&t skeet on mischa: 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006

skeet on mischa

i wouldn't have given you it if i didn't agree

Jul 31, 2006

Swimmer's Ear

First and foremost, is this as well as this Z from the Like? Or is just some random hipster girl with a black belt in body karate redefining the way women will wear cardigans in the very near future? Inquiring minds want to know.

The problem with Miami Vice or at least one of the problems with the film was Michael Mann. Mann makes guys movie, to use a horrible expression, but it’s a guy’s movie with a bit of intelligence behind it. There’s a good plot that connects the action sequences together and more on the emotional table than “I can’t wait for them to blow some shit up.” Take a film like Collateral which had an interesting storyline, some good characters, dialogue heavy scenes one minute, then an intense shoot out the next minute and style to spare. Mann created a solid and compelling rhythm with that film.

Yet with Miami Vice, he’s all over the place. The film has no particular rhythm. It’s just long in parts and too short in other parts. The thing that surprised me the most about the film is that, it’s rather chatty. I’m a fan of chatty films and I wish more people would be fans of them too because that’s all I know how to write, but the problem is that the dialogue in the film is just awful. Either it’s cringe worthy as we listen to Colin Farrell’s Crocket in his, I want to believe Southern accent talk about how he loves mojitos and then the female lead talks about how Havana has the best mojitos, then they take a speed boat to get them. What? I thought this was a movie about busting coke dealers. You know the stuff Rick Ross raps about. Instead Miami Vice just gets bogged down in being a film about the beautiful locales and atmosphere. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful film to look at. Great HD cinematography by Dion Bebe with amazing production design and locations. I have to commend Mann for his dedication for finding places that haven’t been on film or television before, but that’s the problem with the film. It spends too much marveling at the surroundings as opposed to moving the story forward or writing interesting dialogue or pumping in more action scenes.

I’d never call myself a fan of action films. At a time in my life, I loved them and I’m still a fan of late 80s/early 90s John Woo films (The Killer still blows my mind) and I do have a soft spot for Michael Bay. But most of the time, I’m not into action movies, yet while watching Miami Vice made me yearn and desire for action sequences. There are too many scenes where characters talk too much about business and conversations about covers being blown and becoming too undercover for the job. If Michael Mann was to turn this screenplay in a class, he’d probably get a C or even a D on it because all the dude is doing with the material is telling, not showing. Sure, seeing Crockett & Tubs driving a sports car late at night, slightly conveys that the audience is dealing with ‘cool’ guys, but there needs to be more than that; sure, it’s telling, but at the same time, one could just assume that the two guys are driving a sports car to compensate for the short comings in their pants. Thinking out of the box a little more than just scenes of guys driving ‘go fast’ boats (is that a technical term?) and nice suits.

There should’ve been more scenes of Crockett & Tubs kicking ass and busting drug lords. I did appreciate how Mann at the start of the film drops the audience right into the thick of it with the scene at the nightclub, but that scene just feels weak and unnecessary. Mann doesn’t need to go back to a nightclub in a film ever again because Collateral was a film partially set in various L.A. nightclubs and the final sequence in a nightclub, the K-Town club was a classic. He’s written the book and now, it’s up to other filmmakers to out do him.

The very few action sequences in the film are done well and has a great deal of energy to them; largely due to the handheld camera work, but there could’ve and should’ve been more in the film. The film lived up to my expectations; I was expecting to be disappointed and I was.

Speaking of disappointing? Have you seen the trailer for the new Scorsese film, The Departed yet? It’s cool to see Scorsese shooting in scope again, but something just feels off about it. Scorsese and Nicholson don’t seem like a pairing that would work out well. Sometimes, two great tastes don’t go together or people never learn that particular tastes don’t go together since Scorsese has yet to stop working with DiCaprio.

I would’ve been in the parking lot across the street from the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater aka Irvine Meadows last night for the CSNY show, but I got swimmer’s ear or at least, my left ear has water in it and the season premiere of “The Girls Next Door” was on. I don’t know but I want to believe that the things coming out of the mouth of Bridget’s mouth might, just might be a bit more profound than our man, Neil. On the previews for next week’s episode, Holly & Kendra are working on a plan to solve the whole Israeli / Lebanon conflict and it may involve somebody or some bodies getting topless.

The past couple of days have not been good to me health wise. Friday afternoon, I got my prostate checked and on Saturday, I get a some water stuck in my ear. Granted, water in the ear is annoying and lasts longer than having one’s prostate checked. But that had to be one of the worst things that has willing done to my body. As men, it’s something that sooner or later, we’re going to have to do. It felt as if I was pooping in reverse as the doctor checked back there. The weird thing was that the doctor was a woman and my friend Derek said he may have popped one if he had a female doctor doing that to him. The experience its self is so uncomfortable and the direct opposite of sexy. You’re in a foreign environment, pants around the ankles while some one you haven’t even shared a smoothie with, let alone a meal together, is sticking a finger in the most sensitive of areas. It’s such a personal moment, but it’s so brutal. It was a one night stand as my doctor coldly asked me if I wanted to clean up afterwards, then simply handing me a wet wipe. So bad. And I thought for a moment that maybe if I had a male doctor check my prostate it would’ve been more comfortable because I assumed that he would’ve treated the whole thing as if we were in a locker room. But I never appreciated the locker room experience in high school all that much either. And of course, I assume that it’s eight million times worse for women when they go to the doctor.

I must extend a thank you to whoever put me on the mailing list for X 17 Online. I love that site and I’d link to it, but it’s just like everybody else has linked to it and I just assume that everybody knows about it by now. How great is that video of Chad Muska being attacked by bouncers? What happened to that guy? He went pulling from the hot, slutty older sister at the skate park to hanging out with Nicole Riche to dressing like he’s a member of The Colour and getting thrown out of clubs he’s DJing. Jeepers creepers, so I guess he’ll be on the next season of “The Surreal Life”, right?

Kate Beckinsale digs the In-N-Out and that’s all I got. I just wanted a lead in to In-N-Out cause I was there the other day and I don’t know what’s going on with the world, but we’re becoming too lazy as dressers. Whoever thought it would be cool to bring the sweat suit should’ve been shoot all those years ago. Granted, I’m a t-shirts and shorts/jeans guy most of the time, but you know there are times, where I’d just love to cruise around wearing basketball shorts and no shoes. Those times, I’m generally confined to the house because it’s my fat, lazy bastard uniform. Yet with these pajama pants and sweat suits and what nots, it’s an excuse for people to wear their lazy, fat bastards uniforms out in public. Let’s nicen up the dance a bit, people. We don’t have to wear sear suck suits on Sundays or anything, but let’s not wear a pair of boxer shorts and a wife beater to In-N-Out. We can assume that I saw a girl wearing the uniform of a wife beater and boxer shorts to In-N-Out and I’m just wondering when exactly did that become acceptable clothing? Sure, it’s a lazy Sunday and she could’ve been totally hung over for the night before, but you know, when Clinton was in office, nobody would’ve been caught dead in such clothing. If they wanted to be lazy, then they would’ve busted out the scarlet letter of laziness, a pair of sweat pants. Of course, if the girl had been attractive, it would not have been an issue; well, it would’ve been a minor issue, but still. Come on, how hard is it to put on a pair of jeans? Just pick up them off the floor and put them on one leg at a time. I think even hung over, people can manage to pull that off.

Food for thought: Is the Dip Set Movement finally over? I still dig some of the new stuff, but did the massive disappointment of “Killa Season” put an end to it? Or are people really into Keak Da Sneak nowadays?

There’s been quite a bit of talk about the NBC show, “Heroes”. It’s supposed to be the next “Lost,” but honestly, it’s Unbreakable with more characters and no Mr. Glass, so far. It’s that same type of Superhero riff that Alan Moore hit 20 years ago with The Watchmen and Brad Bird hit more recently with The Incredibles. From the pilot that’s floating around online and will be available for a free download on iTunes in a month, the show has potential to be good and go into interesting directions. As it stands, it doesn’t seem as rigid in its structure like “Lost” is and well, with the way “Lost” ended its second season, I may need a new one hour drama to obsess over.

Jul 29, 2006

The trailer for Alfonso Cuarón’s Children of Men, which can be viewed here is nothing short of breathe taking. The trailer played before Michael Mann’s Miami Vice and well, it ruined the film for me. I don’t know what it is about this particular trailer. The story line, the fact it’s a new film by Cuarón, maybe it’s cause Clive Owen is in it, maybe it’s the rich visuals of Emmanuel Lubezki or all those above combined with the use of my favorite Sigur Rós song, “Hoppípolla”. I’d watch the trailer again, but I want the rest of the film to be a surprised.

Much respect to the people over at Universal for putting together such a great trailer.

Also, I’ve never asked before, but if anybody out there who reads this mess that works in the film industry, gets their hands on the script for Mr. Machine, could you please send me a copy? I’d love to read David Gordon Green’s take on a mainstream comedy.

Jul 28, 2006

On The Phone Part '91

This is bit of a sticky situation cause shorty shorts most of time are awesome, but for some reason, on the long frame of Brae Turner, well, I don’t know if one considers a girl who is 5’8” to be tall, I do. Any ways, for some reason, shorty shorts just don’t look right on Bree Turner. Either she’s too tall like Ed Jones or her shorty shorts aren’t short enough. They look like her young brother’s shorts or something.

