Giant Swan aka An Ode to Sasha Grey
Is there such a thing as iPhone related postpartum depression? I mean what is there to do with the thing after the first couple of days when you talk or send text messages/e-mails to people and it's a big deal cause it's an iPhone? You know, for what the thing is worth and what people have been going through to get one of these things, there has to as Roxy Music said all those years ago, "More than this." The novelty of the phone sadly will last about the first couple of trips to Coffee Bean for a Mocha mudslide or the first trip to the bar, but even then, the phone is a sign of weakness. You see, I got an iPhone and it's cool and fun to use, but here's the deal, I rarely use a phone to begin with, so why do I need such a powerful phone? Because I have no personality or at least lack the fundamental ability to start a conversation with people. The things that I like to talk about: how much No Age shreds, the new T.I. album, Antonioni movies, and the Stern show. These aren't topics that most people have a even passing knowledge in. I don't even believe a stripper eager for a lap dance tip could feign interest in a discussion of who would've been the better cinematographer for Transformers, yet it's a subject that I could talk about easily for twenty minutes about. It's a problem I have and this is where the iPhone comes in. I pull out the phone in a public situation, pretend to send an e-mail to a friend, somebody sees it and kaboomba, there's a conversation. All be it, it's extremely brief and not a whole lot of topics are covered. "Is that an iPhone?" "Yeah." "Cool. How do you like it?" "It's all right. I mean it's pretty awesome. You know, it's an iPhone." Then the person would nod and then I'd quickly leave with the Mocha Mudslide in my hand, eagerly awaiting the sugar rush. Then again, the conversations that one is bound to have with an iPhone aren't going to be the ones for me. Maybe, if I show people the cover flow function and put on No Age or Diplo, then I could steer the conversation back into the zone of my interests. I don't want to talk about the Edge network and how it isn't; I'd like to talk about this awesome Mika Miko video I happen to have on my iPhone or the Dora the Explora "Lean like a Chulo" video. Set up was real easy, but check out this poster for an old Robert Altman film I'm getting framed right now.
I'm not sure if I could be content with all of my conversations being based around the fastness of the Edge network or sound quality of phone calls. It'd become one of those car guys that always ask questions that you should know about your car, but you never know the answer to it. I just know how to start it, put gas in it and when the engine check light comes on, take it to the dealership. Now I'm going to get into conversations with smart phone guys about keyboards and wifi connect ability. I'm not sure if I could engage in these types of conversations. I can barely function with normal people, what makes one think that I could keep up with people who have both a trio and a blackberry clipped to their belt? I just think I'd tell those dudes that I think the ringtones that phone comes with are kinda gay and just walk away. Then there'll be those people who really want to an iPhone but they get really defensive towards you when asking questions. I saw this lady at the Apple Store the other day almost ask the dude at the store if she could take a demo phone out of the store to test out the Edge network, then complain that she couldn't log into AOL.
In hind sight, maybe the iPhone as a conversation piece was a bad move or at least not clearly though out. Then again, when have I ever thought something out?
But there has to be some sort of iPhone remorse out there. It's a cool gadget for a couple of days, but then it just becomes a phone right unless Apple finally gets off their ass releases the iCar, right?
Anybody else having this problem where they think they see like a celebrity male driving in a car behind them or next them, but it turns out to be a woman? It has happened to me in the last couple of the weeks. What's this saying about our famous people? Or is it we yearn for the days of a good old gender bender like Bowie? To be honest, I'm going through seeing famous people withdrawals. For six months straight, I had the chance to see somebody or something remotely famous and now adays, nope. It's a bit of a bummer, but gotta keep it moving and something is bound to turn up. That's what they always say.
The rule of once something stops being funny it becomes funny again doesn't apply to every situation in life. I learned that the hard way.
My problem with the Transformers film; well, I have a lot of them, but real briefly. My problems are as follows:
-Not enough Robots. I thought it was called Transformers, people. Not Shia LeBeouf acts all awkward around Megan Fox's cleavage.
-The cast. I go to the movies to see movie stars, not a bunch of people from TV. The thing felt like a TV show; not because it was a big screen adaptation of a TV show, but most of those people were from TV shows.
-Michael Bay making his ET instead of two and half hours of robots beating the living shit out of each other.
-Anthony Anderson. He's not funny unless he's playing a chain smoking high school player on the Saturday morning sitcom, "Hang Time". He's a good dramatic actor.
-The aforementioned cinematography issue. It felt off.
-The fact that trailer for that top secret JJ Abrams movie wasn't attached to the print of Transformers I saw. I have to sneak back into the movies to see it because those YouTube bootlegs didn't do the job.
Other wise than that, I liked the movie when people weren't talking and it was just about robots and Rachael Taylor's character running around in high heels. Yet the nerdiest thing that one could ever do is probably complain about Transformers. It's awesome cause it's a live action version of Optimus Prime fighting in downtown LA.
Anybody going to see Dr. Dog next week? I think I might try to make it out to one of those shows. I'm not sure. I mean it's not No Age, but you know, it'll have to do.
And as one could see by the title, this is an ode to Sasha Grey, the only adult film star that I'm aware of whose into David Gordon Green and Werner Herzog movies. Looking at her MySpace profile and her favorite films thing, it's very intimidating. She's like the girl that every guy in film school writes a part for their suburban variation on whatever Darren Aronofsky or David Fincher or Wes Anderson is doing opus. Like if you were to talk to her about Amos Vogel's book, "Film as Subversive Art," she'd probably call it bullshit and pull out a better example of subversive filmmaking. So, it's really refreshing to see some one that famous and attractive into really good movies. I'm such a weirdo that I wonder what it would be like to shop for DVDs at Amoeba with her and not what every other guy is thinking about.
The horse, it's taking me a while to get back on it, but when I do, it feels good.