and what not. so i'm just wondering what exactly does one have to do to get on some guest lists here and there. now i'm not asking for like every single show, i'm just saying, like hey, i like the blood brothers, i consistently talk about the blood brothers and why can't i be on the guest list for a blood brothers show? sure, i don't know them nor am i related to their label in any fashion. the closet i'm connected to any of their labels is that i stood in front of steve aoki's dj booth at a bloc party show while i waited for annie to finish talking to him cause she was going to buy me some brews. that's about it. but it's like, you know, just maybe once, i'd like to get on the list of something. i'm sure i've been on lists before, bad students, etc. but you know, i want to be on the list where it'll get in the cool zone. can't somebody whose on the cool list shine some guiding light to that place.

actually, that wasn't my final thing. i got a snap or two left. if you see some stressed out kid at the rilo kiley show on sunday night, come up and say hi. i won't have much to say, but you know, it's the thought that counts. and secondly, happy fathers day to all of the dads out there. i have to get my father a extra good gift this year cause the dude is proof reading my mini treatment right about now. the mini treatment is gonna be weird cause i write about modern times and post modern girls and nerdy guys with noisey two piece rock n roll bands, but when it all be lost upon the professor who isn't with it? like my father, he'll get it. i called him up the other day and he started to doing a rountine about hiliary duff, so yeah, he's there, but the professor, i dunno. maybe i should print out photos from cobra snake and attach a mix tape of le shok and dfa79.

Jun 16, 2005

you know they always say that dogs are great at predicting or at least, forecasting a soon to be earthquake, but my dog did nothing when the latest quake hit. she just stared at me and wanted to go on the patio and sleep.


everybody seems okay, so far.

the weirdest thing i've seen about the earthquake was this horse race announcer who continued to call the race while the quake happened. he said, "i love my wife and family. horse racing is my first love".

i can't win

r kelly may pee on people, but dude can crank out the jams. how funny is "trapped in the closet chapters 1-3"? if you haven't heard, then go here. how genius is rhyming closet with closet?

these girls are probably singing to each other, "now he's openning the closet" and laughing really loud. you know when you're on a road trip with your buddies and now when that one song comes on the mixtape and you all sing along with and look at each other with goofy faces that make everybody bust up. this is that moment, but at a club and these girls are probably gonna ask the dj, "can you play that r kelly song about the closet?" then laugh as the dj is confused and says he's only got "feelin on your booty"

don't you hate it when djs only bring bad records to parties? wow house music! yeah, nobody dances to that. how about some juenville instead. although, i've experinced the flip side of that where the dj brought interesting records to the party but like after an hour, he started to play them all over again. so awful. maybe he left the rest of the collection in the closet.

i'm just wonderin' if this is a dude or a lady? you know androgeny, much like pizza pie is very big these days, but i'm sorta preplexed with this one.

man, i just hope that people dont get me and this douglas mixed up cause they're bound to be disappointed when i show up, talking about dario argento's opera and the hold steady for like 45 minutes when they just wanted some hot sax.

who knew about anne hathaway being sorta outta hand these days? what is she the living embodiment of death from above1979's cover of "luno"?

umm, batman begin: the imax version... first off, thought the film was gangbusters. probably on par with spiderman 2, but still not the best superhero film, it still remains x2. as for it being on the imax screen, holy shit the film looks amazing. i want to say the print of the film was a 70mm print, so it wasn't blown up to fit the size of an imax screen. now, i'm a junkie for digital projection, but i have to say that the imax was more clear and the colors looked better. most likely due to the size of the screen, you see things alot more clearly. i got distracted by how jacked up katie holmes' teeth are while watching the film. i couldn't help but notice christian bale's mole right next to his eyeball. you're watching the film and it's great, but at a drop of the hat, you're distracted by an odd strand of hair hanging down for katie holmes' head. in real life, its not a problem, but on a screen thats 8 stories tall, its just as bad as having a zit on the tip of your nose.

and finally, boys and ghouls, if you haven't noticed yet, your humble narrator is a bit depressed as of late, but not over the normal depression things. its not family things; its not relationship things, but its school things that have gotten me down. now i was never one to knock myself out in order to get a good grade. if i got a c, then i was stoked because i didn't really do much to get the grade. i like to compare the first phase of my academic to a line from the film, the limey, "i learned to skate at a young age". basically, i skated through things. but now in college and i've gotten good grades on things, i expect nothing less than an a for myself and if i get a b, i'm just utterly depressed. the paper i wrote on the film collateral got a 3.5 out of 4.0. not quite an a, but better than b. but it's like, if i had proof read the thing one more time and not listened to the suggestions of those in the peer editing groups, i would've probably gotten an a on the thing. but here i am now, kicking rocks down the street in utter frustration. and i wouldn't be in this position if it wasn't for the sheer terror i went through during peer editing. you try reading a paper written in 10 pt font on a chris tucker movie with fragmented run on sentences on about 6 hours of sleep. if you thought a chris tucker movie was bad enough, wait until you read someone's insightful views onto the character chris tucker played and the overall theme of the film. it's exciting. i don't expect every body in class to be down with bunuel and bergman, but haven't we reached the point where we've moved past the chris tucker movies? uf. but then again, joel strummer once said, "i've been beat up, i've been thrown out but i'm not down, i'm not down."

