&t skeet on mischa: 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006

skeet on mischa

i wouldn't have given you it if i didn't agree

Jan 31, 2006

i don't get it for the 4th million [revised @ 8am pst]

i understand four out of five of these nominees for best pictures. one, i don't understand at all. i guess there's a social message in it, but i couldn't tell you what it was because i was fucking bored to death during it and the whole shtick of the film wore its self after the fifthteen time sandra bullock's character brought it up about how she's white within the first ten times. oooh, look, here's this character being a racist, but two scenes later, he's going to confront his racism and become a changed person. there are only two good scenes in crash and sure, i'll conceed that matt dillion was good in the film, but its not worthy of being nominated for best picture.

janusz kaminski was robbed for his excellent cinematography in munich and so was cliffon collins jr for his work in capote

for the list of nomiees go here

at least walk the line wasn't nomiated for best picture cause that one was boring as well.

and when is somebody going to put a video for "popozao!" using this girl's webcam footy

and the gong show movie is airing on sundance starting this month, so get your dvrs ready.

Jan 30, 2006

skeet of the union

i think i have a problem in writing this because i had psyched myself up so much that it had to be one of the sharpest things i've ever written and i just gave it such a daunting title, that well, in all honesty, i had nowhere to go with it but down. perhaps the biggest road block and most likely, for presidents who have to do the same thing, is openning a skeet of the union address. the whole purpose of such a speech is highlight and outline where we've been, how we're doing and where exactly we're going to go in the new year. with bush's speech on tuesday night, of course, he'll fumble around a while, present no defintive exit stragety for iraq and talk about how we have to stop cinemax for showing fake boobies at 2 in the morning and how its unamerican to subscribe to a service that lets me hear howard stern call alexis stewart, 'cunty' without any censorship. in the interview bush did with cbs news, he talked about how he believes that we as americans are freer and safer than we've ever been, but in reality, have we? no, well, i take that back, if you share bush's values and morals, then, yeah, you're more happier than pete dougherty at a drug party. but if you're like me and i hope to god that you're not exactly like me, just sorta like me, you feel restricted and scared than ever before.

with that said and off my chest, please allow me to go further into the skeet of the union for 2006. there are things we need to discuss and hopefully take action on in 2006 and i promise, no more political stuff.

also, it should be noted that skeet on willa has been updated and it has lots of pictures.

i'm not sure if i had mention this particular incident before, but never the less, here it comes. so flash back to the saturday after thanksgiving last year. i'm at an up scale store and i'm looking for a pair of jeans. a sales girl attempts to help me out, but i want to say within about 5 minutes, me and this girl are getting into a spatt over the state and quality of jeans. it was 2005 and i thought we as a public were reaching the point where we all could move on from these jeans that were already ripped, teared, destressed and that frequently carry price tags reaching and exceeding $150. yet as this girl showed me rack after rack of jeans, i just looked toward her and said, "don't you have anything thats normal?" and she just said, "nope. i guess we're not cool enough," and stormed off. last week, i went to the mall again in search of a replacement pair of jeans because i desperately need a new pair of jeans. for you see, my favorite pair of jeans, well, you see one of the slots that the buttons go through is beginning to rip and tear apart and that every day before i went to a store, the button had slipped out and my left was wide opened. so i'm standing outside of a store, during the mid day, adjusting my shit in front of a some soccer mom, so it's not like i'm at a point where i can be picky, but sadly, i am because everything just looks like shit. you know, i'm at the store, i'm looking to buy jeans and sales clerks approach and they point out these god awful jeans to me, but as soon as i mention, do they have anything without all of that bullshit, it's like i starting speaking japanese to these people. they just nod and walk away. how can have we go so far into the 2000s and still wear these awful jeans? you get rips in your jeans because you lived in and worn them out and probably there's a great story to them, but if you buy them and some dude whose making minium wage puts the rips and tears into them, then that defeats the whole purpose of wearing clothes. and it shouldn't matter if this is the style that lindsay lohan's new main gay wears his jeans and he knows everything cause he works at a boutique on melrose; have you ever been to melrose? there's a lot of dudes who dress like lenny kravitz down there, so thats just bad news bears to begin with. and it doesn't matter if the labium major lipped lisa rinna carries this particular of jeans in her store, these jeans look horrible and quite frankly, y'all are going to be so embarrased in about 5 or 6 years from now whenever hal sparks or the 2010's version of hal sparks slams those jeans on vh-1's "i kinda liked the 2000s." these jeans are the new acid washed jeans; well not even the new acid washed because people've been wearing this for far too long. and sure, you could say that my problem with today's jeans is that i'm overweight, which i'm rather aware of and i'm taking steps to resolve, but at the same time, the jean makers of today need to wake the fuck up or at least, have tim gunn place a call.

something we all should take into consideration this week about the band, she wants revenge. yes, they feel that odd void in our musical life left by interpol and sadly, the killers. and sure, some of the tunes are rather catchy. yet here's the thing about them and i'm stealing my major point from buddyhead, but anwyays, these guys are on fred durst's record label. so think about it, if you've purchased the she wants revenge on itunes or if you gonna head down to your local best buy and pick it up this week, you're supporting fred durst. so if this album does super well and everybody goes nuts for it, it means that fred durst is back in touch with what's hip and cool and happening and you'll see him at misshapes and you'll see him mugging away with the good charolette guys and dj kid millionaire on the snake [for those into cute girls making goofy faces, holla! aka my cobrasnake crushes for 2k6]. you're going to see fred durst standing on the side of the stage, rocking out during a cat power show. if you thought the jocks and goons becoming scene was truly awful, you aint seen nothing yet. you see, we had reached a point where we had defeated people like fred durst, but if we buy this album, we're leaving the door to his demise slightly ajar and fred durst is slowly pushing it open. now, i'm not saying download the album or anything like that, but you know, get your rocks off however you see fit. also, this band, she wants revenge has to be some of the most pretenious musicians ever; i heard a brief bit of an interview they did and they were like, "oh yeah, our friend, joaquin phoenix, heard our single and just told us he had to direct the video for it, so we let him and it turned pretty awesome." i'm sorry, but you can't just casually throw around the fact that you're friends with joaquin phoenix and how he had to make your new video; thats total and utter bullshit. not to mention, jessica & ashlee simpson are into this band, so probably there's a demonic joe simpson connection in there.

and guess in the new year, there'll be an attempt to jump on the bandwagon for the new it band of the year of the month of the week of the day of the hour of the minute in the blog circuit. lets give everybody from the artic monkeys to (insert new band here) a couple of spins before we proclaim them the new golden gods of rock. the same goes for rap this year. it just seems that everybody or at least music journalists are hung up on the fact that outkast has a new album coming out this year. so what? outkast kinda blows nowadays; now if this was a couple of years back and like "stankonia" was coming out, i'd understand and i'd be on that trolley, but it's like big boi made the better of the two solo albums and andre3000 has lost all of music cred with me because he made one of the most disappointing albums of all time. so what do i have to look forward with a new outkast album? "kryptonite (i'm on it)" was nice and i'll be there for a big boi solo album, but outkast, nope. and another thing about the south, i can't support the claim that t.i. is the king of the south because the most interesting part of southern hip hop is the production. so if it wasn't for juicy j & dj paul, mannie fresh, organize noise and to a certain extent, lil jon & collinpark, the south would be boring; so the king of the south in my book are the producers. also, let's not all claim that young cheesy as the best new rapper cause of his ad libs; the dude is the hank kingsley/fred willard of rap; so be on the prowl for the snowman to start saying, 'hey now!'. speaking of mr collinpark, this whole whisper booty rap songs need to stop because they're all the same. from the lyrics to the beat and it's not like they're adding anything to the musical lexicon. you know what's the difference between the ying yang twins rapping about fat asses and bubba sparxx rapping about fat asses; its like vanilla ice talking about the differences "ice, ice baby," and "under pressure".

in my humble opinion, you can't be consider the most hated site in hollywood, if you hang out with paris hilton. that's all i'm saying. and if we're gonna get our gossip from anybody, it'll be from ted casablanca.

