&t skeet on mischa: 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006

skeet on mischa

i wouldn't have given you it if i didn't agree

Aug 28, 2006

Summer School

Before I get started, I just wanted to point out that much like Howard Stern and a bunch of other TV shows, I’m going to take the week off. I say that, but I’m bound to have something to say about the VMAs. Never the less, not a full week of updates, this even includes updates to the sidebar until Tuesday of next week. With that out of the way, the film, Half Nelson, which is slowly rolling across the country is one of the year’s best films. Right now, there are two amazing films playing in theaters: Little Miss Sunshine and now, Half Nelson and with a three day weekend coming up, maybe you could squeeze in watching a great film in between going to the beach that one last time or getting drunk while making turkey burgers at your buddy’s place. I wish I knew how to be more passionate about films that I love or that I believe should be seen by a large audience other than saying, please watch this film; it’s great. It’s touching, it’s funny, it’s a bit sad, and it’s honest. Ryan Gosling delivers that performance which cements his as the best actor of his generation. Check out the THINK Film release schedule and catch the film when it’s in your part of town.

Dan the Automator speaks on his vaulted solo album and future plans, which is a good thing.

If Will Arnett had to lose to anybody for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy series, I guess that Jeremy Piven’s Ari Gold is okay. Granted, Ari has had his moments, this season, Ari just felt like he was about to breakdown like an husband whose been verbally beaten up by Dr. Phil. He still remains the best part about the show, but that’s not saying much about show, which has nothing going for it to begin with. What should be honored is the bold move by Piven to wear an ascot. Not since the good old days of Craig Kilborn, has an ascot looked as goofy and coked out.

I have to say though if “Arrested Development,” was to lose to another show for Best Comedy, then “The Office” is okay. With the last couple of episodes aside and NBC’s hideous marketing campaign playing up the new Ross & Rachel angel of the Jim & Pam dynamic, “The Office” is the best comedy on network TV right now. The American version has finally stepped out of the shadows of the English original and developed it’s own voice and vision. I don’t know; maybe it’s going to continue to be funny without having to have full episodes about why can’t Pam and Jim get together. I understand why the producers use that storyline because it brings in the women, but I just want it to be funny and goofy again.

Aug 24, 2006

Shady Lane

I think I may have to pull a page out of the John Kerry big book of election no-nos here and flip flop slightly on something. Sometime this month, DJ Shadow’s much maligned third album, “The Outsider” was supposed to be released, but the album has disappeared from any release schedule. It’s not even listed on Amazon at this point. Some of the negative buzz must’ve given some record executive cold feet or sent Shadow back in the studio to rework the record, I don’t know. I know that I’m guilty in creating some of the negative buzz towards the album because when I first heard it, I wasn’t impressed by it all. Shadow went and made a hyphy record and I’m just not a fan of that stuff. Then the rest of it just reminded me of RJD2’s last album, “Since We Last Spoke,” (great album by the by) with too many guest appearances.

Being back at school this week and killing time from walking in the parking lot to my class, I’ve been listening to bits and pieces of the album the past couple of days. Never the whole album, but always little more than half of it and I have to say that I’m liking the album a little more than upon the first listen. I recall somebody saying that Shadow should’ve released the album under a different name because it’s not a traditional Shadow album. There are little flourish and moments of the Shadow we know and love, but the album is about him entering a new phase in his career; the making beats for other people so my kid can have cool cords from Baby Gap phase. Nothing wrong with that because honestly, how much money does it pay to bang on an MPC full of old funk samples? With that said though, I’m listening to the album again and the vocals on most of the songs disappear. That was probably my biggest problem with “The Outsider,” is the vocals. This may sound weird and a bit like Bill Pullman’s character in David Lynch’s Lost Highway, but I like to create my own stories for DJ Shadow’s music. With a song like “Keep ‘Em Close,” a coke rap/hyphy hybrid I guess tells a story that’s nowhere as interesting as the story I create in my head every time I listen to something like “Napalm Brain/Scatter Brain”. Shadow knows that the instrumentals on their own can be as powerful as a couple of verses. A song like “Seein Things” with David Banner is great, but his vocals just get in the way of a song that has a great deal emotion in it without the verses. Then again, a song like “Backstage Girl,” only works because of Phonte Coleman. So the more and more I listen to “The Outsider,” it’s starting to grow on me. Don’t dust off now, but you know, pull it out in a couple of weeks from now and try it out again. Maybe it’ll work for you.

Also, if Shadow was making an album about where he’s from, then why didn’t he have any of the Hieroglyphics crew on there?

I think that’s the biggest thing to happen out of being back in school currently. It’s been rather hot the last couple of days and as we all know that the only form of exercise I get is the hike from the very back of the parking lot to the building all the way across campus and the walk back to my car after class. So I’ve been rather sweaty, which is always a quality ice breaker for meeting new people. Then, there’s zoning out during lectures because there’s two dudes in front of you playing grab ass with each other and making slide shows of photos of each other on their cell phones and their need to share it with every one around them, regardless of if they’re friends or not. Then there are people discussing how they’ve been negatively affected by the stereotypes propagated by shows like “The OC,” and “Laguna Beach,” as they clutch onto their Louis Vutton purse. One can’t complain about the rest of the country perceives to be spoiled and rich because of a couple of TV shows about rich kids while wearing $200 dollar jeans. The dirt bags that live out here, have all the rights in the world to complain because if people assume that they’re rich because they live in the county as Seth Cohen, that’s mondo retardo. But you know if somebody is rockin’ a pair of True Religion jeans and a gigantic pair of Dior sunglasses, then the stereotype is accurate. I don’t know, perhaps I’m just not ready to be a discussion base class just yet. Give me a week or two. I haven’t been sleeping well lately.

Speaking of “The OC,” how weird does the cast photo look without Mischa Barton? Not to mention, it seems as if the cast knows that it’s the last season, which is a total bummer because it may not make it to syndication after all is said and done.

And while on the matter of Orange County related TV, “Laguna Beach,” last night, I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. The hero, Tessa and her friend, Raquel/“Rocky” (who constantly needs a title card every time she’s on screen because she’s so boring that we’ve forgotten her name) are so boring and speaking with no inflection in their voices at all. If their voices were displayed on an EQ meter or whatever the fuck it’s called, there’d be no movement on it at all. Just one single straight line. Then there’s that Chase dude who wants to jam Tessa, but I think there has to be a legal iggy involved or Tessa just never put out. All of that business is boring. You know, the moral majority is boring and once again, promiscuity wins out. Kendra (with a ‘y’ though) with her peanut butter skin and affinity for wearing underpants and blazers to go eat sushi with himbos is the show’s saving grace. Even Kyndra’s mother knows that her daughter will be the best part of the show as she watched her get dressed for a date and allowed her to leave the house wearing nothing more than, well, nothing really. If the mother has given up, then you just have to wonder what Kyndra does when the MTV camera crews have stopped following her for the day. I bet she does a better job of dancing to Luke’s “Doo Doo Brown” than these people do. It might be more like this, but at the same time like that scene in Requiem for a Dream with Jennifer Connelly. I don’t think I need to go any further. I’ll come back for stuff like that, but you know, if the show is mostly going to be about how Tessa needs a haircut and how Rocky throws in big words into her sentences, then I’m through.

Probably not, I’m always looking for a material. Can anybody explain why that guy had to take off his shirt when he was singing? I don’t get that why skinny Incubus style lead singer dudes have to always take off their shirt while performing? The Blood Brothers, I understand because it ups the sass factor, but you know alt, prog rock, punk rock, brocore, Jared Leto wanna bes, I don’t get.

New Shins album in January ’07. Took them long enough and here’s the thing, the album will probably be like 30 minutes long. Oh well, new Shins music is always a good thing.

Another reason why I hate the movies: The Covenant, a Renny Harlin picture.

Why is it whenever two celebrities are photographed together, they’re both usually looking at different cameras or different directions? What are they a 5 year old child who’s seeing him or her self for the first time on a jumbotron at a baseball game and wave in the direction of the jumbotron? Not so much in this photo, but most of the photos in the random celeb pairing genre are like that. I just believe the pairing of Usher and Ashlee Simpson makes no sense. Why isn't she hanging out with Mischa B or something? They'd look like twins or at least, sister and closely related cousin. You know, people start to talk about how Ashlee Simpson wants to become exactly like her sister, then like two weeks later, she's trying to be like another celebrity. She should really date Brad Pitt because you know how Brad Pitt basically assumes whatever identity the woman he's dating has. Well, Ashlee could finally be herself and have somebody else to pretend to be like her or the twosome would just sit in a blank room and stare at each other and probably die from not eating like a kid logging 4 straight days playing World of Warcraft.