Jul 27, 2006

Days of Being Mild

I believe that we’re all at that point where nobody really gives a shit if we ever see Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes’ baby, but I have to entertain this particular theory. Of course, this probably isn’t an original theory and it’s been written somewhere else, but you know, who cares. Call me crazy, but the reason why the public hasn’t seen Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes’ baby yet is because the kid has to be deformed or have something like Down syndrome. If the baby was normal, then we would’ve seen it by now. Forget all the baby is made up, Scientology, fake marriage business and let’s assume that they made a baby out of love and what not. A benefit of doubt, if you will. Let’s assume if this child looked remotely normal, we would’ve seen it by now; either in a professional photograph in an issue of PeopleInTouchLife&StyleUsOK magazine by now or at least some blurry paparazzi shot of like Katie Holmes playing with the kid somewhere or Tom Cruise teaching the kid how to surf in the backyard. The baby has to be deformed and not some beautiful creature like everybody assumes that the offspring of Tom Cruise would be. Maybe, the baby has a cleft palate or something crazy.

Or the Holmes-Cruises will release the baby photos when they release their wedding photos. Kill two birds with one stone and get a decent bit change with it.

Fincher & Brad Pitt are getting the band back together for Benjamin Button. The first album was pretty moody and dark where as the last album was pretty political and too experimental for people at the time, but has become a cult classic. So maybe the new album will be a big hit.

“Arrested Development” reruns to air on G4 in the fall, which is pretty awesome, but not nearly as awesome as a Club Cory Kennedy reality TV show. Although, Fox kinda misses the boat by licensing the digital rights to MSN and not Apple. Didn’t Fox realize that a majority of “Arrested Development’s fan base act and dress like that asshole guy in the Mac commercials

Speaking of Club Cory Kennedy, the Cory K Live Journal communities must be a buzz about the new ‘it’ accessory, a Nintendo DS.

I think CBS should try to steal away Olivia Munn for the next season of “Rock Star,” if there’s a next season; maybe to find the new new singer of Super Nova. Munn, while being rather attractive if not more attractive than Brooke Burke also has the same problem as Brooke Burke: they can’t read a teleprompter to save their lives. Watching “Attack of the Show,” one could play a mean drinking game if they’re just playing based on the times Munn stumbles over her words while reading the prompter (although, the game to play if you’re looking to get drunk is drink every time Kevin Perihina tries to be funny). Brooke Burke just reads a teleprompter as if it’s an eye exam. No emotion, no passion, nothing, but Olivia Munn has a bit of energy to her delivery. If those guys at MIT didn’t work so hard on creating Brooke Burke, she’d be perfect to work as the voice when you call to see what time it is and naturally Olivia Munn would look rather cool in some rock n roll clothing.

That Rick Ross album leaked. Guess what? It kinda blows. I can’t even get past the tune that samples the music from Scarface.

People, haven’t we learned anything yet from the events of the last couple of weeks and the comic con incident? Lohan collapses from heat exhaustion. People let’s stay hydrated the rest of this summer because we’re not going to make it through if we just drink cold beer the whole time. I know how good a cold beer can be on an extremely hot day, but you know, have a bunch of water before hand.

I think the reason why US diplomacy won’t work during the current Middle East conflict because Condie Rice uses her sunglasses as a headband. I know that all the girls are trying their darnest to rock a L.C. esque headband these days, but honestly, have you ever taken anybody seriously who chooses to wear their shades on the top of their heads? Either tuck them in your shirt or just take them off all together and put them to the side. Granted, she didn’t put her shades on the back of her neck like most cool guys do (saw a lot of dudes in the ATL doing that while cruising over to some night club). Rice is attempting to prevent World War 3 from happening and the least, she can do is take off her shades. Aren’t there secret service guys who do this such thing?

If I didn’t dig the BTLS so much, I would’ve probably canceled my subscription to Sirius yesterday. If Perez Hilton replaces Mike Walker as the main gossip guy, then I’m dunzo with the Stern show. Earlier in the day, I heard a small part of Perez Hilton’s interview and thought it was interesting, but I heard most of it on another replay and was extremely annoying. Hilton doesn’t seem capable of providing sound bites for great phony calls, let alone, making the greatest fart in the history of radio.

Rachel B rockin’ icy white is always good thing. Granted it’d be a lot better if “Five Man Army” by Massive Attack was playing in the background and I was drinking a Red Stripe.

Jul 26, 2006

Do Stop 'Till You Get Enough

Anybody else feeling less respect for Scarlett Johansson cause she’s dating Wilmer Valadramaarama? Sure, she might have her own line of sneakers and that’s cool and she works with cool directors on a regular basis and she’s going to do a movie with Natalie Portman fulfilling a lot of nerds’ fantasy, but it’s a costume drama, so the two of them won’t be shooting guns and blowing shit up, but with all that said, Johansson doesn’t seem as cool because she’s hanging out with the guy from “Yo Mamma”. I may have to boycott watching Scoop in the next couple of weeks.

Michael Nouri is a little too hands on for my liking or the cast of “The OC” has a really good working relationship with each other. I wonder if Michael Nouri has the Willa Holland countdown clock as his home page? Creepy.

Love Was The Egg

I’m just wondering out loud here, but what kind of reaction happens when one sees Jessica Alba cruising around their local beach in a bikini? Given it has become a sight that we’re all too familiar with and quite frankly, losing its impact just a smidge (too much of a good thing, even if it’s Jessica Alba in a bikini), but still, seeing some body like a Jessica Alba on the local beach has to have some impact? Or is it a whatevs moment on par with seeing another regular, plain old boring hot girl on the beach? Like in Maliboobs, I don’t believe Jessica Alba walking around would be such a big deal, but you know, if she was in San Clemente, cars may smash into each other and dudes will follow her around. I’m under the impression that guys if they were to see Jessica Alba near or on their local beach, would just follow her around. It’s just in our nature; to follow nice breasted women at the beach. I remember going on a field trip in community college and there was this girl in the class who was cute and nice, but she always wore like a baggy sweatshirt to class. The girl hung around with two girls with great bodies and equally nice personalities (hope you understand I’m getting at with that one). Getting to the point, this field trip was to the tide pools and this girl who wore baggy sweatshirts all semester finally took of her sweatshirt and she had the biggest natural rack I’ve ever seen in my own life and for the rest of the field trip, me and about 10 other guys just hung around her and looked at whatever stuff she looked at it. It was pretty awkward and uncomfortable and I want to believe that the rack surprised the professor as well.

Who is Ben Lyons and why does he get to be the movie critic for “The Daily 10”? I get that the concept of “The Daily 10” is to be you know the “Best Day Ever” and an extension of the office break room conversation and yadda yaddda yadda. Lyons is supposed to be like the dude in the office who watches every movie and basically loves everything and will call John Tucker Must Die the best teen revenge film since Heather and most likely he’ll even say it’s better than Heathers. Clearly, this is the reason why we need to stop Ben Lyons and suggest that the Daily 10 get another movie geek guy. No self respecting movie geek, expert is going to consider A Prairie Home Companion a major accomplishment in the career of Robert Altman. His smug and arrogance clearly is derived from the Nick Zano school of television hosting, but Ben Lyons must’ve missed the day where Zano talked about being evil cause Lyons lack that certain degree of evil; he’s just a henchman of arrogance. If Ben Lyons and Nick Zano were in a room together, Lyons would be the Tim McCarver of the two. I just believe that the Daily 10 could do better for the resident movie guy and maybe Kim Vo should be the new movie guy since he’s such a hit with the hair advice.

In the comments from the other day, Uncle Grambo brought up an interesting point about Grind House and it’s releasing patterns. What studio is going to release one four film and make a little bit of money where as they could release two films and make the same amount of money two times over? Tarantino and Rodriguez specifically quote Bob Weinstein a few times during the panel saying that people are going to few ripped off when it comes to other films after this film, but does anybody actually believe that they’ll release a double feature? I have faith that Rodriguez will finish his film in time because the dude does about 40 set ups a daily, but Tarantino, I’m not so sure. Granted that there was rather quick turn with Jackie Brown back in 1997 (shot the thing in the summer of ’97 and released on Christmas day of ’97), but you know, the older Tarantino might take a bit longer to get the thing finished. Tarantino doesn’t move at a Kubrick or Fincher type speed, but never the less, I don’t believe either one of those guys wants to delay the release of the film again.

But the interesting thing to ponder is this, while there remains a good chance that the Weinsteins will release it as a double feature to the theaters, but you know, once the film canisters are at the theaters, it’s a whole different ball game. Think about it, a theater manager could end up breaking up the prints and just showing the films separately. The theaters will make more money because of the increased number of showings. Unless the film is digital projected, what’s to stop the theaters from showing the film individually? They’re barely going to break even on this idea, but it has to be said: Movie Road show. Honestly, Grind House is going to be the Doctor Zhivago of exploitation films. Why not do limited engagements at particular theaters and just slowly bring the film across the country creating a communal movie experience or at least, open it in New York, L.A, Austin, etc. and just bring those particular prints all across the country, so they get even more beat up than they’re being made to look. Play at theaters like the New Beverly Cinema in LA instead of the Arclight. Places with shitty sound and uncomfortable seats. Although, one of those Arclight 21+ screenings of Grind House might be a lot of fun.

