&t skeet on mischa: 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006

skeet on mischa

i wouldn't have given you it if i didn't agree

Dec 30, 2005

somebody move or i'll be unimpressed

i'm in a bit of writing funk as of late, hence the lack of updates, but at the same time, you know, its winter break (whoa!), and well, hopefully, not alot of people are at work today, because, you know if you have today off, it'll be a 4 day weekend and you know what that means, three solid days of kick ass drinking and a afternoon of hardcore drinking and an evening to sober up.

not to mention, all i'd talk about is this great joke or at least what we thought was a great joke that me and mark wrote on thursday afternoon in starbucks, but if you want to see it or hear the joke, pay us money. although, i'll say this about the starbucks, and i don't know how much longer its going to last, cause probably next week is the last week of christmas vacation for some kids, but if you're into high school girls wearing sweat suits, then there's no better place to hang out than a starbucks in the afternoon near a mall. i mean, if you're into that sorta thing and depending on your area and the wealth of the surrounding neighborhoods, you may also see some scary old ladies that have no facial expression and dress like hiliary duff. just in general, i'm going to go out on a limb and make this blanket statement, that hopefully next week, i can fully explain, but all upper middle class and upper class women in orange county are completely insane and extremely self centered. i mean, what kind of women take a group of 8 small boys to the corner bakery for lunch? honestly, i'd like an answer to that question by next week. can the staff of the nation get on that for me, please?

fuck you we are scientists for making good rock songs. i wanted to be finally be rid of buzz bands and swing from 'cool' band to the 'new cool' band in 2006, but i can't not make the claim cause the jams are quality even if there's a q & not u vibe, not that's a bad thing or anything and the dude sorta sounds like alex from phantom planet, but you know, its still all gravy, whoodie.

then, i'd probably just end yammering about sirius radio and how its a great place for rap nerds, but thats for another day and another dollar.

and jeez, its even slow for getty images, they've been reduced to photographing harvey kietel eating dinner and celebrity stylist and god awful frequent vh1 commentor, philip bloch; what? no perez hilton shots?

Dec 26, 2005

porkchops & albasauce (v2.0)

we all know that jessica alba is a never nude and that totally blows or at least, she's a never nude until her career hits the skids or some producer ponys up enough cash.

and we know that she can make awesome funny faces, but...

did you know that she could kick killa cam's ass in video games? me either.

hope that your holidays were good. i couldn't wait til '06 to post this, so this is a bonus for those who check on a regular basis or those back at work.

so see ya on the third.

also, fuck spider loc. i had written an early version of this post which probably was funnier and what not; anyways, i was on spider loc's website, looking in his audio section, to find that on his website, he has a song he did with the game, which is gigantic contradiction. you can't be promoting on the front of your page that you just did a song called, "g-unot killa," (btw, lady sovereign is more menacing on the mic than spider loc will ever be) then have a track with mr g unot himself on your website. bear in mind, i didn't listen to the song cause, it made my safari window shut down and lose these wonderful yokes. so, spider loc, plug in your bus and do mp3s; window media files sound about as good as a song recorded off a radio thats underwater. also, fuck whoo kid. not every song on your radio show deserves the gun sound effects; let the audience hear the song for more than 10 seconds than, maybe it'll be worthy of the shots. i understand thats a tatic to prevent bootlegging and premature leakage, but it'll still happen regardless of sound effects; it just makes people like whoo kid even less.

Dec 21, 2005

the mountain song

the thing about brokeback mountain is its not the gay cowboy movie, its just another excellent film from ang lee. i don't want to step upon the toes of the thigh master and his review of the film, but, whether you liked ang lee's the incredible hulk or not (and how can you not like that film, the editing was amazing), the guy is a masterful filmmaker, if not, the best filmmaker working right now. from jane austin period pieces to the extremely slept on and one of my personal favorites, the ice storm to crouching tiger, hidden dragon and now to brokeback mountain, he's a master of all genres and none of his films have similar visual characterstics and style motifs; you know, each film is different and sometimes, better than the last one. if anybody deserves an award for best director, it's ang lee cause he's managed to rise the film way beyond the monkier of 'oh, that gay cowboy movie,' it's a love story that happens to be about two men. now, if somebody like gus van sant had directed it, it would've been that gay cowboy movie and there would've been ten minute wide shots of people dicking around on guitars like in last days. so whatever film ang lee makes next, i'll be there, unless its a civil war drama with jewel in it, cause i have my limits regardless of genius directors.

a small problem for me with the film, is well, in the past, i've been told that i sorta look like heath ledger and this isn't me trying to wax my own car, cause, well, if you've read on a regular basis, then you most certainly know that the very last thing i'd do would be waxing my car; its just not in my nature. okay, so i'm watching the movie and in certain scenes, i get a bit freaked out because i've seen photos of myself where i look like heath ledger and well, its very surreal. like seeing myself act in a movie or on the old ptr show, it's not very surreal, its just nausating cause i'm so bad at acting, but seeing somebody that has similar facial features act in a movie, is just weird and uncomfortable. maybe thats why i never watch heath ledger movies to begin with, and maybe thats why i thought i had a shot with naomi watts.

also, let us not forget, that's there two sets of bare boobies in brokeback mountain including anne hathaway's bombs over baghdad.

i don't know about you but i get my news from a few sources like defamer, golden fiddle, the nation, howard stern, and e! news daily. my day isn't complete until i see giuliana breakdown the latest paris hilton situation and how she casually makes jokes about getting the invite to celebrity functions. i mean, they've finally perfected e! news daily. you got watch with kristen on tuesdays and teddy c and his muscele shirts on thursday and ever so often, you got the kinda killer bobbie thomas from in touch magazine talking about fashion, it's great and i assume that ang lee had something to do with it. but now, e! has gone and fucked things up with ryan seacrest as the new host of the news. what? why? and most certainly, huh? i know that stern left the network a long time ago, but are they just gutting the network as if its owned by the same people who own the flordia marlins, and hasn't this perverse experiment in ryan seacrest being on tv other than "american idol," already failed. the only cool thing about his tv show was when i was on it, talking about michael moore and voting for john kerry, other wise than that, it blew. not to mention, the dude is burning too many candles at too few ends, but at the same time, i sorta want him to succed for a few months, only to see him breakdown in drug binge and entering rehab a few months later. if e! wants to spice things up a bit and bring in more viewers, its not with ryan seacrest and paris hilton, its with late night shows where girls with nice knobs wear bathing suits and go to exotic locales and you know, hang out on the beach.

related, shout outs to joel mchale and the people behind "the soup"; one of my new years resolutions for '06 is send them a writing sample and hopefully receive a rejection letter from them.

further shout outs to holy smokes! for turning me into an obessessive v. mars fan.

this is how i looked during the first hour of king kong. so boring and so unnecessary. i can understand a director that has a great deal of success wanting to show love for the film that inspired him to be the filmmaker he's become, but i understand the need and desire to remake it. i love dario argento's opera. its one of my favorite films of all time, but would i ever want to remake it? no, because i'm not dario argento and i don't have his visual flair. and thats my second biggest problem with king long; its your favorite film, big pete, then just let it be. it doesn't matter, while, gasp and shock, i've never seen the orignial film, i assume its a classic or at least, i've been told its a classic, but here's a classic that not alot of people've seen strange brew. anyways, the problem with the movie, is that they bring kong into the film way too late and don't tell me about how jaws didn't bring the monster into the very end. no, the first scene, jaws eats a sexy co-ed whose skinny dipping and all through out the film, while not seen, he's sorta seen and he's eating people. kong just shows up out of the blue. no build up, no nothing. just kaboomba, here's a giant ape and by the way, he's the title character. then there are these useless scenes where we spend time with the crew of the ship, a hapless attempt to add more dimension extremely one dimensional. no matter how much depth is given to the character through writing, its still up to the actor to bring that depth on the screen and none of the ship crew brought it; if anything, it felt like they were in a different movie all together. why do i have to sit through scenes where that one guy tells billy elliott to go school when they get back to the mainland; how does this affect king kong and how does that scene affect naomi watts? its entirely useless. and this is why i fell asleep during the first hour of the film, nothing happens and its populated with paper thin characters that won't even be there for the third act. when the film and i woke up, when kong is introduce, the film is good; so really, big pete, you could've made a 2 hour and some change and people would've loved you more for it. and i don't think the film is the new titanic either cause well, people don't want to sit through that first hour again. i mean, what the fuck was that scene with that one dude looking at all of the posters of himself with mustaches on them about? big pete, i hope you're gland you cashed in carte blanche card already.