Aug 23, 2006

The Phantom Tollbooth part 2

Sometime over the summer, I became a bit of a news junkie. Not necessarily writing about it here because it’d only emphasis how little I exactly know about what’s going on in the world. What I know is that Bush is fucking things up; I’m not sure if Joementum will work as an Independent candidate, but it’ll definitely fuck things up for that dude, Ned and the cease fire is still holding, but you know with that particular situation, it’s like sticking a piece of gum in a crack of a dam. Yet, it seems like over the last week, news has gotten pretty bad as the newsmen devote hours and hours of coverage to the ongoing John Mark Karr saga. Not even the Daily Show is covering this mess or at least, maybe they did and I just missed that episode. When you watch the news or at least cable news, you can see in the faces of the newsmen that they don’t want to be covering this story. You know, Lou Dobbs could give a shit; the dude would rather be hanging out with the Minutemen protecting our borders; Keith would be rather trashing O’Reilly again and a individual like Tucker Carlson would rather be dancing with the stars, then talking about some creepy guy. And the coverage of the story has been so mixed thus far. The day that the story broke, it was all this guy is guilty, but of course, nobody had seen him. Then about 18 hours, we see that the guy wears his pants all the way up to his armpits and the guy probably did it, but we’re not sure. Then, the world hears his press conference and his story as it unfolds makes no sense. I just don’t understand why there’s so much coverage dedicated to this story when there’s insanely more important things happening in the world.

But it doesn’t matter any more because the way I’ve scheduled my classes, I’m going to be watching less news. All of my class except for one start in the late afternoon cause the parking lot is less crowded and it generally means I only have to go once a week for a class. So I feel like I know nothing about what’s going on in the world right now and looking up websites just takes up too much time. So I just feel a bit out of it right now.

Not to mention, nothing really that interesting is happening right now. The new Outkast album is pretty “eh,” but I still like the single, “Morris Brown,” quite a bit. Who gives a shit about Britney Spears and her husband’s shitty performance on the Teen Choice awards? Even X17 is currently unavailable because they realized how many more times can we get away with positing photos of Lindsay Lohan walking out of night clubs before we want to shove our hand into a blender? Things are going to be pretty boring for the next couple of weeks. Yeah, “Laguna Beach” is back, but, tonight’s episode is the make it or break it episode. Are people are going to stick around and watch the misadventures of sexual predator Jessica and a slutty girl named Kendra (but it’s spelled with a ‘y’)? I’m already thinking of bailing, but at the same time, I think this is the cast that I could probably see more often in public than any previous cast. So I may have to stick it out, so if I’m at the mall or go to a nice restaurant, I’ll be on prowl.

That Yeah Yeah Yeahs cover of Sonic Youth’s epic, “The Diamond Sea,” is pretty great.

Cory Kennedy and Crazy Frog are doing a record together. It's going to be real hot,but I'm just wondering if anybody's a fan of the NYC version of Cory K? Where's her livejournal community?

Aug 22, 2006

Bathroom Breaks

Is it me or does MTV seem pretty over the fact that they have Jack Black to host this year’s VMAs? Granted, it’ll probably be one of the worst VMAs in their history because in a year or two, they’ll be embarrassed by a lot of the nominees the same way people are embarrassed by photographs of themselves in acid wash jeans back in the late 80s. Why not place an emphasis on the fact that one of the funniest and most charismatic personalities, Black is the host of the show? Panic! at the Disco, yes, the masses need to know that they’re going to be there and perform that one song about writing, but it’s not really about writing. I don’t know exactly, but I do have a shirt by Cardboard Robot that says ‘Panic!’ all over it and some people assume that it’s a Panic! at the Disco t-shirt and boy, did I feel embarrassed when me and the 16 year old girl at Starbucks were both wearing our panic related gear; oh the people who must’ve thought that we were twins. That’s beside the point. I just don’t the casual brushing over the fact that J.B. is hosting the show, which means probably some hard rockin’ with Rage Kage and solid physical comedian. Black is the perfect choice to be the host of the VMAs because while Chris Rock was frequently hilarious in the monologues, the people who go to these thing take themselves very seriously and don’t like to be trashed. With that said, while Black may not necessarily be into all of the bands, he’s not going to rip them apart. I’d like to see him do that, but Black has a bit of respect for musicians. So why is MTV so casually about him as the host? MTV even had promos with Chappelle a couple of years ago explaining that he won’t be the host of the VMAs, so where’s the promo with Jack Black saying that he’ll be the host? Apparently, it’s a bigger deal that Ne-Yo and the All American Rejects are going to be there. Oh well.

The Super Chocolate Eruption Power House returns tonight; 9pm, west coast time. I may call in, but I’m looking for material to write about, so who knows, dudes?

If you live in L.A. and have finished listening to the S.C.E.P.H., you may want to ride your skateboard over to the Beauty Bar and get some free porn.

Hopefully, tomorrow there’ll be a proper update, but yesterday, I was in classes for about 6 hours straight. Shorty shorts ain’t dead yet, but skinny jeans are getting played out and short skirts as well. Come on, I already blew my best material of the week when I saw Lexie at the mall.

Aug 21, 2006

How The West Was Fun

The last couple of things I’ll say about Snakes On A Plane here; I have to be a political talking head and argue about the film on the S.C.E.P.H., so tune in or download on this Tuesday. It’s been a bit of a hot button topic leading to near blow-ups at malls and what not. I’ve been accused of missing the point of the film, but to me, it just seems like I’m missing an even larger picture. This incident has lead to the conclusion that either I don’t get irony or I’m completely over the concept of irony and I don’t mean to be ironic in that statement. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to believe a studio dropped a small amount of money (33 million dollars) just to be ironic. Or that I’m supposed to enjoy a film because how ironic and shitty that shot where the guy holds snake in his hand before it attacks him. If you’re going to have such a great drive in title, sure, make it a goofy, but at the same time, try to make a cool movie. That’s why I’m excited and appreciative of what Tarantino & Rodriguez are trying to do with Grind House . Yeah, their film(s) are going to throwbacks to the films of the 70s and early 80s, but we have a respect and love for the genre. They’re going to make a movie that first and foremost is cool and fun. There’s nothing cool in Snakes On A Plane or maybe I’m missing the irony of the fact that there’s nothing cool in the film. Is that the point? It’s good because it’s so anti climatic?

Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the film is the impact internet buzz had upon it and that’s about it. With a rather lackluster opening, internet hype continues to send Hollywood mixed messages. This was the first real test of a film that has been altered not due to test screenings, but because a couple of people on some message boards thought it’d make for a cool movie if such and such said one line in the movie. Did it pay off? Theatrically, nope, but the film is going to become a hit via DVD sales. I’m just wondering if the semi success of this film is going to affect Borat. While completely different types of film, both films appeal to the same demographic and I think Fox is/was counting on internet buzz to help Borat break into the mainstream more. It should be noted that there’s a great difference between the two films, Borat is actually a good film. It’s probably the funniest film you’ll see all year.

Enough with the negative, let’s focus in on the positive like driving fast on the freeway while listening to “Notorious Thugs”. So, for the past two years, MTV camera crews have infested one of the local Orange County beaches with the show, “Laguna Beach.” Those goofy kids live about 15 minutes away, give or take, but I’ve never seen them nor have I ever seen a camera crew. The closet I came to an Orange County reality star was a lady from “The Real Housewives of Orange County, which still rates as the worst celebrity sighting of my life. I’ve always wanted to see a Laguna Beach kid in real life because it seemed as if everybody I’d run into, would have either gone to school with them and hated them or knew their mother or was at the same beach they bonfire at. You know, I never get to see the celebrities I care about, yet finally, I saw a real life cast member of “Laguna Beach,” this weekend at the aforementioned mall. As the picture indicates, I saw Lexie. Granted, she’s no Kyndra (with a ‘y’) or even to a lesser extent, Raquel, but never the less, I saw a real life cast member of a show I watch. Her head in real life is just as big as it seems on TV and in photos. She walked around confused by the locations of stores and if I wasn’t at the mall with somebody, I would’ve probably followed her around a little bit longer because it was the day before school started (I have classes on Sunday) and I figured people would want to know what Lexie purchased at such such store.

How bad was that episode of “Entourage” last night? Granted, they did play “At the Helm” by Hiero; would’ve been ten times cooler if they played “Oakland Blackouts” instead. I just don’t get this show how quickly they came from being great to being the worse show in the history of HBO since “Arli$$”. A couple of weeks back, we had E beating up Seth Green, a dream that we’ve all collectively shared at one time or another and Turtle about to become a mini mogul, but two weeks later, we’ve witnessed a really bad reference to that Vanilla Ice episode of “Behind the Music,” when Suge Knight held Vanilla over the ledge of a hotel room and bad jokes about Drama jerking and $20,000 dollar sneakers. What happened to that show? Was it take your daughter to work day when they were outlining the rest of the season? And where’s that episode with Artie Lange in it? Season 4 of “Entourage” has to be the role reversal where everybody loves Johnny Drama and nobody will take Vince’s calls.

I’d say the same about “Flavor of Love 2,” but at the same time, that’s kind of why one watches the show.

I don’t want to step upon the toes of the Thigh Master, but The Quiet looks to be a really good movie.

Apparently, Rachel B got wind of the X-ray photoshop scam and still wore slightly sheer clothing.

Where as Kristen B looks really bummed out to be at the Teen Choice awards; I’m a fan, but what’s the deal with the Joker style lipstick?