I believe I’ve heard a majority of the new DJ Shadow album. While the album has its moments, it’s a bit of a snoozer. I can honestly pin point not necessarily the day, but the era when I first heard DJ Shadow. It was the summer of ’98 when I spent most of my summer nights listening to Metropolis on KCRW because I had just discovered KCRW a few months earlier. You know after a few years of seeing their annoying commercials before movies at the Laemmle Sunset 5, I finally gave a listen and basically, I heard stuff from the UNKLE album all the time and it was unlike anything I had heard at the time; “Guns Blazing,” blew my mind then and still blows my mind today. I didn’t know music, let alone rap music could be that good. I just thought Jason Bentley played dance music and tried really hard to sound mysterious and brooding over Junior Sanchez instrumentals. So during that summer, I became obsessed with getting that UNKLE record and waiting until basically the start of school to get it and when I got, it changed a majority of musical habits because I was forced into figuring more out about this DJ Shadow character, which lead me to discover, probably my favorite album of all time, “Endtroducing…”. I learned a lot from that album, which is weird to say as a writer, but somehow, I learned about structure from those songs and what exactly it means to be ‘cinematic’. Of course, through listening to Shadow, my musical horizons opened up greatly as I started to listen to more hip hop and just being open to anything really.

Which is why I’m rather disappointed by “The Outsider,” because it’s Shadow exploring more musically. It’s just not interesting and feels more as if Shadow was trying to sound more like other people. When RJD2’s first album came out, everybody compared him to Shadow, but the only comparison is that they use a lot of samples in their music and then by RJD2’s second album, the comparisons ended because RJ made a record where he sang a couple of songs. “The Outsider,” feels less about Shadow making interesting music and trying to be more like RJD2 and cash in on trend. Either there’s somebody rapping or singing on each track, which is fine and all if it was a Scott Herren album, but when it’s a Shadow album, people are looking for that 5 to 9 minute long instrumental of drums on top of drums on top of drums. I’m not interested in hearing some dudes rap about turf dancing, I could give a shit. They’re in the way of the fucking beat. Shadow in a way is like the Stevie Ray Vaughn of hip hop because we could care less about what’s being said, we just want to hear that solo. Granted the song, “Seein’ Things,” with David Banner is good, but overall, nothing stands out. It’s just weird to think that Shadow isn’t mashing on a drum machine for this record. Oh well, I think Diplo might do another instrumental record.

Why does Courtney Love and the rest of the guys in Nirvana let people basically butcher the songs week after week on “Rock Star: Supernova”? Can’t Krist Novoselic pull Courtney Love aside and quote G.W. Bush, “Gotta stop doing this shit,” or is this part of Love selling pieces of Nirvana empire away to some dude? Cause they’re ruining these great songs week after week and I’m not necessarily sure if some girl dressed like she’s the Feral Kid from The Road Warrior’s mom doing an acoustic version of “Lithium” in order to impress Tommy Lee and win a game show is keeping within the spirit of the Nirvana legacy. Of course, we always ask these questions if such and such musician was still alive today, would be they still be relevant and cool? We’ll never know, but we have to keep whatever legacy they had at the end of their career alive and you know, it just doesn’t seem that Kurt Cobain would be there on the couch telling some guy how awesome his cover of the Wallflowers was.

Jul 24, 2006

Cake Face

I don’t know whatever happened to the Killer Bs of last summer, but honestly, who cares when the new it couple has to be Rachel B and Jamie “James” K aka the B.K. Broiler. Talk about a 1, 2…cool combo of Betty & Veronica.

Also, what I’ve heard of the new DJ Shadow album so far, I’m pretty disappointed. I thought Shadow was making into some timeless shit, not a bunch of records that’ll be outdated and embarrassing by December.

And Vivid Alt [NSFW] is probably one of the cooler websites I've seen in a very long time. Thank goodness Eon Mckai is into free photos and what not.

Bangkok Chick Boys

First and foremost, I would like to say that I unfortunately missed the “Veronica Mars” panel at Comic Con this past weekend. Things came up and I will get to them in due time and that’s just the way things go. With that said, I did though manage to catch the panel for the new Robert Rodriguez / Quentin Tarantino film Grind House and more or less, I paid 30 bucks to see those guys talk about how much they love each other and the blinding passion that they both share for this particular project. Naturally, one has probably read a ton of information already on the panel and the footage shown on various other sites, but I’m still going to bore you a bit with my two cents on the matter. I thought the internet was invented for a couple of reasons, so Al Gore can take credit for more things and so people can share their opinion with tens to hundreds of people. With that said, the footage shown for the audience was mostly pulled from the stuff that Rodriguez has done so far, but only because Tarantino doesn’t begin production on his film until September and Rodriguez said that the footage was from the first two weeks of filming. Honestly, what a two weeks of filming.

In interviews and other places, Rodriguez has said that this portion of the double feature, Planet Terror is an homage to the early works of John Carpenter and it’s clearly evident in the first scene that Rodriguez used in the demo reel. The music has a heavy synthesizer vibe without feeling cheesy or ironic and there’s use of particular cues to startle the audience like Halloween. Perhaps, the most John Carpetnery thing about the first piece of footage was that it was shown letterbox at 2:35:1 aspect ratio, which for all of my John Carpenter nerds out there know that 2:35:1 is Carpenter’s preferred aspect ratio and it’s not a John Carpenter film unless it’s in scope. Then after the scene, the footage shown is a wild montage of violence, chaos, blood, guts, zombies, Rose McGowan, Danny Trejo riding a chopper through the air while explosions go off behind him and some people called the Baby Sitter Twins. Basically, Planet Terror looks like to be one of the greatest cult, geek movies ever made. Part Carpenter, part Apocalypse Now and for those in the know, part Raiders of Atlantis.

And we the audience won’t be short changed on the film’s initial release because Grind House is going to be a very long affair since Tarantino and Rodriguez stated that their films have gone behind the original 70 minute running times to full blown films. Tarantino is looking to make his film, Death Proof at 130 minutes where as Planet Terror is going to be 110 minutes. So couple that with the fake trailers that they’re looking to make, it’ll be 5 hour experience at the movies and for once, you’ll get a lot for you money. That’s the plus side of this; a whole lot for a little. Look at film like Red Eye which was barely 85 minutes in length and I want to believe that 7 of those 85 minutes were credits. So people paid 10 bucks to watch a 78-minute movie, which is total bullshit. Where as one will pay like 10 bucks to see two films and a bunch of cool trailers or at least, a couple of trailers.

Perhaps, the most surprising bit of the panel was when a majority of the women from both films came out. Here’s the thing, from my experiences, most celebrities in real life aren’t that attractive in real life. It’s all smoke and mirrors; we all know about Photoshop and it seems as if every other girl these days is becoming a make up artist, so there’s somebody to help out. With that said though, I have to say that Rosario (Awesome Blossom) Dawson looks really good in person; very minimal make up; Rose McGowan looks good, some make up, but the girl was filming until 6:30 that morning and took the first place from Austin to San Diego. Yet the real revaluation had to be Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who has to be the hottest famous person I’ve ever seen in real life. Holy smokes.

So all the while this was happening, my father, who went with me was waiting in line to get into Comic Con. He dropped me off and went to find parking. It took me an hour and change to get there, but by the time, he had gotten into the line, it moved slower than well a majority of the people at Comic Con move. And with the now yearly mid summer heat waves (Dear George W. Bush, just because you think you have a moral obligation to stop stem cell research, also doesn’t mean we have to wait until God or Jebus solves this dang weather problem we’re having. Sorry to say this, but guess what, better living through chemistry and quite frankly, I have no idea as to how this fits in with anything, but never the less, I wanted to get that off my chest and feel better about things), it just took a lot out of my father and he basically collapses from the heat or at least just removed himself from the line and took refugee in an shady part. So he’s attempting to call me to help him out, you know get some water and what not, but I had my phone on silent and I couldn’t make any calls out because some many other nerds were on the phone with each other or at least a lot of nerds have Cingular and they fucked up the network.

Cingular may claim to have the largest calling network, but when you’re at a crowded, large scale public event, you can’t make a call to reach base with your to save your fucking life. I remember at Coachella, trying to call friends and what not and I couldn’t get anything to go while everybody else was just yammering away on their phones.

So I leave the building, contact my father and attempt to find him and get him some water. The problem was that Comic Con was so crowded and just jammed to the gills with people. Either standing around, wanting to get or just dicking around. It was my Jack Bauer moment, but I realized that I have too much anxiety to be Jack Bauer although I did enjoy knocking into people as I was walking around with an armful of water bottles. So I finally find my father, begin to calm down slightly as we each drink a bottle of water. My father explains that he’s done for the day and wants to head back to home base.