and with that said, dudes, i'm out of here for the week and maybe until january. it's been a weird year for me. writing wise, a good year, but personally, probably the worst year of my life. so, thanks to all the kids who linked us or read us or whatever people say in these situations cause it's been a bit of help through the rough spots of this past year. so hopefully, i can continue on with this mess, maybe make better (maybe a spell check every now and then?) and what not. just be aware that 'o6 may mean more jokes about import car models and liberial politics. and if you're strapped for gift ideas right now, which means you're struggling, joe namath steez, there's no better gift than the gift of dip set like cam'ron's "purple haze," which cracked the top ten of pitchfork's 50 best albums of 2005 and "what the game's been missing" by juelz santana, which features the amazing tae boe work out anthem, "rumble young man rumble," and there's jim jones' "harlem: diary of a summer," which features a nice song that i think samples bananarama and has awesome mush mouthed verse from max b and finally, there's the dip set group album: "more than music," which has a great song by hell rell where he admints he chases chedar and that his middle name is nacho.

and hey can we put an end to the jeans with the rips already in them in '06? why haven't we realized that this style has/was/is as awful as acid washed jeans. can't wait for vh-1's "i love the 2000s" and like hal sparks talks about those things and everybody says, what were we thinking

Dec 20, 2005

handle with care

there are too many things to say right now. too many things, but not in that kooky julianne moore/roller girl, 'i never want to leave this room,' type of way. more like, 'i woke up this early to do this one bullshit thing and i still have like eight million other things left to do and i'm being taken out of my comfortable zone.' type of too many things. well, lets be honest, anytime, i'm taken out of my comfortable zone, even if its for something i want to do, i'm going to hate whatever it is, i'm doing. if i could, i'd just live in a bubble where i'd be able to do absolutely nothing except for watching "tyra"(she's this generation's oprah) and maybe getting a burritto, but, even then, thats pushing it a little too much. not to mention, the holiday stress level is at an all time high; the phantom eye twitch is creeping back up again.

yet, thats not even where i want to begin, i saw this thing on the daily show about a congressional hearing on inicident material on cable television and basically, its a couple of house wives and some old dudes saying that cable tv is bad, but here's the thing, correct if i'm wrong, but isn't cable a pay service? its not required by law to have cable in your house, you know, you can hack it with rabbit ears and what not in order to watch your stories. so, why does congress assume that these loud mouths with nothing better to do with their time, represent the american public at large? just cause 20 people mail out a 100 letters apiece fo the fcc complaining about the content on an episode of mtv's "next," that means that we're all upset at the content of the show and believe there should be heavier restrictions on cables? bitch please. sure, i'll complain about the show, "next," but its only because there's rarely any hot chicks on it and it just makes me yarn for the salad days of mtv's dating shows, (does anyone remember "dismissed" as well as laugther?). thats the problem and you know, how lazy are these people? i know on my remote control that there are parental control functions, so if there's something objectionable on a channel, it can be blocked out. midwestern housewives should not have the power and ablitiy to fuck up my viewing habbits just cause they're offended by "nip/tuck." be offended that it seems like a show that'd be too hard for a new viewer to jump into it.

the thing about my legal experince, was that, it wasn't anything really to write home about. it was boring and tedious, but for what it was, it went by rather quickly, i was there at 9am and i was sent home by noon, which oddly was a bit disapointing. for as much as i didn't want to serve, i, at least, wanted to be questioned as a perspective juror, and i didn't even get that. i was warned about being careful with my words during that process, so i wouldn't be placed in contempt by the judge, but, i didn't even get to have that moment to flirt with danger and fear, then again, when and why would i ever flirt with danger? and i didn't even get to experince the hellacious nature of the juror room because they were throwing a christmast party inside it.

like the worst thing that happened during the whole day was that i sneezed and you know how sometimes when you sneeze, nothing comes out of your nose and then there are the other times, when you get snot out of your nose. okay, so i sneezed while waiting in a court room and it probably was the first time i sneezed in a few days, and of course, snot came out and all over my hands and of course, i had nothing to wipe them on, but my jeans. yes, people, i'm a dirtbag, a real dirt bag, none of the cisco alder bullshit. the situation didn't lend its self to me running out of the room, holding up a pair of dirty hands all the while climbing over a group of people who hate being there as much as you do.

there's the sorta jokey nature in which everybody carries themselves with in court. i thought this was a serious manner, but the judge and the jurors are dropping one liners like every five minutes. although, this one guy who had yet to recieve his letter of excuse for the court had the best joke. 'does this mean i have to go to work now?' for as much as a joke as it was, i think the guy was actually being honest about the whole thing. also, when the lawyers are making their speeches to the jury pool, i felt compelled to clap at the end of each statement; you know, i just finished like three weeks of power point presentations in class and it just had the vibe of a power point presentation.

the legal system works, if you're some goofy guy wearing a bloc party t-shirt to court, if you're dressed nicely, then you're shit out of luck.

the legal system experince sorta help me come to this one train out of thought, then i went to the bank, it only reenforced it. um, my new thing, is girls dressed in pants like from the limited or express or banana republic, but you know, the work trouser. maybe, i like them because thats the closet i actually want to get to real work, but quite frankly, there's just something about a girl in a nice sweater, some killer pants and nice heels. maybe its the reaction against the ripped jeans and flip flops look, but at the same time, you're sorta wonder what the girls in their work gear look like in jeans and flip flops, even a pop in on a causal day can't provide a clue as to how they'd look in regular clothes. so ladies, just go everywhere like you just came from work; it'll be killer.

seriously, one of these days, me and mark from hella awful are going to post on our collaborative year end list. we're actually going to do a meeting about it. well, not really, it'll be about other projects, but never the less, the subject will be adressed.

so, we've all heard the jenny lewis solo album by now, correct? or at least the song with ben gibbard and conor obsert on it, right? okay, after listening to that song, i finally realized and i feel like a complete and utter idoit for it, but conor obsert is a horrible singer. why have i been duped for all these years? the guy doesn't sing as much as he just talks the song; if anything, he's been ripping off that guy who did that 'jackie is a stupid drunk' song from the stern show. then again, i should've known when obsert sounds an awfull lot like durst. but seriously, lets boycott obsert in '06 cause the dude is hypocricket cause he talks songs about how you shouldn't wear designer jeans, but the dude rocks diseals.

Dec 18, 2005

hip hop's star wars kid

okay, we've all seen the star wars kid video or at least the star wars kid goof on "arrested development," but guess what?

the dip set has their own star wars kid, too!

video #01

and if that wasn't enough, he made another one: view here

and, the west coast isn't left out either.

seriously, this kid should either be the co host on "106 & park," or at least a regular on "rap city".

and seriously, capote is probably the best film i've seen since broken flowers; so quit falling asleep during king dong and watch it.

Dec 17, 2005

the guy from some 80s movie

now, in the film, casanova, is heath ledger channeling the vibe of all our favorite 80s movies or is he going after brandon walsh in the openning credits of "90210"? can't you hear that 'dun-dun-nu-ah,' clap clap, then way cool guitar solo in the back of your head? i think they should've called the movie, 'merry ole england 00010' or something like that.