A side note to the regular readers: things will be a little bit off this week, seeing as it’s the first week of school and all. I have to figure out to juggle everything. I usually manage to pull it off, but be prepare in a couple of months where I’ll be talking about how I’ll be taking a week off to work on something, which in turns, I’ll only update three times instead four or five times. So give me a couple of days while I learn how to skate. The only thing that I’ll say is it’s going to be great to learn about writing for TV for a dude who worked on a cult classic.

Aug 19, 2006

Bad Touch Example aka Buddy, you don't look hip.

I’d write a long winded review about Snakes on a Plane, but I’m going to pull a card out of the big book of Spinal Tap record reviews: “Bullshit on a Plane”. The filmmakers wanted to make a cool, cheap B-Picture with great lines and deaths, but instead it’s just a clunky mess of boring deaths and a lack of great lines. The big line, “I’m tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane,” lacks any punch because Samuel L Jackson said the line all over the place even on my man Keith’s show, so the impact of it is a bit lost, but you know, he should’ve had more lines that we’d see as MySpace quotes for months to come. Samuel L. Jackson never comes as that bad ass as the audience wants him to be. He’s on the verge, but never quite there. You know, if Sam Jackson was that bad ass he’s supposed to be, there would’ve been a line or two about how he wants to save some of those motherfucking snakes cause Daddy needs some new motherfucking snakeskin boots and or snakeskin wallets. “Snakes on Crack,” doesn’t do it for me.

The film wants to be over the top, but it never got over the top enough for me. Granted I live on a cinematic diet including the works of Lucio Fulci, so I’m not sure some snakes on a plane could ever top a zombie fighting a shark in my book of movie cool, but it should come awfully close. There’s no great death in the movie that either had me rolling in the aisles with laughter or muttering under my breath, “rad!”. Perhaps I was distracted by the fact that right before the movie started a woman a couple of seats to the left of me threatened to ‘fuck some one up’ after the movie cause a teen asked her to move a seat down, so the teen could sit with his friend. I shouldn’t be thinking about that potential non-incident more often than I’m thinking about who is going to die next and how? The snake attacks while being fairly gory for a mini major studio release still lacks that punch of greatness. Also, there were tacked on extra scenes of gore that felt a little out of place. Yeah, chaos and snakes begets crazy and out of control behavior out of people, but the heel of a shoe stuck in some guy’s ear feels really out of place to me. I know that I’m contradicting myself, but that particular death was memorable because it felt so out of place.

Snakes On A Plane lacks that great moment that’ll have people talking for years about. That moment a film like Anaconda had; Jon Voight’s death sequence. That sly little wink Voight gives to the camera and Jennifer Lopez as he’s been spit up by the giant snake is classic. Anaconda worked as a better animalploitation picture because the marketing plan wasn’t out presenting the film as this over the top monster house of a film. It tried to be legit and scary, but as I found myself in theater laughing my ass off with a bunch of people looking at me like I was crazy because they were scared. Robin Brown said that Anaconda experience may have better than Snakes On A Plane because very few were in on the joke where as every one is on the joke of Snakes On A Plane.

I get the joke, but I was just expecting it to be funnier and well, more fun. The film just wore its self out after an hour; I wish the filmmakers would’ve talked to Wes Craven and asked him how to make a 73 minute movie. Not to mention, the cinematography degrades the film to a feeling more like a made for the Sci-Fi channel movie of the week. Take pride in making a good ‘bad’ movie. There were sequences in the film that didn’t even look as if they were finished. I can see how that may add to the kitsch factor of the film, but at that same time, it’s just being lazy. Making an intentionally B movie isn’t an excuse and why did they stop there? Why not throw in some boom shadows on dramatic moments and extras waving at the camera as digital snakes are biting them?

You know, the most exciting part of a movie about deadly snakes attacking people on a plane shouldn't be the potential nip slip from Maja Ivarsson of the Sounds & Cobra Starship as well as her ass cleavage, which slightly changes the forthcoming proclaimed death of shorty shorts, but her part in the music video during the closing credits is a bit more interesting than the film its self.

Then again as I said a week ago, I don’t get movies anymore. You know, I’m just going to watch Gummo to wash the taste of this movie out of my mouth and just hang around the Criterion Collection section at my DVD store and read David Bordwell and talk about how Roger Corman used to make ‘em back in the day.

Aug 18, 2006

California Boober Alles

I don’t know how, but MTV or at least the editors of “Laguna Beach,” has managed to make something that should be interesting so boring. Then again, I had the same exact feelings after watching the first episode of the first season of “Laguna Beach.” Nothing happened except for a couple of thoughts that Tessa should either get a haircut or at least get that lion’s mane of hers thinned out. Usually, I’m a fan of stuff where people just talk and nothing happens, but with this batch of “Laguna” kids, it’s not working. As weird as it seems, these kids grew up with the fact that a TV show about teens was shoot in their backyards and playgrounds and they’re just playing up to the camera. I’m upset because fake people on a fake reality TV show for being too fake. Well, I take that back, the girls from season 2 who didn’t get famous were real and honest as they did their best to be the Orange County version of Carrie & Co. as they talked shit on everybody. That was cool and interesting. You know, Jessica, whose managed to be apart of all three seasons of the show and word has it that she’s been hanging around the local junior high, giving rides to the potential himbos for seasons 6 and 7 because she has to be on all of the seasons. But I’m getting away from the point, which is this, with the first two seasons, for being highly scripted, there was still a smidge of realism to the show where as with this season, all of these ‘real’ people know that they’re playing a particular character or stereotype, so they’re trying really hard to fill that position, even if it means, frequently quoting lines from Mean Girls. Everything and everybody has potential, but I’m not exactly sure how much there is with this season. Yeah, these girls, specifically Kyndra (with a ‘Y’) and Cami (who was built to be in a Russ Myer style send up of the aforementioned Mean Girls) will do some slutty, funny stuff, but what it seems like this season is going to be one big battle of morals. There are the sluts and there are the good girls and it’s going to boring after a while. Because such and such slut girl hooked up with that steroid, Ed Begley JR. lookin’ motherfucker, then one of the goody two shoes hooks up with that same dude.

Also, it just as if that these girls within the last couple of months discovered the word, ‘alienation’ and it’s various related words and drop it as freely as they do a Mean Girls quote. It reminded me of the first time I first discovered the word, “Anarchy,” in particular in the punk rock context and when I was in the seventh grade, I told everybody that there needs to be anarchy at our school and I’d tell teachers that anarchy would be great and sometimes, I would say, “Anarchy burger! Hold the government, please!”. Yet I didn’t know what the word meant, but I thought it sounded cool and interesting. So I’m just wondering if the English teacher to these girls of Laguna Beach just randomly dropped the word a lot during lectures not only to make an impression about how these MTV camera crews are alienating the local, die hard residents of Laguna Beach or did the teacher just think it’d be funny to hear some girls drop ‘alienation’ around while the All American Rejects plays in the background?

Another thing, how much money is that one dude getting paid to put over RVCA?

Anybody else geeking out while reading El-P’s blog? TV On the Radio’s Tunde Adebimpe potentially singing on some El-P's stuff ? Dude, that album can’t come out any sooner. I mean, it’s been 4 years since “Fantastic Damage” and even longer 5 years since “The Cold Vein,” so the ears are a bit hungry for Blade Runner references intermixed with political commentary. And Clive Owen should be on the album cover.

This weekend, I’ll probably end up at a multiplex and I’ll most likely watch Snakes on a Plane. Here’s the problem with New Line’s plan of not setting up any advance screenings for the film. Sure, there’s been a insane amount of buzz and hype for the film developing for at least 4 months now, but where’s the buzz from people who have seen it? If it’s a supposed to be some glorious, big budgeted modern day B-Picture, then why not screen it for internet geeks or journalists who cover that specific genre. Sure, the title has won me partially over, but what are the fucking drive in totals? I need a review from Joe Bob Briggs to convince me to take the plunge. Just because that annoying guy from FallOut Boy gives the thumbs up to the film isn’t going to bring me to the theater. If anything, that makes me want to avoid the movies even more all together; I just assume that it’d be a better cinematic investment if I hung around the theater that would be showing Half Nelson in a couple of weeks, than wasting my time on a movie that Pete Wentz calls ‘awesome’. You know where are the quotes from the greats or something. New Line should’ve paid like Werner Herzog a boat load of money and shot a bunch of commercials with him talking directly to the camera and verbally assaulting the audience; implying that men aren’t masculine if they don’t watch Snakes on a Plane. Instead they got some dance tune as the theme song to the movie. Come on, for a film that calls its self, Snakes on a Plane at least the soundtrack would be metal or something; late 80s Wes Craven movie status or something, but instead the soundtrack is a bunch of shitty bands being remixed by other shitty bands with exception to Tommie Sunshine cause the dude co wrote “Rocket Ride,” but never the less. You know, Snakes on a Plane should be seem a tougher than it appears to be. If snakes on a plane is an ultimate grueling terror, then I want to hear, “Raining Blood” by Slayer or at least something super heavy.

