Bangkok Chick Boys
First and foremost, I would like to say that I unfortunately missed the “Veronica Mars” panel at Comic Con this past weekend. Things came up and I will get to them in due time and that’s just the way things go. With that said, I did though manage to catch the panel for the new Robert Rodriguez / Quentin Tarantino film Grind House and more or less, I paid 30 bucks to see those guys talk about how much they love each other and the blinding passion that they both share for this particular project. Naturally, one has probably read a ton of information already on the panel and the footage shown on various other sites, but I’m still going to bore you a bit with my two cents on the matter. I thought the internet was invented for a couple of reasons, so Al Gore can take credit for more things and so people can share their opinion with tens to hundreds of people. With that said, the footage shown for the audience was mostly pulled from the stuff that Rodriguez has done so far, but only because Tarantino doesn’t begin production on his film until September and Rodriguez said that the footage was from the first two weeks of filming. Honestly, what a two weeks of filming.
In interviews and other places, Rodriguez has said that this portion of the double feature, Planet Terror is an homage to the early works of John Carpenter and it’s clearly evident in the first scene that Rodriguez used in the demo reel. The music has a heavy synthesizer vibe without feeling cheesy or ironic and there’s use of particular cues to startle the audience like Halloween. Perhaps, the most John Carpetnery thing about the first piece of footage was that it was shown letterbox at 2:35:1 aspect ratio, which for all of my John Carpenter nerds out there know that 2:35:1 is Carpenter’s preferred aspect ratio and it’s not a John Carpenter film unless it’s in scope. Then after the scene, the footage shown is a wild montage of violence, chaos, blood, guts, zombies, Rose McGowan, Danny Trejo riding a chopper through the air while explosions go off behind him and some people called the Baby Sitter Twins. Basically, Planet Terror looks like to be one of the greatest cult, geek movies ever made. Part Carpenter, part Apocalypse Now and for those in the know, part Raiders of Atlantis.
And we the audience won’t be short changed on the film’s initial release because Grind House is going to be a very long affair since Tarantino and Rodriguez stated that their films have gone behind the original 70 minute running times to full blown films. Tarantino is looking to make his film, Death Proof at 130 minutes where as Planet Terror is going to be 110 minutes. So couple that with the fake trailers that they’re looking to make, it’ll be 5 hour experience at the movies and for once, you’ll get a lot for you money. That’s the plus side of this; a whole lot for a little. Look at film like Red Eye which was barely 85 minutes in length and I want to believe that 7 of those 85 minutes were credits. So people paid 10 bucks to watch a 78-minute movie, which is total bullshit. Where as one will pay like 10 bucks to see two films and a bunch of cool trailers or at least, a couple of trailers.
Perhaps, the most surprising bit of the panel was when a majority of the women from both films came out. Here’s the thing, from my experiences, most celebrities in real life aren’t that attractive in real life. It’s all smoke and mirrors; we all know about Photoshop and it seems as if every other girl these days is becoming a make up artist, so there’s somebody to help out. With that said though, I have to say that Rosario (Awesome Blossom) Dawson looks really good in person; very minimal make up; Rose McGowan looks good, some make up, but the girl was filming until 6:30 that morning and took the first place from Austin to San Diego. Yet the real revaluation had to be Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who has to be the hottest famous person I’ve ever seen in real life. Holy smokes.
So all the while this was happening, my father, who went with me was waiting in line to get into Comic Con. He dropped me off and went to find parking. It took me an hour and change to get there, but by the time, he had gotten into the line, it moved slower than well a majority of the people at Comic Con move. And with the now yearly mid summer heat waves (Dear George W. Bush, just because you think you have a moral obligation to stop stem cell research, also doesn’t mean we have to wait until God or Jebus solves this dang weather problem we’re having. Sorry to say this, but guess what, better living through chemistry and quite frankly, I have no idea as to how this fits in with anything, but never the less, I wanted to get that off my chest and feel better about things), it just took a lot out of my father and he basically collapses from the heat or at least just removed himself from the line and took refugee in an shady part. So he’s attempting to call me to help him out, you know get some water and what not, but I had my phone on silent and I couldn’t make any calls out because some many other nerds were on the phone with each other or at least a lot of nerds have Cingular and they fucked up the network.
Cingular may claim to have the largest calling network, but when you’re at a crowded, large scale public event, you can’t make a call to reach base with your to save your fucking life. I remember at Coachella, trying to call friends and what not and I couldn’t get anything to go while everybody else was just yammering away on their phones.
So I leave the building, contact my father and attempt to find him and get him some water. The problem was that Comic Con was so crowded and just jammed to the gills with people. Either standing around, wanting to get or just dicking around. It was my Jack Bauer moment, but I realized that I have too much anxiety to be Jack Bauer although I did enjoy knocking into people as I was walking around with an armful of water bottles. So I finally find my father, begin to calm down slightly as we each drink a bottle of water. My father explains that he’s done for the day and wants to head back to home base.