Dec 16, 2005

thanks a pantsful

um, i may not be here to do an update on monday.

jury duty, ugh.

i totally feel like veronica mars

and to hold you over until this legal wraggling is done, i fell asleep during peter jackson's king kong and maybe thats why nobody's watching it.

get 'em girl

they should've just left him there. sure, it wouldn't make for a great morality tale, but you know, people have to learn the lesson that you can't be nice to everybody and sometimes, it's just all for the better if you can back away slowly and hope that somebody else is alot nicer than you are. i think i'm, honestly, at the point with "the oc," where i want them to bring back oliver. you know, oliver wasn't as awful as johnny is. you know, oliver was a bit refreshing; he wasn't always limping around, thinking way too hard about pulling a gun on people; oliver was nuts and just went off anybody that thought he was crazy. now, we just have to deal with this kid, shaun white hair and his mother played by haylie duff.

you know, i'm glandly deal with lindsay the rockin' illegitimate daugther for a few more episodes than suffer through the johnny era, which sadly to say people, appears to be lacking a exit stragery. what? are the writers big bush supporters or something? what good does johnny bring to the show? what is his purpose does he serve? he barely creates conflict or tension or brings any story to complete and grinding hault. example in the episode last night, the whole episode, the remotely interesting thing about the episode, ryan's bar mitzvah just stops dead in its tracks, cause, ryan has to find johnny and stop him from making a stupid mistake. okay, writers, please let johnny make that stupid mistake next time, so we won't have to deal with him anymore. its just so frustrating cause he limps around with his hair in his face and you want to help him, but then he starts to talk and you're like, 'nope, see ya later, dude' for me, the way i protest a bad movie or a bad band is to walk out, its something we've all done, but its hard to walk out on a tv show cause thats what i do when i watch "the oc" i walk like two or three times because its become so terriblely. of course, the smart way to show your displeasure for the show is to stop recording or to just delete it off the dvr at that moment. it's really that simple, but this show has that ever so powerful 'michael colorone' allure. "i thought i was out, but they pulled me back in." each week i get tricked into thing that maybe it'll get good and be fun again, but nope, they just keep on giving me squgaels when i just want a piece of toast with melted peanut butter on it.

sure, there's a definate and much neeed 'holy gazookas' factor to the return of marrisa's sister, catlin as well as the casting of nikki reed as catlin's troublesome friend (robin brown told me that he thought he danced with nikki reed at a faint show, but he's never really told that story) and i'll be back in january or at least the dvr will be there to record all of it, but of course, i'll be frustrated and disapointed and annoyned and complain about how everybody watches this show, but like me, that one commenter person, and the girl from e! are the only people that watch the best show about high school kids out there, veronica mars and nobody wears a penguin shirt or name drops your favorite band; these kids are too occupied with a war between social classes and finding out who killed a bus full of teens, so no time to piss away with having fund raisers to save tba.

and if you're not already, start listening to the last howard stern show on regular radio; it's sorta history in the making or at least the end of an era.

i know everybody loves sarah silverman and i do, too, but i'm signing off on natasha leggero as my favorite cute offensive comic. although, her paris hilton story cut off leno last night, which was lame; for what some banter between leno & chris issaick, who hasn't made a song of any importance since "wicked games". story about that song: i once sung along to that song with another person in the aisle next to me while i was at wal mart once, true story. natasha is gonna be at the improv in la tonight; i'd go, but you know me, i never go anywhere where i have to parrell park, but you should go and yell sexual suggestive things during her set.

Dec 15, 2005

104 balock

link style update this morning, i have a bad cold and i'm exhausted from sitting around and talking to people before taking finals. its weird how finals week is a smaller scale version of the last few days of elementary school. if we had yearbooks, we'd be busy signing them; writing some weird sexual joke about the winter, you know something along the lines of 'school sux, so study sex.' but i guess in the name of myspace, you can't really lose touch, but at the same time, there's a whole creepy factor of spending time on myspace, sending messages to people that you talked to every once and a while in class about like "laguna beach," and how scary it is when the blind guy walks down the hallway. sure, it shows the effort that you wanted to say bye to the person before you left the final, but also, it shows you have a whooping amount of time on your hands on your hands to do some mystalkingspace.

-battle of the killer bs: who has the better bod, rachel b or mischa b? clearly, i didn't write this thing cause whoever did was certainly hung up on the bs of the killer bs as well as their posture. why not address their poor choice in boyfriends?

-"arrested development," and "the (american) office" gets some award love from the wga.

-unsure if any of the links directly to the mixtape work, butinfo on the very necessary "beats & bars" mixtape from kano; anybody know if kano is ever going to get state side distrubtion? or at least, a deal with anybody other than the carter administration cause they'll probably fuck his stuff up like they're doing with lady soveregin

-me and my father talk about excuses and ways, well actually, i think up of excuses to get out of jury duty and my father shoots holes into my logic.

-pfork has feist tour dates, much like cigarettes, see feist if you can.

-who is octet and why can't i stop listening to their remix of "girl," from the beck remix album?

-depending on when you read this, it may have already happened or has yet to happen, bu jackie 'the joke man' martling returns to the howard stern show. so if you missed it, check out this page or check here for the audio version, if you're so inclined. may be your last time to hear the infamous 'jackie is a drunk, a stupid fat drunk' song as well as the various jackie laughs and sound effects, and oh yeah, all the classic on air fights, but mostly, i'm about the jackie sound effects.

-new dilated peoples video and i only point this out because of the beat by alchemist, which is rather nice and hey, maybe, fourth time's a charm for dilated not to mention. there's alot of hot and sexy air turntables action.

-i saw this girl at my local paul frank store the other day and yes, i'l sign off her on being cute in person as well

-dudes, remember, save the date for next wendesday night, december 21st, 11pm, set up your tivos, dvrs, vcrs (if you're still rocking those), on bravo, next week, it'll be the bobby brown christmas special.

Dec 14, 2005

now and laters-the green ones

quite, possiblely, simply, amazingly, brilliantly, beautifully, best news ever in the history of the world in the universe of the hour of the day of the week of the month of the year ever. showtime is in talks about bringing "arrested development" to their network. once its official, i'll be on the horn to get showtime. then variety says not only is showtime interested in saving the bluths, but so is abc. the home of "lost," has shown interested in helping save analrapist tobias funke as well. okay, peter loogee, quit being a dick, cancel "arrested," and let another network pick it up that'll love and apperciate and care a show as brilliant as "arrested,". i was talking with mark from hella awful about fun things, with the funniest thing ever being going to the mall with cam'ron and rachel bilson, but i don't know, right now, this sense of potentially false hope is perhaps the most fun i've had in an extremely long time.

the world needs for "arrested," to live cause we're already getting the "my name is earl" clones; "he quits his job and in every episode tries to accomplish something else," comden said (that's from the article). mondo retardo!

speaking of, rachel b tries to replace mischa b with 'the unattractive friend'. anybody else wonder if juelz santana's "rumble, young man, rumble" is on rachel b's ipod, work out playlist status, naturally.

the past couple of days i've been caught up in the mix of consumerism as i rush to finish up my christmas shopping. my overwhelming fear of jury duty next week has forced me to go out before its too late and what not, but i dunno, i just can't handle it. you know, too many people out there and frankly, its been a bit sensory overload. i got a guy behind me in line on the phone with every other word being 'fuck,' and he can't understand why the stores are so crowded this weekend, then there's the lady in front of me making jokes i'd make about jessica simpson & nick lachey; "maybe, i should buy the newlyweds dvd and we can laugh at it cause you know they broke up," then like two seconds later, she's talking about how she hopes they get back together. in the matters of jessica simpson/nick lachey, you can't make a vicious snap one moment, then talk about them being a cute couple the next, you have to pick one side and you stick to that side. there's no go backs. of course, you can hate of them, but pick up a side in the break up you're rooting for (personally, i hope nick lachey takes her to the cleaners; male spousal support rules!).

then there's chit chat with people at the register, which i hate, since i treat nearly 90% of my monterial transactions like i was getting soup from the soup nazi. get in, get out. i don't need small talk about the penguins on the cover of the magazine i'm buying. not christmas related, but i had buy some dvd-rs (god bless the dudes who invented iDVD) and the guy asked how it was going and i said to him, if i don't have to come back in half hour, then i'll be okay. in the service industry, its only natural to make small talk, but you know, if you're gonna do it, make it interesting. thow out some references to the movie, logan's run or talk about how you think shaq's a dick and was the dude that made stan van gundy resign (maybe, the heat got off to slow start cause shaq was out for what like a month and half of the guys who got them to the conference finals last season are elsewhere, so maybe, the blame lies with pat rilo kiley and sweet general manager skills). shake up the sheets, a bit, sales people of america. if you see a weirdo person like myself, who looks frustrated, angry and wants to go home as soon as possible, say something funny and unusual because in turn, that'll make somebody's day. or even better, just nod and start to scan price tags and like a few seconds, tell me how much it is.