Jun 15, 2005

going back to cali...

dude, not even the return of phil could bring the lake show back to the playoffs next season; even if there's a next season. lock out looming. but, i mean, power to the lakers and more importantly, more money to phil if he can make it happen. although, it should noted, i haven't really cared about a lakers team ever since chick hern passed away. i mean what insightful, new direction can phil take the team in? there's nobody on the team other than kobe; well, i take that back, there's lamar odom but it just felt like he wasn't there cause kobe wouldn't pass to him. sure, the crushing season that kobe just went through, undoubtledly humbled him to a degree, but he's still a jerk with a kinda killer wife that he doesn't apperciate. and you know, phil is only doing the damn thing cause the pillow talk with jeanie buss got to be rather annoyning; you know, the moment he decided to come back was basically like the moment when people like you and me decide to do something to be nice to somebody and get them off your back. "if i wear these pants out to dinner, it'll make her happy even though, i have a tank ass when i wear chords."

holy moly, was there even drama and excitement on the television last night. first off, there was the bench clearing near brawl between the anaheim angels & washington nationals, that was crazy. then at the same time, there was "blow out" and that creepy ad exec named, scott and his fights with jonathan, that was killer and i'm sorry, but i frankly can't trust nor work with a dude who tweezes his eye borrows down to thin little strips. then there was that trannie who wanted to be like pam anderson on "i want a famous face," once again, c-r-e-e-p-y! but to make the night even more exciting and intense, there was a tsunami warning for the california region. well, technically, from alaska down to mexico, had one giant tsunami warning last night. so like every twenty minutes or half hour, the national weather service intrupted all programing with that painful siren and the message that sounds like it was recorded in a toliet at the end of the earth. i mean, can't the national weather service switch to spirnt or whatever company that 'can you hear me now?' dude is from. they are saying important things, potentially life changing things, but it just sound as bad as somebody calling you from a tgifridays full of drunks on a friday night. and the alarm overpowers the audio of the show and you migh miss you good zingers; for example, i missed jonathan antin's french guy impression because i just had to hear about some tsnumai warning that was ultimately canceled like 15 minutes later. what a waster.

sidebar, there was an earthquake on sunday morning. it woke me up, but what was more of a nightmare, was the guy across the street, blasting out the eagles at 9 in the fucking morning. no time is a good time for the eagles. i'm gonna have my dog poop all over his lawn, hopefully spelling out, 'eagles suck'.

while some may say that it was rather rude and disrespectful to boo the governitor as he gave the commencement speech at santa monica college, i find the lack of things done by him since he's taken office to be even more disrespectful. i don't want to be too political, cause that's not my place to be political, but you know, i'm an american and i like to complain about things and do very little about changing the government other than complaining and saying, "people are fucking up" and "hey, i didn't vote for him". i mean, can somebody point out to me what exactly arnold has done since he's been in office? what sweeping changes has he made other than a bunch of commercials talking about how we, californians should join arnold and help save california, but the problem is what exactly are we going to do to save california? are we gonna help the schools? are we gonna figure out a way to keep big business in california or are we just gonna dick around and waste money with some special election in november. it's like luther said in the warriors, "for what?" for what reason did we have a re call? i bet you if gray davis was still in office, he'd be doing the same exact thing as arnold is now. fucking up and doing nothing. uf.

the chief idiot from oc idiots sent me an email the other day that said, "never hurts to have a nice ass photo these days" and dude was right.

this is what josh schwartz, creator of "the oc" should do, "arrested development" creator mitch hurwitz, the real savior of television comey, not ashton kutcher like some lamey critic said, will remain the showrunner of his own show. that is a man i admire to the fullest because he'll pass on getting more money for the studio to make sure he continues to crank out the best show on television. mitch hurwitz would never allow for his show to introduce a horrible character and kept her around for half a season, to only write her off and not even bring her back for her supposed dad's funeral. if it's possible could we get an inside the writer's office type of thing between mitch hurwitz and larry david. just the two of them talking about writing good characters and what not. it'd had more substance to it than james lipton talking to angelina jolie about her methods and techniques used in tomb raider.

are all georiga peaches like this one? cause if so, i may actually have to go through this plan to go out to the atl and visit my sister, but when she's at work, i'd just go to the varasity and holla at peaches like that all day long and maybe if i see him, i'd kick andre3000 in the nuts for ripping off kool keith and for basically breaking up outkast. fuck your "hey ma", give me "da art of storytellin' part 3" instead.

does anybody wonder if paul wall, the peoples champ, asked paul giamatti to cameo in his video for the single, "sittin sidewayz"? you know a nod to the nerdy rock kids who are down with screwed up music. how funny would it be to see paul giamatti in some caddy, wearing a giantic pink 'free pimp c' shirt, drinking a bottle of wine. hey, it's more inspired than a corny cameo by roy jones jr.

related, that paul wall & juelz santana song is pretty nice and does not feel forced. it's not a collabo because texas is blowing up right now, it feels natural, unlike when memphis bleek talks about screwed & chopped on that awful song that sounds like every other awful swizz beats beat.

further related, i think i'm going to propose a lecture to my professor for the following weeks entitled, "what a twist! how m. night shyamalan ruined the movies," but i'm slightly encouraged to hear that paul giamatti will be in his next film and chris doyle is the dp, if it's just a remake of splash

bound to be on my list of the top ten singles of 2005, "gold fronts" by a gun called tension. seriously, don't sleep on the album; it's kinda like a dub-ier version of tv on the radio.

speaking of, anybody else geeking out over tv on the radio's blog and the progress they're making on the new record. i wonder if bryan singer of blue tights dot net fame will make a cameo apperance in a bit of production blog synergy.

for those without a job or with the tivo, it should be noted that mtv's "date my mom" is back on the air and frankly, it's probably my favorite mtv dating show since "dismissed". while "date my mom" may lack the 'i like stuff and so do you' charm of "room raiders," it makes up for it with horrible music cues, awkward one liners and crazy mothers that'll just scary off any guy from dating the daugther for the next million years, if you, of course, follow the rule that the daugther will be what the mother looks like in 15 years theory. another thing about this show is that some of the moms are more interesting and cuter than their daugthers; it's sorta like that game, 'scene or just a mom,' you know when you see some girl driving by in a car and from afar, you think oh maybe she's hip, but it just turns out to be somebody's mom with dorothy hamill hair. highly recommend for those waiting for buses or walking the dog.