you know how they always ask that question, if a tree falls in the woods and nobody is in the woods to hear it, does it make a sound? now, let's apply these celebrity parasites, if nobody writes about lionel riche's daughter dating steve-o, did it really happen? if nobody took a picture of a drunken paris hilton flashing her cooter, did it really happen? and if we don't waste anymore of our time and effort on these people, will they go away? think about it for a minute now. if we don't pay them any attention, maybe they'll go back into their mansions and become the multiple varations on the howard hughes recluse and gossip people can focus their sights back onto real celebrities. perhaps herman blume said it best it when he said: "take dead aim on the rich boys. get them in the crosshairs and take them down. just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. don't let them forget it." and sure, one way to take them down is to write and publish embarrassing stories about them, but its still keeping their name out there. the best way to take them down, is to completely ignore them all together. it's like that one episode of "the simpsons" where people from billboards and outdoor ads came to life and attacked springfield and the only way they could stop the monsters was by not looking at them. i swear, people, this isn't the preadtor we're hunting, just don't look and we'll win.

so i make this promise now and i've made in the past, i will continue to not write about the 'so called' celebrities because they're not interesting and they're not related to anything i'm into or would write about. when lionel richie's daughter is doing a record with the juan maclean, then i'll care. you know if lindsay lohan is doing a film with dario argento, then i'm interested, but otherwise than that, i'm done with these people.

what is it going to take to get a roscoe's chicken and waffles in orange county? and what's it going to take to get an american apparel store in south coast plaza? and what is it going to take to get "the oc" to film in the real oc? and why did i have to leave my community college after so many years to have my prescene replaced with miss massive bombs over baghdad from "laguna beach: the real orange county," jessica? does anybody want to do some investiage journalism and head over to saddleback and see what's doing?

can we all make a promise to be a bit more dicrete in the new year? you know where you're out with friends and you're telling some story about how you had major diarrhea while at work, instead of telling it at level 10 volume, let's crank that down to 5 or even 4. i understand the need to tell gross and interesting stories to friends, but let us remember the people around us and how they may not want to hear it as well. also, let's just try to cover up some more and by that i mean, if you have a shower right next to a window, maybe throw a curtain or a set of blinds on that. doesn't matter if its a frosted glass or what, people still can see stuff and unless you're jane birkin and its 1973, cover the fuck up. i'm trying to lose weight this year and i'm not going want to work out in the morning if i know that i have to pass by some senior citizen taking a shower.

this is what happens when you google 'google'

at first, i was going to say let's put an end to myspace lurking, but at the same time, its a great way to kill boredum by looking at the profile of the girl from "american idol" and what not.

i think i ran out of steam and i must bring this skeet of the union to close. you know, just more of the same from us over the next couple of months.

Jan 27, 2006

birds of prey

willa has "the oc" review/update. learn it, know it, love it: skeet on willa.

hey, moving units have a show tonight at the house of blues anaheim. i'd go but, i checked the handbook and the show got four of these stamps:

so, i think i'm gonna pass or wait until the dvd comes out.

does anybody have any musicial recommendations? i start school back up on monday and i'm gonna have a gang of time to kill with the ipod; anybody, bueller?

Jan 26, 2006

paper tiger

let's be honest with each other, folks, we all got a massive case of douche chills within the first 15 seconds of wednesday's "lost", right? then about 30 or 40 seconds later, you also knew you were in for what had to be the worst episode in the history of the series. mayhaps, its my great levels of disdain for the actor dominic monaghan and the fact that he's dating the poor man's version of kate beckinsale, but there's just something that rubs me the wrong way with this guy. like i want to associate the world continuing obessesion with destressed jeans with him and he's the reason why i can't find a pair of decent jeans at a decent price, but i'll save the rest of that for later. and you know, the character of charlie, once again, much like my cooking and mary lynn rajskub's facial expressions, only has two moves; being a unsympatheic junkie and being a junkie who wants desperately wants to be a dad. boring. sure, shannon & boone didn't really add to the over all story of "lost" that much, but at least, they were interesting and you know for the most, maggie grace did have a brown belt in body karate; well, boone was utterly boring and it made complete sense that he was written off. now, these writers should do the same with charlie cause he's boring and never really adds anything to nothing to show. is he down in the hatch, grabbing guns to take on the others? nope, he's just throws on the hood and sulks around. even the ultra bizzare hurley/libby love angle just reeks of desperation and grasping at straws; it just seems that the writers have reached the point where they're like, 'fuck, we didn't think we'd be on for this long.' i mean, remember when the monster sounded like flippin' godzilla, but now, it's just a cloud of smoke that represents your interal demons? what? huh? okay, i guess. and the others appear to be nothing more than a bunch of stranded old folk singers from the 60s/70s. honestly, what has happend to this show? and where's sayid? what happened to him? he was interesting, but nope, we gotta hang with charlie for a few episodes cause it's in his contract.

also, abc is ruining the flow of the show. you know, there'll be two or three weeks of new episodes, then it'll be gone for a month and half. "24" is blowing everybody's minds right now because from now until may, its all new episodes. no breaks, no re runs; just 24 straight episodes of jack bauer cutting peoples' heads off and shouting stuff that makes no sense whatsoever. i understand sweeps and ratings, and it's a business; i've had the class, but at the same time, the breaks, cause people to lose interest.

i wonder what's going to happen when "prison break" comes back? cause all i remember from the last episode was that mike jones was in it and naturally, i got douche chills again. sure, i could do some research and find out what happened on the last episode, but you know, that's not the fun kind of research; listening to matchbook romance is the fun kind of research.

i haven't been paying much attention to the latest season of road rules/real world, but from what i can tell from lip reading, it seems as if the very lovely cara zavaleta has been accused of either snitching or lying or scheming or slutting shit up or all of the above. actually, it's all just an excuse to post this picture.

jay on the cam feud, but more importantly, jay talks about the new nas album and it seems like they maybe scrapping or only using a couple of the tracks he did with primo. so, label politics may screw up what could've been a classic. nas doesn't need to work with timbaland or skateboard p or kanye west; nas should be working with primo, alchemist, pete rock, mf doom, madlib and the heatmakerz

either mischa b was trying to do a little dance or she's been working on her impression of usher in that 'you don't have to call girl' video, you know the one where he was wearing the wheelie sneakers or her and cisco turned the green room into a literal green room and she's just staring at her amazing shadow.

don't forget to check out skeet on willa; its being update on a semi daily basis, dudes.

Jan 25, 2006

spit on a stranger

victoria beckham, besides, becoming your mother, is also becoming the new angelyne; i know that the joke has probably been done before, but you try running two blogs and coming up with material for both of them. i just wonder if in 5 years, not even that, in two years from now, will there be billboards all around london promoting herself and you know, she'll cruise around london in a stink pink mini winnie cooper and cameo in the british equilvent of earth girls are easy.

yet at the same time, victoria beckenemen will probably end up looking like angelyne, but in all reality, paris hilton probably is the new angelyne. and seriously, why hasn't somebody put together a tour called, "monsters of teh suck" featuring paris hilton and k. fed performing tracks from their albums that are supposed to come out sometime this year, but in all reality, it'll probably be never. it'd be more of a cabaret act or it might be like a new school style lecture on how to lip sync and how to be some of the world's worst dancers to your own music? i never understand why on these entertainment shows (which sadly is my own source of news these days), they always talk about how sexy and cool paris hilton is when she's dancing in some vegas night club; elaine from "seinfeld" is a way better dancer than her.

then, there's all of this bullshit coverage of people at sundance who really have no right or place to be at sundance. why is lance bass there? is he trying to finance some documentary about ex pop star going into outer space? and why is he getting all of this free shit? if there's anybody at sundance who deserve to get a free pair of jeans and do lines with jessica biel, it's the guys who've put all of their worldy possesions into making their first film and got a gigantic break by having their film in the festival. fuck paris hilton or shannon elizabeth getting a free new phone from motorolla, give it to the guy who slaved away for three years making some great short film who probably has one of those old brick phones. sundance used to be a place where emerging filmmakers would catch a break, but now, its become a perverse place where shannon elizabeth goes to get her name back out in the media, and well, mission accomplished.