How come nobody sent me the memo about Cold War Kids being so good? In wake of the recent ‘only okay’ album by the Walkmen, I was surprised more people didn’t say, listen to these guys, they’re good and have that similar sound. Then again, if I read more music blogs, I’d probably know. I did however get the memo about the Drunken Stepfather’s Lindsay Lohan photos, but Spencer Sloan has better Lindsay Lohan photos. So, I’m not that out of the loop, but you know, cooler people than me, next time, there’s a band like Cold War Kids out there and I’m not talking about them or not talking about how I can’t get past one particular song because it’s too good, send me a note. MySpace or e-mail, which is easiest. I need to break from hip hop every now and then as well as the commercial pop singles.

Caroline D’Amore when she’s doing her best DJ Premier impression (Deep Concentration) has a bit of a Winnie Cooper vibe. I don’t know if I’d be her Kevin Arnold, but if she was to play “Freaky Tales” by Too $hort or even, “Five Man Army” by Massive Attack, then things may change. But she just probably played her friend’s music instead and this Kevin Arnold isn’t into tranny pop.

Speaking of tranny pop, The Passion of the Weiss reviews the new Paris Hilton album.

Since Owen Wilson & Kate Hudson are allegedly hooking up according to the Pulitzer prize winning journalists over at US Weekly says so, but you know, I’m wondering if Owen Wilson is going to bug Wes Anderson about putting Kate Hudson in the new movie? If that happens, I will be heading down to Amoeba immediately and selling all of my Wes Anderson DVDs or at least holding off until I see the trailer, but I might just sell my copy of The Life Aquatic

Two questions, but they’re actually the same question, just different names:
-Why does Joe Scarborough have his own TV show? For the past two weeks, he’s had a segment every other day about how Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is offensive to a new group of people. At first, it was Christians, then it was southerners, then it was Christian southerners, then it was white men, and now it’s women. And each time, he has nobody on with the exception of one time that finds the film offensive or degrading. Wouldn’t it be the first thing you get when you’re a news show and talk about a subject; find all sides of the issues instead of two people who’ll just say, “Yeah, Joe. It’s just a movie.” Scarborough has that Cindy Brady quality to him; you know that episode where Cindy just stared at the camera when the red light came on?
-Why does Chelsea Handler have her own show? I guess to some people she’s funny (you know what the fuck do I know? I think Mark the Bagger is one of the funniest people on this planet), but it just seems like the exact opposite of Carlos Mencia because she’s not yelling at the time and not consistently saying, “beaners,” but you know, it’s a constant inside voice talking about being drunk or sleeping around. Well, take that back, I watched it for like five minutes once and I see the promos every now and then and I just don’t get it.

And finally, I must mention the fact that Zayra finally got kicked off “Rockstar: Supernova,” which means one thing, nobody gives a shit about the show anymore. It was cool that she sung in Spanish the other day and she rattled a few cages with her performances, but nobody else on that show has that dynamic, interesting, gotta tune to see what they’re going to do next. It’s just a bunch of really short people with too much make up on who use their mouth as ash trays. And voting on that show doesn’t really work at all because it’s the band who decides who stays and who goes. It’s a bunch of bullshit.

Aug 16, 2006

Cook E. Jar and the Crumbs

I don’t know if anybody else caught the footage from the press conference George W held at a some Counter Terrorism Unit, but he seemed a little more often than usual. It was like a mixture of the standard confusion and disappointment. To me, when I hear the phrase, “CTU,” I instantly think of “24” and Jack Bauer and you know, I’m just wondering if George W was bummed that he didn’t see Jack Bauer or at least a Kiefer Sutherland look a like to reassure Bush that our national security is in the safest and best hands or at least the dude that played Edgar hanging out in the background, eating a sandwich or something. Also, what’s with the unfinished, distressed postmodern architecture style of the National Counter Terrorism offices? Are they really trying to be like “24”?

The final girl we’re going to look at from the new season of “Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County,” which premieres tonight at 10 is Tessa. She’s that double edge sword where one moment you believes that she’s actually a high school student, but at the same time, the girl could probably easily slip into a nightclub and get a couple of long island iced teas without getting carded. Basically, she’s the type of girl the producers of “To Catch a Predator” dream of. After reading her bio, I have to believe that Tessa will be more of the wet blanket on the show; in other words, the new L.C. While L.C.’s little sister may be on par with a couple of sleeping pills, Tessa is going to be the goody girl who doesn’t do anything interesting and throw goofy parties. This season is going to be a mixture of really slutty girls and overtly conservative girls in shorty shorts dealing with bros and dudes in shitty bands. Will it be entertaining? Probably, but the main question is how long will it be entertaining? You know, it’s like Le Tigre. When you first hear them, you’re totally into them, but after a month or two, you’re like, ‘Wow, I should’ve stuck with that one album because they all sound the same.’ This is completely different if you’re a feminist. Then you’ll be bumping Kathleen Hanna and J.D. Samson forever and ever.

The new Wes Anderson film The Darjeeling Limited has a studio, Fox Searchlight to distribute and fund it. I like the fact that Wes Anderson is working with Jason Schwartzman again, but I’m just confused by Roman Coppola co writing the script. There’s a similar sensibility between Coppola and Anderson, besides the fact that Coppola worked as the second unit director on Life Aquatic, but I’m just wondering why Roman Coppola hasn’t made a follow up to CQ yet? I think this film might be a step towards the Wes Anderson of Rushmore or dare I even say Bottle Rocket?

Have to say though while I'm not a big fan of Fox TV in recent months; canceling "Arrested Development" and all, but I am a big fan of Fox Searchlight. They're putting out the good films as of late. Thanking You for Smoking and of course, the empire's favorite film of the year thus far, Little Miss Sunshine. Now, they're working with Wes Anderson and releasing the new Danny Boyle film Sunshine

I’d say some more shit but the fact is this, I’m embarrassed by the fact I actually like the song, “London Bridges” by Fergie. Of all the things in my life, a stupid song by the girl in the Black Eyed Peas is what makes me hold my tongue. I think the problem is that I’ve talked so much shit about the Black Eyed Peas and Fergie as well, yet, the girl made a hot record. Thanks in large to producer Polow Da Don, “London Bridges” stands out this summer in spite of being the summer of booming tunes, because it’s a little bit dirty and boastful and sounds refreshing. The horns and those drums kill me. I may not buy the record, but I may download it if the single is any indication of how the rest of the record sounds. Then again, I said the same thing about that Nelly Furtado album and never listened to it. It should be noted that "London Bridges" is my MySpace profile song nowadays.

Another song I’m surprisingly digging the fuck out of is “Morris Brown” by Big Boi. Holy smokes.

Underage drinking is all the rage these days, too. Just a memo to all 17 year olds who want to get drunk, be some photographer's (and i use the term loosely; photographer) muse and boom, you're in all the clubs, getting drunk and in nylon magazine. PS. The bangs on Cory K are working for me.

And finally, this is a message to management and pitchers of the Texas Rangers. Buck Showalter, honestly, what the fuck is your problem with Vlad Guerrero. Either you walk the dude or attempt to break his arm every time he’s at the plate. Listen to the advice from the dude in No Gravity band, ‘Chill out.’ Just relax a moment and pitch to Vlad every now and then, he’s bound to strike out or ground out; you don’t have to injury the guy cause he eats your pitching like I eat king burgers from Fatburger. Relax for a moment, pitch to him and if Juan Rivera is batting behind him, he’s bound to hit into a double play. You don’t see the Angels throwing at Michael Young’s head, now. They should, but Big Mike is too much of a class act to stoop so low.

Aug 15, 2006

Snake Eating Snake

I think that the Thigh Master might be onto something when talking about the surprising lack of buzz for the upcoming Dead Or Alive in the wake of the surprisingly large and scary amount of buzz for the always coming soon film, but I’ll believe it when I see it Snakes on a Plane. Snakes on a Plane, let’s face facts is a B Picture and most likely a shitty movie, but people are oddly loving the film because you know, it’s Sam Jackson fighting snakes on a plane. So using this same logic, Dead Or Alive from what I can tell by publicity photos, is a film where hot girls act like ninjas, get into fights and play volleyball. A big budgeted B picture in the same vein of Snakes on a Plane, so why aren’t more people making goofy t-shirts and what not to support Dead or Alive? Fuck, Devon Aoki in a bikini, carrying a sword, playing volleyball. I don’t know about you, that’s ten times more interesting than some dumb snakes on a plane.

KROQ is the new KNAC.

And no one is surprised that the man who recorded one of my favorite recent mixtape tunes, "I Can't Feel My Face," is arrested on drug charges?

