&t skeet on mischa: 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006

skeet on mischa

i wouldn't have given you it if i didn't agree

Feb 28, 2006

8 steps to perfection

the problem with the new season of the real world and well, any season since las vegas with the exception to san diego cause that had cameron punchin brad in the balls and it had brad & randy and it, of course had jamie chung (she needs to be on the next challenge, dudes) as well. the problem is this, mtv isn't casting an interesting mix of kids as much as they're just casting another season of temptation island. i guess, vapid, remotely attractive young people hooking up and nearly drinking gary busey under the table is interesting up to a point, but what else is there? these people are too attractive; you have to at least one only okay looking person other wise i think alot of people are going to be confused when they tune in thinking its an episode of "8th & ocean".

by the way, aren't you more interested and excited about "8th & ocean"? you have miami (shame, its not miami from the 80s though), you have hot models, and you have that high gloss, wish we were shooting some antonioni film visual style, what's not to love about the thing? there will be consequences if the people on "8th & ocean" get too drunk; they may miss their call and they may get dropped by their agency where as if those real world kids get drunk and actually develop a serious problem (i'm waiting for the lawsuit ten years from now when the first real world sues mtv for turning them into an alcoholic), the only problem they'll deal with is some bullshit intervention by some girl whose wearing booty shorts and a bandana. those kids will continue to live for free and will get to go on awesome trip to some european country for free; its just a bunch of bullshit. sure, there's a crushin' russian, but where are the fun people who'll much things up and make things interesting like that one albino guy on "the real world: hawaii" or whatever happened to casting that one outsider whose never been on a plane before? if they want to make it interesting next time around when they do real world portland or whenever, they should cast that lil cowboy from "american idol". tell me you wouldn't want to watch him live in a house with some crushin' russian? that'd be way better than what's about to follow.

it should be noted that i tried, people, i tried really hard to sit through "there & back," but i couldn't do it. there's only so much one can take of that family without wanting to run around in the rain wearing nothing but a pair of undies and a prayer for hypothermia. these people are just so bad and i just worry so much about their child. they said that they wanted to give him a strong name, so you know it would have to go through the same trials and tribulations as ashley did being a man named ashley and all, yet they name him lyric. lyric, how tough is it? why did they steal one of homer simpson's names? you know, handsome b wonderful? hercules rocafeller? max power? that's tough. i know that i wouldn't be a good parent because after the child's birth, i wouldn't talk to it, but i'd just watch foreign films and see if the kid starts to speak a foreign language after a while, but i know not to name a kid lyric. geez.

although, it should be noted that next week, from the promo, it looks good. you know the girlfriend gets cold feet at the alter, but its probably because she doesn't want to do it in vegas without her mother. that's all. people that nuts belong to together and nothing will tear them up apart. it's like miss new york & flavor flav or for that matter, flav and hoopz's mom.

i smell spin off or at least a follow up special to "flavor of love," about flav trying to get with both hoopz & her moms over the course of a weekend in an b & b in new england. get that barry manilow tune to be the theme song or at least, somebody could help me dig through my archives and find that song i wrote about a weekend in new england; it killed when i read it to my community college biology class. you see thats where riding the bus came into play, i had so much time on my hands before class that i started to write bad songs instead of reading the text. and still to this day, i don't know how i managed to pass that class cause all i did was check out girls and write bad songs.

i read about blaise christie on fleshbot. first, i was intrigued by the thought of a guy in the orange curtain making arty alt porn, but then i saw what the guy is doing and i believe that i'm a fan now. highly recommend for those who are into asian girls. between blaise and the god girls movement (they're like the dip set of naked girls), its going to be a good year for people who apperciate naked girls.

if bono wins the nobel peace prize, then i'll lost all respect not only for the nobel comittee, but also the concept of peace. i mean by that same defination, why don't they nominate el-p for making the song 'truancy' on "fantastic damage"? [editor's note: 11:50am pst: guys, i'm just joking. world peace is awesome and bono is doing good things, i just think u2 is way overrated]

slightly related, i saw a photo of el-p in the urb a few months back and it looked like the guy who wouldn't do a show if "the x files" was on, got the queer eye make over. i just hope it doesn't mean his beats got soft.

basically, kiefer sutherland in the film, the sentinel is playing the movie version of jack bauer, so he'll be swearing and running, yelling orders into his blue tooth head piece, but you know it'll be missing something and quite frankly, eva longoria will mess things up. you know if kiefer is going to be playing federal agents in movies, then just be jack bauer. give the public the most intense movie experince ever. 24: the movie; a real time movie that doesn't have to be 24 hours long, but you know, 2 hours and some change or be amazing and do it in 90 minutes and force the audience to leave the theater covered in sweat.

speaking of "24," good episode. anybody else notice that when jack bauer was talking to robocop his voice got deeper in an attempt to compete with robocop's deep voice? oh yeah, and some dude attempted to kill the russian president with a fucking flame thrower. when was the last time you saw a flame thrower on tv? i know i'm supposed to hate fox and for the most part, i do, but gosh darn it, there was a guy using a fucking flame thrower on tv and it was crazy. if you were to tell that they used a flame thrower on "sex & the o.r.", i'd watch that show.

and finally, it should be noted that the sidney lumet film network with a brilliant script by paddy chayefsky is out on dvd today and if you haven't seen it, then you owe it to yourself to do so post haste.

Feb 27, 2006

the kid with the golden arm

it would've made more sense to do this over at the spin off, but we're doing something else over there and when i have ever done anything that makes sense? so here we have willa holland, whose still against the law, riding what appears to be the bus. now there was a way too long period of my life where i rode the bus to school. i was a champion for public transportaion in california even thought it meant waking up way too early and getting to school about 90 minutes early for class coupled in with endless hours just spent waiting for a bus to show up, if class ended earlier and what not. in spite of all of those problems, i was a vocal supporter of public transporation in southern california. and when i rode the bus, there never was anybody who looked like willa holland there. i rode the bus with, well, how do i say this without being offensive and having people tell me that i need to watch that shitstorm crash again; let's just say that i rode with some housekeepers and special people. special people, who sometimes would be wearing a diaper on their head. special people who smelled so awful that its hard for me to describe it, but if i was forced to use a word, i may say the smell of urine is some how involved in the big picture. so given my experince and track record with public transporation, i have to wonder not only why is willa holland riding the bus, but how does she manage to pull if off? i rode it because i didn't know how to drive a car; granted, she's not of driving age, but you'd think she'd be friends with someone who has a car or at least have a personal assitant who could drive her to places? or is this some sorta act of definace and rebellion? yeah, she's an actress, a model and hopefully has a reoccuring character on a half way decent show (when it wants to be), but she's one of the people and she slums it up when she's going down to santa monica? or are the bus in beverly hills different? do they have a screening process which prevents crazy people who look like damon packard in reflections of evil from getting on the bus? lets face facts, people, if willa holland on occasion, can ride the bus in southern california, then maybe, just maybe, there's hope for public transportation out here.

if i was some ad wizard at the mta or even, the octa, i'd jump on this and do some campagin in which young celebirites are seen riding the bus. it'll be like doing community service for their underage drinking and the music/shows/movies/reality shows they're involved with. imagine all the fun of jesse mccarthy riding the bus in like glendale. how much fun would that be?

i'd like to point out this week's song of the moment, its a new cam'ron tune or at least, its new to me. i heard it on friday night on the aphilliates radio show and they threw a lot of 'exclusive' sound effects over it, so i'm assuming its pretty fresh. as for the tune, its self, its alot of fun. nice beat apparently produced by the alchemist. if cam is working with the alchemist for "killa season," then holy shit! cam's working with all of the producers that nas should be working with on his def jam debut, but won't cause large professor beats dont move as much units as a jazze phae beat. so far, its been an interesting year in singles: got that "state of grace" raewkon track, got this cam track, my theme song: "hustlin" by rick ross and oddly, i'm loving that new t.i.p. track. wish i could say the same about albums this year.

it should be noted that i'm on the 47th remix of busta rhymes' "touch it," its me, the rapping granny, and tony yayo. the rapping granny wrote yayo's verse though.