also, fuck sundance for not accepting facility 4.

mary lynn rajskub, much like my cooking, only has two acting moves. every time she tries to look serious or intense on "24"; i just can't help but think of the above scene from "mr show". she's super funny on "mr show," but she puts "24" into this

bizzaro gray area where i'm not sure if i'm supposed to laugh or not. and from the snap from "24," you can tell she's making the same exact face as in the mr show sketch. yet, at the same time, when she goes into that technological babble, i believe that she knows what's she talking about. you know, how you'll read an instruction manual out loud and words are coming out of your mouth, but you have no clue as to what they mean, or like when you read something in the economist, they are words, but it might as well be written in greek cause maybe then, i'd understand it; you see when mary lynn rajskub talks about all of that computer crap, i believe it. like if she was my friend and i had problems with my computer, i'd call her and ask for advice.

monday's "24" was lacking in the jack bauer yelling at people department. don't you think at the end of the episode when he was talking to the dude from the goonies and said "i'm not ctu," it would've been ten times cooler if he added, "i'm jack motherfucking bauer!" to that sentence? jack needs to throw in some swears.

hey american apparel, love your fleece pants; super comfy. anyways, here's the thing, i was at south coast plaza last week and i'll probably be there today looking for another pair of levis and noticed that a couple of stores were closing; they're throwing in the towel and i remember how much of a pain in the neck parking in h.b. it is near the hb a.a. store and it sorta hit me, why not have an american apparel store in south coast plaza? sure, you'd probably couldn't have the dressing room doors covered with old covers of cheri magazine, but, what an unbelievable way to say, 'we're major' and 'bite it, corporate america, you scum' with a store thats a couple of doors down from burberry and kitty corner to channel.

to the rest of america and especially, the lonely island guys, the masterminds behind "lazy monday" don't speak for the west coast as a whole. to build a whole response song around "color me mine," come on? that's just as bad as killa cam using the fact that s.carter rocked jeans & sandals one time. are these guys trying to make the point that color me mine is only a west coast thing because those dudes are sadly mistaken. i'm just confused by the whole matter because i'm not sure if these guys are trying to make a west coast equilvent of "lazy sunday" or not because or if they're just trying to catch a ride at the tail end of somebody else's shine? there are better things to reference that people do out here on a lazy monday that people back east can't do. we can get 2 4x4s from in n out or how we like to spend money we don't have at amoeba music or even roberstson blvd. you know, crack a joke about hanging around robertson waiting to see lindsay lohan crash her car again or like going to a taping of "the price is right". there are better things to do on a lazy monday on a west coast than color me mine. part of me has to wonder if the people who made the west coast response song/video knew somebody who works or manages that color me mine, so it'd be real easy to film the video. also, they need to step up their font game. it hurts my eyes.

and finally, on a much somber note, r.i.p. chris penn.

Jan 24, 2006

when we're gone

just cause this one isn't updated for today, it doesn't mean that the other one isn't.

and if you haven't already freaked out over the much hyped album, "pink" by boris yet, then i don't know what's wrong with you? man, i wish i knew about these types of records when i was in junior high cause everything would be totally different and that last song, the 10 minute free for all, oh snaps. it just builds and builds and builds, then it explodes and it properly peters out providing for an explosive cardio work for those who hate excerise.

related, happy b-day mischa b. one more year until legally its last call for alcohol, but since she parties with cisco alder, i think she's already had her first drink and then some.

Jan 23, 2006

the agony of laffitte

so, last week's "the oc" marked the first apperance or return of katlin cooper on the show and i have to say, that the show still is rather boring, tedious and chock full of useless characters, but katlin cooper, i like. she's fun, interesting, and hopefully, will rattle a few cages, but at the same time, the show is terrible because we have to continue to suffer through the johnny era. wasn't it around this time last season that the writers got rid of lindsay for no apparent reason what so ever? yeah, nobody liked lindsay, but when they decided to get rid her off al la poochie the rockin' dog, she was starting to grow on me, and of course, her character started to make snese in the grand scheme of the show. what i can't understand is why haven't they done the same for johnny yet? honestly, is there that much of a fan base for this character or have the producers been wowee zowieee by his performance that they just gotta keep him around? the johnny character served his point and its time from him to go hawaii or japan or whenever and to never ever come back. its bad enough that the writers are stealing lines from this blog (when ryan called chilli, 'bizzaro seth'); its even worse to continue dragging out a useless and pointless character that brings everything to a complete and utter hault. also, taylor has got to go; she's like nails on a chalkboard; she's like jake plummer in the game against the steelers; utterly useless.

also, what's the deal with this week's epiosde? did y'all hear the announcer guy go, "and sometimes, a good kid can go bad," then there's a shot of seth smoking a j with katlin cooper; excuse me, what? did the writers get the same note that mitch hurwitz got which lead him to make this masterpiece? 'you know, seth's a good kid and all, but we, especially, peter liguori, think its time that not only seth should learn a lesson, but its time to tackle drug addicition, like pot.' i mean, who didn't already think that seth was a semi stoner? he wasn't going to roll a j and zone out to that boris album (which is killer, btw), but, it just seemed like it was there and if any character was going to be hitting the drugs, it'd be marrisa and she'd be doing lines off of her favorite death cab cd.

somewhat related, this other blog i write just came back to town a couple of days ago. it was away at boarding school, and well, it's a bit younger and a bit sexier and a little more scandalous and it's way into thrice. so if you have the time, check it out, its called skeet on willa.

while remotely on the topic of "arrested development," anybody else see the article in the la times on saturday about showtime's one big demand/request in picking up the show, besides the obviously, of fox canceling the show, is that they'll take the show, only if mitch hurwitz continues on with the show. i think that's a given request because you can have that cast and still have a fairly decent show, but the show is all mitchell hurwitz. without him, there's no show. so let's hope that he wants to continue doing the show and lets hope, fox cancels it and showtime picks it up, and of course, the cast stays too.

now last week, i stated that the barometer for me shouting out some girl on cobra snake, had to be if i'd put that new ghostface song on a mixtape for her, but when the man, himself shows up on the thing, you know i just had to shout it out.

i think the reason why i loved terrence malick's the new world so much is that the film had such a polarizing affect on the crowd. well, not polarizing, as much as the film just made people see absolute red. i've never seen so many people hate a film so much as they did, and quite frankly, the problem lies with the marketing campagin of the film. the thing about malick's work is that, the storyline isn't important. what's being said, unless, its a voice over, but even then, its not really that significant or important. what's important in his films is of course, the visuals and the sound. its visual poetry and clearly, this audience wasn't looking for visual poetry, they wanted colin farrell without his shirt and a sweeping romance, instead of a sweeping romance between man and nature. i think i've paraphrase this line from the great joe bob brigs a couple of times before, but he was talking about the english patient and how there should've been a note on the marquee that said, 'must have read the book before watching this film,' well, a similar sign should be up there for the new world audience should be know, that this is a two and half hour poetry film.

the weird thing about working on a music video and i think i touch upon this a few days ago, but, by the end of the first day, i was starting to like the song. i had this thought running through the back of my head that i was going to become sick of this song, so at first, i tried to not focus in on the song. for those keeping score, it's "f.c.p.remix" by fall of troy & the video was done by bento. my job was to not screw up, crack a couple of jokes and move heavy stuff from point a to point b with miminal complaining and quite frankly, i had my mind half the time focused on eating a pork sandwich from lee's. not to mention, i had my ears covered up, due to the loudness of the playback, but around 1 morning after we wrapped for the night, i was really getting into the song. maybe, it was cause the location where we were shooting made me feel like i was at the smell or something. so as i showed up to work for day two, i was looking forward to hearing the song, so there has to be a bit of a science to how times one has to hear a song before they start to love it and i think it's like 20 to 30 times before it clicks.

Jan 22, 2006

top ten films of 2005 list...

i know, it's a few weeks late and a couple of dollars short, but here's the list, never the less.