So we left and begin to wait for the Hell Diego Metro line. You know how when you need some thing, it always take longer than it has to, but when you don’t need it at all, boom bazooka joe, it’s right there. Well, we need the train back to Jack Murphy stadium and it didn’t come around for about 40 minutes. So I just waited there in whatever shade I could find, worrying about my father, sad that I missed seeing the “V.Mars” panel, attempting to sent a hang out session later that evening with my honey bun, in spite of smelling like a German strong man at the time and bragging to Mark of Hella Awful that I saw Planet Terror. Yet the soundtrack for the situation wasn’t some beautiful piece of music by Morricone or even Jon Brion, but it was a conversation between two women who had to have the worst voices in the history of the world. These monotone voices were worse than 14 Freddy Krugers scratching chalkboards at once. And they wouldn’t shut up at all and I just felt sorry for their children and husbands of these women. There had to be a point where these woman talked normally and some how in the ‘trading spaces’ification of their relationship, these women developed a super nagging voice.

So the train finally came and of course, the air conditioning had broken during the day. Once again, I felt like a baked potato as I watched a nerdy guy hit on European girls with cankles as they read US Weekly. Eventually, we get to the Murph and my father doesn’t feel well enough to drive back, so I’m driving back; an SUV, never the less, but it was purchased in the mid 90s. The reason why I like to go with people to Comic Con because usually they are the ones who drive and I just sit back and make stupid conversations about how local Fox Sports net reporter Lindsay Soto(bad photo) rocks shorty shorts or how awesome it would be find a decent bootleg of some Jodorowsky film. Yet I was the one driving a car I hadn’t driven in three years, fighting my way out of Hell Diego.

Needless to say, I made it back and my father has recovered rather well from the heat. So please let this be a lesson to everybody, keep those fluid levels up. If you haven’t learned from Drama or my trip to the ATL, please allow this to be a lesson for you to keep your fluids going until at least September. Lollapooloser is next week and that’s going to be extremely sweaty and hot and I want you guys to keep your fluids up and start a riot if they charge more than 2 bucks for a bottle of water.

Also this experience made me reconsider my policy on Comic Con. Some how, I always forget the things that I hate about Comic Con every year and this is one of my biggest problems in life. I can’t explain why but I hate having to walk slowly because the person in front of line walks slowly or gets distracted easily while walking and has to slow down. Of course, in normal situations, I would just pass the person, but at the con, the aisle ways are just packed with slow walking people or people just stop in the middle of the aisle and hang out with the guy in the Stormtropper uniform for a couple of minutes. I don’t back out of parking spaces because I firmly believe that you shouldn’t have to go backwards to go forwards. So if I’m going next year, in particular on Saturday, I’m leaving at 6 in the morning, but I’d just avoid a Saturday all together and well, just avoid Hell Diego all together as well.

So I must extend my apologies to Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell and the rest of the cast of “V.Mars” that was on hand on Saturday. I would’ve been there, but you know, shit happened and that was more important. But if anybody from the Hot Chicks Room of TV network’s the CW wants to set up an interview with me and anybody from the show would be greatly appreciated.

So that’s me and my comic con story. Was there for about two hours. Saw Quentin Tarantino, saw some footy, didn’t buy bootlegs and I backed out of a parking spot in an SUV.

I may lose some credibility here, but honestly, fuck Snakes On A Plane. I was excited to see this film at one point, but honestly, all of this internet hype has just ruined the movie and the studio basically bending over backwards to appease people from the internet is just destroying the movie. If anything, I feel like that guy who complains about when his favorite band moves into the mainstream and is liked by everybody else. The film has taken too long to come out and I don’t know it’ll be just a horrible movie experience, which of course will sound hypocritical coming from because you know, I love watching certain films with particular audiences that’ll have a lot of interaction with the film, but for the most part, I hate it because some douche in a leather jacket thinks he’s more clever than the army of writers who wrote the thing and ponders if his big joke will work as well as the one he zinged during the most recent shitty Ben Stiller comedy (Sorry dude, but you’ve been making shitty films for a while and quite frankly, you need to go back to your roots). So, I’m out on this Snakes on a Plane business, but you know if they were to make a movie about snakes in a slumber party, I’m totally down.

Anybody else read the L.A. Times article on Hyphy and just wish this whole thing would go away? Granted, it has brought E-40 into the spotlight, which the worlds needs and it’s also brought a little light back onto Too $hort because he’s pretty much the godfather of Oakland rap and the song, “I Wear My Stunna Glasses at Night” by the Federation brilliantly samples Corey Hart’s “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night, but for the most part, hyphy is just really bad music. Writers are hoping onto this trend/fad trolley like they were all over krumpin’ a year or two ago and that literally took the world by storm or at least just David LaChappelle. I don’t remember really giving that much in depth coverage to Crunk as it started to bubble up and become a piece of the mainstream. It just happened and maybe all of this media over reaction is an attempt to cover their ass for missing the boat in the first place.

Rather Quickly:
-Disappointed that “Cheyenne” had its season finale last week; it was starting to get good and it’s more endearing to see a pop star cry about seeing her album artwork for the first time than you know the pop star that gets plastic surgery to look more like her older sister.
-“The Hills,” still good last week, but I’m becoming less attracted to Audrina because that delicious combination of big teeth and no upper lip creeps me out. Also that large tattoo on the back of her neck makes me uncomfortable like a foot long hot dog.
-When I went to the taping of “Jimmy Kimmel Live” last week, Korn gave everybody in the audience tickets to Family Values away. I don’t know, but I thought that was weird and kinda sad.
-Listening to the MSTRKRFT album made me want to hear that dude from Spank Rock rap over their stuff. For example, the song, “Paris” would be a bit better if somebody was rapping over it.

Jul 21, 2006


I’m fairly tired, but I want to say something while I remain extremely passionate about the film Little Miss Sunshine. Without a doubt, one of the best films of this year thus far and I was extremely lucky to get into one of the numerous free screenings that Fox Searchlight is doing. Kudos to them, but next time around, can we please get an Orange County area screening? Parking in downtown Burbank is too stressful for my little heart.

All that aside, Little Miss Sunshine is a rare film that manages to pull off both the humor and drama so effectively. One scene in particular had me on the verge of tears, then about a minute later, I was laughing my head off. These are the types of film we need more of in this world. Less films about pirates and supermen and whatever hit video game; it’s starting make films about interesting characters again.

Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris on their first feature length film crafted a film, thanks in large to a wonderful script by Michael Arndt and an amazing cast (Carel is great, but for me, Alan Arkin gives the film’s best performance); that few directors will achieve in their entire career. It’s moving when it needs to be, it’s funny in the right spots and the audience isn't drowned in style and flashy camera moves.

As the film slowly rolls across the country, find this film, it’ll be worth your time. I plan on watching it again, and of course, paying this time around.

And if you're going to Comic Con on Saturday, say 'hey,' if you're at the "V.Mars," panel.

Jul 19, 2006

Night Birds Part 2

My friend Natali sent me a text message today about what had to be the greatest reality TV show of all time. She suggest that MTV does a show about my favorite person Cheyenne Kimball and one of my new favorite people, Cory Kennedy (Stockholm Status) and how awesome it must to be quasi famous in Los Angeles and 16 years old. I’m not sure if the mixture of Cheyenne’s style of high heels and frequent showers mix well with Cory Kennedy’s affinity for greasy hair and Prada. But, I think MTV or just any cable network in general; it’d be pretty cool if G4 would do a show about Cory Kennedy. Not the Cobrasnake, but just Cory Kennedy hanging out; going to Beverly Hills High, hanging out with friends and you know the occasional cameo by Steve Aoki to pimp that Dim Mak Clothing line (Do you really believe that Jason wearing a shirt on “The Hills” is going to move any units?). Let’s step out of the box a little more with our young girls in the big city reality shows. It’d be so awesome; the theme song would be like, “Tell Me Why” by Neil Young or at least a cover by some zippy pop rock group like Family Force 5. Did anybody actually watch a show like “Fast INC.” when it was on? Come on, let’s do the Cory Kennedy Experience and let’s ruin a scene!

For those who were concerned and keeping score, the matter of George Washington DVD has been resolved. Amazon fucked up and they’re sending me another DVD; hopefully it’ll be here in the next couple of days. Although, there are more pressing and important things going on in the world that we should be focusing is on. Jeepers creepers.

I can’t explain why but some how yesterday I forgot how to pump gas. It’s not like I do full service because I don’t believe they offer that anymore, but some how, I forgot how to do in between yesterday and some day last week. Some how I managed to plan George Bush for my difficulties. Then again, we should be pretty stoked on the fact we got a president who swears and gives creepy massages.

Apparently, old Ray Ban style shades are big this summer. Some people can pull it off and some can’t and end up looking like Michael Caine. I just wonder if Jamie Lynn Spears listens to Michael Caine’s advice on acting: pick scripts based on where they’re filming.

Night Birds

You know how there’s that mall punk or screamo or whatever buzzword the kids these days are using to define the sound of their particular flavor of the month warp tour band, but you know that band, Scary Kids Scaring Kids? They should change their name to Haylie Duff cause she just about scares anybody and everybody these days.