it's a crying shame that david lynch's lost highway continues to remain unavailable on dvd here in the states. there are copies available, but it's a imports and not all of the editions are letterboxed either. so if you do manage to get a copy and pop it, there's a really good chance that you'll only end up seeing half the film anyways. lynch shot in scope and if you can't see it on the big screen (3 times for me) or letterboxed, then you're not watching the film. i had to watch the film the other day for a class and i enjoyed watching the film again for the first time in nearly a decade, but i think this is a film that more people should see and i think now people would apperciate it more than it was first released. i'll never forget the ads in the newspaper for it: "two thumbs down" -siskel & ebert: two great reasons to see it". to me, i think the film was testing out the plot device that made mulholland drive so well received a few years back. it's a great film that just is collecting dust on some shelf in universal city. we can get 14 different version of evil dead on dvd each year, but one stinkin' david lynch film, nope.

also, natasha gregson wagner was in lost highway and it just made me wonder what exactly happened to her? i remember '97 was her year, but you know, she just disappeared or just never popped up in movies i saw. she was pretty cute. oh that late 90s nostaglia.

two things:
-who else was stoked that stacey keilber elf didn't win "dancing with the stars" last night? she probably gets every guy in the whole wide world bending over backwards to help her out or at least made sure she got some breaks cause she's got legs, zz top steez; you know that she gets free drinks at starbucks cause dudes behind the counter think she's cute; its something i did when i worked.
-did you see flavor of love last night when pumkin spat at new york's face? that was one of the greater moments in the vh1 celebreality history. so classic. the thing about the show is that sorta tricks you into wanting flavor to get with hoopz at the end, but at the same time, you're like why would i want hoopz to deal with flavor? miss new york is perfect for him, but you're rooting for the villian and we've been trained that we can't root for villian, but i think this time, its more than okay to hope that the villian squeeks it out. and the producers need to do a reunion immediately and get jerry springer or joey greco to host it cause you know some shit will definately go down.

i don't know if anybody else is staying abreast with playboy's search for girls of myspace, but i have a sneaking suspicon that some of these people who have submitted photos and manged to make it through the screening process, which from the looks of certain candiates so far, appears to be non existent, which leads me to my point, how much you want to bet that one of these submissions so far is a dude? what a buzz kill thats going to be.

Feb 24, 2006

hard to explain part 3

i think i'm going to start up a movie club. not some oprah book club bullshit or anything like that. a club of people who are like me: shiftless, bored, young people who either don't have class during the dary or their job is at night. as i watched the rather good the three burials of melquiades estrada, i noticed something for like the eight millionth time, i'm in a theater surrounded by senior citizens. i'm not saying that there's anything wrong with the senior citizen community, its just that its an awkward feeling when you're watching a movie and there may be an exposed breast and in theory, you're watching the movie with your grandmother or at least, she's somebody's grandmother. so what, i'm proposing is a motley group of people with nothing better to do during the day other than watching the allegedly new greatest thing to hit the horror movie scene ever since john carpenter decided to use a panaglide camera, meet up every so often and watch movies together, so we don't feel weird about going to the movies by ourselves with somebody's grandpa or some guy who got divorced and the first wife took everything so he now drives a used ford aspire and the trophy girlfriend whose an artist that he thought he was going to leave, but actually stuck around, but now he always has to suffer through her opinions about everything. we don't even have to sit next to each other, you know, just a bunch of random folks sitting together in the dark and after the thing is over, exchange a few words in the parking lot and say, 'see ya next week' or if the conversation is good, move it over to a near by fast food establishment and carry the conversation on over food and what not.

you know sitting around, outside, getting fresh air and being active is overrated.(i nearly wrote overweight) or just lounging around starbucks or coffee bean, you know talking and smoking is overrated as well, but also bad for your health. so let's do the movie club thing; so be on the prowl for the group on meet up in the coming weeks.

i feel so lame about finally discovering it, but people, i've become deathly obesssessed with alan partridge. if you haven't seen alan partridge yet, then you need to get a copy of "knowing me, knowing you immediately. like you should quit whatever you're doing and get it or at least, order it on amazon, but get express delievery cause it'll be worth. holy shit. and i don't know why i took so long to get hip to steve coogan; yeah, he was great in 24 hour party people (a film which my father owns, but i don't), but you know i'm not wowed by a guy in a jackie chan movie. i saw tristram shandy: a cock & bull story on birthday, which was great and i'm just wondering why is there such a great lack of steve coogan in america? i don't even want to get started why can't we have quality comedy shows in america like they have in the uk, but i'm just wondering why is there such a lack of classic alan partridge stuff on dvd in america? i don't want to go to amoeba and clear them out of steve coogan dvds from the uk, but i think i have to. not to mention, i just got bbc america in the past couple of months; so i'm slowly but surely discovering this bit of gold and if you haven't discovered it yet, then you need to; its quotable for days upon days and remains pretty fresh and solid for something that was done in the mid 90s.

since, i've been sadly freaking out over "american idol" this week, i came to an interesting conclusion about something. you know there's those day calanders with dumb quotes from bush and yogi berra or something along the lines of what logan does on "veronica mars" with his voice mail message; well, why don't we combine the two and put out the paula abdul daily aphorisms calander. have you heard some of the things that come out of her mouth after somebody gives a performance on that show. that's neither constructive nor criticism; if anything, her criticism is like a placebo and i think for lots of people, hearing paula abdul saying something really nice before they start their day would just sent them off to be successful. or she could sent up some sorta voice mail service like one of those phone sex lines, but you know, its just a bunch of pre recorded paula lines and you know, if you're down in the dumps, you could choose the one where she says that you did your thing, but it just wasn't your night.

i mean if john tesh can save america with his radio show why can't paula? btw, has anybody heard the tesh radio experince? i'd assume its bad, but from the press release they read on stern the other day, it sounded pretty hiliarous.

also semi stern related, they were talking about the epiosde of tyra where she confronted her fear of dolphins and does anybody have this footage? cause the audio was great, but i think seeing tyra panic attacking over dolphins would be extremely kosher. i think we all know that tyra is insane, but i heard the other day, excitedly talking about going to prison. like she couldn't wait to visit prison and see what's it like there. who has this wish and desire? sure, we all have our nutty desires, but do we ever act upon them? no, unless we're crazy billionaire dudes with nothing to do and an army of golddiggers. here's a wish of mine, i'd like to own a bentley, will this ever happen? all signs point to no, but hey, its a lark and a goof. now, wishing to go to prison isn't a goof, let alone, acting upon the wish is enough of a reason to make tyra pay a visit to nurse ratched without any cameos by mcmurphy. i'm gland that she'll probably go through with it because it'll make for great television, but oprah wouldn't even put gail king through that kind of bullshit.

i miss crab man, but mostly i miss nadine velazquez on "my name is earl," seriously, they need to beef up her role on the show or at least, put her in more hot pants.

Feb 23, 2006

i was bedragled

this american idol business has to stop. well not really because, its kinda fun, but what has to stop is this two hour blocks of programming each night. it's a strangle hold and quite frankly, it mucks everything up for me. then there was that two hour block of "project runway" totes umbrellas probably has some killer write up on "project runway" and its not so sexy, yet interesting spin off, project jay. it's just this huge block of tv that i feel that i have to watch in order to have something to say, but at the same time, i feel sorta douchey cause i voted four times for captian creepy and shouted "nerd!" every five minutes like i was orge or something.

i mean, can't we vote off all of the guys? cause they're horrible and the whole regular guy thing has already started to wear thin. and i can't understand what anybody is saying when they're singing. well, i barely understand anybody when they sing especially those mars volta dudes, but that's besides the point. i just can't make that connection with these guys who are younger than me and sing like frank sintara. i understand the legacy of cool or whatever you want to call it associated with frank sintara, but you know, i thought when you're a teen, you're supposed to rebel and rock. what happened to kids either listening to gangsta rap, black metal or even punk to upset their parents? i was under the impression that at one point or another in our life, we're supposed to have a copy of an op ivy and shout at the top of our lungs the lyrics for "knowledge"? what happened to kids doing that? or has all of this punk, rebel business become so commercial that it doesn't even matter anymore? its like how a million dollars isnt really alot of money anymore?

well, if you think about, all of the game shows are giving away a million dollars or a quarter of a million dollars or half a million dollars; its sorta lowering the value and most importantly significance of it. with the world, we're living in today, a million dollars isn't enough, in theory, to keep back, tune out and just live high on the hog like it used to be. but i'm getting off my point, if i even have a point.