i was on hollywood blvd the other night, late at night. happened to see that there was an american apparel store on hollywood. now i want to know, if like i go in there, are my pants gonna burst into flames due to a babe overload? is it going to be so outta hand that i'm gonna need to walk over to the hooters next door to cool off cause all the women would be hot if i was in the seventh grade. i mean, all the women who work there or at least to the ones i've been to, just remind me of the girl in junior high that was the first to develop and had rather large boobs because at what 13, guys are somewhat stupid when it comes to what they look for in a woman and a big pair of boobies would be the most attractive thing. so it's like the guys who go there just never grew out of that phase or haven't gotten hip to the concept of a page 3 girl(nsfw).

related, if you gotta yelled and holla-ed at on sunday night by a couple of guys in a limo while in line for club beat it, that wasn't me, but i was inside, hollaring from afar. cause i saw a girl who deserved to be holla'red at, but i didn't want to be a cliche.

umm, that sleater-kinney record, "the woods" rocks rather hard. i think it probably rocks hard than that new foo fighters album (way too much promotion for the new foo album, guys. i honestly thought dave ghrol was gonna pop out of my toliet to tell he's got a new record out and how awesome it is), but here's my thing, the song, "entertain" is amazing and when i heard for the first time, the drums reminded me of those elusive indie rock strippers. you know, there are apparently, some girls out there in the scene that do the strippy dance thing or at least urban legend or word around the campfire also known as live journal updates that read, 'yeah, we went to this strip club and we met this stripper and she danced to muse and it was awesome.' i hear these tales, but yet i wonder do they never happen to me, but then again, how often am i in a strip club? but that's besides the point and i think i'll be missing the point of sleater-kinney's music with the next statement, but once again, i digress, the song, "entertain," should be used by these elusive indie rock lapdancers at the clubs. the drumming on that song was just made for ass shaking. so like, can some industrious gal make a video of herself dancing to that song or like some indie stripper myspace me if she dances to that song and she's in the greater southern california area. just don't tell the suicide girls about it because they'll use it in their show and won't be as interesting; can't explain why, but it just won't be interesting if a suicide girl dances to it.

and finally, i'm on my way to catch batman begins on the imax screen. it's going to be one of those events if i don't get there in enough time and get the right seat, the whole thing is gonna blow, but if the seat is right (bob barker style), then it'll be the best movie evs.

Jun 13, 2005

in a world gone mad part 2

i dunno what's more frustrating aicn's coverage of brett ratner's x3 or the michael jackson verdict. wha happened?

alls i can say is that at least tonight's jake byrd bit on jimmy kimmel will be extremely funny. i mean, can you imagine how depressing and sad a jake byrd bit about michael jackson superfans after he was found guilty. honestly, if that had happened, the outskirts of the santa maria courthouse would like a scene out of suicide club.

Jun 11, 2005

everything will be lovely

just finished an extremely tasking paper on michael mann's collateral where i barely even scratched the surface of the film for like 8 pages, but anyways here's a head's up of sorts; um, monday and most likely tuesday, no updates.

not taking a break or anything like that. so all of you worried about more annie posts, don't fret (i like annie's snaps personally speaking), it's just two days off because usually, i write monday's stuff on sunday but i have a mound of rewrites and proof reading to do and i won't be around a computer for a good portion of sunday, anyways. then on monday, which is when i usually write tuesday, i'll probably have another mammoth set of rewrites to do. so at the latest, i'll be back on wednesday morning.

i'm telling you summer school will be a killer, but hey, at least it's not as bad as ashlee simpson's cornrows.

what did she just come straight from cancun to some public event? i mean, i admire the whole fuck you, i just got back from vacation vibe, but i mean, nicen up the dance just a smidge anyways.

see ya on wednesday.

ps. everybody watch high tension, so i can complain about it with feeling guilty about ruining it.
pps. does everybody who does a 24 hour special on mtv2 have to have suicide girls on it? i mean, i like some of them, but it just seems a requirement to have them there like i don't know, like how you have ketchup and mustard at your bbq. alls, i'm sayin' is that your little alt indie metal womens rights female empowerment we feel good about ourselves porn has melted. so flippin' mainstream, even jimmy fallon has a membership.

Jun 10, 2005

the bitch in you

i sincerely believe that buddyhead got it right when they said that the new foo fighters songs sound like beer commerical music. i just heard the single, "best of you" for the first time the other night and i couldn't help myself from talking about malted barley, choice of hops & grains, and cold filtering while it was on. i applaud dave ghrol for doing an extra disc of acoustic numbers simply cause it'll save me for dealing with a boring apperance on the stern show where he sings whatever beer song is big at that moment acoustically. i mean, it just seems that people seem to like by the foo fighters are the solo guitar jawns; maybe dave should quit trying to be bob seger (frankly, ghrol could never ever write a song like "night moves") and try to be a mainstream devandra banhart.

oh sacrelig!

can we either get steve jobs or stone steve from dell computers to help out the cobra snake with his computer problems. this is a problem that affects everybody. me, cause i have no material to write on and you have nothing to laugh about, so it's a lose-lose situation. i mean i could do captions on photos from last night's party but it doesn't feel natural and i'm only interested on one person and basically homegirl is like the nike swoosh of nyc hipsters; patent pending, naturally

if your june aint gloom, then go outside this weekend.