Rise Above

Is there a way that somebody could send a memo or a little note to Zach Braff for me? Honestly, it’s becoming ridiculous or for those who are into Cannibal O, it’s fucking ridiculoid. Up until the summer of 2004, I lived in rather, peaceful Zach Braff obscurity. I was aware of the show, “Scrubs” and people would say it’s a great show, but you know I’ve never been a fan of medical related TV either. Plus, I’d just plain forget the show was out there. Braff was just a dumb dude on a TV show and sometimes, he’d be on Conan and that was the end of it. He wasn’t in my personal space or hanging out with celebrities I’m a fan of or making movies that from the trailer had great deals of potential. Then came the summer of 2004 and that fateful evening where I waited in line for an hour to see Garden State. It wasn’t that I was that excited and eager to watch the film. I went with friends and they wanted to get something to eat and I had eaten earlier, so I just waited in line, but I was interested in the film because you know, visually from the trailer, Garden State looked to be great. Yet as I sat in that theater, next to a broken seat, so nobody would’ve seat next to me, but then again, oddly, nobody sits next to me at the movies to begin with. But I digress, but as I sat in that theater for nearly 100 minutes or so, I just became increasingly disappointed and realized that the film was nothing more than a younger and sexier variation on the work of the late, great Hal Ashby. I didn’t get, but you know, over night, the whole thing blew up and everybody, specifically, women loved the movie and to make matters worse, the soundtrack blew up. So you’d either hear or read about how brilliant Zach Braff is as a filmmaker and/or how brilliant he is at putting together a soundtrack. In a way, Braff is the man to blame for the lack of a new Shins album in nearly three years (what’s the deal?) and then he became the man about Hollywood. In the year after Garden State, I was forced to watch Scrubs for a class and I mean, it was okay. Funny in spots, but overall, it’s rather over the top even for a single camera sitcom. Nothing I would go back to and if I remember, I should try to trade it in the next time I go to Amoeba. Once again, I digress and completely straying from the point. And I don’t understand all the praise that Braff gets for his work on the show; it’s good, but you know, it’s nowhere on par with the work of Will Arnett on “Arrested Development”.

I’m losing my train of thought here, but you know I feel as if Braff is unnecessarily waving his newly found coolness in all of our faces. Just be humble about things, man. Making the movie studio produce and distribute podcasts of him hanging out with Rachel Bilson isn’t a decent form of advertising. It’s just gloating and bragging. Even Joe Buck would call such behavior even more disgusting and gross act than the Randy Moss moon. And I was Adam Brody, I’d highly suspect of all this time Braff is spending his girlfriend, Bilson. They call it ‘movie promotion,’ but I’d call it a “Me & Mrs. Jones” situation.

So, my message to Zach Braff is this: relax, dude. Don’t shove how you’re a tastemaker or all of your famous buddies into our faces. Be mysterious, be elusive and don’t take all the credit for picking out songs on your film’s soundtracks; you’re just making mix tapes on a higher scale.

That movie The Descent would’ve been like ten times scarier if they had cast Haylie Duff as the creature living in the cave or at least did what the crew of John Carpenter’s Halloween did with a William Shatner mask and used Haylie Duff’s face as the template for the film’s monsters. Or at least Chris Cunningham should contact her and Aphex Twin to do a project together. It’d be the second coming of “Come to Daddy” to say the least.

To everybody else, this is a shocker, but to me, the separation of Kate Hudson & Chris Robinson makes complete and total sense. The shocking thing is how long Chris Robinson stuck things out in the relationship. I’m a star struck person, I believe we’ve gone over this far too many times, but I still remember being in awe of the chainsaw from the new Chainsaw Massacrefilm, but I don’t think I’d be star struck by her. There’s something that just rubs me the wrong way about her; she sorta reminds me of the Catherine Zeta Jones character in High Fidelity. Sure, she may be cute if you’re into that type of thing, but she just seems like she’s really full of herself and that her views on politics is just cutting and right to the point. She just seems like she takes herself way too seriously. So, I’ve been wondering how long it’s taken for Chris Robinson to break free from her constant chatter about how he could reinvent his recording career and what not.

Surprise, surprise. Asia Argento to star in the new Dario Argento film; It’s the third & final Mothers film. It’s cool that it’s moving forward, but I wish that Dario Argento would’ve looked beyond his family for casting. There was a rumor for a while that Sienna ‘Great Boobs’ Miller was going to be in the film and that would’ve been cool to see her in a slasher film. Not to mention, it’d be a nod to the glory days of Italian slasher films, but you know, that’s way things go. The thing of importance about Asia Argento being in a new Dario Argento film is that if her character gets killed in the film, it will be really well done and extremely twisted cause Dario takes great pride in killing off his family members in his films. This is the man who wrote a part for his daughter where she gets raped, so you know, its going to be fucked up and interesting.

Looking at sites like X17 Online and what not, it presents the pros and cons of being a paparazzi. Pros of the job: you know one could be following Natalie Portman around town all day long or call Jeremy Piven ‘Jon Farveau’ jokingly, but at the same time, slightly mean it. Then there’s the cons of the job like when these guys have to make small, please don’t hit us or run us over with your car people like the Sir George Martin of Blonde Tranny Pop, Scott Scrotch or just watching people walk in and out of a mostly private Justin Timberlake concert. That has to be a drag. Wow, Portia Di Rosi just cruised by with David Spade. Moments like that are which makes things like a getting weird side boob photo of Lindsay Lohan even more special and exciting. It’s a break from the mundane, chitchat of “Hey Paris, Is In-N-Out hot?”

And that’s another thing, this whole big Justin Timberlake concert at the House of Blues Sunset last week, which was mostly attended by celebrities. Call me crazy, but I wouldn’t want to do a show in a room full mostly of other famous people because they’re going to be too distracted with their own bullshit to focus in and pay the proper respect to whatever the artist is doing. Granted, I don’t believe Justin Timberlake live is on par with a Pink Floyd show in early 80s and what not. But still, it has to be hard to compete with an audience full of people on their blackberry and new sidekicks planning out their social event within the next half hour. Play to a room full of people who’ll actually buy the record, not the girl who ruined the new Superman movies. That girl can barely afford a sandwich for her self, so what makes one believe she’s going to skate down to Target and drop 13 bucks on the album or even to a lesser extent, drop the 11 bucks on the iTunes download?

Today’s cast member from “Laguna Hills: The Real Orange County” is Cami. The first thing that leaps out at me about her is that she must’ve been so popular in junior high. Remember back in 7th grade and how it seemed that the first girl to develop was automatically the most popular amongst the boys? That’s how it was at my junior high. A lot of guys were into this girl who had sorta big boobs, but she was a bit of a butter face. Never the less, she was a popular gal, but ironically, six or seven years later, the very same girl was on a A&E special about getting breast implants in order to be a Hooters waitress. I’m getting away from my point, I think Cami was that same gal who was very popular back in the early days, but now, high school, still popular, but not as much for her body as she once was. From what I’ve seen of the season thus far, Cami has to be the comedic relief of this season as highlighted in the clip where Cami and some blonde play tennis and then the blonde injuries her cervix or something while running into a pole.

Aug 14, 2006

Alone Again Or

As I was watching TV the other day (“Laguna Beach” marathon, dudes), there were a couple of ads for the film, Step Up. These ads claimed that Step Up is the film that will define this generation. With all of that’s being going on with the world in, I don’t know, let’s just say the last month and half; new terrorist threats, even more restrictions when flying, and that situation between Hezbollah and Israel. Increasing temperatures, oil companies accidentally forget to replace rusted out pipelines, and some other thing that bummed me the other day while watching the news. You know, all of that stuff going on in the world and a film tackle even one of those films just slightly won’t define a generation as much as a broke ass miss mash of every single movie about a dancer that has been made since Fame and every other teen drama about a romantic relationship between somebody from the wrong side of the tracks and some stuffy shirt person with a silver spoon since Pretty In Pink. I can see somebody saying that Footloose defined a generation because that film was about normal kids who lived in a shitty city that banned dancing and they just wanted to have fun for once; honestly, how many times can one play a game of tractor chicken while bumping Bonnie Tyler’s “Holding Out for a Hero”? That film dealt with kids attempting to fit in where as Step Up or at least from the commercials I’ve seen and that brief bit of that awful Sean Paul/Keyshia Cole video, just deals with people who live and breath dance. Not a whole generation, just a small niche of people, Disney marketing execs. Granted, the film will play well with pre teen girls and the film opened a close second behind Ricky Bobby. So, maybe, I’m wrong, but the marketing department shouldn’t be the ones to call it a defining film of an era. To me, a film that defines a particular era has to be something of a universal experience, not a singular experience. Sure, the under dog story is something that we all go through, but it’s not enough to be a film that defines a generation. A film like Mean Girls defines the high school experience as well as Gus Van Sant’s Elephant.

Perhaps, I’m just calling bullshit on the whole thing because it’s such a shitty act of marketing on behalf of Disney. Just because a film doesn’t get any decent reviews, not even a quote from Earl Dittman doesn’t mean that they have to make some bullshit up. You know, just keep on pumping that dumb Sean Paul/Keyshia Cole song cause the kids love it.

Of any film currently in theaters, I think that Little Miss Sunshine comes the closet to actually saying something about families today. Over the weekend, I watched the film for a second time and I’m still in awe of the writing in the film. Does anybody know Michael Arndt is working on next? It’s bound to be interesting to say the least. The feel of the film is a bit skewered and perhaps more realistic, most likely due to the direction of Dayton & Faris, but the structure of the film is similar to any other family comedic drama. There are those clichéd moments that Donald Kaufman would love to see in a film, but the way it unfolds in Little Miss Sunshine feels anything but cliché, It’s organic and natural. It’s the feel good film of the year, but without being syrupy and forced.