but, i'm saying, i see these teenagers on this show who talk about how they love brian mcknight and frank sintara and i'm just wondering why aren't these kids listening to good records anymore? what happened to the era when the girl who was rather preppy in your sixth grade class comes back from summer vakay to junior high, wearing a jim morrison t shirt and talking about how awesome led zepplin is. where are the burn outs? or am i asking too much of today's youth? there are probably burn outs in high school this day; it's just i don't hang out at the taco bell and/or del taco near the high school like one of my cousins used to do to find the last piece of my puzzle.

its all very confusing and wednesday was a very confusing day. there was a near fatal incident on the motorway and there was an outta control girl sighting.

first, the car incident. i wrote this down in a journal i have to keep for a class of mine and i compared the incident to the film, the island because while watching that film, i had an out of body experince and during the incident on the motorway, i sorta had an out of body experince, but more or less, instead of my life flashing before my eyes, the film, the island flashed before my eyes cause what was happened looked like something straight out of a michael bay film. like i imagined how he'd shoot the sequence and how he'd cut because, well, nothing really major happened. you know, it was just a loose tire flying across a couple of traffic and there was a car in front of me as the tire hoped towards the main place mall, so i had plenty of time to brake and what not, but never the less, it was a very surreal moment.

the 5 freeway just in general on any given day is a surreal experince; random tires just only makes a little more exciting.

the other thing was just like okay, what do you do when you see some cute girl with great hair, just hanging out, playing suduko?

Feb 22, 2006

regular john

you know how there's always that one scene in a teen movie where the cool outsider character; you know, our hero, whose a cool guy, but he's new in town and his ideas and behavior is a little too extreme or radical for that particular town and the only people he or she can make friends with are the nerdy guys. or it's like that movie with the guy from "sex & the e.r." where he betrays his nerdy friends who look like the people pictured above to become popular. okay, would you believe if i told you that these people are on finalists on this cycle of "american idol"? i understand not having full blown babes on the show (she's kinda & has a big ass), but why is this season like a reality version of revenge of the nerds? i don't think these guys have that diamond in the rough, post modern liberace vibe that clay aiken had a couple of years back. if there are photos of any of these guys doing this, we're not going to think, how funny, but we're gonna think, that's sexual harrasement. for pete's sake, these guys make dj qualls look like brad pitt. not that i would buy an album from an american idol person, but would you buy an album from some dude who looks exactly that one guy from high school that played basketball just cause he was tall, but you know he would've been more comfortable if he was in drama? its like the contest is about finding america's next best friend that we call up to complain about our relationship problems with who also happens to have a major crush on us, but you know, they're such great listeners and always there for us.

always a day behind, but i have to say that monday night's "24" was probably the greatest example i could show as to why its fun to yell at that tv during a show. of course, nobody hears you, but yet, there's a bit of vendiction in your statements. saying, "shut up, lynn! buchanan gets results!" is an ideal tension release during the show. you need it, other wise you'll go insane and have to take yoga classes with the real buchanan, which might be fun. and of course, once again, mary lynn rajskub had me in stiches as she sighed in frustration of her workload and the ultra covert nature. i may have to go and watch that movie, firewall cause apparently, she's in it and i have to see if she continues on becoming the lady version of steve buscemi. you know how there was that streak in the early to mid 90s were buscemi was in every other movie as the weird looking guy; well, mary lynn rajskud has sorta usyurped that title and become the go to slightly annoyned female co worker whose in every other movie.

i believe i've said it before and the less time i said, i got threats of violence, but is it possible to use a tv show as evidence to child services? cause i think we have a case with the most recent episode of "there & back". clearly, these people are irrational, completely vein, wear grandma sweaters, prone to violence and prone to bragging about bullshit incidents that were nothing at all. understand being cooped up in the house all day with a newborn baby, well not really, i'm not a fan of children, but thats neither here nor there. the point is, i understand the desire and need to get out of the house, but you know, as a mother, shouldn't there be a thought in the back of your head saying, okay, better not get too buck wild. you know, let's go to the moon and shit, but let's not go to the moon with billy joel. a month or two old child isn't going to understand that it needs to be quiet for a bit cause mommy & daddy are hung over. you know, wait until the kid's 2, and then maybe it'll be okay, but not now. and you can't pawn off all your bullshit to that poor woman; the real life version of meredith from "the (american) office". i feel so sorry for that woman cause she has to live with those two people, always walking around in the panjama pants, talking on speakerphone, whinning about not having any money. somebody seriously needs to netflix a copy of mike nichols' amazing carnal knowledge post haste with a note attached, 'it'll make sense in about two years.'

i have to commend the editors of that show because they really brought whole the fact that ashley angel will brag about nothing really. that fight was nothing. it was just bunch of dudes kinda slapping each other. it's nothing seriously like being playfully punched in the shoulder by a football player before history class. granted, we, we'll take anything thats remotely heroic that we've done and we'll blow it way out of portion. thats what we do, we expand and twist stories to make it sound better than it was. we never ask for directions when we're lost and we tell tall tales; sorry, dudes for blowing our covers.

and the last thing about this episode of "there & back," ashley & that other otown guy with the nu metal dreads working construction; the two of them talked about the other guys on the crew thought they were nancy boys because girls came up to them and talked about how they used to listen to otown. sure, that helped, but i think its the fact that you guys come to work in a corvette wearing designer jeans, desinger shades and a cool vintage billy idol tee you found on melrose. thats why they think you're a bit of a nancy boy.

why do i think i'm talking directly to the person i'm writing about? i'll never understand that. oh well.

so after a couple of years off, busta rhymes is back and quite frankly, he's over doing it a bit. he's got two new mixtapes; there's like 45 different remixes of the single, "touch it"; i think i'm supposed to record my verse sometime later this week since everybody else has been on the remixes so far. not to mention, busta busta is on every other remix on sirius right now. from "laffy taffy" to "state of grace," the guy is everywhere and my thing is this, i heard an interview he did on shade45 and he talked about how since being on aftermath(class), he doesn't have to jump on every remix out there, yet, i hear 3 to 4 times a day on other peoples' records. we all know that the south is kinda hot right now, but you know, let rick ross' song, "hustlin' be a rick ross song for a minute. let "laffy taffy" be its gross, danceable self without hearing busta trying to be sly and sexy at the same time. if anything, busta just needs to step back for a minute, go on 106 & park, do his interviews, do the videos and say to people, in the immortal words of large professor, "buy the album when i drop it".

the thing about the neil young movie is this: one, i'm not the biggest neil young fan; as sad as it may seem, one of my new years' resolutions was to get into neil young cause from what i heard, i liked, but you know, i'm too lazy and you know, he doesn't do a lot of stuff with james murphy or the heatmakerz, so you know, its a struggle. so i can't say if it was a good set or not, i assume it was, cause why else would they film it and release into the theaters? the music, it was great. loved it. but my main problem with it is, what are you supposed to do during a concert film? are you supposed to clap after each song or sing along or are we supposed to remain quiet like we do during regular movies? i wasn't sure of how to act during the movie. you know, i just sat there with a bunch of old people and a couple of sketchy guys wearing flannels sorta in silence, hopefully enjoying the show.

although, i'll say this, a couple of the sketchy dudes in flannels did that leave a seat open in the middle of us. now, i understand that move when you're in junior high or high school with your buddies cause you know everybody will assume that you're gay cause you're sitting next to each other, but as men in what i assume to be in their 30s, perhaps even 40s doing that, i mean, what's going on? you see when people act like that and go out of their way to sit apart from each other, it makes them even more suspicious or at least for me, it makes them seem more suspicious.

Feb 21, 2006

nuts to this...

egotastic has my new wallpaper; jessica alba getting a parking ticket

i'm supposed to be taking the day off, so i'm gonna watch the neil young movie.

later skater.

Feb 20, 2006

on this day...

ansel adams

robert altman

patty hearst

charles 'i hate the outfit that damon jones wore to the skills competation during all star weekend' barkley

sandy 'one eye' duncan

the young girl from that hbo show i never watched

the fake russian lesbian brunette from t.a.t.u.

billy from "melrose place"

cindy crawford, who was the 'heidi klum' of the early 90s.

a backstreet boy

a painfully unfunny actor

mister tibbs

and yours truly were all born today. so please send a note to our respective parents saying thanks for all the entertainment we've given you over the years or just send us a copy of "knowing me, knowing you with alan partridge" on dvd or gift memberships to gods girls (dot) com, but you know whatever you could afford.