another thing, once again, not christmas related, but still more adventures in consumerism, so i had to print some photos off a memory stick for a class project cause its easier to do a panorama with hard copies, but that's beside the point. the beauty of having a digital camera and please stop me if i'm incorrect, but i assume, the beauty of having a digital camera, is the extremely easy ablitiy to transfer photos from camera to the computer. through a little usb cable, right or maybe firewire or a media reader, but it's like kabooooomba! wow, i have all of the photos of katlin's yellow belt test on my dell in 4 minutes, flat. at least thats what i remember of digital cameras. so when i got to print out my pictures, i discover that one of the kodak machine is broken and the other was being used by this woman who was uploading 200 photos, then burning them onto a cd, specifically two cds. of course, i can understand you know burning a cd to take to show grandma on her computer, but if grandma is with it enough to have a computer, then probably, she's with it enough to have an email account and a dial up connection or at least somebody in the fam set up and for most of the year, the computer is one giant paper weight with 'slayer' written in dust on the monitor, sure, that i understand and fully support. but i mean, why do you even have a digital camera if you're going to burn it onto a cd. of course, you may want to save all the photos you ever take, so you won't have to delete them when you get new photos from katlin's next belt test. but holy shit, don't most computers come with a cd burner? my computer even has a dvd burner, but it's a mac and i don't know about pcs, but i want to assume that there are built in cd burners into those things as well or at least burners that are avaiable for purchase that could be easily hooked up to your computer, so after uploading, boom, burn a cd and create a little photo album of all the cds you've made and you know it'll be awesome. i just can't wrap my head around the concept of having a nice digital camera and not using it with your computer to make cds or what kind of piece of shit computer does the lady have that she's lacking a usb port and a cd burner. what is she using the cisco alder of personal computers? so the whole process of uploading what seemed like 2 million photos dragged on, the burning process lasted even longer because the thing had no cds cause nobody uses the kodak picture maker to burn cds from the digital camera. and if they wanted a cd copy of their photos, they'd ask for a cd when they're their film developed. then this lady's kid was wandering around, bored, coughing all over the place, spreading her germs, uf.

come on, america, let's get with it! let's use our computers to burn our cds and not waste peoples' precious time (although, the matter of my time being precious is debatable) while waiting in line and let's let another network pick up "arrested development," so the world isn't filled with shows about a wacky every man whose on a mission each episode to do something new or shows about a collection of medicial students who actually don't pratice medicine, but they know each other's anatomy really well, (WHY-O!!), and somebody tell the beasties to keep it clean with mario c on their next album cuz the remix mario c did on that beck album was rather nice.

a word to the wise, if you're into the soccer mom type, then i'd say hit up a target around lunch time; shit is more bumping than club moscow or lax or cinescape, or well, you know what i mean.

i'm a michael mann guy. i wrote an 8 page paper on collateral, but that miami vice trailer, i dunno, the music cue turned me off right away. i was so worried about the music in this movie that at one point, i thought of writing a letter to michael mann and enclosing a cd of heatmakerz beats saying that this would've been way hotter than linkin park & jay-z mashups. you know, slip in some diplo, it would've been strictly redicly. not to mention, the quality of the trailer was beyond awful. michael mann is a freak about the looks of his films, so to premiere the trailer for his latest in some grainy video on a liquior must've made him really stoked.

Dec 13, 2005

rumble young man rumble

i guess on mtv2 today, they're showing the new cam video for "get 'em daddy" with hell rell. i'd say set your dvrs up to capture that oh so classic moment where jim jones tries to stick a giant wad of money in the pocket of his fur coat, but you're best bet is comb the torrent scene and find it. while, brooke burns went all designer with her neck brace, cam went against that decision and it kept rather modest with his arm sling.

and here's a thing to do, it sorta worked me for yesterday. first, get a copy of the economist or print an article from their website and take along with you when you're going to go some thing or place that'll be boring, like real boring. and just play the game, is what i'm doing or the presentation i'm listening is it more boring than reading about european farming tariffs. if what you're doing is boring enough that ou decide to spice it up with an article about euros and the eating habbits of french people, then you've reached rock bottom, like heroin addiction rock bottom, like crack cocaine bottom.

sorry about phoning it, dudes. got x-mas shopping on the brain

Dec 12, 2005

this will self destruct in 30 seconds, jared leto style

doesn't anybody else find it hi-larious that the world's favorite scientologist is dressed liked a priest in m:i 3 trailer? [link via goldenfiddle aka cnn]

change clothes

how not to be gangster step 4080: appear on the cover of your calander smiling. sorry, 50. your movie flopped, probably your video game is flopping (nobody on g4 is talking about it and that's about as far as my knowledge of video games goes to), and then you played that girl's bar mitzvah. the dude is about as gangster and tough as sisqo was.

speaking of sisqo, many years ago, probably in the early 2000s, sisquo did a sitcom pilot with bob newheart. now i heard from somebody that sisquo's character name was hobie dragon and since then, i've used it as a phoney name when i'm talking to people. but, i'm just wondering has anybody seen it or know somebody who has seen it or know of a way to get a copy of it? it'd be the greatest christmas present ever if i find a copy of that underneath my tree. i don't care what anybody says about it, but dude, i'm a fan of sisqo, the actor. have you seen his groundbreaking work in get over it!, in particular, the scene where he's playing basketball? the dude's better than brando. so in '06, lets say no to greek shipping heirs and refugees from laguna beach and yes, to the dude who sang the thong song.

once again, somebody needs to call the cops on scarlett johansson. holy moly and to the dudes, who read this at work, sorry for having some body you work with say something about what kind of websites you look or making some form of a 'whoa' noise. i know i made a promise to lay off the boobies for a minute, but frankly, this demand imediate attention. related, jeffrey wells has a bit of a q & a woody allen did after a screening of match point, thats pretty funny. match point has to be one of four films i actually want to see. oddly, the other three are brokeback mountain, syriana, and the family stone. what? rachel mcadams is in family stone and she's killer and frankly, i should be punched in the shoulder by a jock cause i forgot her in the babes o' 05 write ups.

did anybody else have that experince in high school when the jock guy that you were sorta cool with, would punch you in the shoulder and it'd hurt, but then they'd say, "i barely tapped ya,"?

another question, does anybody thinks its weird that universal has trotted out the coldplay music que for its latest round of ads for king kong? i think the film has enough awareness that it doesn't need the solsbury hill treatment. even i have turned the film and kinda want to see the film; now i have to re do my films to catch up on list for x-mas break. if you got any other suggestions, send them on in. this is of course will only work if i don't get jury duty, which if i do, then i'm forked.

also, who is jennifer goldman and why does she get to have her birthday party photos hosted on wire image service?

and why you're at it, can some please explain the fasanation with the band, camp freddy to me? i guess, naravvo is in it, but the guy hasn't written an interesting guitar riff since like "summertime rolls," so why does every celebrity function have them playing

for some reason, this photo sorta justifies why i bought an issue of "the economist" the other day. somebody in our generation or at least our age demographic has to have the fun and there has to be somebody else who'll be the asshole at the party talking about how fucked our country is getting and how we need to figure a better plan if the bird flu reaches our shores and talk about social security, and please let me be the asshole who has to worry for the rest, who eventually, after frustration and accumalation of a bit of wealth, will admint defeat and become a republican and marry an import tuner car model person lady. its like the say, everybody's a democract until they get some money and after they get some money, they marry a low rider car model. so, guys, party it up for i'll be suffering the unbearable future of watching leno monologues before i go to bed with a low rider car model

is the scene equivelent of a low rider car model, an american apparel girl? it's pretty much the same thing, you know, cheese cake photos used to push a product and i guess, it works. while on the issue of american apparel and their ads, to me, it seems like the company its self is very much like that family owned italian resturant where all of the wait staff is women, and they're either rather busty or kinda cute. the text on the ads in the back of vice usually say that the girls 'work' for the company, but it just seems a little obvious and you know, just too cool that everybody works there is a hot hip girl or its a set of twin hip hot girls or they're sisters and they're making out with each other. there has to be a lawsuit in there somewhere. instead of people like trya banks and vanessa minnillo wearing fat suits, lets have regular, unscene girls apply for jobs at american apparel and see what happens. i'm not saying anything against the company cause i love the clothes, but there's something fishy.