I honestly don’t know about movies anymore or at least, marketing departments. Perhaps, I’m just cranky because my back looks like a lobster, which explains why I rarely drink. I was at a pool party and I had like three beers within an hour and I’m a bit of a light weight because I never drink or if I do, I’ll just nurse a Guinness for a long time at sports bar, so I seem a bit more masculine to the rest of the dudes there. So, you know, fairly buzzed, in a pool for like four hours and kaboomba,, my back is on fire like the Dodgers as of late. Yeah, I should’ve worn sun block, but I’m going to blame the booze. Although, is there a greater feeling than floating around in a pool, shades on and a beer in hand? Now, I have a different perspective on those who wear t-shirts while swimming, it makes a whole lot of sense in terms of protecting one’s back in addition to wearing sun screen. It’s not very fashion forward, but I do believe Cory Kennedy was photographed swimming with her shirt on a month or two ago, so maybe it’s becoming cool. Probably for his spring collection, Marc Jacobs will make gigantic over sized white v neck t-shirts with Al Gore on them specifically designed to be worn while swimming. It’s bound to happen sooner or later.

Anybody else sick of those stories about how Outkast is not breaking up? The dudes are becoming the Suri Cruise of hip hop. I say Suri Cruise because nobody should care about whether or not they ever see a photo of the kid. Who gives a shit. She may be deformed, she may be a cute kid, and she’s whatever. Who gives a shit. And the same thing goes for Outkast. Quit talking about how you’re not breaking up because we all know that you’re going to break up any ways. If you want to shut people up about the matter, making a video together or release a single in which Big Boi and Andre3000 rap together (Yes, I heard “The Mighty O”, but where’s the video?) or even to a lesser extent, Dre sings the hook to the song. Sure, “Morris Brown,” is a great catchy tune and if Big Boi’s solo album sounds a lot like and probably will, I’ll buy it before I’d buy a Andre3000 solo album. Just break up already and then rap nerds will spend every other after the break up talk about the potential reunion tour/album like they do with A Tribe Called Quest.

New Mos Def ““Boogie Man”. I have to say that I like the sound of this single more than I did anything I heard off of “The New Danger”. I heard that Kanye West and the Neptunes were doing some beats on it, but also read on another site, maybe some Madlib stuff. Mighty Mos and Madlib sounds like quality music to my ears.

I’m not an 80s baby because one of my favorite rap albums (“Midnight Marauders” by A Tribe Called Quest) is Native Tongues related.

Photographic proof that Dr. Dre’s “Detox” is actually happening as Just Blaze & Dre are seen in the studio together along with the D.O.C.. I thought I read something about a bunch of other people working on the album like Fred Wreck and the Phil Spector to Paris Hilton’s Ronnie Spector, Scott Scrotch. Although, most likely these recording sessions will be vaulted and never see the light of day. Kinda like Prince.

Semi related, the song, “Be My Baby” by the Ronettes, which was produced by Phil Spector, one of the greatest songs of all time.

Hopefully, the theme for this week will have a bit more legs to it than our tribute to TGIF opening credit sequences. Each day, this week or at least until Wednesday, we’re going to look at a cast member of the new season of MTV’s “Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County” and we’re focusing in on Breanna. Breanna is L.C.’s little sister and from the looks of the publicity photos, she has even less personality than big sis. Also, she has Eddie Munster hair and I don’t know understand how this look became popular with woman lately. Perhaps, some stylists are just so sick of bangs that they just wanted to get out of people’s face and show off some sexy forehead. Call me crazy, but I’m not that into foreheads. Not the sexiest part of the female body; the female body is a work of art, but they must’ve had a lunch break on the mind when crafting the forehead. I have yet to hear the tone of Breanna’s voice, but I’m assuming that monotone-ness runs in the Conrad family, so I’m thinking that if you’re suffering from sleeping problems, pop half an ambient and just listen to her opening voiceovers and intros and catch those precious eight hours you’ve been missing as of late. I’m just wondering if she’ll be wearing as many as headbands as her sister did on “The Hills”?

In the wake of Death From Above 1979’s recent breakup, like a nerd, I’ve been listening to a lot of their stuff lately. Great band and all, but I was just wondering what’s Sebastien Grainger been up to? There’s that MSTRKRFT album, but Grainger has such a great voice for rock to waste it away making obscure dance records.

I’m assuming that y’all have heard that Swan Lake tune by now? If you haven’t heard, I have to say it’s just left of the John Mayers and Jack Johnsons of the world and with more insightful lyrics. Shout outs to Robin Brown.

While the shtick of Buckwild as well as the lisp of Nibblz, irregardless of what the super annoying Hairapy guys have to say has already worn thin, there’s still something interesting to watch each week or at least, probably two more weeks on this season’s of “Flavor Of Love” and that is Toastee. Besides reminding me of the glory days of “Mortal Kombat,” but Toastee isn’t even into the dude and will probably throw up on somebody before she leaves the show. Although with this season, I don’t believe that vomiting is that shocking. You know once a person takes a shit during the elimination process, where do you go from there? For those who are looking for info on the women of “Flavor of Love”, check out the Flavor of Love blog.

American Apparel Santa Ana is open for business and allow me to say this, any staff has to be better than the staff at American Apparel Huntington Beach store

Kristen B dons a wig for her next film, Fanboys. Normally, I’m into brunettes, but I have to say that Kristen B as one isn’t working for me. I think the Fiddle has the right idea or at least the seed for the right movie for Kristen B. a bartending picture. Get Rian Johnson on top of it cause those two would make a great cinematic duo.

And finally, as some may know that I’m a die hard anti Yankee fan. Just the other day I referred to Derek Jeter as the scum of the earth. I can’t tell you why I dislike them, but it’s probably the same reason why people hate teams like the Dallas Cowboys, L.A. Lakers and the Raiders. Well, I wouldn’t call Lakers fans die hard and passionate. There are some that stay the course, but you know, when the team is hot, people will be there. You know, it’s that whole ‘let’s buy everybody whose good, so we can win’ attitude. Perhaps the biggest purchase the Yankees recently made was Alex Rodriguez. It’s been two seasons so far without a ring and the die hard Yankees are getting restless and rightfully on his case about not coming through in the clutch. He makes all that dough, it’s the least he can do. So I was talking to somebody the other day about the Yankees/Angels game the other day and how Tim McCarver was giving A Rod an on air blow job on par with Riley Mason’s [NSFW] work about how A Rod shouldn’t have been charged with an error or something. Then my friend talked about how A Rod while on the field was puffing his cheeks out a lot and doing what appeared to be a lot of heavy breathing. I realized that in the midst of all the pressure he must been facing, Alex Rodriguez is having panic attacks on field. It takes one to know one and believe you me, I know a thing or two about panic attacks. So, the following statement is a bit shocking for me to make, but I slightly feel A Rod if the dude’s legitimately having panic attacks and anxiety freak outs while on the field. Does this mean I’ll root for the Yankees to do better, so A Rod will stop freaking out, nope. It’s just a statement of I feel ya, blood and you have to push through it. I’ve taken steps to become comfortable with backing out of a parking spot. I’ve down a few times recently and you know, knock on wood, nothing bad has happened to me.

Aug 11, 2006

Back to the Cave

Sorry about the updates this week being a little light. I’ve been getting back into watching movies on a more frequent basis since school is starting back up and all. I don’t know if this happens to you, but this happens to me from time to time after watching a movie I like a lot, I find myself attempting to act like the main character. There’s a certain degree of coolness that a character projects that I’ll never achieve in my personal life. The past couple of days after watching Peckinpah’s Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia, I wanted to be exactly like Warren Oates in that film. His performance, which apparently was inspired or at least based on Peckinpah or so legend has it. There’s a great sense of desperation in the character, but it’s all under the surface. Completely and fully living up to that statement of never let them see you sweat and when they do see you sweat, have a weapon near by to take them out. And the way I assume to bring bits of Warren Oates in my everyday life is to always wear sunglasses even when in doors, but I don’t know if I ever could make the transition to being that shades 24/7 guy; I can wear my shades while in doors around the back of my neck cause I’m into that Cousin It vibe.

The trailer for Eon Mckai’s latest Girls Lie [NSFW] is on some David Gordon Green, Terrance Malick shit. Shout outs to the other inventor of the internet, Dana DeArmond.

Speaking of David Gordon Green, do you think Michelle Trachtenberg asking Zooey D what’s it like to be a movie as good as All The Real Girls? Only I say this because I’ve only Michelle Trachtenberg act on TV shows and the last time I saw her was on a rerun of “House,” (it was on at somebody’s house I was at, at the time) and she had a tick on her cooter and that was rather interesting.

It should be noted that I’ve officially given up on the new season of “Project Runway”. I’ve missed too many episodes and well, nobody on the show is that interesting this season. Yeah, Michael Knight is cool and Alison Kelly proves that sometimes blondes do do it better than everybody else, but there’s nobody that funny this season. Everybody is just really pretentious and full of themselves. Like that one old lady who hates her kids. She’s nuts, but it’s not an interesting I want to watch her weekly adventures nuts. They should’ve brought back that Andrae Gonzalo for the third season. Melodramatic and over the top, what more could one want of a fashion based reality TV show? Honestly, I ask you?