Feb 17, 2006

the sea ward

what a jerk kristin 'jennifer grey' cavallari is. first, the episode of "veronica mars" (the newly titled second best show on tv) that she was supposed to be in didn't air and won't be on until in march. which is only really two more wednesdays, but it's the principle of it. now, she's got rub all of our collective faces in the fact that she's managed to find a pair of jeans that fit pretty well and she probably got 'em gratias. lame. well, i most certainly will not tell her to listen to "honey" by the affair and how awesome reflections of evils is.

alec baldwin has finally come to his senses and now is going to do a pilot with tina fey first, it was goldblum doing a pilot and now, alec baldwin. goldblum on tv would be awesome, but only if it was a show like 'larry sanders' or 'arrested development,' goldblum being goldblum is way more interesting than goldblum playing a wacky cop who talks to dead people boooring. where as alec baldwin, tv is the medium he should've made his home over two years ago. alec baldwin is likable, but only on tv. like if i were to see him in a movie, i wouldn't buy his performance, but on tv, he'd be like on par with jeffrey tambor as an actor. besides, isn't tv where alec baldwin got his start?

the submissions have come in for playboy's girl of myspace pictorial[maybe nsfw]. here's the thing, hasn't already somebody already done this? oh yeah, its called gods girls and one of these days, their site is gonna live and it'll be awesome. but the whole concept of doing a girls of myspace pictorial just sounds really bad. sure there are girls on myspace that i find cute, but as a whole, is the people voting on the girls going to be into the same thing as i am. i just forsee a pictorial of lots girls from long island with a faint whisper of eye borrows and a developing case of tanoxeria. although it'll probably be more interesting than g4tv's search for the myspace girl of the week

eon mckai sells out, if such a thing exists in the san pornado valley; i was at a prop house once and it was in the valley and the guy spoke really softly when he told me that they rented out props to porno movies, but then he went on to call it, the san pornado valley and it stuck with me ever since.

have you ever heard that song, "best rapper alive" by lil wayne? or that album by the artic monkeys? those are pieces of music that you believe you're better than. you know, what the fuck is this artic monkeys shit? is it some new cartoon from japan on the wb? or you like, lil wayne made a good song without mannie fresh? and you actually think he's one of the best rappers out there after listening to it, get the fuck outta here. you think that you're above liking such thngs. i'm too good for the artic monkeys, but really, nobody is above anything and sometimes, you'll be surprised. and quite frankly, this has nothing to do with what's being said, but sometimes, you need copy for a shout out. also, how seductive is that one girl in the gray hoodie? she's like molly ringwald in sixteen candles looking back at jake ryan in study hall, seductive

pharrell's solo album to come out in the spring, yet continues to remain elusive about the clipse. i know that its cool to be brooding, secretive and aloof, pharrell, but at the same time, its not cool to keep people in the dark about the clipse. its been like four years since their last real album and the world needs more of the re up gang. less r&b girl groups, less brandy records; more re up. i know that its the black card era, but does everybody else?

Feb 16, 2006

beyond the valley of the dolls

if they ever do a tv movie about the split between jessica simpson and nick latchkeykid, they should totally get marisa miller to play her. they have a similar look and most likely the same horrible personality. maybe they do have good personalitys, i don't know. i just can't see myself having a conversation with them for less two minutes without an awkward moment.

i know that this is an old story, but adrien brody saying he won't do a wong kar wai film without seeing a script is utter bullshit. the dude did king kong without looking at a script and look how well that turned out for everybody. you see wkw is in that realm of directors that you'll drop whatever you're doing to work with. now the only concern that brody should have is christopher doyle going to shot it or will it be mark lee and what time does he have to show up. i gotta see a script before he signs on; i'm sorry but how scary talneted is this guy to demand that?

you know that from time to time, i'm a day late, a dollar short and ocassionally, something at first glance, just doesn't really grab my attention. yet after looking at this [via wwtdd] about seacrest and his supposed gal pal, is only interesting because if the guy is on a stolen car mission to prove his straight status, then mission kinda accomplished. basically, seacrest is pulling a scott baio and using what little fame he has to pull a playmate, whose natural, may i add. i think seacrest is trying to compensate for something then he would've gone so over the top with it and pulled a girl with like triple e boobs, but you know, seacrest is keeping it look key and shouting out real boobs.

remember when ally hilfiger was the craziest person on tv? gosh, i certainly miss those days. i know to her that show was probably one of the worst moves she's ever made and she made the smartest move ever by being one of the producers on it, but at the same time, it also means that we'll never see it on dvd. remember that episode where ally and her friend have dinner with those other rich kids and one of the rich kids' nickname was buster cause she's always knocking things down. or that other episode where the rich girls are in la and going nuts over chipotle. look at it, bravo has managed to bring jonathan antin back for a third season of "blow out" (march 21st, sitches), why can't mtv bring back the rich girls for at least a special or does one of the rich girls have to get knocked out and have a husband or boyfriend whose working on hot tracks in a studio?

Feb 15, 2006

just say whoa

remember when the sports illustrated swimsuit issue was a big deal? or is it still a big deal? cause i honestly don't know anymore. you know when josie maran stopped popping up in them with photos by terry richardson and then i found out that elsa bentiez had fake boobs, and i don't know, its just been bad news bear ever since, with exception to petra, naturally. you know the thing is slipping when a girl from a beyond forgetable season of the real world can get featured in the magazine and they're also trotting out the old timers. i thought this was a magazine for kids in the sixth or seventh grade who have dads that don't read playboy and still don't have internet access and don't realize that other nameless models do the same thing every month in fhmaxuff. although the main difference is that there's nipples. i've always wondered how they, being s.i. got away with having their magazine on displays all across the country and in supermarkets and wal marts, and for the most part, its magazine thats widely looked at cause there may be some exposed nipplage of say marisa miller. correct me if i'm wrong but are these the very same thing that made all of these religious folks go crazy in the sticks and force congress to seriously consider implanting regulations on satellite radio & hbo? how is this difference and by no means i am calling for a protest of such a thing; partially exposed nipples of models from countries i never heard is a good thing, perhaps its the most american thing i can think of, but i'm just saying, why aren't these people hootering and hollaring over materials like this? or do these people just let this thing sorta slide right on by because they're not buying it, so it's not a particular problem to them. wow, what a fucking concept. you don't have to buy it or watch it if it offends you and not everybody else. who would ever thought that a couple of buxom broads from the czech republic would've thought the world so much.

can we please get these same girls to tell everybody that stem cell research is good and will not create a human animal hybird hysteria.

at first i wasnt going to say something about this 'i hate pink...' my space fan club. cause you know, its the pinklash, but here's the thing, i understand being against the dude and speaking out because he's sold out and gets to meet celebrities and what not, but at the same time, if the guy has managed to parlay goofing on the computer into cash and great myspace profile pictures, then more power to him. what i have problem with, is the whole thing that trent steals stories from other blogs. i don't know if we want to be serious and consider this a form or literature or art or whatever, but everybody steals from everybody, its just that some people are more honest about what they steal and who they steal it from. i never expect a blog to have journalistic integrity, i expect some mispelled words, funny lines, links to fun things and good pictures. and given the subject matter that most blogs cover, naturally, there's bound to be repeats and there's even repeats in the real world of celebrity journalism; check it out, flip from "et" to "extra" to e! to "access hollywood" to "the insider" and guess what, there's going to be different variations on the big stories of the day. we all hit up the same sources and sites for news and pictures. you know getty images, lime light, and superiorpics, femalefirst, variety, etc. it's all a matter of how the writer puts their own particular spin on it.

did that make any sense? i never proof read my stuff, so i never know about anything and all i care about is getting a student discount copy of final draft, so i don't have to write on my old computer anymore.