Jun 9, 2005

street toughs

listen to a really low level quality version of death from above 1979's cover of bloc party's "luno" here. give it a minute to load up. alot of 15 year olds are kicking out the jam as well and you know how mondo retardo the myspace player is.

then after that, watch the gorier trailer for george a. romero's land of the dead here. i'd camp out the week before the release but i got rilo kiley ticktes and a mid term to turn in and a treatment to write, but yeah, i'll be there openning day a couple of times.

hey, how good is that new sleater-kinney album? my friend said it's probably the best album of the year, so far. anybody else got any thoughts, bueller?

go your own way

it's been very long since we've posted a photo of rachel bilson on the old skeet shoot, simply because it's been a while since she's been out on the prowl. homegirl wasn't even at the premiere of her boyfriend's big movie. maybe she had a long day of doing take after take after take with zach braff in some movie and missed the big thing or here i am, about to paraphrase some depeche mode lyrics, so i don't want to start any potential blasphemous rumours, but perhaps not all is well with rachel bilson & adam brody. maybe she can't take all the death cab jawns or a bedroom floor littered with overpriced ironic tees or the pot. maybe, it's that adam brody is a closet tom leykis fan and he's constantly flashing his 'flash friday' bumper sticker in her face on like a tuesday morning and they're driving by a elementary school and he's all like, "come on, whip 'em out! whip 'em out" then he'll go on and quote chappelle and say, "i give those tits 4 thumbs down!" or something like, "i'm adam brody, bitch" then honks the horn like five times in a row, then probably, will ask his buddy in the back seat to get high with the five department a few times in a row.

i just think i'm working out my issues with adam brody here, so read destroy all celebrities until i work everything out.

as you know, i'm in summer school right now and in class, we're talking about plot devices, and characters, and yadda yadda yadda and we're referencing movies during the discussions and i'm just lost in these discussions. i saw wizard of oz once, i think, but i have no memorey of it. or they're talking about the rather awful gangs of new york and how great of a character bill the butcher was; bill the butcher was good because daniel day lewis is probably next to gary oldman is the best actor working right now (fuck your russell crowe, but daniel day lewis will time travel to research a part) and he was acting with gisele's boyfriend and directed by scorsese; it's not that hard to be charsimatic with that crew. and in my mind, the only character i'm thinking about is suzy banyon from suspiria. they're talking about shrek and i'm like, never saw it, but have you seen faces? that shit is amazing. so i'm struggling in class to catch up with the references; maybe i should hang out in blockbuster this weekend.

Jun 8, 2005

something glorious is about to happen

doesn't anybody else believe that vh-1's "kept" would be a lot more interesting if it was nicole kidman instead of jerry hall? i know the chances that a person of nicole kidman's magnitde and scope slumming it up on a reality show are as good as me becoming the president of the united states, but you know, i think nicole kidman sorta deserves to find a kept man of her own. she dated tom cruise and the ever so phoney lenny kravitz, so she has earned the right to humilate a bunch of himbos. can you even imagine a conversation with lenny kravitz? i mean, if i was talking to him or around somebody whose talking to him, i'd just zone out and count down the seconds until he mentions himself. like if you're at a party and he's there, you don't have to ask him what's he up to; well, maybe you do, i guess every conversation needs a catalyst; he'd probably wait there, tapping his ugly shoes which probably he stole from prince, just dying for you to say, "so, lenny, what've been up to lately?" uf. i'm just saying that nicole kidman has reached the point in her career where we should be okay if she has a himbo and it shouldn't be the lead story on entertainment extra access insider hollywood news daily tonight. and not for nothing, i'll throw my hat into the ring of nicole kidman's himbo hunt. while i may not be in the most in shape dude around and i have a rather limited vocabulary but i think i could give some good converage on scripts she get offered. although, i think they might smell a rat with me and just using her so i could meet lars von trier and david fincher. not to mention, the vacations with naomi watts in italy. uf, i want to be a himbo.

after reading about jay's apperance at the hot 97 summer jam on the fader, i thought dude was back, then i saw this photo and i started to shout, "encore, encore," but then my man, uncle grambo points this out and i was like, damn, hova aint back; he's strictly business nowadays. oh well, candy cam is gonna be the new king of new york anyways.

what is text bullying and why do the english always have outta hand girls do their psas? it's either like noah wyle or somebody i don't know from some show i don't watch. we stole the english language, why not steal the way they do public service announcments

anybody else sorta bummin' that artie lange has been frequently abscent from the stern show lately? i know that there are jackie the joke man loyalists, which i don't understand, but for me and my money, the show hasn't been better since artie has taken over the jackie chair. artie obviously represents the everyman and it's good to hear a regular dude in there, hollering at models and what not. if artie keeps on being abscent and if the bi weekly, if not bi daily sal the stockbroker freak outs keep on coming, i think i may not take the trip over to sirius. anybody else notice how they're subtle bringing in mancow to the la market via am radio? developing....

what happened to the chick from "lost"? i may not dig upon blondes, but on the show, she sorta looked all right. does this fall under the category: cocaine is one helluva of a drug or meth!: its out of sight! jeepers creepers.

apparently, the neon blonde album has leaked on line and while i don't do the acquisition thing anymore, i would be interested in an mp3 of "chandeliers & vines," so i could play on my ipod before class starts and do the air piano on the desk and creep kids out, so please email me if you have it and i'll try to be on aim so you could send it. also, if you have or know of an mp3 blog that has death from above1979's cover of bloc party's "luno" or if you have it, contact me as well; that's probably the second best song of the year behind "since u been gone," ted leo steez.