Then again, what would I know because I watch “Rock Star: Supernova”. A show I started to watch because it was so bad, that it was good, but it’s getting to the point where it ‘s so bad, that it’s unbearable to watch. I commend T. Lee for doing a double elimination the other night and getting rid of the new reality TV stereotype, the white soul singer and that really old lady, but the two people who may end up winning the thing sing as if they’ve been smoking cigarettes since they were fetuses, eat sandpaper, and drink liquid concrete. Just really grating, nails on a chalkboard types of voices and to me, how is that rock n roll? A really throat guy with highlights and a haircut that was done by a blind person is supposed to sell records? To quote Brent Hatley, “Wow”. Tommy Lee wants a person that’ll distract the audience from focusing on Supernova being Tommy Lee’s band, which will never happen (See Velvet Revolver), but if they want that person, they have to pick Zayra cause she’s hot, wears wacky and interesting outfits and if the show would let her sing in Spanish, would probably be the best singer out there, in spite of butchering the classic “All The Young Dudes.”

Any body else watching the new season of “The Venture Bros.”? Last week’s episode, “Twenty Years to Midnight” had to have been my favorite of the series thus far. Well, any episode with Professor Impossible is instantly good. Never the less, the new season of Team Venture is really good and the best costume I saw at Comic Con was a couple who dressed up as the Monarch & Dr. Girlfriend.

Semi related, adult swim related, Metalocalypse is pretty good, too.

Also, another good thing is the new Blood Brothers album, “Young Machetes”. It’s quickly entered into my top 5 albums of the year thus far; dare I even say, top 3? The same can be said about that Band of Horses album. Had to have some time away with that record cause the hype sorta killed it, but, it’s rather relaxing.

And finally, I went and watched Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby again. Basically, I went back to watch because John C. Reilly is that amazing in it. He deserves an award for the performance because he’s chomping on the scenery, but he’s not all over the place like Ferrell is with his performance. Honestly, Reilly has to be one of the best actors working. My favorite scene in the movie, the scene in which Cal calls up Ricky and asks for advice on how to use the house hold equipment, had laughing so hard, that people around me, most likely missed the jokes I was laughing. Also, the dude who plays “The Waffle House Manager” cracks me up.

Aug 10, 2006

Fluff A Nutter

Honestly, it has to feel really weird when you’re at a press conference, talking to the press about how cool a particular product is and there’s a life size photo of ones self staring right at the back of your head. Not to mention to the ‘Scooby Doo’ vibe that has to be present, believing that one’s own eyes are following you whenever you go. It still should be noted that Mischa B has that awesome Jackie B vibe. It’s too good to waste it on press conferences and potential guest spots on “Desperate Housewives”. Why hasn’t anybody put her in a movie where she wears cool, designer clothes and talks about post modernism?

Cory Kennedy is a true troubadour and trail blazer because every club owner in LA now a days is making sure their club is full of the new ‘it’ accessory, underage girls. They’re cooler than most people because they’ve been listening to Devendra Banhart since the sixth grade, but that’s only because they’re in the 9th grade. Also, there’s a bit of danger, beyond the obvious legal stuff, but they’ll be the first ones to quote a classic Aaliyah/R Kelly slow jam, “Age Ain’t Nothing but a Number.” What’s dangerous about these girls is the stare; it’s the most judgmental, powerful, nerve-rattling stare in the history of the world. It’s the exact opposite of a care bear stare that helps me out, this stare will reduce people to quivering puddles of sadness and frustration because one wore a pair of shorts to the party. Not to mention, they’ll make you feel terrible and uncool because you didn’t have your moms pick up from the club at the end of the night.

X17 Online, I love you guys and all, but I’m not sure how they can consider this the world premiere photos of Suri Cruise Holmes. It’s a blurry piece of white diapers that my man Keith Olbermann will have a field day with.

Watch out Catt & Sal, Yahoo’s got your number with The 9. Although, E! should trade Debbie for the 9’s blonde because she’s not as annoying and doesn’t throw around the funny voices, jokes card to easily.

Besides being a total asshole, hasn’t anybody else notice that Ann Coulter owns only one black dress and that she’s anorexic? Coulter is worse than Nicole Richie and Kate Bosworth combined. Clearly, this woman has a problem with food, but let’s not help her out. She can just waste away and I think it’ll be okay. It’s no great loss.

The trailer for The Grudge 2 has to be the worst trailer in the history of movies. It’s two minutes of people making ‘o’ faces and the Final Cut Pro strobe effect thingy. Come on, people, how is this supposed to be scary? Let alone be entertaining. As I watched this trailer the other night at the movies, I felt like walking out and going home because this trailer put such a bad taste in my mouth that no movie could take out. I may have to quit going to the movies all over again in the next two months, so I can avoid this abortion of a trailer. The chances of never nude tease Kari Sweets going nude is better than this film being 'just okay,' but it'll most likely win the award for scariest movie of the year from the Union of Movie Theater Security Guards

Aug 9, 2006

Traffic Report

Dude, who knew that Cassie was this outta control? The video was nice and all, but yeah.

Also, I'd say something about The Barkers divorce, but death threats aren't that much fun.

Aug 8, 2006

Double Dip

Y’all know that I’m a big fan of Kristen Bell in particular, her work on the brilliant show that everybody and their overweight cousin who has to wear a t-shirt when he goes to the beach should be watching, “Veronica Mars”. She manages to be funny, charming and intense while only being barely 5 feet tall. Yet, it’s a bit frustrating to see that her first film in the wave of her success on “V.Mars,” is Pulse. She had to have better scripts come in through her agent’s door or were they all bullshit parts in big movies? Come on, Pulse? The past couple of weeks, I’ve been struggling to write this article about the films of the 2000s, thus far. First draft blew and in the second draft, I’ve been outlining, I started to look at how a lot of the horror films in recent memory in addition to being let’s not be scared of a potential masked killer stalking sexy hippies, but instead, let’s watch this guy use a blow torch on this chick’s face, it’s been one big catch up game to whatever horror movies Japanese filmmakers were doing in the late 90s and early 2000s. Everybody wants to be like Miike or Nakata or whoever the dude that directed the original version of The Grudge and those guys were just trying to catch up with whatever David Lynch was doing Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (shout outs to Bob). Now, Pulse is a remake of a Japanese film that totally sucked and probably one of the worst films by that director. If you’re going to do an American remake of any film by Kiyoshi Kurosawa, then please let it be Charisma. The Japanese Pulse was completely boring and not scary at all. In real life, I’m perhaps more frightened by ghosts, but in movies, ghosts are stupid. How can a ghost use a blowtorch on some chick’s face? Oh, a ghost is on my computer, big whoop. My email is haunted and full of spam from my dead friend, boring. Where’s the zombies chomping on some body’s brain while Alexis Bledel, riding a beach cruiser, blows their heads off with a sawed off double barrell shotgun while the audience feels a sonic assault on their ears as Sleep’s “Dragonaut” blasts out the Dolby Digital 5.1 surround system, enhanced naturally by THX. That’s scary and that’s fun and that’s intense. What’s so scary about Christina Milian being pulled into a laundry machine by a ghost? Maybe she can find everybody’s lost sock. Ghosts in movies are boring enough, so why remake another movie that’s just going to be as boring?

Sorry, Kristen B. I would’ve seen it if you know, you were some girl, who along with the rest of your sexy class from Catholic school got trapped on some crazy island in the pacific that’s full of scary monsters and it’s up to you and your priest, Paul Giamatti to fight your way back to society, but I got to pass because we all know how scary spam e mail can be.

Further related, if anybody has the financing, let's try to make a zombie movie with Alexis Bledel and get like the Blood Brothers to do the score or something. It'd be killer. Cut a promo trailer for foreign invenstors using "1, 2, 3, 4 Guitars," we'd get a poop load of money.

Now that he's on Sirius, Howard Stern has taken as many day offs as George W. Bush. They claim to be no bullshit, but I'm calling bullshit on the matter.

Hawthorne Heights, who are not from the city of Hawthorne are suing their record label for a bunch of bullshit reasons. Does anybody want to join my counter lawsuit against Hawthorne Heights for making shitty music?

Although why do I even bother with the lawsuits because nobody is willing to join in my class action lawsuit against Cedric the Entertainer for false advertisement and misrepresentation. When was the last time he made you laugh, let alone entertained you? I think we have something there people, but nobody is into it.

Yesterday, MTV pulled the plug on what happened to be one of the shows I hated, yet I loved for some reason, “Why Can’t I Be You?”. The sleazy charm and condescending attitude of host Nick Zano was beginning to win me over. Sure, at times, Zano seemed like he’d be a perfect drinking buddy for Mel Gibson, but there was this quality to his hosting skills, well, it’s kinda of like a car crash on the side of the road. It’s not that he’s a bad host or anything, but you know how when you’re stuck in traffic on the freeway cause all of us are looking at some fender bender, for that brief minute, we actually see the crash, we’re a little bit excited but the whole rest of the time, we’re pissed at everybody else for wasting our time over a Suzuki smashing into the back of a Nissan. He’s like rubber necking traffic, but in a good way. And the show its self, had endless possibilities; where was the episode about the punk rock girl (she loves Fallout Boy & The Academy is…) who wants to become the cheerleader cause we had the reverse of that already with the Hot Topic GBH girl taught the Topanga Canyon version of Lindsay Lohan how to be punk rock. The show was just starting to get great as we saw more episodes where the person who wanted to be like somebody was disappointed by that person’s lifestyle. Oh no, not every episode was a happy story. And MTV showed “Why Can’t I Be You,” no respect by replacing it with an episode of “My Own”. I can’t watch Nick Zano make some off color comment, but I can watch some stupid guy tried to make some girl into his own Fergie? Mondo retardo. If they’re going to do that, at least move “Next” to 6, so nobody has to worry about flipping back forth between that and Countdown.