i'm not a james bond fan; liked a couple of the connery films i saw, but thats about it. although reading this article in variety about they're filming without a much of cast, which isn't nothing new to hollywood; its just usually a unfinished script. what's interesting is that how low the producers have gone on the female totem pole to have eva green, who has some major bombs over baghdad and olivia wide whose best known as the girl with too much forehead that dyked out with mischa b on "the oc" on its worst season ever. like every actress must've passed on this role and why? because they realize that its career suicide being a bond girl. sure, there's been a few that has managed to bounce back after being a bond girl, but for most, the role is their lone moment in the sun or just crushes all cred they had been building for too many years (hey hallie!). thats why nobody is signing up.

jeff goldblum may been slumming it on tv next fall, but in a pilot directed by frank darabont; a word to the wise, if you're into writing, i highly suggest tivoing the episode of dinner for five with frank darabont. it was so good and i wish he would do a writing seminar or something along those lines.

just so you know, i may be eating my words in a day or two as i call cell phone store after cell phone store and asking if they could put a phone on hold for me. i did yesterday morning and i felt awful, but then the guy at the other end, said that they didn't have the phone after all. to which, i replied, 'man, finding this phone is harding than finding a needle in a hay stack'. after that, i sent off a writing sample to the tony danza show cause i figure if i said something that bad and douchey and didn't immediately jump out a window, i could probably write one liners and witty banter for the danza.

once again, i must continue on with my rants against nbc, i feel like dennis miller by the way, just not as intelligent nor as funny, but i digress. i tune in last night and i see the fucking tonight show is on. fuck that dude. if we get no conan, there's no jay leno for the rest of america. you picked fruit, nbc, and you have to live with it. so take off leno and take off all that day time programming as well. if we can't see another michael scott joint for two weeks cause i got watch some ice skater fall down, then yeetas don't get their stories. plan and simple. tit for tat, dudes.

Feb 14, 2006


this is how keira knightley reacted when i told her that i intend to spend my valentimes day in my office working on a script, going to radio shack to return an item, and probably listening to a portion of the 69 love songs and she said that sounds so sad. then i told her that sienna miller [via egotastic & nsfw] has better knobs than she does and asked if she gets free pizza from dominos cause she was in domino.

btw, the film, domino would make for a rather excellent birthday present for yours truly; even though it comes out after my birthday, but never the less, its the thought that counts.

here's a link to probably one of my favorite tracks by jay dee, its called "fuck the police" and just remember the summer that it came out and hearing it every friday night on friday night flavas (why power106, why?) and every now and then on chocolate city and just dancing in the bathroom or a car seat cause of those drums.

i have problems. sometimes, too many to talk about here. perhaps, i'll have to go on dr phil, get yelled at for 40 minutes and get absolutely no advice on how to properly maintain a mustache, but even then, dr phil's mustache sorta sucks. anyways, here's my latest problem, i'm in class, listening to a lecture and i couldn't focus in on the lecture cause it seemed as if my professor wasn't wearing a bro (check your seinfeld). so its hard to focus on the lecture when that's happening and you're scanning around the class to try to find something to deflect your image or at least the visual image. and you see some girl whose giving herself a manicure with her teeth. and this goes on for what seems like a lifetime without an ending in sight. i do embarrassing things from time to time like checking my fly in public, but you see, its for the greater community. let's think in a larger scale or a bigger canvas if you will. i know that we all like to do things that make us feel comfortable, but at the same time, is what we're doing making everybody else feel comfortable? and i know that the overall message people are attempt to stress is that it doesn't matter what others think of you, which is completely true, but lets keep it within reason. i applaud the girl who wore a bright pink wig to school the other day and that was a breathe of fresh air, but lets not over done the freak flag thing.

i don't know what's worse watching the olympics or the fact that there's no conan and no earl and no michael scott for the next couple of weeks so we can all watch some guy from some country in some sport that normaly be on the 'who gives a shit' channel. do we really need all of this coverage? do we need over 500 hours of coverage on 10 different networks and all in hd? you know, why not break off a half hour here or there for a little comedy or something for pete's sake. i mean, after snowboarding? what's left? shaun white, the poster child for goofy haircuts won the gold medal and that one good looking snowboarder girl is snowboard like today or at least, she's already snowboarded, you know, time differences. so after that point, who cares? michelle kwan's not there and i think thats the only remaining southern california connection i have to olympics, so fuck it. let's run this bullshit on msnbc and call it a wrap. its only fair that we'd get a hour of "earl" and "office" because they're not pre empting fucking "days" for olympic coverage. bullshit.

if everybody else's shows are fucked up, then daytime gets fucked up, too. nbc, you picked fruit and you have to live with fruit, so sorry housewives, lets pull that shit off the air for exciting hd close ups of some skier falling down a mountain.

killer photo on willa. i would've posted it here, but i'm lazy and i needed content and the hits.

while i didn't watch all of the ashley angel speakerphone show. there's just so much one can take of those people without wanting to jump through the tv and punching these people in the face. i did happen to catch the road rules/real world challenge, but here's the problem and it just seems to be the major problem with the show this whole season, the promos give the entire fucking episode away. you know, where's the mystery and false sense of hope that maybe, just maybe beth, the female leader of the veterns will be in the gaunlet this time around, but intsead, they show a shot of cara z and kina wrestling in the gaunlet. way to take the wind out of those sails, dudes. let's build the tension, guys. let's make me believe that maybe the rookies will go four in a row. i don't want to tune in if i know whose going to be into the gaunlet. you know, i'll just tune in around the last ten minutes and be creeped out by that derek dude. come on, lets bottle rock this shit up and build tension. the kids in the promo department need to pick up that 42nd street forever dvd and learn how to cut some decent promos and don't affraid to use some primo beats during the promos.

and finally, who say, "24" last night and who else was shouting, "fuck you, lynn!" like every five minutes as well? the best show on tv to yell stuff at has to be "24,". there's always something to yell about on that show. either its against lynn or the president or shouting about how jack bauer gets results each time and lynn is full of shit and gets rolled by junkies rather easily.

Feb 13, 2006


first and formost, r.i.p. jay dee. the man made some of the sweetest beats that my ears have had the pleasure of listening to over the years. from the s.v. stuff to the jaylib record, it's all been good.

now onto the fun slutty stuff. i don't know what it is about this photo and please stop me if i'm completely in the wrong here, but doesn't lindsay lohan look half way decent here and even dare i say it, remotely attainable? sure, she's not the girl who's at tower records at 7o'clock on a saturday night burning a hole into 90% off 2006 calanders about how stupid george bush is, but at this particular moment in time, it seems as if you could hang out with her, eat bbq pork sandwiches from lee's and cruise around town while listening to sleep's holy mountain with the top & sun roof open (that is if you have one). now, if she continued on with this particular image, i'd be support of her; i'd seriously consider seeing her films and perhaps starting up a petetion about her mother having her own gastineau style show on e!. dating jared leto isn't going to win over any fans. wait, here am i sounding like one of those guys who start to fall the drivel that models and centerfolds spout off in magazines interviews.

if i become one of those guys, please punch me in the face.

hopefully, you all watched the hopefully not, but if it was, its all kosher finale of the bluths. fuck the olympics. if the olympics were really important, they would be broadcasted live and not on 15 hour time delay. but that's neither here nor there. the conclusion of the bluths saga went well past my own expectations for it. did it wrap everything? sorta but at the same time, it created a whole can of worms. i hope that "arrested development" creator and all around demi god, mitchell hurwitz listens to howard stern and i say this, because, i don't know how it was for you and your neck of the woods when it came to stern, but here in southern california, there was about 20 to 30 minutes of commercials each break and the stern show would lose its energy, its flow and its humor. but now on sirius, theres barely any commercials and the only problem you have is, that there are no breaks, so you could get out of your car without worrying missing something funny and they can also swear and talk about more taboo subjects. i hope mitchell hurwitz watched the first season of "curb your enthusiasm" and saw that they did a very funny episode about a rather racy subject too. now i say this, because mitchell hurwitz has the offer on the table from showtime to do the show for two seasons and being on a pay service like hbo and sirius, he and his writers will have the freedom to go nuts and have an audience follow with. i'm not sure how cable outlets like hbo and showtime keep track of viewers; you know are ratings really important when there's no ads on the channel and its primarily a subscriber based service. cause to me, i think it'd make more sense, if the amount of subscriptions increase due to a show as opposed to how many people are watching in this era of dvrs and endless replays. so hopefully, mitch hurwitz isn't too beat up and depressed about people not tuning in because a look at the dvd sales and two, if the show moves to showtime, there'll be an icrease in subscriptions to that channel. so please, mitchell hurwitz, be a pioneer and be bold and lets move the show to showtime, but only if fox decides to cancel it, which they should please do already.