Jun 7, 2005

mountain get out of my way

for a minute now, i thought when juelz santana was talking about what the game had been missing, i thought he was refering to jonathan antin and his reality show, "blow out" because, i don't know if i speak for all of you, but i've missing the show a great deal. basically, jonathan antin is the real life version of warren beatty's character in shampoo but with more hissy fits. the cast of "blow out"'s anixety attacks or at least degree and magnitude of their anixety attacks make me look normal. so dudes, you have no excuse to at least tivo "blow out" for tonight.

juelz santana related, "santana's town pt. 2" is very nice as is the whole dip set memorial day mix tape, but how long do i have to wait for a legit hell rell full length? "get back" is about as hot as these girl; you know it's a close call. hell rell...sexy redhead...hell rell...sexy redhead...

frankly sir, you had at us at gravitas, you've got gravitas is quite simply the best blog name in a meanwhile. you just know its kiefer's favorite blog.

the mc ren/eazy e/ice cub/dr. dre/dj yella of all this business is back and now we can rest easily

michelle rodriguez who most likely can kick my ass is joining the cast of "lost" next season. so maybe, she's a survivor on the other side of the island or maybe she's gonna fill in the void most likely left by maggie grace since she's in the shit storm known as brett ratner's x3 and jetting between canada and hawaii is just gonna destroy her and she won't be as attractive, but then again, i thought she was all right, but then again, i'm a bit bisased towards blondes

so crazy right now, but not beyonce & jay-z steez. more like norman bates & his mother crazy style. i thought about breaking out the trent steel font and writing, "mid life crisis! it's fanastaic!" or "the best kind of publicists can get ya laid," you know things of that nature. i wonder who else was on the list of women for tom cruise to pretend to date. did they hammer it out in an conference room one day over some double-doubles from in-n-out. they're probably throwing out names like mischa barton and brittany murphy, but they just probably went with the most asexual one.

anybody want to join in my class action lawsuit against cedric the entertainer for false advertisement? i've never been enertained by the dude, so his name is lie and i want my money back. or will i have to have seen a film of his in order to get my money back? i saw him on steve harvery but that doen't count too much in my book cause steve harvery is cool.

and if i've made this joke before, then i've achieved my goal of being a broken record. that's my sole aspiration in life, to become a broken record.

and so this week marks the start of summer school, also known as craming 16 weeks of material into little over a month's time. i can safely right now that this summer school will not compare to my last summer school experince in which i witnessed the previously mentioned diss fest where people were called black eyed peas fans as well as seeing or at least i thought i saw one of my high school's popular girls in her underwear on my way to school, making a class watch a bit of magic johnson's talk show and i did not necessarily do it, it was the actions of the kids i hung with at snack breaks, but i think they set something on fire. there's no way that sitting in a class, watching a video where joseph campbell talks about star wars and religion can compare to those high school antics of before. if anything, summer school is just a reflection of what could be. i could be sleeping. i could be at the beach. i could be at a summer job. i could be at a taping of "the price is right." i could be at amoeba music, etc. in my case, i'm in summer school to speed up the graduation process, yet there's a stigma about summer school that somewhere down the line you fucked up during the prior semester and basically, it's the human version of white out; an attempt to correct and remove the mistakes of the past. so there's a quiet vibe about summer school. not a lot of conversations or at least, maybe people just don't want to talk to me. i can understand, i tend to sweat.

but you see, on the first day, i also had more problems going on other than sweating; if you've been a long and i really mean a long time reader, then you may remember this incident, but if you're not, i'll cliff note you through it because it happened to me again. so i go to use the bathroom before class starts and i start to unbutton my shorts and the button breaks off and falls out to the floor. seeing that has happened to me before with the same exact pair of shorts (volcom needs to make stronger buttons), i take part of my keychain and looped it through the missing button slot to hold up my shorts, just in case, we got outta hand girl in the class but i have yet to see an outta hand girl in a writing class of mine. i hear outta girls talk about story structure and their treatments about maintaining relationships in the record industry, but i've never layed my eyes on such a thing, which i think is a good thing. if some girl is outta hand, you know i can't give her a bad peer review, if anything i'll defend her thing in class disscussion. yeah, i'll tell the guy who smells bad that his story makes no sense, but if you look like ashlee simpson and your treatment is manos: the hands of fate part 2, i'll call it the best thing since the godfather part 2.

hey, if you don't pick up the new coldplay album, gwyneth patrlow will make more horrible movies. so if you love tear jerkers like bounce and sylvia and knee slappers like view from a top, then skip chris martin and go straight over to jack white cause you know, he's got a mouth to feed with that wifey of his.

and can somebody please text me if the michael jackson verdict comes while i'm at school? i figure it'll be the end of the week. the jury wants to get more green

Jun 6, 2005

been there, done that.

all we're saying is that the whole jessica alba nipple slip incident at mtv movie awards just reminds us of the alexandra kerry incident from last year minus the gross double vpl.

i just hope jessica alba's dad isn't running for president this year. alba sauce photo via the superficial

make believe

dude, who knew that rachel mcadams was pretty outta hand? when she was blonde, i thought she would've made for the perfect sue storm in fanastic four, but what do i know.

this is just a thought here and perhaps, more of a question, but do those steve aoki & cobra snake pool parties pop off and turn into good times during june gloom? i mean, i looked at the window on sunday afternoon and i felt like those kids from "cat in the hat," just waiting for something interesting to happen or like anybody that lives in seattle, cause i just assume that it's always june gloom up there and june gloom makes me dig out my smiths records. "frankly, mr shankly, i like it when i can wear shorts on the weekends and i want to go down in fashion victim history."

related to the smiths, i remember trying to impress this one girl who worked at one of those organic, natural food stores by talking about the smiths and what not, but she was like, "yeah, not really into them. my r.a. tried to get me to listen to them." then, some middle aged hippie lady was all like, "i love the smiths. i saw them in irvine at the meat is murder tour, it was awesome." so a reminder to my fellow dudes in the struggle, don't talk about the smiths in organic food stores because you'll get faces like this and like this followed by statements, 'i'm sorry, what did you say?

i have to say that positivity plus week got off to a rather rocky start this past weekend. i started my car and when i started to drive down the street, all i heard was the murderous sound of metal grinding against metal. me being the anixety riddled person that i am, immediately pulled over and attempted to see what the problem was. looked underneath the car to see if i was dragging something, nope. kicked the tires, all full. so yeah, i was just sketched out for most of the weekend. then like "the wolf," charles reinhardt came down and chilled some motherfuckers out. took the car to a repair spot, basically they could not find a problem with the brakes, which we all concluded could be the cause of the murder noises, but the weird thing was that, as the car went further and further down the road, the murder noises died its own death. then the repair guys say that the brakes were in really good shape. so this instilled a sense of confidence into me as i drove.