I’m going to attempt to be brief here for a moment. I just got back from a sluggish drive on the 91; I wish that Cal Trans would sent out e-mails telling people that they’re going to close the toll roads on Tuesday nights and on top of that I was getting back from a taping of “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (we were in the very front row; so if you watched it, you may have seen us laughing our heads off at Fred Willard and sitting on stools in the back of the room when Korn was on [which is another thing, I haven’t even seen the show and I forgot to tape it, but that’s a whole other issues.]). This is about being brief and to the point.

I don’t know how many people trek down to Hollywood Blvd. I assume maybe people do it when they have friends from out of town in town and what not, but never the less, has anybody else seen the 2Pac impersonator that hangs out in front of the Virgin Megastore next to Mann’s Chinese? So fucking weird. Don’t tell Kool Keith, but 2Pac really is the black Elvis.

Shout outs to Mauve American Apparel sweatshirts; now only if Al Gore were the President, it’d be cold enough to wear it.

Jul 18, 2006

To Whom It May Concern...

To the person whoever stole my copy of George Washington please give it back. It's the right thing to do and besides, why would you want to keep a movie that you most likely never heard of?

No questions asked or anything, I just want it back.

Flippin' Post Office delievering packages to the wrong houses or just lose things all togther.

Final Solution

I know that Joey from Straight Bangin’ has already done a half of the year in review and pretty much did the best job in summing things thus far, but you know, it never hurts to have another opinion on things.

2006, thus far has been a greatly disappointing year for films. All be it, we’re in the middle of the summer season and finished the doldrums of the spring season, but still there has yet to be a good film to trickle out of the woodworks. Each week or at least every other week, I walk out of the movies either slightly frustrated or slightly disappointed by the latest effort from directors I’m a fan; the two biggest guilty parities have to be Robert Altman and Bryan Singer. Too much money has to the problem, which sounds like an unusual statement.

With that said though, it should be noted that Bubble marks the return of Steven Soderbergh, the filmmaker. After the release of 2000’s epic Traffic, Soderbergh lost his edge either make George Clooney film after George Clooney film or producing films directed by George Clooney. Soderbergh had already achieved the director’s dream by winning an Academy Award for his directorial work on Traffic and begin to make films in the same way people paint by numbers. In the late 1990s, Soderbergh’s career was on the up slope, but it just disappeared after the success of Ocean’s 11 . Thanks to Mark Cuban and his company, HDNet Films, they have brought the director back out and created a film full of atmosphere and heartbreaking performances. The small town murder mystery feels less like a murder mystery and plays more like a documentary as the film unfolds offering piece after piece of a larger puzzle. The dialogue, although largely improvised feels real as characters engage in arguments where they say the same thing over and over again, like we do in real life. Not to mention, Bubble’s refreshing and brisk running time of 73 minutes shows that Soderbergh has decided to listen to cinematic advice of Roger Corman: “Once the monster is dead, the move is over.”

Other great films from this year include:
-Sympathy for Lady Vengeance [have to scroll a smidge for the review]
-Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

I would say something about the best albums of the year, so far. But the thing is, I think we all know the three to four albums everybody and their kid sister with a blog is or has been into the past seven months. In an attempt to be brief and to the point and in no particular order: the four best albums of the year, thus far are:
-“Fish Scale” by Ghostface Killah
-“Return to the Sea” by Islands
-“Shut Up I am Dreaming” by Sunset Rubdown
-“Return to Cookie Mountain” by TV On the Radio

Perhaps because I’m listening to more radio than I have in previous years, but this year has felt like a year of great songs, but not great albums. I’ve become more impatient with music this year. Not that I’ve become a person who just skips to the songs they’ve heard before, but it’s like, after 4 or 5 songs, if I’m not into it, then I’m tossing the album to the side.

Another list of great things from this year: the 5 best things on the Stern show since the move to Sirius:
- George Takei
- Crazy Alice
- Mike Walker farts
- Dan the Song Parody Man’s Riley Martin songs
- Artie Lange

The Worst parts of Stern being on Sirius:
- Ralph Cirella calling in four to five times each morning
- Shuli and his laugh which is almost as bad as the laugh of Kendra on “The Girls Next Door. [Side note: Has anybody else wondered what weird and sick thing the other two girls Hefner dates does? Because it seems as if Hef is only into Holly and you know, he must keep the other two around cause they do something vile]

Other great things about the year thus far:
- “8th & Ocean” We need a second season ASAP, dudes!
- Freeway’s verse on “Cannon (AMG Remix),”; Fuck Busta Rhymes rapping about coke; it’s like somebody said once before: “Dude was on ‘Scenario’”
- “Hustlin’” by Rick Ross; while people may dislike Ross’ flows and lyrics. The beat by production duo, the Runners is quite infectious and the hook looks great as a slogan on t-shirts (saw one the other night at the movies). It’s just that we should all choose to fast forward through Jay’s verse.
- Mike Napoli

Now to focus on the bad things from this year, thus far and the first thing that really leapt to mind was how quickly “My Name is Earl,” went from being a great, funny, original show to a repetitive mess of a show in a matter of months, if not weeks. It was the same episode over and over again and it took me nearly a majority of a season to realize this. The performances by Jamie Pressly and Ethan Suplee are great, but the rest of the show is so boring. It’s a real situation where one could actually say “If you’ve seen one episode, then you’ve seen them all.” I’m not sure how exactly they, being the writers could fix the problem with the show because how many white trash clichés can they drag out each week? Granted that the last time I checked Barbie Adler, who wrote my favorite episode of “Arrested Development,” still works on “Earl,” so maybe there’s hope, but I’m not holding my breath.

Other terrible things from this year so far include:
- Ann Coulter
- Nick Zano
- Joe Buck
- Ryan Seacrest’s ‘pot shots’ at Giuliana DePandi
- Senator Ted Stevens
- Attack of the Show co host Kevin Pereira

Yet, there’s so hope for the rest of the year. It’s like I told a friend the other day, “begin to hope.” Maybe things will work out better and people will make interesting stuff again.

I have mixed feelings about the new M. Night Shayamaln film Lady in the Water. There’s a large piece of me that knows this film will suck and be complete and utter let down like every other Shayamalan film since 2000’s Unbreakable. Much like everybody else in Hollywood, there’s a piece of me that wants him to fail because I saw The Village and I want that 108 minutes of my life back. Then you see I start to think about Lady in the Water being Paul Giamatti’s first leading role in a big studio picture and Christopher Doyle is the cinematographer on the film and how passion Shayamalan was about the project that he dissolved his working relationship with the mouse to make it. I don’t know what to do. Is the film high up on anybody’s summer viewing radar?

Fuck it. I’ll just wait to be disappointed by Michael Mann’s Miami Vice.

Mark, you’ve won. I know believe that Cory Kennedy is attractive. While I won’t go as far as to call her a fashion icon, but I assume that there are girls in middle America that print out photos of her and talk about her as if she’s the new Edie Sedgwick or something along those lines. But if worst to comes to worst, she could probably be the new Sienna Miller. So happy birthday cobra snake!

New season of “V.Mars” starts on October 3rd. At Comic Con, they’ll probably be a couple of questions about why do we have to wait so long for the new season to start?

Jul 17, 2006

Begin to Hope

Apparently, Adam Brody is Alain Delon to Rachel B’s Monica Vitti as they pretend to be in an Antonioni film.

I have to this ask, what exactly is about baseball day games that compel men to become shirtless masters and shelve less wonders? Clearly, the heat makes a strong impact on matters such as these and not having seats in the shade, but exactly how much of an enabler is beer in these situations? Is it a forced feeling of having to be drunk because for the cost of two ballpark beers, one could’ve bought at least a 12 pack of beer? You know, ‘for the amount of money, I’m paying, I better get good and fucked up.’ I was drinking beers at Taco Loco one night, this was a couple of years ago and some metal kids were my D.D.s and the guy behind the counter told me after I was drinking beer after beer that I would’ve been better off buying a sixer and having fun somewhere else. Yet I think the realization that I had spent so much in order to drink that it made me become drunker quicker to rationalize the amount of money I just had spent. So, I’m just wondering if there’s this placebo type affect on drunk guys at home day games that they need to feel drunk sooner because by the end of the fifth inning, they’re 25 bucks in the red on beer alone.

And I know that baseball in its self isn’t the most exciting sport to watch in person, but I still can’t understand the desire and need to hit a beach ball around. Children, I understand and quite frankly, they should go nuts over it, but why are adults freaking out over a beach ball and booing people who whiff? Can’t these very same people go to their local 99 cent store and buy a grip of beach balls for five bucks and go nuts at the beach? I’m very anti the beach ball at the game because I have ADD and it’s rather difficult for me and my problem to pay attention to any potential foul ball coming my way as well as maintaining an eye on any potential beach ball heading towards me, let alone, any interesting characters that may be around me that I need to ease drop upon. It’s one less sensory thing I want to deal with and honestly, if your kid gets bored enough at a ball game that you need to break out a beach ball, then the child isn’t old enough to attend sporting events yet. These drunks of parents shouldn’t infringe on my good times. It’s bad enough I have to be distracted by the ‘Kate Bosworth’ style of looks that members of the Angels Strike Force currently has; not good Kate Bosworth, if such a thing exists, but you know, bad Kate Bosworth who looks like Ziggy Stardust.