the thing that really frustrated me about watching the final four episodes of the bluths were the constant promos for fox's midseason shitcoms, "the loop" and "free ride". now, here's the thing, peter liguori, do me and r kelly piss on your face and tell you that it's raining? do i put on a song by scott stapp and tell you its brand new radiohead? do i take a shit on the script for "that 70s show" and tell you that i did just a great rewrite on it? no. then don't show promos for piece of shit "arrested development,"/ "my name is earl" / "the (american) office" knockoffs. you're no worse than the men who pedal chanel bags on canal street.

related, watching the bluths in hd sorta ruined watching normal televison for me, forever. the picture is just so clear and crisp and wide. shout outs to d. doi.

y'all know that i love me some "lost" when its kosher, but as of late, the lack of jj abrahams lincoln may have been hurting as of late, so i say this, "lost" isn't that clever when you really think about it and you check this show out. granted when it comes to head scratching science fiction, the same statement about how the simpsons did it already happen can be applied to "lost" cept with rod sterling.

related: was it a tom cruise powermove or a thought by jj abrahams lincoln to have kanye do the mission impossible theme song this time around? cause i can't see that being good at all. although, the thought of two raging ego maniacs like ye and cruise in the same room smells like an awesome reality show.

it's really weird because up until sunday afternoon, i was having this sorta positive attitude towards life. perhaps it was the well fitting jeans from the gap or the freak heatwave in the mid of february, but you know, for the most part, i've been upbeat. i mean, i manage to make the expression, 'i just threw up in my mouth' a bit peppy, but sunday, it just went out the window. now, i don't know how exactly this applies to the story, but i live my life, well i live it by many mottos and codes, and one of them happens to be, 'you picked fruit, you live with fruit'. you have to stick with your choices and just grin and bear it. okay, wait, that probably has nothing to do with my story, but here's my thing. i'm probably eating previous words i've written, but here's the thing, i fucking hate it when people put things on hold and you're there and they're not there. you know what i mean? i'm here, i have money and i'm willing to spend money on said, but you're not going to give it to me because i'm not a person who placed a call 20 minutes ago and asked nicely. yes, i've called stores in the past to hold items for me, but here's my reasoning; to save time. now, i'd call a store thats on my way to school and ask them to hold an item for me, so i could pop off the freeway, cruise in, have the item at the register for me, pay and leave before the traffic gets too heavy on the freeway. usually, its just a cd and there's probably a few more copies kicking around, so its not like i'm taking anything out of anyone's hands.

as of sunday afternoon, i will no longer ask for things to be placed on hold for me because, quite frankly, its bullshit. if there's somebody there before i get there that wants the same item as me, then fuck it, more power to them for being on their shit while i was dicking around. which brings me to my point, i went looking at a couple of stores for the new motorola phone, but of course, nobody had it. i understand the principle of supply & demand. have very little in supply, thus creating a demand; but you know, lets have a bigger supply than five fucking phones in stock at a single time. lets carry 10 of the new it phone; you'll still sell them all, but you know, it'll give more people a fair chance at getting the new cool phone. and let's not put shit on hold for people. i walk into a store, all ready to drop some dough. well not really, my dough, its a birthday present, but its the same principle, and i ask if they have the phone in stock. they did, but its on hold for some one who'll be 'there shortly'. i'm here, they're not. darwinism, bitches. and fuck, who are these people who constatnly get new phones? me, i've had my phone for over a year and half and these people make me feel like i have a brick cell phone.

and fuck, who are these people who have fucking life other than calling cell stores all day long to grab a new phone? i know that i have no life whatsoever, but these people are worse than me. be nice. fuck, its thanksgiving.

related: anybody else see that part in "desperate housewives" where eva longoria was just walking around in her undies for like three minutes? yeah. sweeps are awesome.

dear dimension films, let donna martin graduate and free john gulager! the world needs to see feast and not another shitty remake of an only okay japanese horror film even if it has kristen bell in it.

remember willa ford? i do sadly cause she did a song with royce da 5'9, but here's photos of her without any clothes (nsfw); when the people at playboy realize that the world wants to see nude photos of celebs when they're happening, not 5 years after the fact. [via dont link this]

anybody have the scans of kristen bell in maxim? cause that may be outta control.

and if i forgot something, it'll be on the spin off sometime later this morning. go pick up a copy of refelctions of evil in the mean time.

Feb 10, 2006

gold lion

you know, here's the thing, this has to be the absolute worst episode ever of "date my mom" right here. cause at this point, the wwswmilfbin1988(the woman who she was a mother i like fuck but its not 1988) has forgot that she's trying to win a date for her daughter at home, but, its all about her becoming jennifer o'neill in summer of '42 and she'll be turning some dude with flip flops and faux hawk into a real man. or we could go this way: remember what teri hatcher wore to the grammys? real desperate, please look at me and validate me like i'm parking and george clooney, look at what you're missing out on; that dress was so many things. but here's the thing, is an actual real life desperate housewive's version of terri hatcher's dress, but its made even better by a couple thousand cocktails and the equally as drunk, single friend wearing her best man trapping outfit. honestly, this probably the best photo that mark "the cobrasnake" whatever his last name is has ever taken and i think he should consider retirement because its gets no better than this.

apparently, the fire crotches who have been laying low as of late had a party with each other the other night in nyc. i mean angela lindvall who haven't seen the last time i watched cq and axel motherplucking rose in the same room together. clearly, everybody thought that axel was a member of the kitchen staff who managed to sneak his way into the party and wanted to test out his hillbilly charms on some new york model girls. seriously, what's angela lindvall been up to? the world needs more of her and less of perez hilton. why can't she have a celebrity gossip site? she's probably got awesome stories about frankie ryder and what not, which quite frankly, is more entertaining that the daughter of the man who wrote "brick house" not eating any food.

i believe that i'm going to have call friday morning's update, 'the mindy kaling love fest' cause the girl has been fire! (copyright k-fed) the past couple of weeks on "the (american) office". ever since the co workers of dundler mifflin have been made as cast regulars, they've all been alot funnier and the whole kelly/ryan the temp storyline, what little that has been shown, is just side splitting. i nearly fell out of my seat from laugther. for a while i thought sarah silverman was the funniest woman, then i thought it was that one girl who played 'dawn' on the 70s house, but i don't know, i think mindy kaling is the funniest woman out there right now; not to mention, she wrote my favorite episode of "the (american) office".

and i'm slowly catching up with my tv and naturally, "v mars" from wednesday night, killer as per usual. i think the writers for v mars do a better job of weaving in old story lines and characters into their show then "lost" does. its a show that has a good, solid payoff each week. it doesn't insult you, it's just a reward for being a loyal viewer. its sorta like a fortunate cookie. sometimes, its the best part of the meal or sometimes, it just hits that right spot and fills you up nicely.

and of course, tonight is the night we say good bye to our beloved bluths. i believe i may be going to a viewing party tonight and it'll be weird for me because i've only watched the show from my house by myself. so i'm unsure as to how i'm supposed to react when watching with people. i guess it'll be like watching a good movie, but still at the same time, it'll be weird.

i have to ask a question to the regular readers: i know that most of the mp3s i'm been posting has been hip hop stuff, but is anybody digging on that? i'm no pretty pony, but i figure, maybe throw a track or two up every now and then. and maybe one of these days, i'll hear a regular tune thats good, but i'm sorry, i can't get over that raekwon tune.

oc write up on willa

hopefully one of these days this will be my new phone. but knowing my luck, the store will only have pink razors, which would've been kosher a year or two ago, but the new color is lavander.