also learning that according to scientologists, "a relatively small proportion of a race, about 20 percent, possess antisocial characteristics. they cause trouble for the remaining 80 percent out of proportion to their number." made me feel better. honestly, i'm thinking of doing myspace profile using photos from the scientology handbook; example:

can somebody from threadless make a shirt out of scientology's stance on justification? that thing would be a best seller.

the real fubar further explores an increasingly popular obessession, mandy moore's junk in her trunk.

anybody going to the blood brothers show at the el rey on the 17th of june? i'd go but i'm still claiming 'danny glover' status when it comes to blood brothers shows; although, i'll holla when neon blonde tours.

anybody with nothing to do on the next couple of monday nights may be interested in checking out foreign born at spaceland. i'm sorta diggin' upon the mp3s they have on their site. like a synth heavy version of the walkmen. i'd go but it's a school night.

and finally, the bloc party show on friday night. hopefully you read the rest from the other day because i'm going to be focusing primarily on bloc party here. for me, while not completely blown away by bloc party, difficulties that were out of my hands and that of the band made me a bit distracting at times, but the fact is, they are the real deal. going into the show, i was a bit apprehesive about the whole thing; i thought that bloc party was going to go the way of franz ferdinand. when franz-mania hit the states back in march, i sorta stalked them while they were in la; went to two of the three shows (the free ones) and i was claiming that these guys were going to be the biggest thing in the world, but eventually, my admiration for the band pretty much went away. a couple of good songs that grew rather old quickly. i worried that bloc party was going to be good live, but eventually, i'd too grow tired of the stuff, but i can't explain it, bloc party is just a really great band who has just started to tap into their potential. you know, all these rock critics are talking about if coldplay will achieve that u2 status with their new album, but i think in a couple of years, those same critics are going to be speaking of bloc party in that same vein. if i was attempt to enjoy them within the confines of a goon squad and i danced my way out of the el rey, there has to be something to this band. if the rather jaded la crowd wanted a third encore, there has to be something to this band. just the next time they play la, can it be the wiltern or henry fonda please. give kids a chance to breathe.

word to the wise for those who read while at work, postings for this next week may not always be in the morning. going to work out the kinks of the summer school swedule and what not. yes, i'll be here, but it just might be in the afternoon or the later evening.

Jun 4, 2005

here and now aka take 'em to church

i think kuci meghan said it best when she said the following two years ago, "thanks alot, kroq. i couldn't get into the interpol show..." then she went into this long rambling story about how she used to go to interpol shows at the troubadour and how nobody was there and it was so much cooler back then. honestly, the same exact statement could be applied to friday night's bloc party show at the el rey. thanks alot, kroq for playing bloc party and bringing goons out to the show.

now, i don't want to come up as a whiny hipster and undoubtledly there'll be some wiseinhemir who'll say that i'm in the commets, but who gives a fuck. here's the thing, when i go to a show, i like to dance. i like to stand in my spot and do my little jerky dances to the music. if i step on any toes, i do my best to apologize and if there's a shorter person behind me, i let them stand in front of me to get a better view. you know, i'm for everybody having a good time while at the show. yet's here's my problem, why do we, the people just standing there, doing our little dances, bopping our heads, what have yous, have to squeeze together like a pack of anchovies while a couple of bros just have to mosh. the floor in front of the stage at the el rey is incredibley small and basically, when somebody just has so much aggression and they just gotta shove somebody during a song like "so here we are," they dominate the whole entire floor and put people such as myself in a position where i have to be aware of flying sweat guys coming in directions. i don't want to be in that position; i don't need some fat guy with his stinky b.o. slamming into me; i already got my own b.o. problems going on, i don't need any more on my shirt.

i don't care how shitty your job is and how much you hate it, but don't take it out on me, mr. autobahn. i'm not your boss, i'm not your co-workers who goof on your bread, i'm just a dude whose trying to have a good time with friends. i understand how music can be catharic, but keep it to yourself. if you have stress and trauma in your life, buy porn and masterbate more frequently; smoke some pot, fucking drink more, see a shrink and get some anti-depressents; get in contact with tom cruise and hit up the e-meters at the scientology center, just don't take your bullshit out on me. dancing a bit more frantic during the faster numbers is understandable, but your behavior and actions are unexcusable when kele, the lead singer introduces the next couple of songs as, "the love set". okay, these are songs about love and aren't fast enough to warrant any moshing. and frankly, i assume that you'd be the type to brag about what you did, but congrats, you torn it up in a pit surrounded by a bunch of teenage girls and little weiner kids doing their little jerky dances.

i mean, haven't we moved past the point of moshing these days or this kroq effect? bloc party doesn't strike me as a moshing band, but slayer, yes. if that guy was a slayer show and moshed, of course, he'd probably get his ass served to him on a silver platter, but it fucking makes sense. and you just know that won't happen if it was a kcrw sponspored show.

also ever notice that kroq trots out rodney bingenheimer at the indie kroq sponspored shows? like you can't boo rodney because you know he's rodney and he's the man, but i mean if it was anybody, it'd just be a boo storm. imagine stryker coming out there, saying some mondo retardo thing, but i dunno, with that crowd, they would've probably ate that shit up like brownies fresh out of the oven.

