Is there a way that somebody could send a memo or a little note to Zach Braff for me? Honestly, it’s becoming ridiculous or for those who are into Cannibal O, it’s fucking ridiculoid. Up until the summer of 2004, I lived in rather, peaceful Zach Braff obscurity. I was aware of the show, “Scrubs” and people would say it’s a great show, but you know I’ve never been a fan of medical related TV either. Plus, I’d just plain forget the show was out there. Braff was just a dumb dude on a TV show and sometimes, he’d be on Conan and that was the end of it. He wasn’t in my personal space or hanging out with celebrities I’m a fan of or making movies that from the trailer had great deals of potential. Then came the summer of 2004 and that fateful evening where I waited in line for an hour to see Garden State. It wasn’t that I was that excited and eager to watch the film. I went with friends and they wanted to get something to eat and I had eaten earlier, so I just waited in line, but I was interested in the film because you know, visually from the trailer, Garden State looked to be great. Yet as I sat in that theater, next to a broken seat, so nobody would’ve seat next to me, but then again, oddly, nobody sits next to me at the movies to begin with. But I digress, but as I sat in that theater for nearly 100 minutes or so, I just became increasingly disappointed and realized that the film was nothing more than a younger and sexier variation on the work of the late, great Hal Ashby. I didn’t get, but you know, over night, the whole thing blew up and everybody, specifically, women loved the movie and to make matters worse, the soundtrack blew up. So you’d either hear or read about how brilliant Zach Braff is as a filmmaker and/or how brilliant he is at putting together a soundtrack. In a way, Braff is the man to blame for the lack of a new Shins album in nearly three years (what’s the deal?) and then he became the man about Hollywood. In the year after Garden State, I was forced to watch Scrubs for a class and I mean, it was okay. Funny in spots, but overall, it’s rather over the top even for a single camera sitcom. Nothing I would go back to and if I remember, I should try to trade it in the next time I go to Amoeba. Once again, I digress and completely straying from the point. And I don’t understand all the praise that Braff gets for his work on the show; it’s good, but you know, it’s nowhere on par with the work of Will Arnett on “Arrested Development”.
I’m losing my train of thought here, but you know I feel as if Braff is unnecessarily waving his newly found coolness in all of our faces. Just be humble about things, man. Making the movie studio produce and distribute podcasts of him hanging out with Rachel Bilson isn’t a decent form of advertising. It’s just gloating and bragging. Even Joe Buck would call such behavior even more disgusting and gross act than the Randy Moss moon. And I was Adam Brody, I’d highly suspect of all this time Braff is spending his girlfriend, Bilson. They call it ‘movie promotion,’ but I’d call it a “Me & Mrs. Jones” situation.
So, my message to Zach Braff is this: relax, dude. Don’t shove how you’re a tastemaker or all of your famous buddies into our faces. Be mysterious, be elusive and don’t take all the credit for picking out songs on your film’s soundtracks; you’re just making mix tapes on a higher scale.
That movie The Descent would’ve been like ten times scarier if they had cast Haylie Duff as the creature living in the cave or at least did what the crew of John Carpenter’s Halloween did with a William Shatner mask and used Haylie Duff’s face as the template for the film’s monsters. Or at least Chris Cunningham should contact her and Aphex Twin to do a project together. It’d be the second coming of “Come to Daddy” to say the least.
To everybody else, this is a shocker, but to me, the separation of Kate Hudson & Chris Robinson makes complete and total sense. The shocking thing is how long Chris Robinson stuck things out in the relationship. I’m a star struck person, I believe we’ve gone over this far too many times, but I still remember being in awe of the chainsaw from the new Chainsaw Massacrefilm, but I don’t think I’d be star struck by her. There’s something that just rubs me the wrong way about her; she sorta reminds me of the Catherine Zeta Jones character in High Fidelity. Sure, she may be cute if you’re into that type of thing, but she just seems like she’s really full of herself and that her views on politics is just cutting and right to the point. She just seems like she takes herself way too seriously. So, I’ve been wondering how long it’s taken for Chris Robinson to break free from her constant chatter about how he could reinvent his recording career and what not.
Surprise, surprise. Asia Argento to star in the new Dario Argento film; It’s the third & final Mothers film. It’s cool that it’s moving forward, but I wish that Dario Argento would’ve looked beyond his family for casting. There was a rumor for a while that Sienna ‘Great Boobs’ Miller was going to be in the film and that would’ve been cool to see her in a slasher film. Not to mention, it’d be a nod to the glory days of Italian slasher films, but you know, that’s way things go. The thing of importance about Asia Argento being in a new Dario Argento film is that if her character gets killed in the film, it will be really well done and extremely twisted cause Dario takes great pride in killing off his family members in his films. This is the man who wrote a part for his daughter where she gets raped, so you know, its going to be fucked up and interesting.
Looking at sites like X17 Online and what not, it presents the pros and cons of being a paparazzi. Pros of the job: you know one could be following Natalie Portman around town all day long or call Jeremy Piven ‘Jon Farveau’ jokingly, but at the same time, slightly mean it. Then there’s the cons of the job like when these guys have to make small, please don’t hit us or run us over with your car people like the Sir George Martin of Blonde Tranny Pop, Scott Scrotch or just watching people walk in and out of a mostly private Justin Timberlake concert. That has to be a drag. Wow, Portia Di Rosi just cruised by with David Spade. Moments like that are which makes things like a getting weird side boob photo of Lindsay Lohan even more special and exciting. It’s a break from the mundane, chitchat of “Hey Paris, Is In-N-Out hot?”
And that’s another thing, this whole big Justin Timberlake concert at the House of Blues Sunset last week, which was mostly attended by celebrities. Call me crazy, but I wouldn’t want to do a show in a room full mostly of other famous people because they’re going to be too distracted with their own bullshit to focus in and pay the proper respect to whatever the artist is doing. Granted, I don’t believe Justin Timberlake live is on par with a Pink Floyd show in early 80s and what not. But still, it has to be hard to compete with an audience full of people on their blackberry and new sidekicks planning out their social event within the next half hour. Play to a room full of people who’ll actually buy the record, not the girl who ruined the new Superman movies. That girl can barely afford a sandwich for her self, so what makes one believe she’s going to skate down to Target and drop 13 bucks on the album or even to a lesser extent, drop the 11 bucks on the iTunes download?
Today’s cast member from “Laguna Hills: The Real Orange County” is Cami. The first thing that leaps out at me about her is that she must’ve been so popular in junior high. Remember back in 7th grade and how it seemed that the first girl to develop was automatically the most popular amongst the boys? That’s how it was at my junior high. A lot of guys were into this girl who had sorta big boobs, but she was a bit of a butter face. Never the less, she was a popular gal, but ironically, six or seven years later, the very same girl was on a A&E special about getting breast implants in order to be a Hooters waitress. I’m getting away from my point, I think Cami was that same gal who was very popular back in the early days, but now, high school, still popular, but not as much for her body as she once was. From what I’ve seen of the season thus far, Cami has to be the comedic relief of this season as highlighted in the clip where Cami and some blonde play tennis and then the blonde injuries her cervix or something while running into a pole.