1. Broken Flowers Directed by Jim Jarmusch
2. Darling, Darling Directed by Matthew Lessner
3. Capote Directed by Bennet Miller
4. Brokeback Mountain Directed by Ang Lee
5. Syriana Directed by Stephen Gaghan
6. Match Point Directed by Woody Allen
7. The New World Directed by Terrance Malick
8. The Constant Gardner Directed by Fernando Meirelles
10. 3 Way Tie:
-The Devil’s Rejects Directed by Rob Zombie
-The Island Directed by Michael Bay
-Dominio Directed by Tony Scott

honorable mentions:
-Facility 4 directed by Colter Freeman
-Batman Begins Directed by Christopher Nolan
-Good Night and, Good Luck Directed by George Clooney
-Munich Directed by Steven Spielberg
-Thumbsucker Directed by Mike Mills
-Sin City Directed by Frank Miller & Robert Rodriguez

most over rated films:
-Crash Directed by Paul Haggis
-A History of Violence Directed by David Cronenberg
-The Squid & The Whale Directed by Noah Baumbach

Jan 20, 2006

rebels makin' love in the streets

there are too many things to talk about and i feel like i'm gonna collapse even though i had a decent amount of sleep and there's like a million things to watch on the dvr. so i'm just going to break off with some bullet points:

-i like a song by a mallcore band called matchbook romance; i'm a sucker for hand claps.

-the thing about working on music videos or at least in my case, it's like, the first day, i wasn't sick of the song at all; i was just starting to get into and as i driving up to work, i was looking forward to listening to the song for the rest of that evening

-i heart riley mason; google if you must, but i'd say, you may be investiageted by the government

-cam's diss of jay, when i first heard it, i loved it, but on the second, third, etc. listenings, thought cam could've came a bit harder and quite frankly, his main pot shot at jay, the wearing sandals with jeans, is well, something i'd say or why i won't be into a person anymore. like i saw craig kilborn in a pair of birkenstock with blue socks, and i never ever found the dude funny again, but thats not strong enough to build a whole campaign of lyrical terror around. never the less, most of the week, i'll wear my dip set shirt every day.

-new v.mars next wednesday; finally!

-rachel b's friend from the other day's myspace; i'd say lame, but that might make its way back to rachel b and well, we all know how bad that'll be.

-fuck ted stevens

-i heart justine joli

-my trunk smells like lee's sandwiches

-fuck skating with the stars

-whatevs is back and goldenfiddle should change their theme song to the soft boys' "i want to destroy you," cause he's destroying everything.

Jan 18, 2006

phoning it in part 5

the new pt anderson film begins production in may and quite frankly, i can't be happier. variety did a write up, too.

Jan 17, 2006

say what?

the new killer bs? kristen b and rachel b? some say that dreams do come true.

also, this woman still isn't rachel b; neither is she

also, my head is still spinning from today's revelations on the stern show; you gotta get sirius; artie lange's story is beyond amazing.

i wonder if pat o'brien has seen it yet?

in case you didn't know, i made it.

in case you're from sony, i didn't make it.

this one has better audio though

and whatevs is back!

365 750, you're all i need...

chris de burgh must've gone nuts last night; ever wonder when marcia cross was in college or like a struggling slashtress in la la land, if dudes put "lady in red" on mixtapes for her? 'that'll be the way to win her heart; a smooth jazz tune about the love of a red head'.

for more on redheads, go here and this is the extent of our coverage of the golden globes, which is a sham, cause we all know that the most goldest of globes belong to keeley hazell (nsfw).

further related, i read this set of donts after i wrote my 'lady in red' joke.

thighs' best films of 2005 list; way better than ebert's list and probably better than my list, if i ever finish it (sometime next week, for those keeping score, of course)

make the subtitles for your very own crazy japanese commercial here; great way to kill time while on the yob. [via goodbye mail]

do you think sean lennon start singing that song he did with handsome boy modeling school (bummer about the break up, dudes) on his date with lohan? i mean, thats the good thing he's done, right? well, that and the time he called into the stern show and went off on bijjou or something. [lennon & lohan story via cnn aka goldenfiddle]

i was at a supermarket the other day and there was some girl with her mother shopping together and the mother called her daugther's name, which happened to be, crystal. now you have to wonder if people still realize in this day and age, that the name you give a child, will greatly affect the rest of their life. perspective parents have to go beyond the whole 'kids can be cruel, so lets not being a name that easily can't be made fun of; its gonna happen either way you name the kid and you may give the kid the most normalest name ever, but then out of nowhere like the steelers defeat of the colts, a tv show will come onto the scene with a goofy character with the same name and like in high school, during pe, there'll be that one douchey kid will bring up the show and constantly sing the theme song to you while the pe teacher slowly makes it over to do attendence. so give a kid a goofy name because it builds character as well as a sense of humor. but giving a girl the name of crystal, you'll be just dooming her to a life of strip clubs and trips to the bar in mid 30s in her best 'man trapping' outfit; if these parents feel so incline to name their daugthers, crystal, why not go ahead and just give them a lower back tat while they're at. (it should be noted that the girls in the photo have nothing to do with what i'm saying; i just figure it might be funer to have a picture to go along with a rant; the new barometer for linking girls is if i'd put "back like that" by ghostface on a mixtape for them)

anybody else have trouble keeping a straight face during "24" when mary lynn rajskub is trying to be serious? i just started to watch the show again (the last time i actively watched the show was season 1), so i don't know if they threw mary lynn rajskub and that dude with the lisp into the show for so much needed comedic relief? whenever there's an intense look on her face or an upset look, i just think of that sketch from "mr show," where she was working at a donut shop and bob odenkirk is droppy and he says, 'keep the change'. but seriously, i dunno, "24" was pretty intense or at least in comparsion to the last time i watched it.

ever heard the song, "the agony of laffitte," by spoon? yeah, its amazing. i'm just upset that i'm getting hip to spoon now. well, i just can't get past that one song.

eon mckai's neu wave hookers is out today; get your descrete packaging on or at least, a late night run to the sketchy part of town; i don't want to sound weird, but i love the production design of this movie. it's not what immediately leaps out at you when you watch dirty movies, the sets, well most of the time, you say, what sets?; you notice the visable boom mic and the fact that its the same house in the san pornado valley being used again, but with eon mckai's stuff; you're like the dude is like luis bunuel of dirty movies.

quick word to the wise, no updates on thursday of this weekend; got a pro-boner job on a video shoot. will there be stories? most likely, but it'll just be a long story about exhausted and tired i am.

now, the most interesting piece of this puzzle is a bit cut off, fortunately/unfortunately, depending on your particular viewpoint towards fashion nightmares. now, rachel b looks cute, but, her friend, i have no clue as to what's going on; she looks like as if she just discovered this crazy thing called electroclash and how the 80s are retro now and she's just sliding by on the cool points with the leggings, cause you know american apparel makes them.

you also have to wonder if rachel b is embarrased by her friend's attire, cause she's trying to cover up her face and she's probably wondering if one can make it onto worst dressed list just cause of the person you're standing next to. or rachel b's friend is like funnier than zach galifianakis and she's just calming down from laughing so hard, but you know, she's just about to bust up all over again; you know how it is with those jokes where you can barely get out the punch line before you explode into laugther; like this is the aftermath of the moment where you're still laughing at the joke, but its mildly dying back down, but then somebody will walk by and the joke will start all over again, and nine times of ten, the person walking by thinks that they're laughing at the them.

during this extremely extended winter break, i think i went insane once or twice. could've been the 'cold turkey' style kicking of all candy, sugary and any other food related to chocolate. could've been the times i was trapped in skeetville working on the i wish was infamous "when a strange calls" or it could've been the time when i was doing some home improvement and basically spent that day unwittingly huffing goop (btw, it didn't work). so in these travels, i encountered or at least, saw what i thought to be two post op transgender individuals (ms to fs). i easily chalked to it to the goop, but when it happened, the second time, there had to be more to the story; then i realized, i had been copped up and my whole hot girl, not even hot girl, but just regular young girl detactor was completely out of whack. it had been too long, you know. so when i got my haircut last week at the schoo, it was overload and probably a fuse blew. and there's a point to this, just be patient. so you know, i'm getting my hair cut and had a jack tripper moment as i nearly spilled a power sized smoothie two times in the process of walking over to the chair; thank goodness, it was an empty cup.