Feb 9, 2006

bad is good again

dude, check out betsy. i smell a relapse coming on strong in the very near future. so all personal assitants check your voice mails and get uploading! are grammy post parties really a good place for a recovering sexaholic should be hanging out at?

dudes, i'm so backlogged on stuff right now. not only i have not watched last night's "lost" and "the emperor santino show," but i haven't even seen "v.mars" yet. this is the problem when i go out and be somewhat socialable. i'm behind on things and i'm having a maintence person at the house right now and i'm just wondering if i'm gonna freak out the guy because i'm listening to stern and it's the guy who allegedly had sex with clay aiken, but at the same time, it's like, we're all dudes and maybe i could get another person to change over to sirius.

i can't believe i have yet to mention it, but friday night, the final four episodes of "arrested development" are on. it'll probably be awesome blossom rosario dawson and alot better than of the shite mid season replacement s(h)itcoms on fox like "free ride", "the loop" (even though, philip baker hall is in that one). it's like this, fox, if you're gonna green light a bunch of single camera shows that look like horrible knock offs of "my name is earl," and "how i meet your mother" that'll probably be canceled after a few episodes. sure, it'll last longer than that heather graham show (i drive by a bus ad for her show when i come hom from school and feel bad about it), but, fuck, you know, why not give an amazing show like "arrested" a shot in the arm by airing an episode after "american idol".

also, fuck that bullshit show, "sons & daughters" too. don't advertise the show as being unscripted and hilariously improvised. you know what that means me? the writers are a bunch of community college rejects, although they must be better than me cause they have a staff job and i'm here in the oc goofing off at the coffee bean. and saying a show is improvised is another excuse for shitty camera work; its gonna be hand held and there's gonna be alot of jump cuts. boo!

preach, uncle grambo, preach; this is why grambo is the best and speaks volumes of truth about that perez hilton dude aka pseudostar fucker inc.

if anybody is thinking of a birthday present for me, there's no better gift than a copy of lady terminator

Feb 8, 2006


the problem with southern california right now, is, well, it's too hot to be actually be february. for pete's sake, its gonna be in the 80s and this of course presents a problem for not only me, but for lots of other people. one, we can't wear our fun and flirty winter wear, so celebrities have to go elsewhere to show off the winter goodies. two, since its hot, it means there's a mini drought and then there are wild fires.

the thing about this latest wildfire or maybe because i'm closer to the fire hotspot than i have been with previous local wild fires, but it seems like the ashes from this fire are just all over my car. i get to school an hour before class starts and generally, i sit in my car listening to the radio and you know, since its in the 80s, it gets a bit hot in a car after a while, so i have to roll down the window, but there's this slow trickle of little pieces of ash flying into my car.

also, given, but yet, everybody freaks out on the freeway during the wild fires. we're all really far away from the mountains, so it means, we could speed up just a smidgen. lets be safe, but lets not go 40 in the fast lane.

does anybody else get that stockholm syndrome feeling while watching "american idol" and start to think that paula abdul is kinda attractive? you never see a real outta control hot girl on that show; you know, pretty cute asian girls and lots of girls with yellow hair that i'm just not a fan, but most people are. so you're sorta forced into this hypnotic haze where paula abdul seems pretty hot. sure, she may be in her 40s, but she keeps up with the times with the clothes and the hair. i mean look at it this way, if she was on "date my mom," you'd pick her daughter cause you'd assume that the apple doesn't far from the tree; of course, her daughter wouldn't be at all; she'd have the body of girls varsity softball short stop.

what do you think these two talked about this celebrity function? we all know that celebrities even before meeting each other are instant bffs cuz they're in that super special club known as being celebrity, but you see, they even have more to bond over since both have had embarrasing things happen to them recently. ashlee, drunk at mcdonalds, fergie, peeing her pants in concert or at least i think thats fergie. thats what getty images said and i think that gives me the legal clereance to goof on her. i always thought fergie was a butter face, but did she put her lady lumps on her face for attention this time around? uf. sketchy.

the grammys are tonight, but who cares? the records we all love and care about aren't going to win any awards. and if they did win awards, it wouldn't be televised. to me, the whole concept of pairing musicians with each other just screams bad news bears and desperation. madonna & the gorillaz? smells like old madge is tryin way too hard to be hip and modern; what's next an apperance on the back cover of vice magazine rocking an american apparel unitard? wow, jay z & linkin park? nope. v. mars is on, dudes and the chick from "laguna beach" is playing a lesbo. mashing up, (i just shuddered as i wrote that) things should be left to guys who spend too much in front of a computer and know how to use garage band; not a bunch of stuffy old tv guys; come on, people, these grammy people think that the black eyed peas make good & innoviate music.

if they want people to watch, get duff set to make their first public apperance. the people could be getting off the island on "lost" and nobody would care if the duff set was at the grammys.

anybody else wonder if "lost" is gonna be lame tonight or not? i mean the one from two weeks ago was rather boring and uninteresting; so who knows with this one? i think the others are involved, but i mean, the others are becoming less and less scary to me; they're just a bunch of hippies. how scary is that?

Feb 7, 2006

case dismissed part 2

this looks like alot of fun and as nude as a couple of never nudes will ever get. it should be noted, i once acted in a movie and my character inspiration was tom ford, but it was way before this image came out on the scene.

and its official, britney spears & k fed are the new world's worst parents ever. you know what kevin said he say it? "that's not fire!"

case dismissed

i don't think it was this time last year, maybe it was around the spring time of last year, but anyways, i said that the barkers would probably be the world's worst set of parents ever. i take that back, people. the award for the world's worst parents goes to another mtv couple, ashley and his girlfriend with the creepy eye borrows. i just feel so bad for this kid because he's going to be forgotten so many times. this child will be left in cars and department stores; basically, he'll be like ann from "arrested development" cept in baby true religion denims. these two have to be the most self centered people in the world and that's saying alot from me, since i, myself am extremely self centered. you know that the ashley's girlfriend, wife, whatever she is, is going to go through postpartum depression majorly. and then there's ashley, a man who's a bit sacreligious cause he likes to walk on water in addititon to freezing time like he was evie or something. during this episode, i had this rush of joy and excitement as ashley started to talk about getting the wang snipped, but then he said he was kidding. he shouldn't joke about shit like that because another ashley parker offspring is on par with that bullshit man/animal hybird bullshit bush was talking about last week in the state of the union.

and another thing about this ashley angel guy, he was stressing about making money and what not. you know, he has to be the man in the family and that means he has to be the bread winner, but next time around, instead of asking your girl's moms, whose like the real life version of meredith from "the (american) office" (the lady has beer for breakfast and probably ice cream for dinner) for money, why not have your preggers girl be a model. i believe that they said she was a model in a episode or two ago, so why not make a couple of bucks for a couple of snaps. why not have the baby do some modeling because we all know how fickle the music biz is. here today, gone about 10 minutes later.

i don't have a good understanding about this pellicano case, but i'm rather interested in finding out why kevin nealon needed the aid of a shady ass p.i. like pellicano. gary shandling, yeah, totally, i get it. stallone, yup, but kevin nealon, huh, what? is it the work of a publicist whose trying way too hard to save their job and keep their client's name out in the press. oh wait, never mind. i actually read the part about kevin nealon after i wrote the above thing and it's sorta boring. pellicano illegaly obtained kevin nealon's information from the dmv. thats sorta boring. you know, he doesn't have a illegal import russian teenaged girl sex slave in his closet.

speaking of "24," so good last night. fox needs to loosen up a bit and let them swear on the show; it'd just make the jack bauer power hour so much more better than before. we have dudes getting shot while wearing bullet proof vests and getting back up like it was nothing. we have junkies doing hit & runs on hobbits; we have edgar smiling; we have jack bauer flipping out over some 15 year old russian girl, but we, the viewers could certainly uses some swears.

okay, so i was bored during a lecture the other day and i started to drift off and at first, i started to think about "24," then i started to think about "24: The Ride" and it'd be like 'star tours,' but you're running with jack bauer and you're shouting. then i wanted to rip off "mr show," so then i thought about, 24: The Ride: The Movie starring joey greco from "cheaters" as the world's most brilliant roller coaster repair guy and he has 90 minutes to fix the '24' ride before its grand openning. can't you see joey wearing his bluetooth headset, talking to the theme park equivlent of edgar and there'd be a storyline about how embarrassed mary lynn rajskhub is to be making an apperance at some theme park.

or at least for the next season of "24" they should totally cast joey greco as a guy who wears a headset and says yeah alot because he'd be brills murray at it.

okay if you run into me these days, i may be making a similar face to this one. you see, apart of my weight loss program is to eat smaller portions of food and well, my body has yet to adjust to this crazy scheme. so when i'm at school, i seem a bit shot out of a cannon. and sure, i could get a snack at school, but its all unhealthy food and of course, i could bring something from home, but you can't look cool, sitting around, eating baby carrots before class starts; not that i look cool to begin with. then i'd bring some of those nature valley granola bars, but if you're sitting down and eating those, you get half of the bars on your shirt and quite frankly with the pit stains i rock, i don't need any more help from granola bits and pieces. not to mention, you could bit your tongue while eating those things. there are so many negatives that come with those granola bars but they are so good and there's always two in a package. so i think i'm going a bit stir crazy inbetween meals. sure, being in a boring lecture for a few hours could've been the problem, but also, i think the lack of food could've been the problem as well. so if you see me and i look like this and you happen to have an apple on you, can i have a bite or two or at least can we walk over to the carls jr, grab a plastic knife and attempt to cut me off a piece from the side you didn't eat yet.