So we left and begin to wait for the Hell Diego Metro line. You know how when you need some thing, it always take longer than it has to, but when you don’t need it at all, boom bazooka joe, it’s right there. Well, we need the train back to Jack Murphy stadium and it didn’t come around for about 40 minutes. So I just waited there in whatever shade I could find, worrying about my father, sad that I missed seeing the “V.Mars” panel, attempting to sent a hang out session later that evening with my honey bun, in spite of smelling like a German strong man at the time and bragging to Mark of Hella Awful that I saw Planet Terror. Yet the soundtrack for the situation wasn’t some beautiful piece of music by Morricone or even Jon Brion, but it was a conversation between two women who had to have the worst voices in the history of the world. These monotone voices were worse than 14 Freddy Krugers scratching chalkboards at once. And they wouldn’t shut up at all and I just felt sorry for their children and husbands of these women. There had to be a point where these woman talked normally and some how in the ‘trading spaces’ification of their relationship, these women developed a super nagging voice.
So the train finally came and of course, the air conditioning had broken during the day. Once again, I felt like a baked potato as I watched a nerdy guy hit on European girls with cankles as they read US Weekly. Eventually, we get to the Murph and my father doesn’t feel well enough to drive back, so I’m driving back; an SUV, never the less, but it was purchased in the mid 90s. The reason why I like to go with people to Comic Con because usually they are the ones who drive and I just sit back and make stupid conversations about how local Fox Sports net reporter Lindsay Soto(bad photo) rocks shorty shorts or how awesome it would be find a decent bootleg of some Jodorowsky film. Yet I was the one driving a car I hadn’t driven in three years, fighting my way out of Hell Diego.
Needless to say, I made it back and my father has recovered rather well from the heat. So please let this be a lesson to everybody, keep those fluid levels up. If you haven’t learned from Drama or my trip to the ATL, please allow this to be a lesson for you to keep your fluids going until at least September. Lollapooloser is next week and that’s going to be extremely sweaty and hot and I want you guys to keep your fluids up and start a riot if they charge more than 2 bucks for a bottle of water.
Also this experience made me reconsider my policy on Comic Con. Some how, I always forget the things that I hate about Comic Con every year and this is one of my biggest problems in life. I can’t explain why but I hate having to walk slowly because the person in front of line walks slowly or gets distracted easily while walking and has to slow down. Of course, in normal situations, I would just pass the person, but at the con, the aisle ways are just packed with slow walking people or people just stop in the middle of the aisle and hang out with the guy in the Stormtropper uniform for a couple of minutes. I don’t back out of parking spaces because I firmly believe that you shouldn’t have to go backwards to go forwards. So if I’m going next year, in particular on Saturday, I’m leaving at 6 in the morning, but I’d just avoid a Saturday all together and well, just avoid Hell Diego all together as well.
So I must extend my apologies to Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell and the rest of the cast of “V.Mars” that was on hand on Saturday. I would’ve been there, but you know, shit happened and that was more important. But if anybody from the Hot Chicks Room of TV network’s the CW wants to set up an interview with me and anybody from the show would be greatly appreciated.
So that’s me and my comic con story. Was there for about two hours. Saw Quentin Tarantino, saw some footy, didn’t buy bootlegs and I backed out of a parking spot in an SUV.
I may lose some credibility here, but honestly, fuck Snakes On A Plane. I was excited to see this film at one point, but honestly, all of this internet hype has just ruined the movie and the studio basically bending over backwards to appease people from the internet is just destroying the movie. If anything, I feel like that guy who complains about when his favorite band moves into the mainstream and is liked by everybody else. The film has taken too long to come out and I don’t know it’ll be just a horrible movie experience, which of course will sound hypocritical coming from because you know, I love watching certain films with particular audiences that’ll have a lot of interaction with the film, but for the most part, I hate it because some douche in a leather jacket thinks he’s more clever than the army of writers who wrote the thing and ponders if his big joke will work as well as the one he zinged during the most recent shitty Ben Stiller comedy (Sorry dude, but you’ve been making shitty films for a while and quite frankly, you need to go back to your roots). So, I’m out on this Snakes on a Plane business, but you know if they were to make a movie about snakes in a slumber party, I’m totally down.
Anybody else read the L.A. Times article on Hyphy and just wish this whole thing would go away? Granted, it has brought E-40 into the spotlight, which the worlds needs and it’s also brought a little light back onto Too $hort because he’s pretty much the godfather of Oakland rap and the song, “I Wear My Stunna Glasses at Night” by the Federation brilliantly samples Corey Hart’s “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night, but for the most part, hyphy is just really bad music. Writers are hoping onto this trend/fad trolley like they were all over krumpin’ a year or two ago and that literally took the world by storm or at least just David LaChappelle. I don’t remember really giving that much in depth coverage to Crunk as it started to bubble up and become a piece of the mainstream. It just happened and maybe all of this media over reaction is an attempt to cover their ass for missing the boat in the first place.
-Disappointed that “Cheyenne” had its season finale last week; it was starting to get good and it’s more endearing to see a pop star cry about seeing her album artwork for the first time than you know the pop star that gets plastic surgery to look more like her older sister.
-“The Hills,” still good last week, but I’m becoming less attracted to Audrina because that delicious combination of big teeth and no upper lip creeps me out. Also that large tattoo on the back of her neck makes me uncomfortable like a foot long hot dog.
-When I went to the taping of “Jimmy Kimmel Live” last week, Korn gave everybody in the audience tickets to Family Values away. I don’t know, but I thought that was weird and kinda sad.
-Listening to the MSTRKRFT album made me want to hear that dude from Spank Rock rap over their stuff. For example, the song, “Paris” would be a bit better if somebody was rapping over it.