Then again, beach balls at ball games will never go away. Remember how there was a glimmer of hope in peoples’ eyes that the wave was going to go away, but the wave much like the Grimace, will never die. And it’s holding baseball back. That and Barry Bonds.

One last thing, about these day games, I know that it’s hot and all. Al Gore, on behalf of the Sierra Club calls all the time and tells me that it’s getting hotter and hotter, but why are there people who go to ball games, not to really watch the game its self, but to more or less, go around spraying water onto other people? You know how sometimes at parties, there’ll be a guy who’ll take on the task of being the security guard and fun police, making sure people are having a good time and the drunks have a ride home? I think those people are the same people who go around and spray people down with water, but it’s even weirder because they bring special misters and sprayers to the game just to cool people down. Getting friends and people seated near you wet by splashing a bottle of water is always fun unless somebody has a Louis purse or at least they want to believe it’s a Louis purse even though it’s an L.A. Fashion District special and it gets wet, then it’s an “Oh Girl,” moment. I can’t understand nor do I want to believe that people are that nice to get other people dealing with the intolerable, yet easily solvable (I can be nice too, Al) heat wet and help them cool off. I need a nice thing a couple of weeks ago and I’ll tell people about it for the next six months, but you know, cooling people off at ball games has to be some sorta sick fetish or just really eager to get a wet t-shirt contest going. But you know, a wet t-shirt contest on family Sunday just isn’t going to fly.

The thing about Justin Timberlake talking about how he’s done so many drugs and what not just reeks of desperation. Well, how else is it going to read and I know that I’m not reinventing the wheel or being as profound as the first time you heard Interpol, but you know, it’s just sad. Wow, Justin Timberlake has a new sexy single which really means a new shitty single and he’s edgy which further translate into he doesn’t want to perform to an arena full of high school girls. If the dude wants to break ties with the old audience, then make a snuff film or something cool like that. Doing interviews where you talk about how you do so many drugs in your house isn’t cool. Go on like Celebrity Fit Club high on painkillers with Jeff Conaway and Daniel Baldwin and three of them take a whiz all over Ant and the contestants, then set fire to the set, that’s way cooler than making an electro-clash record in 2006. Timberlake should be seen partying with Kevin Federline and running trains on the cast of “America’s Next Top Model,” and not having photos of his mom and Cameron Diaz shopping together in Paris. If one wants to rattle cages, then fucking do it.

People still worship Izzy Stradlin to this day because he wrote such a great song about being heroin that people still believe he is on heroin to this day despite being sober for many years. Think about it.

Okay, even though I said that the lost episode of “Chappelle’s Show” should remain lost forever and ever. I still went back to it simply because shitty Chappelle bits are way better than most of the crap on TV. The stereotypes bit was fun, but I’m not sure how fresh jokes about Howard Dean would’ve even been back in spring of 2005.

The best album of the year in spite of what Pitchfork may say is coming out in America on September 12th. I’m just asking why is TV On the Radio making us in the states wait so long when we all know its out in the UK and a majority of us already downloaded it. Just release it now and everything will be cool like a guy who ran into your car back in high school.

Nikki Reed, but not this Nikki Reed has a certain power over men. A friend of mine, well, allow me to rephrase that, a person whom I had a couple of classes with at school and outside, we rarely talk, calls me out of the blue the other day to ask me if I wanted to see Mini’s First Time simply based on the ad in the newspaper which featured a similar image of Nikki Reed as seen above. He had no clue what the movie was about, but he knew he wanted to see it. I agreed, but passed on seeing it at the present time because well, who the fuck wants to drive out Pasadena or face the wrath of the ArcLight seating system. Yes, I would like to see this film, but you know, it’s not a Sofia Coppola or Argento film and I’d drive to the ends of the earth to see their stuff; that’s neither here nor there. What I’m getting at is this, Nikki Reed in a bikini (it’s cool, she’s 18) has a certain advertising, marketing power that very few women have today. Maybe, if the film industry went back to the days of having cartoon drawings of girls in low cut tops and car chases, people would go to the movies, but you know, seeing Jessica Alba or any other actress with the name of Jessica wearing a bikini on the movie poster might put more asses in the shit or at least frequently check sites like Don’t Link This for the vidcaps. Then again, for my money, I’d still probably not go to a movie, but if it was Nikki Reed in that Dukes of Hazard thing and she was in a bikini on the poster, I would’ve probably watched it because you know, wishful thinking. At this point, I wish I was a successful rapper because I’d do the traditional gangsta rap pool party video and Nikki Reed would be my main girl.

While on the topic of rap videos, if they do or should I say when they do a video for the “Chevy Ridin’ High,” remix, I should direct it or at least the record label should check out my treatment. The original video blows and Jessy Terrero has been making the same video for the last 4 years.

Anybody else already sick of the Beyonce media push? And the worst part is it’s going to get even worse before it gets better. The only way to avoid is to pull a Uni Bomber like move and live in the woods without a computer and TV (can’t give up the BTLS) for a couple of months and just hope it’ll all go away soon enough, but even then, I probably won’t be able to escape it. There are just certain things in life that you can’t escape. You know that stupid song by The Fray? I’ve never heard the full song, but bits and pieces here and there on VH-1 and other TV shows and I wake up the other day with that song in my head. Just out of nowhere, it’s in there and I tried my best to get it out of my head; but you know, I have no real contact with mainstream music, yet somehow that song worked its way into my head and I had it stuck there. And that’s what I assume will happen with the new Beyonce stuff. I don’t want to hear it, but I don’t think being a normal member of society will allow me to. I’ll just stumble into listening to it one night and like a week later, I’ll wake up in a sweat with it in my head. There are just things that have to be done to be a part of the culture.

With that said, I went against my word and saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest; mostly because my girl wanted to see it, but never the less I saw it. Without a doubt, Gore Verbinski is a skilled director; I don’t know about how many set ups he gets done in a day, but his films are always visually interesting and for most people, are compelling and entertaining films. For the film snob such as myself who believes if it’s not Bunuel, then it’s crap, I’m only going to like bits and pieces of the film. There are moments in the film, which are entertaining, specifically the shot from the point of view of the windmill spinning on the ground and some other stuff, but the cool, interesting stuff is rather few and far between. Although, it should be noted that I wasn’t a big fan of the first Pirates film. It was okay, but it was a tad long for my taste. So I believe I missed a lot of what was going on in the Dead Man’s Chest because I don’t have that strong of knowledge of the first film, but I’ll never forget a quote Malcolm McDowell said at a screening I went back in 2003 about the first film: “I had never seen so many drugs on a set before,” and this was coming from the dude who starred in Caligula.

Dead Man’s Chest isn’t a drugged out mess of a film. It’s just a film meant to leave the audience wanting more the same way Empire Strikes Back left the audiences wanting more back in the day, but the problem with Dead Man’s Chest is that there’s no emotional pay off or punch. There’s no Han getting frozen in carbonate, there’s no Luke getting his hand cutting off, and there’s no well, you know, which left audiences hanging on their seats forever and ever. It’s not even really a movie, it’s basically a dragged out first act and half of a second act.

My mind started to wander around during the film and I started to think about what would be more interesting. I started to think about what if Alejandro Jodorowsky had directed the film instead and how crazy and brilliant to me and maybe like a 1000 other people would be. Then I thought what if pirates got the “Deadwood” treatment from like a David Milch type and how more interesting it would be for pirates to really be pirates for once. Then, I thought about the character of Captain Jack Sparrow and how I remembered him from the first film; I thought Captain Jack was a character similar to Jack Burton in John Carpenter’s Big Trouble In Little China; an bumbling idiot who happens to be heroic by accident, but for the most part, he’s the one whose always in trouble and the sidekick has to be the one to save him. In this film, Captain Jack is too heroic.

Jul 14, 2006

Silver Surfer

I still can’t understand why I get so frustrated at these MTV reality shows. For the most part, I know they’re fake and all, but I just get suckered in each week and I’m left at the end of each week’s episode completely frustrated and upset on too many levels. Upset because I fell for it again and frustrated by the stupidity of the people on the show. For some reason, I have become engrossed and moved by the ongoing romantic saga with L.C. and Jason on “The Hills.” I can’t explain it, but it’s so compelling that I have to watch each week; these two together are extremely toxic. There’ll be moments of where they act like a normal couple, but then again, what is a normal couple and how does a normal couple act? That’s beside the point, but for like five minutes for each episode, they seem like they would be a good and cute couple, but by the end of the episode, they’re at each other’s throats. Or Jason does something completely stupid and goes off on L.C. for no reason. I slightly understand and I can understand Jason yelling at L.C. for not having any inflection in her voice when she talks, but it’s a phone call. It’s a simple phone call and dude, L.C. drops all sorts of cash on the guy.