anyways, the point, i'm attempting to bring up is, that, sure, its good grooming to shampoo your hair every day, but your hair can act on its own; there's natural oils or some shit. i've probably been told this millions of times before, but never really pay attention to it cause i like it when my hair smells good. yet, some cute 19 year old wearing pants from the express with a killer shoe game tells me that i don't have to wash my hair every day, then of course, i'm going to stop washing my hair and throw some soap in there from time to time. why? cause i assume that this will impress her and well, you know the rest of the story goes. it should be noted that my hair feels good right now and its been about five days. so here's the point, i'm attempting to make is this, we need to change the mediums and methods and ways that the kids receive their messages about politics. vote or die failed cause nobody likes puffy unless you're getting an invite to one of his parties, but even then, you're just going for a bit and probably leaving after mariah carrey's boob falls out of her dress cause you're grossed out and that whole movement was based around a catch phrase on a lame t shirt. we need to find new and more exciting avenues to spread the words about what's going on with the world. i enjoy reading the nation, but it's a struggle to read it each week. i don't like reading maxim cause a) that cover with haylie duff is perhaps more scarier than any argento film and b) while i enjoy the photos, why should i be corcerned with the girl who wears a tube top and has three lines with nick cage in the latest bruckhemier shit storm? why not marry these two magaznes together. lets pretend that some czech model who at first may be into threesomes, but the bulk of her article is about how she thinks g.w.bush should be impeached. sure, its writer's hand, but it's the message out there. i say this from a guy's point of view, so i can't say what would work for women or at least young women to make them more politically motived, but we need to 'bottle rocket' up the medium, dudes. lets bridge the gaps between howard stern and alex bennett; there has to be a middle ground between "the daily show" and the late night programming on cinemax. we need to turn politics into a situation where people vote a particular way in a feemble attempt to impress somebody else. sure, it's a shallow concept, but you know, what's even more shallower, the fact that nobody votes.

anybody know if "deadwood" is any good? i tried to watch an episode, but i only made it half way through it because i had no fucking clue as to what's going on and that dude who's supposed to swear up a storm, barely said anything.

Jan 16, 2006

cooter capers pt2.

i'm going to out on a limb on this one, but dudes, i loved the 'fly high duluth' skit on saturday night live this past weekend. at first i was going to say, i liked it more than 'the chronic(icles)...' (thank god, they didn't do another one of those), but its like easily the fourth best sketch of the season thus far (narina, two a holes buying a christmas tree, and will forte at the spelling bee). what's surprising to me is that i'm digging on skets with will forte cause normally i hate the guy, but his performance as the wanna be jim morrison, wally hammerlick, was not only funny, but it was extremely spot on. not to mention, everybody else in the band, epesically fred armesina as freddy fingers; there's video somewhere in my office that robin brown filmed at a nascar event of blue oyster cult in concert and their drummer was not only wearing an asian inspired head band, but also, the dude made the same faces as fred armesian did (one of these days i'll have to post the footage of the guy doing a drum solo, but we put it in reverse, so its funnier), then there was sanchez sheperd and his axe. i don't know, but it was just a perfect sketch, and quite frankly, who knew scarlett johansson could kinda sing and rock out like she's pat bentar; i'm not saying she should cut an album or anything, but if she was the chick in morningwood, more people would be into the thing, thats all i'm saying.

um, if you have yet to hear "back like that" by ghostface and neyo, then i don't know what's wrong with you. seriously. its ghost being ghost; killer beat and a catchy hook. one of the earlier contenders for the title of best single in 2006 and the new year is only 16 days old. carter adminstration please, please, please, get the new ghostface album asap!

fox is going air the final set of episodes of the breatest show ever, "arrested development" against the openning ceremonies of the olympics; which is on a friday night. one, thank god for the dvr, two, why would i care because i'd be home on a friday night to watch "arrested" or at least attempt to do a viewing party where we'd play a drinking game and we'd take a shot every time we laughed, and i'd be passed out by the twenty minute mark, so i guess in a way, yeah, thank goodness for dvrs. and thirdly, who gives a fuck about the olympics anyways? if they were so great and significant, they'd be on every year, not every 4 years. and who cares about these sports anyways? you're going to tell me you're gonna break your normal routine in order to watch some dude from sweeden or where ever ski jump down a hill, which is a event thats on tv every winter, but you could care less about it. so fuck the olympics and watch the best show and people all upset at yourself for sleeping on something so great cause you couldn't get over how funny charlie sheen is on "two and half men".

its official, derek doi is the king of photocasting; if you don't believe, check out his photocast; bonus point if you can find the cameo by yours truly. side note, how much longer until the porn get involved with photocasting?

mildly related, in case, you're the person whose being dying to watch johnny benson's adventures in blogosphere, well, you could go here and go to the marketplace library and ask for a copy of it. so, i mean, it'd be a worthwhile trip to france, you get to see johnny b and you know, whatever cool things they have there.

you have to wonder with the "flavor of love," if they're just making these girls do all this wacky and crazy shit cause one of the producers or story editors is just way mad at women. you know, he consistently pitches ideas, 'let's test our cooking skills by making them kill, clean, and cook a cow to flav's liking while wearing a tribe shoots ponious darts at them,' or did they just assume all of these women are absolutely nuts and will do anything for flavor, like having small children throw up on them and rubbing old peoples' feet. also, why is oyster, my favorite continuing to snitch? i know that the whole 'stop snitching' movement is sorta dying out; when the shirt is avaiable for sale at wal mart, its donzo, but oyster, you should seriously stop snitching cause at the end of the day, you might just end up with a job as flav's assitant.

does anybody remember if "the oc" has used "nobody move, nobody get hurt," by we are scientists in their promos to promote the return of catlin copper, yet? no? give it a week or two.

dude, when a strange calls; its pat obrien VS camilla belle, which equals all killer, no filler and its kosher, too.

Jan 13, 2006

rock apocalypse aka hella nervous

this isn't rachel bilson , unless, she's really let her self go over the holidazes. cause last time, i checked rachel b looked like this. apparently, this girl was on mtv's "my own" episode about rachel b, and so now, everybody thinks she's one half of a much slept on power duo.

you know how on ""dancing with the stars" they dance to fairly current or modern songs; don't you think it'd be more interesting instead of dancing to like elton john, the orchestra started to play d4l's "laffy taffy"? just imagine that person from that show i didn't watch cause when it was on, i was barely seven years old dancing to that song and how hi-larious it would be.

related, i voted for my man, p twice last night. so hopefully, you also voted in the name of the comedy and not in the name of 'oh, that wwf girl is a great dancer. she should win'.

is there an industry standard for sending the friend request via myspace to somebody you recently met ? i called robin brown about the matter since he sorta made a movie about the matter, but as of press time, he has yet to respond to said question.

the snake is on a bit of a comeback/roll as of late; dag yo. do you think her favorite funkadelic song is "you and your folks, me and my folks," or is she more of the "hit it and quit it" type?

you know how they gave that show to the dude from o-town on mtv about filling the void of third eye blind with his brand new craptuclaur pop songs; its pretty boring, right. you're in debt, but yet you manage to afford all the cool new threads from american eagle and briefly 'live' in an apartment complex near my father's residence, but this is besides the point. the point is this, 2005 was the year of the celebrity coke scandal: we had pat o'brien & betsy, then of course, cocaine kate, and most likely, lohan. now given the recent activies of kate moss & lohan (read here & here) and you throw in, pat o'brien into the mix, i'm sorry people, but you probably the greatest reality tv show in the history of the world. way better than that breaking bondouchebag. i mean, the show would be about recovering addicts forced to live in an house with unlimited supplies of drugs, liquor, hookers, and an escalade with a driver willing to take them anywhere they want. and like throw in a pop up visit from like r kelly every couple of episodes, you just can't imagine all the fun we'd be having while watching it. or the show is about them forced to watch queen latifah in last holiday for like 24 hours straight.