Dec 10, 2005

thank you, richard pryor

i don't know if the world would've been as funny as it if it wasn't for him.

r.ip. richard pryor

Dec 9, 2005

the babes o' 05 part 4

so here we are, the final piece of the babes o' 05 puzzle. its been quite a ride, if i may say so. now, i'm going to talk about the women from robin brown's film, johnny benson's adventure in the blogosphere. i'm not writing this up to talk my friend's film and talk about how you have to see it (well, if you're a skeetaholic, you'll probably want to see it since there's a character loosely inspired by yours truly), the significance of johnny b for this year in babes not only is it a prime example of diversity in babeness as well as a learning tool on why you should populate your student with aspiring actors instead of your goofy buddies, but johnny b was the birthplace of one of my catch phrases, "outta control." now, if you're a skeetaholic, then you're extremely familiar with the expression, "she's outta control" as well as its sister term, "she's outta hand," and the awkward and mildly creep, "a sticky situation," and what they mean. well, it was on set, to be more specific, it was the day that we shot the scene featured above, that "out of control," came to me, since i lack subtle most of the time, i was trying to figure out a way to talk about how much of a babe this babe was without her knowing, so i just shouted, "this whole thing is out of control," then i went as far as writing a note to robin brown about giving a warning to people the next time somebody that outta control was going to be on set. i think he was too focused on finishing that weekend's set ups to listen to the ramblings of an insane man. yet, all i can really say about the birth of outta control is that it sorta died for me when this happened. is it being dissed on the internet or should i chalk it up to being such a boring person that i'm easily forgotten by outta control girls.

onto the concept of diversity, now this little movie has every kind girl for every kind of guy. from the cobrasnake regular hipster heartbreakers to asian cuties who go on to be regulars on upn shows who consistently brought up how "arrested development," which at the time was in its second season, so we were still hopeful, then the are the girls who roll up in sketchy costumes and give off that christina aguerilla vibe, yet turn out to be really nice and even show up to set after being in a car accident and there are the girls who at first, don't seem to be that attractive and tell you about how they photographed by terry richardson, then like when you watch the movie, you're like wow, they're kinda hot; you know delayed reaction status. and that's just barely scratching the surface on the beauty of using aspiring actresses to be in your student film. sure, it'll take some work, alot of work to get them to take their tops off, if you're into that, but frankly, that's like trying to find a decent parking spot at the mall, the day after the christmas. these sites like breakdown express (watch the video demo) are kinda like dating services. you know, put a part, a few days later, you get a couple of responses and for once in your life, it'll be justified to be a wee bit shallow. you're allowed to be a lookist because you have the ability to set up or the key word in this statement should be, try to set up audition dates with a bunch of outta hand girls. will they show up? who knows? but, hey, it'll be exciting. which one is going to show up?

i remember when i did this last year, i talked about how cowboy boots should be the new gay bandana; if the girl was rocking those pink little boots, then we all knew she's a fan of the snowman, but you go to the mall today, tomorrow or whenever, you'll see some 6 year old girl cruising around in a pair of boots with her mom, whose trying way too hard to be jessica simpson. now, i can't really believe a girl that young would have a nose candy problem as bad as lohan. yet, here's my thing, moms, you've had a couple of kids and sure, they might be 4 and 5, but it doesn't give you the license to continue to dress like jessica simpson. you're a mom, dress like a mom and don't force your daugthers to dress like nicole riche either; she's not a tea cup pooddle or whatever the new celebrity pet accessory is this week. let a kid rock some jams with blueberry stains. i mean, what kind of monster are you creating when you instill the vitrues and values of rocking a juicy sweatsuit in a small child? let the kids be kids and moms should just be moms.

probably my big for '06 is this, let's stop the aspiration or inspiration to be like jessica simpson or like nicole riche or like the girl on cobrasnake or like paris hilton. you know, just be yourself or if you will, to quote/parapharse robin quivers from the howard stern show, "rock the real." and by rocking the real, i don't mean your louis vitton bag or panda bag or dulce and grabana bag; i'm not going to be that girl on "tyra" and bust your shit for rocking counterfits and bootlegs cause that stuff is expensive and if you get by, with a phoney bag, more power to you. but let us stop this upscale emulation of vapid, boring, shallow girls who probably spend enough money to put a couple of kids through a state college for a semester in a single shopping spree on roberston blvd. those people aren't good people.

while on the subject, can we in '06 make the effort to call people like kim stewart and nicole riche, what they really are? the daugthers of rod stewart and lionel riche. sure, these women are a bit embarrasing to be assciated with the man who sang the classic, "maggie may," but frankly, it's even sadder that we're in a culture where people refer to rod stewart as kim stewart's dad or even worse, lionel riche as nicole riche's dad. what perverse world are we living in when the man who wrote "brick house" plays second fiddle to an anoxeric in bono's old sunglasses? i know that we all have our new year's resolutions, but if you can fit in there somewhere in your list, it'd be great. what's the line that herman blume said: "take dead aim on the rich boys. get them in the crosshairs and take them down." its a good quote, but it doesn't really work for what i'm trying to convey, but you kinda get the point and if anything, it'll maybe make you pick that dvd of rushmore and watch it; i think i might watch it tonight.

and finally, lets try to bring back those phoebe cates, edwige fenech type of actresses to the movies. the actresses that while they were in the prime, took their top offs at least once or twice during the movies. i know that the film market of today is primarily based on dvd sales, so we can those awful commercials for dukes of hazard: too hot for the theaters version, which just has like what, a couple of topless chicks, but you know, its nobody you care about or heard about. but the phoebe cates would have her little toploose scene or a scene where's she wearing next to nothing, but who does that nowadays in the crop of young hollywood? kierra knightley uses a body double, boourns! well, i guess, if you squinted and you adjust the constrast of the vidcaps in photoshop, you could've sorta made a nipple on that mischa b nip sip incident from a few weeks ago, but does that really count? what's with all of this actresses you know taking their work seriously and going on binge diets and making albums with god awful and unnecessary cheap trick covers and getting porclein veeners which make them look like the monster at the end of evil dead 2. you know what happened to the whole notion of wanting to break that good girl image by being naked in magazines and movies, instead you know, they're dating jared leto and guys from good charlottee; wow, awesome. and it doesn't even matter and i apologize, if you feel like i've been here before, seriously though, it doesn't matter, the shelf lives of these young actresses won't be that long; what truly great thing have they done? true, mean girls was an amazing film, but what else has lindsay lohan to make us remember in 10 years from now? we're still talking abot phoebe cates in fast times... and that was in '82. okay, maybe its just me talking rather loudly, but still where are these moments in the movies today?

babes to watch for in '06
-leigh lezark, the girl from misshapes. to me, she's like the nike swoosh of hipsters. its not hip unless she signs off on it or at least co signs.
-nadine velazquez is probably the second best thing about the show, "my name is earl,". i've finally warmed to "earl," and believe its pretty good, but you can't knock a show which has a latin girl dancing around to young mc like half the time.
-odette yustman, well, i've never seen her act in anything; i just saw her picture while combing through getty one day and i dunno, its nice.

and finally, i just want to say thanks to anybody and everybody whose been eagering and actively reading this saga. sorry that it fizzled out at the end, but you know, it is what it is, and i sincerely apperciate you stick with it. thanks a bunch.

Dec 8, 2005

3.8 [revised]

is it me or does santino from the new season of "project runway" look exactly general zod from superman 2?

holy shit, anybody catch "the oc,"? its probably the worst show on television right now. way worse than that jim bleushi show. what the fuck is going on? what happened to these characters? sandy gives a guy a second chance on the word of a stripper? what? that doesn't make any sense at all. i know its sweep and well, sex sells, but taking the show to the strip club, what network are you guys on fx? i just don't understand what's going on, then i have to remember, its fox. then the seth & summer fighting to get into brown and the whole marching band, pirate business, i just don't get it. what happened? who's in the writer's room these days? is it a group of monkeys, chain smoking while banging away at laptops or is it a bunch of writers working on film scripts and just abusing the office's wi fi connections to fill up their new video ipod? or did the writers piss off the janitor staff so badly and so much, that late one night, the clean up crew came in, wrote a bunch of shit on somebody's computer and delete all of the stuff that would make sense and on the following morning, the new additions and corrections made by the clean up went unnoticed by the regular writers or have they just checked out entirely and trying to get in tight with seth mcfarland and like every other aspiring tv writer is cranking out yet another family guy spec. i mean lately, i've been talking like a combination of dj clue? and a radio morning show dj. you know, just shouting and yelling gibbersh like, "why-o!!!" cause i'm bored and i'm going crazy due to finals and i swear to goodness, i did the "why-o!!" after every line in the oc. and what the fuck was that whole drugged johnny thing about? did they see the dailies? you know, you have the ability to fire a person if they're doing bad work, so it would've been okay to say, "holy shit, this kid is terrible. we can get some other kid with goofy shaun white hair that has better acting chops." seriously, "the oc" is the worst show on television and i demand that its taken off the air post haste!

