good gosh almighty
does anybody else remember what exactly shannon elizabeth did other than a couple of topless scenes in the late 90s to become famous? or does stuff magazine allow anybody with the tinyest bit of celebrity into their parties because they're celebrities. i know i've said it before, but i honestly want to say, i'm on the same celebrity level as shannon elizabeth. i bet you dollars to donuts when she's not going from audition to audition, she's crusing around bit torrent sites looking for the new ladytron album, well, she's old, so maybe she's looking for that new jason mraz album. but you know, why aren't i getting this party invites? yes, we all know that i'd decline or just not rvsp all together (because i'm rude like that), but still, i'll get your event as much coverage as a sound bite from some girl who showed her bobbies in a movie from like 6 years ago.
hey kids, paris hilton got a haircut; wonder what kind of in depth story pat o'brien will do about it tonight on "the insider" or do you think e! will have a special feature on the news tonight about the new do? perhaps, i'll bring the photo when i get my hair tomorrow and me and the stylist will have an in depth dicussion about the matter; p.t.i. steez and the receptionst will be tony reali
i don't know if you've been watching e!'s "filthy rich cattle drive" show, but to me, these rich kids aren't really roughin' it. sure, they're sleeping in tents and there's no running water and there's horses and uncultured cowboys, but also there's a camera crew, food, and cowboys who'll make sure they don't fuck up too much. roughing it for me or at least, the situation that i'd love to see these kids is like, put these kids in a remotely comfortable environment, then pull the rug out like a amateur magician doing the table cloth trick. basically, we put all of these kids on a private plane and tell them, they're going to meet up in taraside and get drunk with tara reid, then like in battle royale, pipe in some sleeping gas in the plane. rich kids are out cold, then wake up in a run down motel somewhere in wyoming. now, the kids do in fact have access a credit card; a discover card with a limit of $500 and $300 of it has already been spent and they're allowed to leave the motel to buy food and what not, but ironically, the general store does not take the discover card. the shit hole of a motel has television, but it only shows the films: rawhead rex, brenda starr, and that scene from deadly friend where anne ramsey's head gets smashed by a basketball on a constant loop as well as a channel devoted to dennis miller's rants. sure, at first, they'll pretend to get it and laugh at it, but they'll fall apart after a day or two, blambing about they have no idea of what he's talking about at all.
now, i know that this sounds more like a sociology experiment than a reality tv show, but come on, you know that this is way better than a bunch of kids riding horses wearing cowboy hats that probably cost more than the outfit you're wearing right now.
so back to the show, its wyoming and they're forced to watch 80s movies, but we've also managed to put some saltpeter in the foods of the men, meanwhile, we've pumped up the women's food with aphrodisiacs; so the guys feel like they're losing their mind because they can't get it up. basically, there's no point to this show other than let's perform really, really, really, really twisted experiments on the young, good looking, and extremely wealthy. or we just place these kids in dogville and tell jimmy caan that his daugther is hanging out there.
by the way, anthony quinn's son wears onesies p.j.s with generic tough guy tan leather jackets.
speaking of jimmy caan & rich kids, "laguna beach" is on tonight. now tonight's episode is about the dueling love triangles between the extremely boring friend of kristin, jessica, laguna's k-fed/scott caan lookalike, jason and alex m. the thing about alex m is this, i have no clue as to how her parents are handling or at least dealing with the show. on the first episode, we have jason at the batting cages basically calling out their daugther as merely a good potential fuck buddy, then the very next scene, we see this hook up girl dropping 600 bones on some drior sandals. i don't know what's worse, that my daugther is precieved to be slutty or the fact that she spent 600 dollars on a pair of sandals she'll only wear 4 or 5 times. i don't know what to be more upset about. yes, i'm upset that my daugther's reputation is being ruined and raked through the mudd in 30 million homes, but you know, how much shit i gotta do at the office to pay for those ugly sandals?
the other love triangle, which the voice over lady makes you believe has been going on over for ever and ever, when in reality, it's just been one episode that a thing between kristin, talan and taylor has been brewing. what's more interesting than that love triangle, is the love line, if you will between kristin and her friend, alex. i was slow to notice it (thanks to whoever you are), but, dude, it's morgan & christina all over again. ever notice that alex is always riding shotgun in kristin's car? and how put upon she was to get some dude's phone number? and that birthday present she gave kristin? those earrings must've got a pretty penny. have you ever spent that much on a friend's birthday before without going in together for as a group? the wildest i've ever gotten on giving a good friend a birthday present is a couple of dvds and that's about it. most times, i'm the dick at the party who didn't bring anything because i didn't know i was supposed to bring anything.
getting off track, but don't you hate that? getting invited to somebody's birthday party and you know, being we're the age that we are, that we don't have to bring a gift or at least you assume that you don't have to bring a gift, so you don't bring one, then you show up to the party and it's rather small and you're the only one who didn't bring anything and you feel like a complete dick. i hate when that happens. it's like, tell me ahead of time if i need to get something before hand, i'll try to make some wiggle room in hell week to skate over to dvdplanet.
anyways, so yeah, the lesbo love line is infinetely more interesting than talan & taylor. taylor seems like a cool and nice person; probably really awesome to hang around with and she probably makes really good jokes and would get some of your references, but she's not that hot or at least that hot for talan. a guy named talan should be working in the valley and hanging out with the likes of teagan presley and cytheria. like mtv should play up the love triangle of kristin, talan, and alex with high gloss andrew blake visuals and royksopp's "only this moment" as the soundtrack.
also, do not forget, i repeat, do not forget that tonight is also the triumphant return of my super sweet 16. and the first girl looks to be so mean, but i think it's cause she saw herself in the mirror and saw how much of an idoit she looks like with two polo shirts on at the same time, with both of the collars up.
and finally, this is my shout out to the samaire armstrong look that only lasted like two months and when she was on "freaks & geeks." bring it back!