anybody else not that impressed by that test icicles album? a couple of british dudes that are into refused and the blood brothers. i dunno; i like the music, but the singing is sorta blah. okay, yeah, i like their production, but not their singing. it just smacks of effort. i'm soo out of the loop when it comes to the rock n roll these days.

okay, who watched "the oc" last night? perhaps the most boringest episode ever in the whole wide world and those lamey producers didn't even break us off with a catlin cooper cameo at the tail end. you know, just a brief shot of her getting off the bus like axel in the "welcome to the jungle" video and she could have an evil look on her face or just say something like, "i gotta fuck shit up," you know something cool like that to make up for the previous 43 minutes of tedium and utterly boredum. and there was that glimmer of hope in the episode when johnny was going to join that surf team and leave the oc forever. weren't you so happy about that? no more johnny, but nope, he's still hanging around. johnny is like that cold you can never get rid of until like the summer cause, its warmer. you snort up the airborn, tony montona steez and you're eating chicken soup like crazy, but you just can't get rid of it. this is what johnny is to this season of "the oc". its an annoynace you learn to live with for a bit, but eventually it goes away, but never soon enough. but back to the lack of catlin cooper, you just can't promo us for three weeks about catlin cooper coming to the show and not even break off a lil piece in your first episode. i mean bringing in a real life piece of jail bait to spark up the show screams despiration, but to promo it for nearly a month, screams their despiration even louder.

and why is half of the cast of "the oc" on the new new shortlist nomination board? they should be focused in on writing better episodes of their show, not debating about who from the show is going to list the arcade fire on their best albums lists. that type of shit should be left to people without anything to do with their life like myself. when i'm not having a panic attack or writing this mess, i could crank out a short list of music, unless those dudes want to trade places with me. i'll write for "the oc" and my first move as writer, will be to kill off johnny. yeah, he has to go to chicago for no reason what so ever like every other character on the show they've run out of things to do with. and i'll work cheaply too. all i just need is like a 1000 dollar gift card to american apparel (gotta look nice), a sirius radio (gotta listen to howard) and a personal assitant/driver who looks like mercedes terrell who'll be way down for a run to lee's. that's all i need and i think i could crank out some quality stuff.

also, i wish that "the oc" producers would've continued their traditional of casting people who are in their late 20s, early 30s to play teens, cause catlin cooper really is 14 and her step dad is brian de palma, who'll probably beat you up in a style similar to a hitchcock film if you perv out on her, although, he might use in a film, so who knows.

weird things that happened recently:
-i was at amoeba the other day and you know, how the cashiers just throw those cd cases behind their backs without looking, most of the time. well, i had to ask the girl at the register if she's ever hit anybody with those things, cause i mean, they just throw things hard (how else are they going to into the bins?) and the girl said she's only hit 2 people in the 4 years working there.
-i was getting a haircut and i was waiting and i had left my copy of the nation at home, so i had nothing to do and i was fumbling through those giant books of hairstyles that are always beat up and seem to have pages missing from them. so i pull out this book for children's hairstyles. one, i just want to know what parent let their child become a hair model and two, i just wanted to know who styled those photoshoots. there was a kid in the book, who i guess was trying to be the tough kid hair model because he was wearing an iron maiden shirt and he looked like he was about 11. sure, there was that one cool kid who was wearing a smiths shirt in the 5th grade, who could probably tell me what the new big band will be, but i mean, what kid whose that young is into the maiden? i thought you had to have a few acne scars in order to be a maiden fan or at least wear black jeans. then there was a hair model, a guy, with a unibrow, which you would think wouldn't be allowed in a hair book, but they seemed to be proud of it.
-i had to take my car into the shop the other day and i was getting a ride back home in the dealership's shuttle van and i don't know what it is with me and shuttle vans. usually, i'm the last one to be drop off because while i might consider watching "trya" an important thing i have to attend to promptly, it doesn't compare to the uptight pushy guy who was to go to work. so, quite often, its just me and some old guy in a van talking. so i get into the van and the guy goes into a story about the woman he just dropped off and her plans to ruin her husband's bachleor party plans; i'll spare you the details, but needless to say, i got all of the details; like the age of the woman and her husband, when they're leaving, where they're going and how long they're staying and the surprise plan the woman and her friends have for their spouses. then, the guy seemed hell bent on making me feel slightly depressed or sad. i'd mention how i loved driving over this one bridge near the the dealership and the guy counters back with a story about a woman who jumped off the bridge recently and of course, all of the details. then he talked about his neighbor who was spent to eastern europe to become a model cause her parents didn't care about her, then how she became a relief worker out there and yeah, its an inpsiring story but at the same time, its like wow, i've done nothing with my life and the nicest thing that i've done in recently memorey was holding a door open for a dude in a wheel chair and thats about it.

Jan 12, 2006

jumping the shark....(spoiler warning; don't read unless you've seen wednesday's "lost" already)

okay, spoiler warning if you have yet to download/watch wednesday's episode of "lost," please do not go any further; there may be some spoilers. i'm going to down a count down until the spoilers and what not.











okay, so you watch it last night, then?


was i the only one who at this moment in the show, thought of immediately removing the show from their season pass list on the dvr? i mean, what the fuck? the big scary island monster is nothing more than one of those weird ghost things from those lord of the rings movies? mondo retardo. seriously, what the fuck? that scene made the film, raiders of atlantis look as if it was directed by wong kar wai.

although, rest of the episode was kinda decent.











Jan 11, 2006

the phantom tollbooth aka bonita applebaum

i guess this was a big deal, but i aint into phoney awards shows and my name aint billy bush. besides, luba and her sister(nsfw) have way better racks than jessica simpson and her sister anyways.

why is that these entertainment reporters and so called 'oscars experts' say that every movie award show since mid december up until the announcement of the oscar nominations tend to predict how oscars voters will cast their votes. all of these award shows are bullshit; they don't have any impact or influence or hold the crystal ball to what'll happen next. what's the predictor of oscar nominations is the mail dudes who drop off screeners to the voters. if a bunch of copies of brokeback mountain are going out there, then guess what, it'll probably get nominated. everybody loves free shit and oscar voters are no different.

now, you see, this sorta reminds me of those songs that joan baez did with movie score god, ennio morricone. he's the dude who did the score for the good, the bad, and, the ugly, amongst others and she's the lady that tried to change the world with bob dylan back in the day and they're doing songs about sacco and vanzetti (look it up for yoursef). now on paper or should on the screen, it doesn't sound like it would be a good combination, but when you hear it, you're like, 'fuck, that's awesome and why is this album out of print?' i can get that feeling whenever i see a blonde and a brunette hang out together, can it actually be a good thing and wouldn't you know it, it totally is; not to mention, they got killer bangs.

the return of an old favorite; and just when i was about to write the snake. dag yo.

it's going to be a political picture. a film with a message, you know, like syriana, but you know with an upbeat ending, some of that classic julia 'big smile' magic, a plot that you can actually understand (what the fork was going during that one, george?) and it'll be directed by a guy who hasn't made a decent film since 1971.

i don't know what's going on right now, people. yeah, stern's back and thats amazing and sadly, it's all i've been doing with myself this past two days. from 6 am to 5pm, i'm listening to whatever on the stern stations, but there's more than that going on right now. well, actually, its just that there's nothing go on in the world right now. i keep on saying this, it seems like every other month, i make this speech, but you know, i just can't get myself worked up about lionel riche's daugther hanging out with steve o; i can get worked up about getting together a petition to pass around to force her to eat mega combos from tommy's at least twice week. and like uncle grambo hasn't update in nearly month, which sucks. and i spent like all day yesterday and monday night working on this top secret project, which after the inital phase of completion, i don't know how to take it any further, let alone, all the other ramifcations of the project, so that's a wee bit frustrating.

but at the same time, there are some good things going on, to look at the bright side of things, there's the delightful expressions of 'i wish i was anywhere but here' on master p's face on "dancing with the stars," and you know that lil romeo got grounded on friday night after p made it to the second round on that show. i want to chalk that up as a vote in the name of comedy. i mean, p is not even trying; we have to create a new term to apply how p dances on this show because 'phoning it in,' doesn't even begin to describe what the dude is doing.