as for the support bands, the less said, the better. while ollie of the oohlas is pretty out of hand, the music just reminded me of letters to cleo, so prepare to check 'em out on this generation's "melrose place," the oc. i mean, that's just me, but probably most people, they'd dig upon it. the problem of the oohlas is that their frontwoman has more charisma and charm than the rest of her band. you're tranfixed by her, but you could care less as to what she sings about. you're stoked because she's doing the chicken dance with a guitar against her back, that's so outta hand, like lisa bonet in high fidelity, just waiting to write a song about you style. like i'd probably see the oohlas again in concert, just to see what she's gonna do next. although, if some plucky promoter was smart, i'd book a show with the oohlas and the like; a very necessary hot off between la's two finest front women.

then there's kiss me deadly. i'm sorry, but these guys are just about as horrible as the jealous sound and they're from quebec; a providence full of people who don't realize that if they want to be french, they should move to france instead of trying an independent nation in canada. basically every song by kiss me deadly sounded exactly the same; the singer sounded like she was been stabbed and i honestly, want to say they didn't wear any shoes either. so you know, french canadian barefoot dance punk, which are 5 words i never want to write again.

as for bloc party, tune into the start of "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all" week cause we got nice words for them.

a bit of negativey left, still a long way down

normally, i don't write on the weekends unless i finish i wanted to say for monday by sunday afternoon. but since next week, we're going to living by the words of thumper's mother, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" (which means, probably like two posts, max the whole week), we gotta make a few snaps.

i hate these guys. seriously, have you tried to listen to a game called by these douchebags? oh my god, i feel like ripping my ears off each time one of these retards tries to be insightful and clever and funny. seriously, worst announcers ever. tim mccarver is such a jerk, i mean, the dude couldn't even hang in a winning locker room and having some champagne poured on him; tim mccarver has to be captain obvious. and joe buck, should just stick to football cause i don't watch football and joe buck just loves barry bonds. perhaps, i'm just saying this because every time they call an angel game on fox, the angels get jinxed and these cocksmokers are anything but inpartial; it's like they hate the angels and just love that johnny damon cave man cock.

seriously, i hate joe buck and tim mccarver and the day they decide to retire, it'll be the bestest news in baseball since barry bonds said, "i'm tired."

stay tuned for some snaps on bloc party at the el rey on friday night. uf.

Jun 3, 2005

bigmouth strikes again

when i saw this story on e! news live last night, i thought to myself, what is new york city's number 1 tranny socialite amanda lepore doing with paris hilton, then they said it was lindsay lohan and i was like, "wha happened ?" (fred williard steez). collectively we all should watch mean girls in a gesture of tipping a 40 on the curb for the lohan we once loved this weekend.

related, is it me or does it seem that this so called musical album by paris hilton supposed to have been coming out for like the past 10 years or so? there are two trademark sound bites in a paris hilton interview: first being, "that's hot" and the second is, "i'm working on an album, it's awesome, it's like blondie. people love the first single called, 'screwed'." i mean, how awful is this album and why hasn't it leaked onto the internet yet? i mean, we get leaks of every major album from coldplay to killa cam, yet nobody has a bootleg, an odd duck demo of paris hilton singing? i mean, if le tigre actually did work with her and if they want to re-establish their street cred, they should leak the song they did with her; i mean that will be more political than marching around in george w bush sucks jumpsuits and seriously, by now, the check has to have cleared. these m.i.t. whiz kids have hacked her sidekick, but they can't find a rough, extremely rough demo of paris hilton singing? and why haven't they released the album yet or are the enginners awaiting the arrvial of super duper new version of pro tools that makes anybody sound like gladys knight.

further related, i'm at the point where i'm going to have to say, that lindsay lohan's mom is hotter. say what you will, but the next time, you see a special on lohan and they show her mom and you look at the girl today, you'll be agreeing with me.

were you as disapointed by nbc's "hit me one more time" like i was? so the bands are only on for a week and they don't come back for some mega band off? lame. and the studio audience votes? doublely lame. that audience liked every thing and they're going to be predosiped to vote for their favorite because they got tickets to see a particular group. there are these people who still blast out shit like wang chung like it's the new gorillaz record, so of course, they're gonna vote for them. and the modern covers? triplely lame. if loverboy had done enrique iglesias' "escape" instead of "hero," they would've totally won. "escape" is more of a rocker and perhaps for personal reasons i wanted to hear a rock version, as a tribute to this one hellogoodbye show at the hub(rip) and it was raining and they were playing outside, yet we all huddled around the band and sang at the top of our lungs, "you can run, you can hide but you can't escape my love".

as it stands, stephen from mtv's "laguna beach" home was damaged in the recent laguna beach landslide amongst many other homes or so sayth the laguna beach myspace fan club. slightly weird, i was thinking of doing a "laguna beach" reality tour the other day.

apparently, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. charles reinhardt drops some observational humor science here and there

why does tbs assume that everybody is into altanta braves' baseball? i'm not. braves suck. put on "seinfeld" instead. i know that amajority of the classic "seinfeld" episodes are out on dvd, but i'm too cheap to pick it up/i forget to, and channel 11 shows last season's "simpsons" at 6 and seriously, wasn't watching that trainwreck once enough? i understand if peeps in alt want to watch braves games, but show them on a local network, don't force the whole world to deal with chipper jones' slumping batting average (edit note: chipper jones has a good batting average, but for the sake of comedy, we had to go there).

speaking of baseball, is it me or does every guy in his late 30s to late 40s at a baseball game sound like tom arnold? you know that over excitement over nothing and the consistent interjections of things that they believe are funny but not really. i mean, those guys aren't as bad as mr. know it all. you know the guy who'll be like, "what a weak ass swing. he should've waited for a better pitch." but you just know that guy can barely reach first in his beer bash league.

if you haven't noticed already, i'm back to writing full time. and next week is going to be an experimental one. perhaps it's the start of june gloom or threatening e-mails for upset travis barker fans, but skeet on mischa for one week only will strive to say nothing negative, only positive things. being negative is my crutch, so i think it'll be more of a struggle to say how awesome tuesday night's "chaotic" is gonna be or how i'm looking forward seeing brett ratner direct x3; you know shit like that. if anything, i'm going after mike skinner, pirate material style.

and finally, see you at the bloc party show at the el rey. i'll be the guy in the parking lot frustrated that my grand scheme to put a couple of water bottles in the freezer over night and that gradually condesation while in the car would cause the ice to melt, but pretty much, half of it will be frozen and when i open the bottle, most of the water will end up on my jeans. so look out for that guy, the one with wet stains.