Dec 7, 2005


i'm too tired to think of a one liner, but there's one somewhere. one of these days, it'll make sense. if i was on my game, i could say that those shoes are smarter or at least has more brain cells than cisco alder, but that's like going on bill o'reilly thinking that you'll get your point across.

i've been a bit photo happy this week; so i promise next week, no photos at all, well probably a bit of photos, but not as much as its been this week. okay, so here's my thing, look at ashlee simpson's shoes, that's kinda killer, and the boob game was on point, but the hair game, well, its a bit methhead, but you can't knock a girl for being two out of three.

lionel riche's daugther and the dude who used to be in crazy town are breaking up. i wonder if nicole riche was into the "hello" music video. interesting fact: while one side of my binder for school has a photo of samurai armstrong on one side, the other side features a coloring book style drawing of a "hello" era lionel, so you know, when i get my binder out of my backpack, lionel will say, "hello. was it me you were looking for?"

everybody's most favorite bush behind the bush twins, billy bush weighs on peter jackson's king kong: "altogether,
"king kong" is a tad king long, but the intricacies of peter jackson's work are not to be duplicated anywhere. he is a pioneer, so if you dig film, you need to see it.

you know that book, "youth in revolt" by c.d payne, right? really amazing, right? well, this has nothing to do with that, but you know, i'm all for this woman and a movie version of "youth in revolt" starring george michael from "arrested development or at least, books on tape version with george michael reading it, but mostly a movie, hbo mini series steez

check y'all on friday

the babes o' 05 part 3

not everybody is into short girls. personally speaking, i think they're pretty all right in my book cept for the ones who try to lie about their height by wearing platform sandals; you know they're about 5 feet without the sandals and like 5 feet and some change; yeah, not alot of difference, but still very deceptive; but alas, we've been down this road before. even though, a good portion of this year has been about the return of the tits, you also have to say, its been the year of the short girl or at least, the honest short girl. first off, there's eva longoria, who comes in at 5' 2" and is the stand out star of "desperate housewives." talk about terri hatcher all you want, but eva longoria, along with marica cross are the only decent things about the show. not to mention that she had an amazin papapparazi set of her just hanging out by the pool proving to the world that you don't have to be 5'11" to have a nice set of legs. and for a while, eva longoria was jumping from dude to dude in hollywood before shacking up with that horrible french basketball player (spurs blow and tim duncan is a robot) and it wasn't cause she's slutty; it's just that she's a bit of sex monster. she's got a problem and frankly, i think its a problem we'd all like to help her solve one of these days. while the housewives may be in the toliet this season, look at longoria's guest hosting bit on snl a few weeks back. for me, it was the first episode that i didn't fast forward through all the skits; just the musicial performance.

kelly monaco comes in around 5' 3" and much like the killer bs was another feel good hit of the summer, yet sadly, she never really turned that buzz from "dancing with the stars" into anything other than a few spots on the talk shows and a layout in maxim and a punking by ashton kutcher. what really did it in for her and the buzz train was the lost to petermen from "seinfeld" on that rematch show. she was so upset at the results, it was like she was like bill buckner or scott norwood and she just blew the biggest game of her life. now if she showed some grace and took the loss a bit better, then she'd still be in the news. i don't know what she's up to and i think she's just going to faded into daytime oblivion. too bad, she was pretty outta hand.

and the tinyiest one of all, kristen bell, is on this list cause she's on the second best show you're not watching, "veronica mars". now, this show gets compared to "buffy" all the time, but here's the thing that makes v. mars better, they actually acknowledge she's short and use it to their advantage where as on buffy, there'd be this awkward shift from tiny sarah michelle gellar to giant stunt double. also, you gotta give it up to a girl who loves dogs the way she does.

michelle wie seen above at her most my space-ish didn't teach me anything new about the hottness of female golfers. that's something myself and robin brown have known since '99. first, there was a reason why i took video production in high school, so i could have an excuse to holla at the girls golf team and second, there was the shirt that myself and robin's late clothing company made that read, "girls golf: always a hole in one" (get your mind out of the gutter). so the rather out of hand nature of michelle wie isn't nothing new, but thankfully, for the general public, they're learning that not all golfers are dykey, but yeah, they still probably have a better game than you. the thing that michelle wie does, is that she made golf interesting. i could give a fuck about tiger woods, unless its highlights of him choking on "p.t.i." , but wie makes me want to watch golf or at least tivo it and fast forward to whenever she's putting or whatever its called. and the thing, we have to remember about michelle wie is that she's still a teen, so you know, she's only bound to get better in her golf game and her hot game. not to mention, she could probably crush all of the girls above her; since you know, she's like 6'1

2.5 [edited @ 11:30am pst]

even though, i don't have a video ipod and if i missed last night's "the (american) office", i'd drop the deuce to catch it; so good last night. seriously. may have to reconsider one of the year end lists, i'm doing with mark from hella awful; yeah, there's still a list or two left. i think the beauty of "the (american) office," is that they've finally developed their own voice and tone. sure, it's not the gervais/merchant orignial, but, its still brutuatly funny.

while southern california's team as of late is pete carrol's red & gold because let's face it, we as southern californias are not only transplants who still root for our old hometown teams, but we're also a collection of people who are affraid of supporting a loser. whatever team is winning lately, thats the team everybody is in love with, cept for those people who were once fans, but now have to go out of their way to hate on them cause everybody else into them and weren't there when they were losing. everybody hates a loser in southern california. which brings me to my point, people are hating on the lakers cause well, some people are just now learning that kobe blows, king phil isn't that great of a coach, and lamar can't play; while people are warming up to the clips cause they can play and have three starters usually in double figures as opposed to a single dude on most nights. yet, here's the real reason why people are getting into the clips, their games on their liberial talk radio station. so if you're some guy who drove to work listening to al franken and when you come into your car after work, and kaboomba, its the clips on the radio, you have to assume that in some way, the clips share your political beliefs or at least consider themselves to be dungeness crabs. the lakers, well, they're sorta like g.w; tyrannical, self centered and always cheating on their wives where as the clip set, they're young, they're about change, and think that the film, good night and good luck is extremely eye openning and should be seen by everyone and use it as a starting point to question modern journalism. thats what the clips are all about.

although, watch next season, the clip set will be on the radio espn station.

while on the topic of being a lefty (sorry republicans), i totally dropped the ball yesterday as a lefty as i failed to vote in the new congressperson election. i would've vote, but i lost my sample ballot, so i didn't know where i was supposed to vote and i assume that there's a website where one could check out his polling location or a number to call, but you know me, i'm terriblely lazy. i'm a writer, a bad writer, but never the less, a writer and well, the only thing we do well is putting things off until the last minute. but, if this election was so important and crucial to orange county, then didn't they put the measure on the extremely useless special state wide election we had last month. you know the one where the governator's ballot measures got crushed, yeah, why couldn't the genius for o.c. piggy back onto that election? it didn't matter anyways.

continuing the theme of babes o '05, i have to mention natasha leggero, who was "dawn," on mtv's 'the 70s show' over the past summer. while at first, i was not a fan of the show, over time, i grew to love it and thought, it was the best reality show of the year; probably due to natasha leggero's moments as dawn, proving that there's another cute girl out there whose funny as well. not to mention, there was a couple other babes on show.

i figured out why the fox tv promo deparment hates on "arrested development," its not because it's a smart and well made show; its just that cast probably won't play ball with them. can you imagine one of the suits coming up to i don't know, david cross and asking him if he'd present at the billboard awards. "come on, dave, it'll be fun. we'll fly you out to vegas for free, get to hear some great music and get one of those awesome gift bags. what if we get you to introduce r kelly, wouldn't that be good syngery?!?!?!?"i didn't watch the whole show, but just from watching the openning bit where the announcer says all of the people, i can tell which people the fox promo department love; they're from the shows: "house," "bones," and "prison break." also, in the brief bit, i sorta watched, none promos for "arrested" either. can't complain that a show doesn't do well when you don't promote.