Jan 10, 2006

cavallina a cavallo

ah snaps, this girls looks like edwige fenech and quite frankly, that's all that needs to be said about the matter. while the real edwige fenech still looks rather decent for a woman nearly pushin' 60, its quite a relief that somewhere out there in the world, most likely the san fernando valley, there's another girl who could very well be the winner on an episode of mtv's "my own," if i was on it and the episode, of course, was about edwige fenech and at the end of the episode, to pick out my own edwige fenech, i'd have act at scene from the film, creampuffs and you know, take things from there, slowly, of course

related, do you if i talk about how cool and how awesome i think joanna angel is and how she's more of a femmist and more about female empowerment than that one nerdy girl with coke bottle glasses from 'suicide girls', i'll get a free copy of her movie or something? i didn't think so either.

quick question, is anybody having issues with the whole links openning in new pages thing? i just figured out the code, well not figure it out, as much as just look it up and then use it on a couple of things and figured it maybe easier for everybody else.

seriously, can anybody explain what the fuck the show, "house" is about? i need an explaination as to why i couldn't watch my bluths last night? cause from what i've seen, its just some cranky old dude who buzzes around with a cane in ryan seacrest's old clothes and makes 'in your face' & edgy statements about medicine and caring people; why oh why did we need a double dose of this shit storm? at least, well, i wish i could said, give the people what they want, but oddly and sadly, i think its more episodes of "house," so its a lose-lose situation either you slice the cake.

does anybody remember when mtv did that week long string of episodes of the show, "dismissed," and they had like high school kids on it, going on the dates, instead of all the fly girls from santa monica college? and like the dates were based on high school things; like one girl's half of the date was about going to her school's talent show, then the other girl's date was like going back to her house and play some board games, but then, it'd some how always get weird and uncomfortable cause the producers would make the kids get into a hot tub. does anybody remember that? also, does anybody else get that similar creepy feeling in their stomach while watching the latest round of episodes of "next"? i saw mtv casting people at my school one day, but nobody seemed that interested, so now i have to wonder if they just decided to camp out at some high school campus and just cruise around looking for girls who are 18? to which i say, gross as well as, how can i get this job?

when i woke up at 6 am yesterday morning and i'll continue to wake up at this time until a week from today, and heard the oh so familiar and frequently hiliarious voice of george takei, i knew i had made the right move by going over to sirius or at least, had gotten one of the breastest christmas presents ever (thanks dad). i could say that howard stern on sirius is basically the same show but with more swears and fewer commericals breaks, but that would be short changing it. basically, its stern being completely free of restrictions and regulations and tom & dead air dave hanging over the dump button. there's no dancing around terms or topics, if howard stern wants to ask george takei about his first gay experince, he does it. if artie lange thinks te use of a 'fuck' in a joke makes it funnier, than he drops the f-bomb without the headache of being fined by a bunch of uptight dudes in dc with weird obsessions with the incredible hulk and who want to build a bridge in the middle of nowhere that'll lead to nowhere. its the stern show finally being the stern show. and even if you're not a sternaholic, i'd tell you to check out sirius radio because it has good music, thats on 24 hours a day, commercial free. sure, the on air talent still has a bit of that goofy radio guy vibe and its kinda creepy that on the indie station they do a thing called mandotary morrisey, but its commercial free and sometimes, the dj will be like, 'hey, the new grand daddy album is all right, but i like this one better, so i'm gonna play a tune from their other album.' and instead of people from bands saying, 'hey, i'm the dude from she wants revenge and you're listening to rochester's number 1 rock station,' they say, 'i'm the dude from she wants revenge and my favorite book is franny & zooey," which of course, indie and left of center; the only compliant that one can make about the indie station, is that while they play feist and broken social scene all the time, which is good and awesome, but they only play one song by them. yes, its fun to say "mushaboom" but there's other quality songs on that feist album to play.

even if you're not a stern fan but you do love rap music and don't live in new york city, then i'd say get sirius because their rap stations are amazing. dj premiere has a show on friday nights where basically he plays songs he produced for two to three hours on one channel, then on the other channel, you got dj drama playing brand new t.i.p. tunes. its great, and sure, the eminem station plays way too much eminem and all of his related artists, but its fun to hear busta rhymes talk to the recently freed pimp c while whoo kid over does it on the gun shot sound effects; although, it should be noted, how funny to hear confident whoo kid feels about spider loc 'destroying' the game when he plays "g unot killer" because he'll play a couple of bars, which aren't at all lyrical scary, but we get that whoo kid 'damn' and the song starts all over again. other than whoo kid, sirius probably is the best place for rap music, although, they need to step up have dip set radio or give duke da god his own show again.

so i finally saw eli roth's hostel last night and i have to say even though, i felt that the film was largely uneven and at times, flat, i still recommend it. my problem with the film is one the marketing plan as well as a bit of the editing. i wish i would've promoted it as you know, eurotrip 2 and for the first thirty or forty minutes, you know, its a goofy comedy about a couple of guys getting stoned all across europe with lots of naked european model lookin' broads then the film sucker punches you and becomes a minor gore fest. then the film would've worked better and been more interesting; but when the film actually goes into the darkside, its great and there's the miike cameo and there are shots stolen from suicide circle and there's a great performance by rick hoffman, which in my opinion is on par with the performance that william hurt gave in the highly overrated a history of violence. if you love the genre, then see hostel, but even then, i'd still say wait for the dvd and if you're looking to see nice european knoobs, then just wait for the snaps on celebrity movie archive (nsfw)

Jan 9, 2006

il giardino delle delizie

dear eli roth,

dude, i totally tried to watch your movie hostel the other night, but it was sold out, which i guess is goo(d) for you, but bad for me. you know, i guess, its my fault for going to a movie theater thats about ten minutes away from my house, since i failed to remembered that generally, on the weekend nights, it looks like the parking lot of a junior high around 2:30 in the pm. perhaps its the bitter, old, cynical old man in me, i have to say that i'm extremely disapointed in my local movie theater's employees, letting a bunch of 14 year olds to watch a film which features a cameo by the great takashi miike (that those punks probably won't even apperciate) and copious amounts of gore, but once again, mr roth, goo(d) for you, bad for me because i was not on my shit and i got left in the cold.

and true, i did go to the movies earlier that day; saw woody allen's excellent match point (its like crimes and misdemeanors with english accents) and i could've used that oppurnity at the cinemas to catch your film, but you know hostel just doesn't seem like a breezy 2 o'clock in the afternoon kind of film. sure, if i was seeing it for a second time, i could do an early showing, but as we all know, the best time to watch a horror movie, is in fact the night time and preferablely the last show of the night. you know, after a gore fest or at least what i assume to be a gore fest, just doesn't strike me as something i could go and grab a smoothie shortly afterwards. it'd just ruin the affect of your film.

so, my dollars would've been there openning weekend, but you know, chatty 12 year olds and bored movie theater security guards who love tim allen movies kept me away. tonight, or at least, cross my fingers, that tonight will be the night i finally get to see your film.


douglas reinhardt

moving on, now, i'm not a football fan. most of the time, i find it to be rather boring. you know, some dude runs for three yards, then falls down. clearly, this is why so much beer is sold during football games. yet once january rolls around, football actually becomes interesting because games actually mean something. there's something of value and significance happening with each game. so, i don't know about everybody else, but i'm fucking sick of tom brady and the patriots every year in the playoffs because those guys make everything so boring; well, just in general, all the games this past week were incrediblely and utterly boring. the pats are basically the yankees of football, but the thing about them, is that they're not even fun to hate on. i can watch a yankees game, just to yell at my tv about how much afraud sucks and how he'll never win a ring, but with the pats, it's like, 'eh, isn't there some "saved by the bell" reruns on".

okay, who else was sweating bullets during the elimanation process of "flavor of love" last night? if flavor was going to get rid of oyster, the woman who is in the process of setting the world's record for wearing the color red (6 years and still going strong, baby!), then the show would've become an hour of girls like this...

