Talk about defining the term, ‘pot broiler’. What a 4th quarter last night. I’m not going to lie, I thought it was going to be a Mavericks sweep; the way they came back after the half, holy smokes. It was a done deal at that moment. Break out the bootleg t-shirts with cartoon drawings of the Mavs holding the trophy and get David Hasselhoff onto the next flight to Miami, so somebody can serenade Dirk after he picks up the MVP award. Then D.Wade pulls a move that Kobe wishes he could pull these days (taking over the game, winning it and it’s an actually important game) and just comes in the clutch. I still believe that the Mavs will take the series, unless Jason Williams and Antoine Walker learn how to make lay ups and manage to pass the ball to Shaq, so there’s no more 3 seconds calls and of course, keep on making those free throws.
It should be noted, how surprised was everybody when Shaq made those two free throws at the end of the game? Also, Shaq’s wife looked like hot last night. And Fat Joe was the coolest person there because he was in the first couple of rows and wore black. Speaking of the people at the game, the directors of the game sure loved showing those past their prime trophy wives.
I know that somebody read this thing every now and then because I watch the TV shows you don’t want to watch but other people in your life does. So in a way, I’m acting like your cliff notes in case a conversation starts about oh, let’s say, “The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency”. I want to hope that you haven’t watched this show because it’s pretty bad, but it’s product placement is fairly awesome. In one scene, there’s a giant banner for MySpace behind these two girls who are crying because some dude told them that they’re too fat to be a model. It’s just a weird spot, you know, some girls breaking down and complaining that they’re losing weight but they can’t lost it fast enough and behind them, there’s a giant sign that says, ‘a place for friends.’ As I read the slogan, I just can’t help but picture Tom at home, laughing like a manic at these poor girls with a simple dream of becoming models in between doing lines off the ass of Luana Lani and using 100 dollar bills to light sticks of incense (Tom doesn’t seem like a smoker to me). Product placement is a necessary evil, but sometimes, it can just be so weird. If people are going to do it on reality TV shows, then they should all watch the episode of “Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge” where he drinks Sprunt. It’s so subtle, but at the same time, it’s completely over the top.
And the other thing about this Janice Dickinson show is that every time the quality of a model that is challenged by her business partner, Janice will say that she’ll stake her whole entire career on the success of that particular person, but then, like 5 minutes later, Janice is either kicking the person out of the agency or suggesting that they go under plastic surgery. It’s great to see a extremely passionate person on TV and doing something that they’re happy, but I’m not sure about the validity of the constant claims of staking one’s entire career of a lanky guy from San Diego with a hair cut like one of the dudes in Death’s Thirst for Life (I made that band name, but I bet there’s somebody in Kansas who are already using that name) or some girl who’d better suited playing volleyball. Words losing mean after they’re repeated over and over again, which is way I’ve tried to lay off on calling things, ‘best ever,’ or ‘favorite’ thing.
I will still continue to call things, ‘the worst thing ever’ though.
Still on the subject of horrible TV shows I hope that you’re not watching MTV’s “The Hills”. First off in regards to last week’s episode, a friend sent me a note stating that she saw one DJ Kid Millionaire in the background when L.C. was at LAX, so if you want to go there and count cred points, go ahead. Secondly and most importantly, the emergence of party promoter extraordinaire and bad radio show co-host, Brent Bolthouse (who is MySpace friends with this girl, seriously click the link, its killer) on the show. Now, Bolthouse and his performance on the show have left my mind at a fork in the road. There’s a part of me that believes he’s perhaps the worst actor in the history of reality TV, but there’s an even bigger part of me that believes not only is Bolthouse fucking around with us being on “The Hills,” but he’s also the greatest actor in the history of reality TV. Granted L.C., Dumb Blonde#01 and Dumb Brunette#02 are no Sir Laurence Olivers, they’re not even on the level of Captain Lou Albano pretending to be Cyndi Lauper’s dad in the mid 80s, but Bolthouse is just going off and I want to believer that there are outtakes from that interview he had with Dumb Blonde#01 where he started to throw coffee mugs and pencils at her to see how well she thinks on her feet. But at the same time, I can see Brent Bolthouse as he’s pretending to check his e-mail and interviewing the girl, him saying, “Wait, I fucked that up. Can we do it again?” Bolthouse is going to be the saving grace of this show.
Related to “The Hills,” a drinking game idea: take a shot, pound a beer every time there’s a close up on L.C.’s soul less face. Is she incapable of showing emotion on her face? Did she pull a Janice Dickinson and already have that much botox done? Scary and sad. I know that she can show emotion; she did hang up on Dumb Blonde#01 and sang a little ditty, but let’s see some emotion on a close up next time around, thanks!
You guys hear that Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo had sex a whole bunch of times in Mexico over the weekend? Yeah, I did too, but who cares? Unless you’re going to be running into Nick Lachey over the next couple of days and able to ask without losing your job, “Can I smell your finger?”
Although, I don’t appreciate how Lachey and Kim Kardashian toyed with my emotions for those two weeks. Was it a real fling or was it a couple of publicists shooting e-mails back and forth with each other on their Trios while waiting at Coffee Bean in an attempt to get one’s large breasted client’s name out there. I really feel used.
So nice, it needed to be shouted out twice.
I hate to be a broken record guys and nearly retract my words from earlier, but seriously, Artie Lange & George Takei on the Stern show each morning just keeps me going through the day and more importantly, keeps me laughing. I’m not sure how Adam Carolla’s ratings are doing, but if I’m CBS, I’d offer these two a boatload of money to be the new L.A. morning drive time team. These two just bounce off each other so well and you can tell that George really cares about Artie where as Artie is just more concerned about eating and the Yankees doing better. Or at least, let them be the replacement on that Maury Povich/Connie Chung show on MSNBC; George debating a pre recorded tape of Crazy Alice, tell me you wouldn’t want to watch that? I heard that Adam Carolla or maybe it was Opie & Anthony, never the less, I heard that one of those guys were going to have Walter Koening do a guest spot on the show next week.
And finally, above is a music video that my friends at Bento Productions made earlier this year for the band, Fall of Troy. It's pretty killer and I think I nearly electrocuted myself while working this particular shoot. So keep that in the back of your mind when you watch it.