Jun 2, 2005

round and round

not by my design, choice or game plan, maybe perhaps by the design of a malicious stylist, never the less, your humble narrator has entered the world of the ironic rat tail. i don't know if i can handle the presure of making a statement with my hair. my eyeborrows aren't thin enough to do so.

just jared is perhaps the bestest blog out there since pink is the new blog. it's got good pictures, it's not long winded like your humble narrator gets to be from time to time and has correct spelling and proper puncation. what more could you want out of a blog?

yeah, vanessa manillo is outta hand and one of the fun aspects of tuning into "trl" during the summer time is the short shorts and skirts, but i mean, quddus has got to go. he's got the goofy dom delusie hat on, his ugly feet exposed with the unnecessary flip flops and what the fuck is going on with that expression? dude is taking the dom delusie hat thing to heart: i swear i saw a similar face in cannonball run bloopers. seriously, they should partner quddus with burt and see how many takes they actually can get through.

is it me or does it seem that new york is still really into fischerspooner after looking at last night's party? where as the cobra snake just makes la look like its full of cute drunks. although, it should be noted, that nyc probably has their fair share of cute drunks and la has their people who are still really into fischerspooner and the whole electro-clash thig, but i think everybody, regardless of your hometown agrees that "separation sunday" by the hold steady is awesome.

the hold steady will be at the troubadour on june 13th with u.s.e. and in hell diego at the casbah on the 14th. if you go, tell u.s.e. that they should quit makin' records for adults and make records for the romper room set. they shouldn't be trying to get jaded kids to dance, they should be teaching kids how to spell and right from wrong. four year olds would be freaking out over that shit like goofy white guys freak out over new dip set mix tapes. it'd be like pancake mountain, but you know, just the same band every week.

anybody else surprised to see that crunk & b artist, brooke valentine's favorite movie is todd solondz's welcome to the dollhouse on "cribs," the other night? frankly, i'm just gland nobody said scarface for once.

we approve of matthew vaughn exited as the director of x3. i sat through layer caker and i was just dumb founded that fox wanted him to direct their biggest non george lucas related franchise picture. i mean, that movie made no sense to me and just dragged on and on on and on and on and on until it just fizzled out. even senior citizens walked out of it and they never walk out of anything. although, we do not approve brett ratner as the potential replacement director, although, the thought of a cameo by robert evens as an x-men would be sorta neat.

apple of the black eyed peas used to do speed, but still doesn't explain why the band sucks. i was in high school at the time, summer school to be specific, and this was at the time of "joints & jam" and there were these two dudes who were dissing each other back and forth and their whole argument was centered around calling each other, 'a black eyed pea fan'. they were like, "nah dude, your favorite group is the black eyed peas" then they would start laughing their heads off. so i mean like right from the get go, people weren't down with the peas and will continue to not be down with the peas even if a broke ass butterface version of carmen electra sings all the hooks and wears booty shorts in the videos

while on the topic of hip hop, slightly, sorta, how good is "be" by common? it feels like grown folks hip hop; for me, if jay was still rappin', i think he would be doing something similar. "go" is a great song and i'm a bit weirded out that i'm humming a john mayer tune in my head. does anybody think the grown folks vibe of common has rubbed off on kanye's next album or are we gonna get more uninspired skits that would be funny if we were bffs with kanye.

why is bravo holding out on us? while next tuesday is the start of blow out: season 2, but we got to wait until the end of the month for being bobby brown. i dunno if i can wait. free bobby brown!

not sure if y'all are as fanatical over mtv's "made" as i am, but if you are, then you certainly remember shonna, the girl who tried to run for class president and lost because nobody likes her. well here's her myspace profile. now only make note of this, simply for this photo; seriously, people will do anything to be liked by the masses.

y'all never mind me, i'm going through an alexis bledel phase right about now. it's hard to explain while she may not have that jessica alba winkle [via the real fubar] and maybe, it's the moments when i flip by her show and i just assume that she's really into brian eno like her character is. i mean, it's hard to explain.

perhaps the most interesting aspect of abc's dancing with the stars is the band and the guys singing the songs for the people to dance to. while i did not watch the whole length (tuned out to watch a documentary on steve mcqueen), the first couple that came out to dance, joey mac for new kids danced to this horrideous version of "crazy in love" and some male singer was doing the jay-z parts, but he said it without any enthunasim at all. i did not believe that it was in fact, so crazy right now. it felt like it was luke warm right now. the singing on "crazy in love" was like coors light. you know, if you want a beer, get a heineken or whatevs, don't drink piss in a silver can.

Jun 1, 2005

do you think that abc will promote a spurs vs whoever series as new episodes of "desperate housewives"? you know, since eva longoria will be there, rooting for her latest boy toy, but they could over dramatize things with voice overs like, "who's gaberielle gonna root for? she's torn between two lovers" then cut to some b-roll footage of eva longoria talking to chauncey billups and they seem rather cozy. then the next voice over would say, "tune in tonight to "desperate basketball players". i know that i'm not watching the playoffs and i don't know who else is watching them either. maybe pump things up with some secrets about the next season of "housewives" or tease people that after the final game, they'll reveal what's really in the hatch on "lost".

and finally, i hope that nobody i know's house/home was damaged in in the laguna beach landslide this morning. terrible loss to a beautiful piece of land. and as of this writing, so far only one person has asked if the cast of mtv's "laguna beach" are okay on the mypace group