billboards related, don't hate, but i sorta thought ashlee simpson had at least brown belt in body karate in that performance with pretty ricky, which was weird, but then again, tv producers think mashing up performers is hip and modern. maybe, it was ashlee's shoe game or/and the boobs, never the less, definately, a brown belt in body karate; the hair was not like the first three letters in hotel though. [editor's note: you can watch the thing here, but you gotta scroll a bit and no, i wasn't the guy who posted it, we just happen to share the same name, which is weird cause most of my life i've gone without running into other dougs, but nowadays, dougs are popping all over the place]

while i'm not a big of silcon, i am a bit partial to hef's hoe train. one time, i was a stand in for one of them while hanging around the craig kilborn show, but this was the classic, 7 girl hoe train. not the one on e!'s "the girls next door." yet there's something to hef's #1, holly. remember when you're a kid or a tween or when listening to tom leykus and you'd talk about your future wife and how she'd be hot and how she'd dressed in sexy costumes and always be at home waiting for you and wouldn't do anything withour your approval. that total subservite woman, well, that's holly madison. she's so hopelessly devoted to hef, its not even funny. she could probably be with michael bay or at least, the guy that endeavour says is the new michael bay, yet she continues to be with this old dude and live under a curcew and is in by 9p. not to mention, how holly wears wacky costumes all the time. so, guys, all it takes is to be 70 year old dude with a bit of money and fondness for things that should move, but don't.

and don't forget to pick up a copy of the pinky violence box set; amazon has the best price. makes a great gift for your least favorite blogger (hint, hint=me!)

also, big shouts to uncle grambo for putting me on the quote-a-matic. that's a big milestone for me, and frankly, part of yesterday, after i saw that, i thought about retiring from blogging cause does it get any better than that?

also, thanks to trent for linking me last week.

Dec 6, 2005

the babes o' 05 part 2

keeley hazzell is probably the best thing to come from england since ricky gervais & stephen merchant. sadly, i think the american equivelent of keeley hazzell is vida guerra. beyond her giantic ass, what else is there to vida guerra? she's abit of a butter face, where as keeley hazzell is just all sorts of right on. first things, first, she's english and has a decent set of teeth; so right there, thats grounds for babe of the year, right then and there. or at least that stereotype of english people having bad teeth still applies cause i wrote a spec script peppered with them and not a single reference to voluptuous page 3 girls.

but clearly, there is something to more to keeley hazzell than a decent set of teeth, keeley hazzell was part on this earth so guys like us can say things like, "holy gazookas" and feel justified about it. keeley hazzell was part on this earth, so if you were her friend, you could take her to albertacos for lunch and have every guy there say, "holy gazookas," as well as, "how'd that douche pull that off?" but mostly, "holy gazookas". there's more to her than being the poster girl for the revenge of the tits movement, hopefully, she'll usher in a new era with dudes who love giant knobs. maybe, the world will grow to apperciate a girl with real, floppy big boobs. yeah, they're perky now, but give a couple of years, they'll be floppy or at least, hope they flop.

first and formost, let me just put this out there, i'm not that into tall blondes. frankly, i think they get a little too much pop and love, but, charlize theron, i like. maybe it was her guest stint on my favorite show, "arrested development," or how she seems to go out of her way in script selection to find parts that down play her looks. it seems as if every actress wants to look her best in a film, but i wouldn't be surprised if a future role, charlize theron shaves off her eye borrows to make the character to be more crazy or homely.

what's also interesting about theron is that while she'll go out of her way to ug up, she'll down play the sex in a film as well, even though the part requires to be super sexy. looking at the animated version of aeon flux, you know, it's a lot of flesh and sure, the photo above of theron shows a bit of skin, but at the most, thats probably the most skin she shows in the whole entire film. of course, one could blame the toned down sexiness to the attempt by the filmmakers to obtain a pg 13 rating, but you also have to take into consideration, the costuming demands by theron. no oscar winner wants to be in an action film where a thin strip of pleather is all that prevents the crew from catching a peek at her cooter. personally, i think its more courageous of an actress to tone down the sexy and play up the plain jane factor. if anything, it just allows for people who are lucky enough to see her in person to see how beautiful she is in person, unless she's taking a toke from the apple bong. here's the point, she down plays her looks in the movies, so she can get the compliments in person cause in person, it means more and it's a much stronger ego boost. wow, people magazine says i'm beautiful, but like four dudes at coffee bean dropped their shit and i got a large black forest ice blended for free. i mean, isn't it more fun to hear nice things in person?


we're totally in full fledge babe mode this week, so gotta shout out petra nemcova as another one of the babes of the year (since we've already wrote amajority of the stuff out the other day and failed to mention her). it's like that akon hook in that one young cheesey song, "she's a survivor".

personally, the game didn't even have to do another 120 bars of disses on 50 and g-unot; the dude destroyed 50 by talking about how chicken little destroyed 50's movie at the box office, then just rubbed salt into the wound; well more than salt, probably a bit of lime juice as well, the game throws in zach braff as chicken little singing "i am the champion," over that ever so delicious juicy j & dj paul beat for "stay fly." sorry, but it's a wrap, 50, you're more donzo than the third season of "laguna beach."

i think even if the trailer for x3 looked as good as the trailer for sex and fury [nsfw], i'd still stay its bad cause brett ratner is involved. thankfully, i can safely that this brett ratner's breakthrough film looks like t2 and well, there's a smurf in it as well. actually upon a second viewing, i have to admint that it's a better trailer than the superman trailer that was on harry potter.

anybody else see "curb..." jump the shark last sunday night? the larry as a gentitle sequence was pretty funny and the dustin hoffmonica & sascha baron cohen cameos were nice, but that episode just laid there like bad bbq in your tummy. well, the whol season had been on the skids after "the bowtie episode"; its been pretty cringeworth. maybe in a few years, we'll think its funny in the same way that we all managed to find the final season of seinfeld funny.

i failed to remind y'all that "arrested development" was on last night. hopefully, you put it on season pass on your tivos, but it was "arrested," so you know it was really funny and smart. so, it'll be on next monday and you should get all of your friends together to watch it and then after the show, y'all should rush out to best buy or tower or circuit city and buy copies of season 1 and 2 on dvd and give them out as christmas gifts. what's a better gift than a funny show? sure, you could give somebody the gift of being adriana lima's personal tongue massager and that would be really amazing, but at the same time, do you want to boldly go where lenny kravitz has been before? so why not on error on the side of safety and get "arrested development" seasons 1 & 2 on dvd.

taylor rain retires from the porn game, seems kinda right, since they never play her audio clips on stern anymore. then again, all the porn sound effects they play these day is granny porn[i guess a bit nsfw]

Dec 5, 2005

the babes o' 05 part 1

the thing about the trio of blondes, kristin, alex h. and jessica from the seacond season of mtv's "laguna beach," is that they're the physical manifestation of the california dream. like 'em or not, you can't deny the fact that these are the girls that pop into your head when you hear those early beach boys songs. sun kissed blondes who have nothing better to do all day but hang out at the beach and after that, maybe grab some in-n-out. and the point that's going to emphasised alot in this list, is a sense of diversty amongst babes, in other words, a type of girl for every type of guy and the lb girls have in spades. of course, we have the quintessential kirstin, who pulled off a tricky combo in an appearance in rolling stone magazine; being both hot and make the audience feel a bit uncomfortable. we were ready for that, but at the same time, it's like could you wrap a couple more sheets around. out of the three, kristin is easily the most californian as well with her infinity (or at least on the show) for platform sandals and extremely short skirts, yet, what makes kristin actually interesting is the dynamic she shares with alex h; the subtle lesbian undertones to their relationship. each week, we watched in hopes that maybe, just maybe, alex h finally say, "kristin, i don't think you should date matt leinhart or talan, but instead, you should date me.'

although, sadly that moment never came to be and instead, we got a bunch of brills one liners from alex h about life and the right way to live in. then, there's jessica, whose the only of the blondes to actually stay in laguna after the show and go to college and at times, one has to wonder if the girl was conscious of her body and those bombs over baghdad. she was always covering those things up or wearing a low cut top, then like a few minutes later, she's covering up. these girls were all the producers of "laguna beach" could've asked for, but without them, the next season is going to be a total snoozer. you can't replace the california blonde or at least, all the different varations of the california blonde. besides, who doesn't love a ditzy, slutty blonde who gets drunk alot?

remember the first song from the last, truly great album by the queens of the stone age, "rated r"? you know, "feel good hit of the summer,"? part of me wants to believe that if they were do that song again, there'd a be reference to the killer bs because for a few months in the summer, because not only were they the feel good hit of the summer, but, they were the greatest duo since meg and jack white. mischa b was in the rebound mode, you know, just broken up with that oily bohunk of a regular heir (ew), brandon davis and probably a few weeks away from shacking up with that faux dirtbag and stoner, cisco adler and she was in need of some relationship advice and a shoulder to cry on, and where else could she turn to? of course, her on screen best friend, rachel bilson. and well, rachel b was in a weird phase as well where we didn't see her as much with the extremely obnoxious adam brody and the rumor of rachel b's supposed 'me and mrs jones' sessions with zach braff hadn't really come up to the surface yet.

and it was just refreshing to see two celebrites hang out together who weren't both deathly skinny or dressed like a jawa. it was a healthy relationship and when the killer bs were on the prowl, mischa b rarely looked like falkor and rachel b, well, she looked so much more happy, but who knows these days? and of course, this being skeet on mischa, we're gonna have to shout out the girl, we're named after and well, the other girl that we like a bit more than our namesake.