Straight Bangin’ has the best video from You Tube I’ve seen in a very long time.

The Fader nails it on the music used in last Sunday’s episode of “Entourage”; While it was great to hear “Luchini” in a casino montage, it still could have been cooler though. Never the less, I slightly retract my statements earlier about the music supervisors to quote Pharrell who was quoting Snoop, “step their game up.” I’m just wondering if the same people who didn’t think the end of Talladega Nights was funny felt as uncomfortable with the Drama storyline the other night? Next to Seth Green, that was the funniest part of the episode.

The Thigh Master on Lollapalooza ’06 & Chicago.

Sorry nerds, including myself: No New Snake Plissken movie cause John Carpenter is too busy playing video games.

Some how, this week developed a theme because I’m writing about another sitcom opening credits sequence. Honestly, I miss the early days of TGIF where sitcoms had great credit sequences that said so much about the character and the wackiness of the show. No credit sequence does it better than “Perfect Strangers”. Great theme song; upbeat & uplifting and perhaps more importantly, easy to sing along with. We get an indication of the location, Chicago and all the elements in the city as highlighted by the scene where Cousin Larry struggles to walk through the rough winds of the Windy City and the other scene where Baliki eagerly goes to a Cubs game. Which also highlights and illustrates the show’s wackiness. Here’s these two crazy guys, struggling to make their way in the big city and even though, they’re going to have some hilarious problems, they’re going to succeed because nothing is going to stop them and they have each other to fall back on.

Aug 7, 2006

Chill Out, Telephone Tough Guys Part 2

For some one who reportedly hasn’t left the house much since his break up with slashtress, Mandy Moore, whose more of an actress than a singer, no matter how many Pet Benatar covers she does, Zach “I Rip off Hal Ashby & David Gordon Green when I direct movies” Braff certainly looks excited to be out and about. Then again, there’s this weird vibe in this photo; a comic con vibe. Rachel B and Jacinda B (’06 Killer Bs) are the booth babes and Braff is the brave nerd who asked to have his photo taken with, but like a couple of seconds earlier, the girls made a joke with each other, maybe they were talking about that prank call on Stern last week and you know, they’re just saying randomly to each other, “Can I tell you my favorite Matt Dillon story briefly?” and it happened to be that moment when the photograph. It reminds me of that moment or whenever you see guys take pictures with the waitress at Hooters cause you know those girls are bound to look the other way and put their leg up in photos as well.

Slightly related: Fuck Gary Matthews JR. for making a really awesome catch in yesterday’s Angels game cause I would have free wings two days in a row from Hooters, but no, The Angels had to beat the Rangers 9-1. Bullshit.

Does anybody else miss the old fashion sitcom opening credits sequences as much as I do? You can tell so much about a show from these than cross dissolve from photo to photo over some zippy theme song.

Chill Out, Telephone Tough Guys

To be honest, I wasn’t looking that forward to Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. I was a fan of Anchorman, but when I first saw the trailer for Ricky Bobby, I thought that Will Ferrell had lost his touch. None of the movies he made in 2005 were funny and his cameo in Wedding Crashers just landed a big fat egg, but then again, Wedding Crashers was only pretty funny. So my expectations for Ricky Bobby were so low, I didn’t even play on watching, but I just went on a whim and the fact that Sacha Baron Cohen was in the film. I think the biggest problem I had with the film going in was the cast of the film. Too many regular actors, not enough comedians or at least comedic actors. Watching the film though, I realized that Will Ferrell is perhaps the worst part of an all around funny film.

A couple of months ago, I traded some emails with Jeff from The Passion of the Weiss about the difficulties of crafting a smart dumb comedy. It’s easy to dismiss a comedy as being dumb because it’s mostly a collection of low borrow jokes, but comedy regardless of being high or low is extremely difficult to write and create. Honestly, it’s a dumb move to call this film, ‘dumb’ (I’m looking at you, fake movie critic, Ben Lyons) because there’s a lot of smart writing in this film. The supporting characters surrounding Ricky Bobby make the movie enjoyable and more importantly, rewatchable. John C. Reilly as Cal Naughton, Jr was one of my biggest fears in the film; was he going to play it too straight, but he nailed the performance right out of the park. Over the top and hammy, but in an oddly subtle manner. A perfect compliant to Ricky Bobby. Of course, Sacha Baron Cohen delivers the best performance. The dude is just funny regardless of the material and very well may be this generation’s answer to Peter Sellers. Cohen has the ability to get lost in the character, but at the same time, the audience is aware that they’re watching a brilliant man.

The only problem with the film that I have and it’s such a minor note, but director Adam McKay overloads the films with music. Every minute and half or maybe every thirty seconds, there was a new piece of music. If he wants to develop as a filmmaker, just ease up for a minute, not shove some Kings of Leon song down our throats. Just because one has a music budget, doesn’t mean that they have to use all of it. Just ease up for a minute on the music and let the jokes play out.

A really weird thing happened when I was watching the film. You know how usually the sound at movie theaters is too loud. Causing ears to bleed and what not. When I went to watch Talladega Nights, I experienced the exact opposite. It began with the trailers. The first trailer, Stranger Than Fiction played at normal movie theater volume, but then the trailers for Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny and Borat played at like at 5 or even 3 or 4 in volume level. The audience, I want to believe freaked out because there was no mind numbing sound telling them it’s okay to laugh. Apparently, the movie theater doubled as a time machine and it took us to the era of silent films. During the film and perhaps one of the film’s biggest laughs, the knife in the leg scene, it goes nearly silent again and nobody laughs. Maybe, the scene just wasn’t funny, but you know, I’d expect a few laughs from people other than me and the eight year old kid quoting every other line a minute after it was said. It was just such a weird moment. Then again, I should’ve known I’d have a weird experience in that particular theater because it was the same place where I had an out of body experience while watching The Island.

Talk about Windy City Heat. And this should be the sequel.

On the new season of “Flavor of Love 2”: the favorite has to be Buckwild (have to scroll a bit), the girl who was raised by Oprah & Jerry Springer and she’s from the city of outlet malls. Did anybody else notice that a lot of the women had gaps in their front teeth? People got weird fetishes these days, but gap teeth fetishes? And the girl with the lisp isn’t going to get annoying in about two weeks from now. As long as Buckwild is there, mixing shit up and if Beautiful still has ‘Eddie Munster’ hair too, then yeah, I’ll be there for the rest of the season.

The problem with The Descent and they are rather minor and they may be a bit spoilerish, so read ahead; skip down to the next photo. Once again, SPOILER WARNING. The problem with The Descent was that the filmmakers were giving us Aliens before they gave us Alien; in other words, it would’ve been more intense and scary if there was one creature instead of an army of them. The director Neil Marshall has built a great deal of tension as the group of women goes further and further into the cave, but you know one creature after the next pops up, it loses a bit of tension. It’s a well-made film and it’s a breath of fresh air in the rather stale state of American horror films. The Descent isn’t a film with saturated colors and rough hand held camera movements. Sure, a cave isn’t the most attractive or sexiest of locations, but it’s better than watching some CW actor getting tortured with rusty blades in a dank, rusty basement. What happened to the days of the early/mid 1970s when there was a killer on the prowl in an apartment building full of models in Milan? It should be noted that Diorra Baird and Jordana Brewster are both in the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre film, but it’s still a movie about people getting killed in ugly basements with rough camera movements. What happened to the days of Dario Argento when it was horror movies with all style, beautiful locations, beautiful girls and no story, but more importantly, great kills. Yeah, the new breed of horror films have great cinematography, but shitty production design.

I’m just wondering if people would take less of a shit on Ashlee Simpson if she made quality pop songs like Lilly Allen or whatever. If her sister wasn’t famous, Ashlee Simpson would’ve probably gone the way of Willa Ford. Remember her? Also, remember Cheyenne Kimball, whatever happened to her? She had a TV show a couple weeks back, but then like, boom she went away. Crazy.

I’d do a review of the new Blood Brothers album, “Young Machetes,” but I’m not sure how many people who read this on a regular basis are into the Blood Brothers. Probably one of my favorite bands, the Blood Brothers are mostly definitely an acquired taste. It’s all over the place musically, but with the new album “Young Machetes,” it’s a little more focused. Not as many tempo changes and breakdowns in songs as on previous albums, but at the same time, it’s a lot faster and ‘thrashier’ than 2004’s “Crimes”. As it stands, it’s one of my favorite albums of the year.