Feb 6, 2006

boom goes the dynamite!

over the weekend, the wga gave a award the writers of crash and quite frankly, i no longer want to be a member of the wga. i'd still like to see an essay or term paper that finally answers that age old question, why are so many people blowing massive loads over that shit storm of a film? i can see why people like certain films that i don't like, but this one, i don't see it. it's a film that i can't even pretend to like to impress a girl. you know, you'll say that you're into a certain thing to impress a girl, but really you have no fucking clue. yeah, i couldn't do that with crash. i bought and pretended to like the movie, slackers for a girl, but as soon as that thing was dunzo, i chucked it.

okay, i think its safe to say that we or at least a majority of us watched the toyota supra bowl yesterday. the game, well, was the game and i'll get to that in a minute, but here's the thing, mick jagger wore nike cross trainers; can you get any less rock n roll then that? mick can put on the 14 year old kid punk rock jeans and he managed to put on his youngest daughter's belt and he's like 70, but he can't throw on a pair of beatle boots or dirty chucks? does it really take that much to rock out these days? he can pull out all the gear, shake the cobwebs off of charlie watts every couple of years to rake in a few more dollars, but he can't put on the rock n roll boots. i don't know, this may change my whole perception on the stones forever. i don't know if i could listen to "get yer ya yas out!" the same way ever again.

as for the game, ben rosahamburger made one really good play and didn't score that touchdown. i think i'll continue on saying this until the end of time, but, once again, i'm claiming 'tainted title' in the case of the super bowl. you know those stupid black & white interview things they used as intro and outro bumpers where that one guy on the steelers with kenny g hair made out with the trophy, right? okay, i only saw steelers players and coaches interviewed on those things. 1 seahawk guy, everybody else was a steeler. you see, the fix was already in from the get go. then there's the bullshit touchdown call, but hey, you can only blame bad calls for so long. matt hassle(broke)back literally sucked the big one in the game and good offense wins games; the defense was there for a while too, but then, they went to lunch or something. okay, so maybe not necessarily, tainted title, but you could definately spell that game with two letters (b.s.) at times.

and the commercials blew too. good game, boring commercials. the career builder(dot)com ads were good, but everything was rather forgetable. although, i thought it was interesting how abc sex'ed up the ads for "dancing with the stars," during the game. quick cuts of the girls showing lots of leg with the words, "wardrobe malfunction" flying across the screen. i don't know about you, i don't really want to see a lisa rinna wardrobe malfunction; its bad enough she posed in playboy while preggers; remember that? if you do, then you totally love the 90s. and i don't understand these go daddy ads and all of the hype around them about being too racy for tv. it's not that their racy, it's just that the girl in them is the president of the butter face fan club. lets face facts, kids, tits are tits and what makes them special is the person that they belong to. jessica simpson's quepapas (shout out to mr skin) were all over the place in those pizza hut commercials and it's not a problem because to most people, jessica simpson is attractive.

and has harrison ford been hanging out with dave chappelle lately? cause harrison ford looked and sounded as crazy as chapelle sounded on oprah in that dr seuss commercial.

for next year's super bowl, i have a few suggestions:
-no bye week. sure, the nfl needs that week to get the hype machine going and shoot commercials with the players of the game in them, but it's more exciting and interesting. if you go straight from the conference games to the big dance. i lost interest in the super bowl because quite frankly, i forgot about it.
-no more half time shows; no more bullshit. the game runs long enough as is, so we don't need to hear mick and the boys play a tune from their new album, let alone the classics. lets just play the game.
-if fox has the super bowl next year and the show, "24" still is on the air; have the non stop season of "24" be about a terrorist threat on the super bowl and naturally have the post game show be '24,' but here's what would make it even cooler, every so often during the game, the director of the super bowl broadcast would cut to shots of the audience and jack bauer's head would pop in a couple of shots. now tell me that wouldn't be the coolest thing since a lee's pork sandwich?

and why was "grey's anatomy" the big post super bowl show? that show seems like it would have a gigantic male audience.

Feb 3, 2006

not good, still terrible

the untalneted, boring sister of that slutty heirness called mischa b a 'fat pig'; isn't that calling the kettle black? cause by those definations, nicky hilton is about the size of a fucking whale.

the thing about 50 cent's new game diss track (it can be found at best of hip hop) is this, its beyond awful. i guess 50 is trying to take apart 50 but he can't. there's no lyrics to his attacks. sure, cam's jay-z diss track was a little soft, but at least it was entertaining. 50's attack on game amounts to him talking over some beat about stuff we've already read at all hip hop. i don't understand how 50 can finally come back at game with this track after "120 barz". i mean, did 50 actually hear that song and how one dude with lamey butterfly tattoo took apart him and his whole collective. but then again, 50 smiles like he's lindsay lohan on calanders. how can you go all hard at somebody when you're fucking smile like it's the fucking cover of tiger beat magazine on some calander? let alone, what gangster puts out calanders?

and what further gets my goat is this, i first heard the track on shade 45 and of course, you excepted a bit of dick riding, but i was shocked by the lack of comments on how much the song sucked from rude jude. sure, the guy may have been on jenny jones, but on the radio, the dude is rather blunt and straight to the point; in other words, if something blows, he'll say it blows. yet, he was oddly quiet and they stop taking phone calls on the song after they got about 4 calls in a row from people saying that they were 50 fans, but they thought the track was utter shit. what happened to rude jude? i expect this degree of dick riding from the world's worst dj, whoo kid, but rude jude, come on?

maybe he said that the thing sucked and i missed it, but i dunno, something was rather shady over at shade 45.

although tune into g unot radio on saturday morning and listen to whoo kid play that song every 15 minutes like it was a lost gem from "the pet sounds" sessions. i swear if whoo kid had audio of 50 taking a dump, he'd play it and he'd re start it like 5 time and shout, 'damn!' and it'd get alot of gun shots.

in a shift to the more positive, well i don't know if it's positive, but who else is stoke that johnny is finally gone from "the oc"? i mean there's no way he can come back from that and fuck shit up. i have to commend the writers for actually closing out an awful character and leaving no loose ends. most of the time, the character just moves away, leaving things slighty open for a return in season 4, but this, it's completely dunzo for johnny. finally i have a situation where i can apply that infamous stern soundbite to, "it's over, johnny. its over!"

anybody else pick up a brokeback mountain vibe to sandy cohen's relationship with that one dude at the newport group? sandy has strayed a couple of times, but you know, maybe sandy's reaching that mid life crisis point and a sports car won't be the solution to the problem.

also; seth is smoking pot to mask his cocaine problem; the dude loves his key bumps. and katlin cooper is saving this show; don't you wonder where she is when her character is not on screen? and why was rachel bilson dressed like joanna newsom in that one scene? it was very weird.

you can't tell from this photo, but this girl has huge wawhobes and i believe the producers of "survivor" told her to zip up her jacket because it's a family show, but this girl's wawhobes fell out of her top during a challenge and quite frankly, nobody wanted to see that. on the new survivor, there's a very strong bro back mountain vibe.

mindy kaling had the best 'mugs to the camera' moment on "the (american) office" ever and brian baumgartner proved why he's one of the funniest people on television and i'm not saying this because he's a myspace friend of mine.

daft punk is also playing coachella. about a year and 14 dollars too late, french robot guys.

i sold out on thursday afternoon. its a long and complex story and i have friday morning classes this semester. what was i thinking?