Dec 4, 2005

amarillo by morning

how low can we go at celebrity functions?

well, let's take a look at that place where we steal our photos from: getty images

here we have a list of celebs who did the carpet walk at the vh-1 big in '05; pretty c list, don't you think? minus like lohan and those penguins. i'm pretty sure if any of us threw on a button up, some jeans with rips in them, a blazer and maybe, some bug eyed, oh how i wish audrey hepburn shades on, we could've made it onto gettyimages.

but then, let's take a look at this celeb function; it gets no lower than this. sure, bai ling has a bit of pop due to her stint on "but can they sing," but i have to ask a question, but did anybody watch the show other than the people on "the soup" who had to pull clips for their show? and have we finally reached the point where a guy who was married to jennifer lopez for like two weeks can no longer extend those 15 minutes into seats at the vh-1 awards. either somebody needs to get a new publicist or somebody's prayers were answered, i'm leaning on the later, personally speaking. sure, this event wasn't as top notch as the xbox360 launch party, but you know, i'd expect shannon elizabeth there to grab some free shades. this event wasn't even d list, it's z list (but you have to read the last line in the voice of wacky morning radio guy cause it'd be funnier)

also, i'd like to point out the power of the skeetatude for a moment, while wearing a smock a kindergarden teacher would usually wear for finger paitning day, maria menounos looks good with her long hair, or if you rat tail. now if you can remember a week or two ago, your humble narrator went off on how the shot hair wasn't working for maria menounos and kaboomba, she's got extensions and a rat tail good enough to hang out outside the humanities building at my school.

new mixtape by compton's finest; but he's teamed up with fidel cashflo on this one, so there'll probably be even more yelling than ever before. [editor's note: the first two tracks on the new game mixtape are worth the purchase or at least a download as the game freestyles over "stay fly" about how 50's movie flopped with zach braff as chicken little singing "we're the champions". um, classic. g-unot!}

Dec 3, 2005

brokeback hairgel

either the hype from ang lee's brokeback mountain or some publicist is trying really hard to create the new killer bs, but i dunno, there's just something about ryan 'carebear' cabrera and ryan seacrest hanging out together.

they'd make a great couple. trading clothes with each other and sharing hair gel. or at least, seacrest out is way more stoked on the whole concept of a phoney relationship for media coverage since we all know that ryan has been down that road before with trashlee.

Dec 2, 2005

the sound of revenge

i was doing some prep work for one of the numerous year in review thing that i'm doing (yeah, i'm not stopping with the interesting people list) and i was fumbling around for photos of alex h from the show, "laguna beach," and the only decent thing i could find in the way of photos of the l.b. kids is on the my space circuit. and i was wandering my way around the various myspace pages for cast members. i made an odd discovery, apparently, more boring than paint drying taylor is dating the infamous jason. now we all remember that moment from l.c.'s pitty party after the fundraiser where jason probably said, "i'm on mushrooms! bad mushrooms!" when taylor was talking to l.c. about how everybody has to their jason experince and they're all the better for it or something of that nature; it just seemed that tay tay wasn't a particularly big fan of j wahl. and i know we've all read that awesome bit of dish from kristin veitch (ps. how awesome is kristin veitch? she's hot and into "v.mars," and "arrested," um, best?), but there's just a part of me that wants to believe that these myspace profiles are correct and i haven't fallen into some sorta elaborate, r kelly trapping me in a closet with a midget that poops his pant joke played upon me by the people who create phony my space profiles.

i know that there are people who have too much free upon their hands. i know because in two weeks from now, i'll become one as school is over for the fall semester, but honestly, could two people have so much free time upon their hands, to collectively pull their online phony profile skills together to create a fake on line romance between two secondary characters on a cable reality tv show? i would just assume that it would be difficult enough to maintain all the adds and responses from people hoping to make contact with their favorite celebrity; there has to be a sick sense of humor about it, crushing the hopes of 14 year old girls hoping to reach out to the guy from maroon5 and bumming out 30 year old guys from jersey cause its not the real howard stern on there. yet, creating a romantic relationship, i mean, that takes alot of skill and effort and frankly, i want to believe i'm smart enough to not be fooled by some girl in riverside whose got time to kill inbetween meth lab explosions with wicked awesome html skills.

lohan was sorta bummed when she heard the news that the potential taylor/j wall from "laguna beach" romance was nothing than an internerd hoax or at least, potentially an internerd hoax. related, ever since i saw lohan dancing with human crack in the flesh the other day, i've been wondering if she's down with the dips? or at least, thats the only thing i'd say and mention how awesome mean girls is.

although different networks, yet i still can't believe there'll be an al sharpton s(h)itcom or at least, there'll be a pilot and a deal to do an al sharpton sitcom, but we can't a full season of "arrested development"? that's it, i'm officially leaving the united states, in search of a country where the comedy shows on tv aren't all derivted or a clever, modern spin on the "all in the family" formula. hbo, i know that you're not tv, but could you please lower your stands a smidge and pick up a former tv show, so america can laugh again.

you know, i've been listening to way too much progressive talk 1150 am lately and using the information i heard over the past couple of days, i could probably find some way to link the canceling of "arrested development" to the bush administration. i mean, didn't that one guy get norm macdonald fired from "saturday night live" cause norm made too many o.j. jokes and that dude was good friends wih the juice. so anything is possible. i could see chaney on the phone to over the head of fox news is, saying he hates the show, then it passes onto rupert, and well, you know the rest of the steez.

while sorta on the topic of progressive talk or air america radio, is it me or are they just a little too sound effect crazy? i know that most morning radio shows tend to over do it with the sound effects, but it's like, every three seconds, there's a wacky sound effect to punch up a bit or really bring home the point that bush sucks. i dunno, it just seems a little over done, but i just love the fact i can listen to talk radio without getting too upset.

i don't know what this says about me as a person, but the only thing that generated an response or any form of reaction while watching the new harry potter film was the part in the movie when the girl above talked. i'm sorry, but i was not expecting this girl to sound exactly like maggie from "extras". it freaked me out a bit. then again, that movie as a whole just tripped me up, but not in a good way. proudly, i've never read any of the books and i've only seen one of the films, the third one, which i actually liked a lot and saw it twice. yet, what made the third film a good film is that it was open enough in its storytelling technique for a new viewer to pop in and just enjoy the story as it unfolds, where as this one, its just a mess and a headache. sure, its nice to look at in spots and there's dragons, but i have no clue as to who anybody was or what it all meant. i remember something the great joe bob briggs once said about the english patient and i think it could be applied to the latest harry potter film, "its one of those films that you had to have read the book to enjoy. there should've been a sign that said, 'must have read the book'." maybe if harry potter was about a wizard living in abnormally large family where he has to share a bathroom with hilary duff and 8 other wacky kids and they can't get all of their names on the answering machine, even using harry's wizard skills (lol) and like the other 73 minutes of it, is just people getting whooped in the nuts.

although probably the scariest part of the movie going experince had to have been when i was walking to my car, wearing my little burberry scarf and brown & pink american apparel hoodie and i started to hear a bunch of dudes walking out of a bar shouting, "get 'er done," and various other larry the cable guy quotes and frankly, i don't know why, but i was fearful for my life.

and finally, while i have yet to watch the recent episode of "the oc," i can safely say that it could've probably benefited from a rewrite by "v.mars," creator rob thomas (not that matchbox 20 dude). you could watch an alternate ending for wednesday night's episode here and see how amazing something that what they dediced not to use was. seriously, "lost" is a rerun this upcoming week, dudes. no excuses.