I know it’s the 2000s (I’ve been working on an article on the 2000s and it’s like crossing 110th street) and all and you know women’s lib and other bullshit and women buying stuff for her man is acceptable and all, but the amount of money L.C. spends on Jason is mind numbing. Golf clubs and diamond incrusted dog tags, holy macaroni! It’s not a Bentley or an autographed Crimes & Misdemeanors poster, but still, that’s some really nice stuff if you’re into that thing. And hey, if a girl is willing to spend large amounts of money on things that I’d be into, I’m not going to be upset about a phone call from some other dude. Jealousy is something is that we have and sometimes, it’s for the best, if we learn how to keep it in check. You know use it when it feels right or when it’ll actually be the source of a problem, then you rap it and hopefully issues will be resolved. Yet, Jason should just let shit slide and see whatever stuff he could get out of L.C.

Yet the real person I feel for in this situation is L.C. .Why does she continue to let this guy back into her life? Jason, we understand because he’s got a real boss Ed Hardy mesh hat on his Amazon wish list. L.C. must be into S&M because she loves to be dragged through the mud week after week by this guy. The guy yells at her in a nightclub on New Year’s and threats to break up the next day, but it’s all smoothed over because he shows at midnight with a cigarette in mouth and some flowers? Finally, “The Hills,” have ripped off an episode of “The O.C.””; remember that episode where Ryan was running up those stairs in slow mo to kiss Marissa at midnight in Olivier’s hotel room? Yeah, I got douche chills, too. Or does it simply take a bouquet of flowers to win a girl back over? I just don’t understand it and this is where I feel bad again because I’ve become so wrapped up in a bunch of bullshit that has be so tightly edited that it bears no resemblances to reality at all. Each week, I’m gonna be a sucker. So next week, I’ll be in the same position, asking myself, why do I care about Aundria and Brian, Jordan’s roommate’s relationship?

Of course, I could just not DVR it, but I bowled my best game ever the other night (151; I got a turkey; didn’t listen to “Talking to You,” by T.I., but I did listen to “Province” by TV On the Radio). So I don’t want to bowl for a while; have to go out on top, naturally. Does anybody else do that? And quite frankly, that statement really makes no sense.

Another thing that made me upset about “The Hills,” from the other night was Heidi and her puppy. Perhaps, I’m still a too sensitive to matters regardless of dogs since the passing of my beloved and the greatest dog in the world, Nelson, but I just felt so bad for that puppy because when the novelty of having a puppy wears off, whose going to be the person looking after that dog? Animals shouldn’t be an accessory like a brand new Chanel bag.

Anybody else feel bad that they know the name of Jessica Simpson’s hairstylist?

Man, if I lived in Northern California, I’d totally go to that Massive Attack show at the Greek Theater in Berkley cause I heard DJ Shadow is opening up and if TV On the Radio is playing the bill as well like they are with the Hollywood Bowl Massive Attack, it may I just die and go to heaven. Holy guacamole! Mark of Hella Awful saw Radiohead at the Berkley Greek and saw it was amazing. So I’m assuming that Shadow playing on his home court would be just mind blowing. I wonder if Tricky is touring with Massive Attack on this thing because that’d be intense too. Doubt it though.

Anybody heard that David Banner / Yola The Great track, “Get Money,” yet? Might be the song of the moment next week, but I have to say David Banner is a slept on as a producer. Depending on which side of the fence you ride on, you love the fact that the Banner produced single, “Rubber Band Man” was what broke T.I. into the mainstream. Not necessarily sure if this track is going to break Yola into the mainstream (he just signed with Grand Hustle) only because Yola is only good is bits and pieces and pretty much covers the same material over and over again on his stuff out there right now (still love “Aint Gonna Let Up” to death though). What Yola’s strong suit and it’s on put perfect display in the song he did with Banner, he sings a great hook. His voice is great for saying some catch phrase and that’s about it. Not sure if there’s a great future in it, but you know, give it a couple of months, the Fader will be all over it like they are for Ricky Ross.

It should be noted that we second the Fader’s notion and comment about where the abouts of Dre’s album. The dude whose jamin’ Christina Milian must be making good music.

Another item of note, probably the best rap song out there these days is “Don’t Do That,” by Saigon.

Anybody else get weirded out when they heard Spank Rock on “Entourage” last week? Nerdin’ out over at HBO.

For all fans of “The (American) Office,” they have started the webisodes starring my favorite accountant and drummer for the best Police cover band, Kevin. It should be noted that these webisodes will be on the season 2 DVD which will be out in September.

By the by, since the cast of “Veronica Mars,” will be appearing at Comic Con next Saturday afternoon, I figure I’d finally watch the last four episodes of season two and wowee zowee, people. What a finale. Ties up a majority of the UPN loose ends and leaves a big one wide open for the new season on the CW. As I was watching these episodes in the morning (Stern has been on vacation for the last two weeks and I feel like a zombie because of it), I felt like crap because I saved these episodes for later and harped on and obsessed over the season finale of “Lost,” which blew. This should teach everybody a valuable lesson, never quit watching a show near the end of the season and save it for later while watching a show that had been consistently letting you down. Is there a way that we can get the singer, Rob Thomas to change his name because V.Mars creator, Rob Thomas deserves to be the only Rob Thomas out there.

This may be a Stretch Armstrong like stretch, but is anybody who reads this mess work in the Paramount Home Video department or know somebody that works in the home video department at Paramount? I ask this because I might be taking a class on Sundays in the fall simply because I believe the professor might show The Conformist and if it’s coming out on DVD in a couple of months, maybe I won’t have to take a Sunday class after all is said and done. I could just buy the DVD, watch the film, naturally be disappointed because the hype I created for myself will not be matched, but then again, Vittorio Storaro is an amazing cinematographer.

If this week seems slow, it’s because I’ve been working on this thing on the films of the 2000s thus far and honestly, this decade would totally suck in the terms of films if it wasn’t for David Gordon Green. Although, I’m still waiting on Amazon to send my copy of George Washington, but from the body of work, Green has thus far, he’s only going to get better and better and if we the people support work by people like David Gordon Green will get more great films and less films like Little Man. People frequently complain about the state of films and how come nobody makes good movies anymore. Well, people still make great films, it’s just that people would rather watch a film with 800 special effects shots in it and the effects look like shit instead of good storytelling. It’s the same way we get rid of Paris Hilton, people. Just don’t look and they’ll go away. Although, keep Nicole Richie because she’s funny.

Jul 12, 2006

The Terribly Profitable Twos

Holy Smokes, I completely forgot that today marks the second anniversary (shout outs to “All Things Ordinary” by the Anniversary) of the skeet on… empire. Who knew that it would last this long? Not me. Let alone, who would ever think there would be improvements to our grammar and spelling? Well, the spelling is getting better, but the grammar police are knocking on the door and I got a hundred miles left to run.

So thanks to all of those who’ve been reading off and on since July of ’04. It’s been a time and I’m going to attempt to keep on pumping out those jams and hopefully, selling out. And thanks to the Cobrasnake cause if he didn’t take goofy photos of the Like, I’d have no material to write about other than lamey commentary on rap songs and Howard Stern and “V.Mars”.

Let's work really hard over the next year to put an end to the regin of terrors known as Joe Buck and Nick Zano. Once, we're rid of these individuals, America will be a better place. We can't get rid of Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly, but let's get rid of those other jerk store best sellers.

Save Me, Dear...

It’s been a slow week and well, my mind has been elsewhere this week. So unless, you want to talk about rewrites and this other thing I’m working on, I’ll have at it, but you know, I assume that you wouldn’t want to go there. Rewrites are extremely boring and the more one talks about them, the more awful they become. Also, I’ve been listening to a bit of Black Sabbath lately. Dude, if I were to take to the Pepsi challenge and decide between Zeppelin and Sabbath, I’d probably go with Sabbath. That’s a lightning round discussion right there for the ages: Zepp VS Sabbath: discuss.

While I’ve probably already jinxing her for the rest of the season and she’ll probably out by the end of tonight’s episode, but I’m going to be pulling for Alison on the new season of “Project Runway”. While Alison’s looks reminds me of the girl from The Sounds, which is a bonus because I don’t have to listen to a Sounds song, there’s just a certain quality to her that may not scream out “great TV,” but you know it screams “Easy on the eyes.” Although, it should be noted and I may sound like the world’s biggest weirdo, but I got bit of a crush on judge Nina Garcia; there’s a certain degree of class with her that most women on reality television lack. Nina Garcia not only knows what fork you’re supposed to use with each part of a seven course meal, but she also knows what’s the best wine to go with; which of course, is a box of wine from Trader Joe’s.

The problem with the new season of “Project Runway,” will be the fact that us stupid bloggers turned Tim Gunn into the star he is and there’s going to be way too much Tim Gunn on the show. As I’ve learned over time, that everything counts even in small amounts, but guess what, things work even better in the terms of TV in just as small amounts too. And from the looks of the cast thus far, nobody seems like they could bounce off Tim Gunn that well and be the comedic foil that Santino was in the second season.

Cheyenne could go a couple of ways. She could either become, of course in a superficial sense and in term of looks, she could either become the next Kate Bosworth or the new Busy Philips, which would be kinda cool cause Busy Philips was pretty funny on “Freaks & Geeks.”