with not only their crazy eyes (runaway bride style), but also with their crazy hair. have you noticed that all of the girls' hair on this show looks like as if they've been up for three days straight not only partying with pat o'brien & betsy, but also with pedro guerrero, george w bush, bobby brown (see the photo and check the nostrils) and stevie nicks fans from a near by trailer park. sure, my hair is a bit crazy right now, but thats cause i'm too lazy and forgetful to call the haircutting school in which i go to, these women are trying to win the love of flavor flav. not to mention, that these women dress like our favorite kind of nightmares, autralian's nightmare. sorry chuck d, but vh-1, while your broadband video thing blows since its windows only, keep on cranking out the flavxplotion cause we can't get enough of it. also, if we could get an oyster spin off in the summer, that'd be killer, too. way more interesting than that dude from "the brady bunch" marrying that girl from "top model" who never really was a model in the first place show.

one of my goals of 2006 was to not be suckered in by these buzz bands. last year, i was fished in like stupid people who get those emails from people claiming to be princes who needs loans to help unfreeze their assets by these stupid buzz bands, that, well, i'm thinking of filing a lawsuit against them and the cute girl on myspace who was all about them. yet, here are i am, a mere 9 days into the new year and i've already listened to the new album by we are scientists, which comes out on tuesday, two times in a single day. the grooves are infectious and i don't know, good hooks, and just an all around fun record to listen. its a bold feet these days to get to me to turn off my sirius boombox (i went through 8 d batteries in a week on that thing) and we are scientists have done this with flying colors.

sirius radio is really good, but i'll do a better write up after i hear stern's show in full today.

it should be noted that ennio morricone scores, in particular the really psychedelic and 'progg'y ones. i wish i lived and worked in italian during the 60s & the 70s and a father who was involved with the film industry cause i could've made a giallo or two.

i was out to dinner with my friends over the weekend, in honor of morgan of morgan's celebrity spotting of the week fame's birthday and you know, its the end of the night, and of course, nobody being the great math wiz, we all sorta estimate how much we each owe on the bill and just throw money in the pot until we think we're close and we've left an okay tip. and from the movies, i've seen about adults or at least involving adult like people, it appears that there's a certain point in our lifetime, where we all stop splitting the check 8 ways and one person bites the bullet and picks up the bill. i mean, does that actually happen in real life that one person is nice enough to foot the bill or just does it come with the inevitable switch of becoming a republican and a real job? or we just doomed to live a life of spliting a bill 6 ways forever and ever?

Jan 8, 2006

looks like i picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue

man, i was all ready to play a quick game of what's more boring, the avn awards in vegas or the palm strings film fest awards dinner. cause you know, the avns or at least its a room with the more silcon and saline than the world's biggest manufactures of said chemicals and you know, like jenna jameson and lexington steele where as the palm strings awards has like jake gyllenhallahalen talking for ten minutes about his craft.

but then, i saw this photo...

either charlize theron's boob fell out of her dress or shirley maclaine is so drunk that's she decided to cop a feel on charlize theron as form of my punishment for aeon flux; something wild, a jonathan demme film starring jeff daniels style, has occured at that moment cause why else would terrance howard make the 'o' face or be in the process of shouting something celebratory.

also, dude, it seems like a bad week to be a usc football player. first, the rose bowl and then carson palmer is down after his second snap in the game against the steelers. dang yo.

Jan 6, 2006

we're going to the moon!

yeah, i know that my daughter was just in the hospital and i know that my daugther struggled with an eating disorder as well as mild drug problem and i know that i'm probably not being a decent parent to my unfamous children and that i'm making them deal with an unbelievablely weird and awkward divorce and of course, my momey making daugther is no help by making music videos about it, but you know, fuck, i need some 'me' time, too. what's so wrong with just hanging out on the beach and goofing off with some text messages to my boyfriend? fuck.

did y'all know that the prettiest pony has like remixes for days and days? i highly recommend the dfa remix of hot chip; classic dfa right there.

on the dfa records subject matter, nancy whang solo album? is it going to happen in the '06?

the problem with the village voice's top ten films of 2005 is that, two of the films (wong kar wai's 2046 and tropical malady) were released in 2004 in other countries. now, 2046, i understand slightly; its well made and its beautiful to look at it, but it's rather long and at a bit repetitous. where as a film like tropical malady, its just a bunch of critics wanting to be seen as intelligent and forward thinking about cinema like the dudes from cashiers du cinema; you know how you'll say one thing is like your favorite book or film or album or song or talk about politics to seem more smarter than you are, this is what the critics who voted in the village voice poll did with the selection of tropical malady and i can honestly say, that the film is bad because i've actually seen it. it's a bunch of dudes in a jungle wanting to make a terrance malik film, but forgot what makes terrance malik films so watchable in the first place, a great cinematographer. so i guess the point, i'm attemptig to make it is this, you can only include a film on your ten best list in the year it was released. so if you go out and see, i don't know, the producers tonight (and why would you do that? go buy the orignial, its only 11 bucks on dvd) and you declared it to be your favorite film of 2006; you'd be wrong because while you saw it in 2006, it was actually your favorite film of 2005.

also, i'm still confused about the critic praise for a history of violence as well as crash. a history of violence had its moments, but to me, felt rather uneven and too hokey, if that makes sense. where as crash, well, that borefest was a fucking lifetime movie with swears and a decent performance by matt dillon. yeah, i got the message in the first five minutes. 'jenny, racisim is bad, don't do drugs, and when you're stuck as a writer, just use a bunch of things they teach to not do in community college writing classes.'

and for those who are keeping score, the best of 'o5 films list will be posted in a couple of weeks.

okay, so i had this theory about american apparel and their hiring pratices. basically, they're like that local italian resturant in your town, its either family or its large breasted women; american apparel hires only hot girls (if you read the text on their ads, it says the girls are usually an employee). so i thought, why not visit one of their stores to see if its true and to, also, see if i could any help or at least anybody approach me asking if i need any help, since you know, if you go to any cool, hip clothing place, even if its urban outfitters, you won't get any help at all. i remember one incident where kevin disco of dance disaster movement was working at urban outfitters in costa mesa and i went near a dressing room in the section he was working and he told that the dressing room was broke and was to go on the other side of the store. you see, cool people are always trying to get out of doing their job. so i trek down to h.b. and their american apparel store, to see if my theory was right.

i walked into the store and was greeted by giantic photos of trixie teen [nsfw] on their walls. i mean, just huge photos of her, which was sorta awkward and cool at the same time, then i thought about asking if i could obtain those things after they were done with them, which also is another embarrasing and awkward situation because you assume that you'll most likely never ever run into these people again, but sometimes, you do and its sorta weird. example, in the early 2000s, i was in a gap (the friend i went to the mall with wanted to go there) and so i looked around and saw these big photos of josie maran up and i asked this girl if i could have them when they're done with them, but she said that the stock guys was probably going to take them home; okay, so flash forward a week or two later, its the first day of school and i take a seat close up to take notes and the girl sitting next to me, was the girl that i talked to about the signs and she actually remembered the incident. so, you know, you can't always ask these questions without the threat of future embarrasement, let alone, the joking around-ness of the people who work in the store. the people at american apparel didn't seem like the kids who'd find the humor in asking for giantic pictures of trixie teen; it seemed as if they take their job too seriously.

although, it should be noted, that while i was there, i got no help from anybody, but i did have a conversation when i was at the register. the guy who worked, who was probably in a band, told me that everybody is into lavander these days and i said that we, being dudes, all need to move on from pink. but here's the thing, none of the girls were that killer. comfy clothes, but no babes and nobody you could joke around with. its just all too serious and fiona apple was blasting. i don't know but whoever works at the huntington beach american apparel store needs to either buy a three 6 mafia cd or like maybe, slip in some richard pryor albums to wake that place up. sure, you're hip and you're post modern and its a company thats doing good things for the world, but at the same time, its okay to laugh a little at a dumb joke and play some good music. look at the people who work at dvd planet, that job must be boring, but to keep up their spirits, they basically watch the simpsons all day long.

i swear, peeps, that i'll get back into the swing of things next week. you know nothing is going on in the world right now. if you haven't already, please watch letterman vs bill o'reilly if you haven't already. stern will be back on next week and its gonna be killer.