Holy smokes, anybody else catch “Rock Star: Supernova” last night? 10 butchered covers of great songs and two guys wearing blazers without shirts on, does it get any better? Well, actually, you know the people on the show could be decent singers and not slaughtering songs I found at one point enjoyable, then maybe, just maybe, it be an interesting show. I like watching this show cause people are destroying great songs, but you know following that same logic, I should go to karaoke bars and/or karaoke nights at bars and listen to the folks forever ruin various Journey songs and country hits that I have no clue about. I remember watching a guy do a karaoke version of “Like A Rolling Stone,” and it was fucking great because half way through the song, the guy started to talk about how he didn’t realize that it was a long song and then asked for help from people. What separates “Rock Star: Supernova” from being a full blown televised karaoke experience is that the douche chill factor. You know, there’ll be that one person that makes you feel bad about attempting to goof on them with as they sign their heart out at the bar; you know that person and by the end of the song, you’re actually a little bit happy that the person sang the song. Well, on “Rock Star,” there’s none of that, you just wish that everybody would just off a bridge and never ever sing again. And the judges, besides being allergic to wearing shirts with blazers, they have so much attitude. I’m sorry I own Guns N Roses albums, and I still have to ask who the fuck is Gilby Clarke? The dude wasn’t on “Appetite,” so why is he giving so much attitude to these signers? These kids don’t know who he is because he wasn’t standing next to Axel during the classic Guns days.

While I think we have a song for the summer. It’s one of those Nelly Furtado tunes, right? And that song about snapping fingers by Lil Jon and E-40. Yet where’s the catch phrase of the summer? Are we going to wait through the lost episodes of “Chappelle’s Show” to find it? Well, if you’re a high school kid, then yes and all through registration day in between taking class pictures and buying their P.E. uniforms, it’ll be said about 4 to 5 times a minute, but still, where’s the real catch phrase of the summer? You see my favorite or at least the one I’m attempting to work into my daily conversations and vocabulary is from the BTLS and it’s: “Fuck this place. This is bullshit, I’m outta here.” How perfect is that? And quite frankly, it works well within any situation in spite of being a good bye type greeting. When you’re upset about something, it’ll be so easy to simply mutter, “Fuck this place. This is bullshit. I’m outta here.” You’ve vent your frustration and have managed to make yourself chuckle in the process. So test it out and see if it’s you. I tried it the other day after I saw some bullshit with Olivia Munn on G4; I got upset, throw something onto the floor and said, “Fuck this place. This is bullshit. I’m outta here.” And I felt better.

The first season box set of "Big Love" costs way too much. A hundred bucks? Does it come with a handy from Margene? Jeepers creepers, you could get like the Cassavetes box set for that money and get five films from a master.

Jul 11, 2006

Fear Of Sleep

Unlike that song by Le Shok, Katharine McPhee appears to be a lot of fun at the beaches in spite of her what other may claim as diva like demands. For years or at least what feels like years to me, I’ve been complaining that the American Idol winner never is a babe, but I think this year, even though, she’s a runner up, America still went with a babe as their idol. And don’t tell me that Kelly Clarkson is a babe because if you tell me that, then I’m going to say, go fly away with some balloons, okay? Yeah, she had a bit of a backdoor and nowadays, she’s using proactiv, but she’s never a full fledge babe. If this was a teen movie, Kelly Clarkson would be Katharine McPhee’s cooler best friend who’d talk to you about The Minutemen and how Stephen Colbert is the funniest person alive.

Speaking of babes, take a trip down memory lane as Only Drink High Life breaks down all of the girls from the 80s. They go beyond the Phoebe Cates of the era and focus in on the forgot and missing like Andy from The Goonies. The depth of research is quite fascinating.

And while slightly on the subject of beaches, I made my way back to the beach after how many years of boycotting it. Well, I was at a beach sometime in 2004 to film something for a class project, so that doesn’t count. And the time before that, I believe I was filming something for Robin Brown and my self’s TV show (I swear one of these days, we’re gonna ‘YouTube’ some clips of it, but it’s a matter of finding a camera and actually remembering to bring up the matter the next time I run into Robin Brown), so that doesn’t count either. So I want to say again that the very last time I went to the beach, to you know, go to the beach and have a good time may have been during the early days of the Bush administration. I didn’t stop going to the beach out of some protest of Bush, I just think I stopped going because of my mild case of ADD and a little bit of protest because nobody was into going to Lakers Day parades in Downtown. Never the less, I went back to the beach over the last weekend. You know in an attempt to play it where it lays, I went there and I finally understood why some many people come out to California each year. The beach is extremely relaxation or at least, standing there in the water I realized that people go there to relax. Personally, I’m an individual who can never quite relax unless I’m in front of a TV or watching a movie or had a couple of beers in me. Yet as I stood with the waves crashing onto my legs, I started to relax a bit and figured that if I want to be a semi normal person from Southern California person and enjoy the beach, I’d just have to swim and chase after waves with the toddlers who are wearing diapers. Then that’ll open up a whole other can of worms that I’m not ready to deal with yet.

But of course, after, I left the water and returned to the sand, I didn’t know what to do again.

The thing about the beaches in California, if you grew up with it always being close to you. No more than a 20 minute drive then you’ll be at the beach, there’s a certain level of resentment to the beach that develops over time. Well, if something’s always there, one will develop some a reaction to it with good or bad. People who grew up in more of the inland parts of Southern California, you know, it takes them 45 minutes or more to get to the beach, love it more than those live super close or we’re just bitter, crazy people who can’t sit and relax at the beach and go into the water without worrying about somebody stealing the money we left in our shoe.

Also, it should be noted: that the man with Rachel Bilson in the photo above is not me. Honestly, wouldn’t you think I’d break my stance about not posting photos of myself if I was in a picture with Rachel Bilson, come on? Get on the trolley, Molly. Well, if I ever was photographed wearing really horrible flip flops with Rachel Bilson, I’d probably not post it.

Is the soccer community in an uproar because everybody’s favorite Zidane was named best player of the World Cup? Zidane for a majority of the tournament was pretty solid and you know, I think over time except in France and Italy, people will forget that Zidane head butted that dude the same way people have sorta forgot that Kobe Bryant sexually assaulted that one girl.

Fangoria reviews Lucky McKee’s The Woods which for some reason, will never see the light of day in America.

Apparently, Saturday, July 22nd is the day to go to Comic Con this year. Robert Rodriguez and his cast talk about Grind House and the cast of “Veronica Mars” will be there as well, say what? And there’ll be bootleg DVDs and conversations where people tell me why I should read such and such Alan Moore book.

Semi related, “Veronica Mars” star Kristen Bell in a bikini. I hear that she’s a very tiny woman, so if you want to see her in person at Comic Con, you may want to leave now and just camp out in that particular conference room. One shouldn’t worry about smelling because you’ll fit right in. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to start looking for affordable parking in downtown San Diego now because you may have to take out a small loan to pay for parking once down there.

If you haven’t already, I’m going to suggest that you check out this week’s song of the moment: the “Chevy Ridin’ High” remix featuring an extremely awesome verse by Pusha T of the Clipse; basically, Pusha T is the Kerry King of the remix. I heard the song oddly enough when I was coming home from the beach and listened to it about four times in a row cause my radio has a rewind button. I can safely say that the remix improves greatly upon the original, but how hard is it to improve a couple of verses by the “Paris Hilton” of rap [trademark Straight Bangin’], Rick Ross?

It’s probably been said already, but I think Dave Chappelle walked out on his contract because he knew in his heart that Season 3 was going to suck. I think a majority of us or at least the ones who had already seen Pirates over the weekend will pretty much agree that these “Lost Episodes,” should remain being lost. Granted the sketch where Tron was attacked by Method Man was pretty funny, but only if you know your rap music. Chappelle left because he didn’t want to make an inferior product. So, let’s start a petition to make these lost episodes lost again.

Anybody else hear that copy of the new Mars Volta album floating around? Unsure of legit status, but never the less, I must admit that I’m a rather large fan of it, but it should be noted that upon first listens of anything by the Mars Volta, I’m a fan. It’s just the follow up listenings and creepy bad things that happen after listening to said albums that turn me sour to them. Right now, no weird things have happened since my listening to “Amputechture,” but I missed a couple of minutes of “Fast INC,” if you want to call it a bad thing cause I was jammin’ to a 11 minute song. The album reminds me a lot of the Italian prog rock group and frequent Argento collaborators, Goblin. A array of sounds going on all at once and some how it manages to be compelling. I’m not sure if it’s a concept record like the previous two albums, but everything on the record just flows better together. Also, the lyrics continue to make no sense and most of the songs are still in Spanish, but it’s got a good groove and if you’re stoned, the lyrics will make a lot of sense to you.

A professor of mine once told a story about working with Harry Dean Stanton. In this scene they were filming, Harry Dean was playing a detective or something and Harry thought it would be authentic if his character had a glass of scotch during the scene. They told him that he couldn’t have any real alcohol, but they would use ice tea, then Harry Dean suggest that they still use ice tea, but with a little bit of scotch in it. Naturally, the producers say no. Then Harry Dean suggests just a glass with a tiny bit of scotch in it and once again, they say no. So Harry Dean storms off set, screaming, “What’s the fucking point of the scene then?” Harry Dean Stanton is one of our great American treasures; way more important than Oprah or anybody like that.