&t skeet on mischa: 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007

skeet on mischa

i wouldn't have given you it if i didn't agree

Aug 30, 2007

For No Reason

The five minutes that I saw of MTV’s latest high gloss Southern California “reality” series “Life of Ryan”, which is about the life of Ryan Sheckler who happens to be a professional skater and a teenager and if you didn’t catch the fact that he’s a professional skater, he’s going to bring it up every other minute. I think in those precious five minutes I saw, Ryan Sheckler mentioned being a skater at least ten times. Granted it was the pilot episode of the series, but does it really need to be that “duh-duh”? Can’t the audience assume that he’s a pro skater since he’s carrying a skateboard and dressed as if all of his sponsors threw up on him? Or because the show looks awfully a lot like an episode of “Laguna Beach” or whatever the fuck it’s called these days, people might get confused? Or have we gotten to the point with our entertainment that we need it all spelled out for us like a picture with a cartoon of semen on some starlet’s face? I guess it helps to be duh duh these days. Look at it, they’re on TV and I’m complaining about it. Score one for the bad guys. Well, Ryan Scheckler isn’t a bad guy. He’s just a confused professional skateboarder who happens to be a teen whose juggling being a teen and being a skater, you know. Tough work, dudes.

Why does Amanda Bynes look like as if she spent way too much time with the Olly Girls and/or fell asleep in a tanning bed in the movie Sydney White? Can we get a ruling from the great Uncle Grambo please?

We all know that VBS’ Spike Spends Saturday With is pretty cool, but have you seen Robin Brown Spends Saturday with Spike yet? Crazy stuff to the say least.

It should be noted that if it wasn’t for Spencer Sloan and Robin Brown, I don’t think I would’ve ever came back to this intranet thing. The blogback is a slow process and forgive me if I miss a day because I’d rather spend an evening at The Cat & Fiddle talking about whale tails [NSFW] and shit in general in between brews. I’m going to be in the greater ATL area in a month or two, so I may have to break into Goldenfiddle HQ when I’m there.

Over the last month or two, I’ve been working out and it feels incredibly weird to write about it, but I’d like to pass along to tip to anybody whose thinking about exercising and what not. Listen to Explosions in the Sky while jogging or walking it out or running it out or whatever you’re doing. Trust me, just listen to Explosions in the Sky and every action, every movement, every hill that you climb, basically everything that you do will make you feel as if you’re in the middle of the movie. Like the next time, you’re going on a jog and you’re about to do something crazy and intensive, listen to one of their songs like “Snow and Lights” or “Six Days at the Bottom of the Ocean” and tell you’re not having a semi religious moment or acting like those UFC dudes after a fight.

A paragraph or two ago, there was a little bit about spotting famous people and recently for me, I’ve had a few encounters or spotting, if you will. Yet I wasn’t eager to send them into Defamer or even write about them. It’s like “Hey, it’s that girl from “Arrested Development” eating dinner with her husband, cool,” then proceed to quote lines from “Arrested Development” for the next couple of minutes, then talking about Michael Cera, then I start to worry about the impending film version of “Youth in Revolt” and whose going to direct it (Edgar Wright should do it). Everybody likes to hear that people are digging what they do. It provides a quick and painless ego boost, but when and where is it appropriate? A couple weeks back, I saw Busdriver at the Chromeo/Flosstradamus show at the Echoplex and I wanted to go up and say “Your new album was the soundtrack for my life for about two months straight. It’s still in my car,” but you know, that’s a bit too much and not to mention, I was covered in sweat cause Flosstradamus had just destroyed the place. Then at the No Age in store, I nearly bump into Busdriver as I was typing a text message to a friend of mine. I wanted to say that I dug his album, but I was fearful of acting like a schoolgirl. So, I let it go and just let the guy shop in peace. And other times, I think there’s a mutual embarrassment between you and the famous person in question. They know well in advance where they know you from and just rather leave things be. Exchange a few knowing glances and that’s about it. “Yeah, I’m on that show,” with a simple smile and a blank stare. “I can’t believe that I watch it,” with a Jim from “The Office” facial expression and shrug of the shoulders.

Aug 29, 2007

Dry Rot

There are two things that I could say about the No Age in store at Amoeba last night. How awesome No Age was and how rude some cool kids can be. I think anybody who has ever been on the intranet within the last six months knows about No Age. I don’t think they are a victim of blogarrhea because they’re not victims of their own hype. They play loud on record and they play just as loud live. No Age is this generation’s Minutemen; a band with great musical ambition and skills that decided to display it in furious two minutes sonic blasts. In other words, No Age just shreds. It’s one thing to hear Randy Randall’s guitar work, but live, it’s just effortless and beautiful. In works in great contrast to Dean Spunt’s manic drum playing. I want to say that 30 seconds or so into the first song, Spunt already broke a drumstick. No Age is the real deal, no bullshit. Just a bunch of skate rats making amazing music.

And it shouldn’t be surprising that cool kids are rude, but this one guy took the fucking cake. This guy wedge himself in the very tiny space between myself and an other guy then for the first few songs, he starts digging in his nose without a fucking care in the world. He just jams two fingers up there and just digs away like a dog burying a bone. Normally I would’ve looked away, but some of you are familiar with how narrow the aisles are at Amoeba, especially during an in store. I couldn’t avoid it and oddly, this guy took pride in his goal of touching his brain by the end of “My Life’s All Right Without You.” Whatever happened to keeping things discrete and/or amongst friends and/or behind close doors? Sure, if you give me enough beer and a large Oreo shake from Jack in the Box, I’ll say shit, but nine times out of ten, I’m going to keep things discrete in terms of personal stories and of course, digging for brain.

All right, despite the threat of any potential box office fall off due to on line piracy, Dimension has signed Rob Zombie to a two picture deal. Nothing could happen, but at least, Zombie has a place to potentially make more Hillbilly action pictures. Why doesn’t Zombie make a Russ Meyer style picture next? He seems like he’d have more fun doing that.

Aug 28, 2007

Piracy Ruins Careers

What a bummer for Rob Zombie. A work print version of his latest film the reimagining of Halloween leaked online. Yet it’s not the version that’ll be in theaters this Friday according to this article from CHUD. It seems as if the leaked version of the film was Zombie’s initial cut of the film before extensive re shoots occurred early last month.

One has to wonder if the leaking of the film so close to its release is going to affect its overall weekend box office totals. Its widely believed that the pirated copy of Hostel Part 2 destroyed the box office for the film as well as place a road block in the career of Eli Roth. Youth driven pictures like Halloween and Superbad tend to have stronger Friday night openings and fall off the rest of the weekend. In the case of Halloween, it’s going to be even more of an uphill battle for the film this Friday. One, it’s opening on a holiday weekend, one where people like to get away or at least spend their last fleeting moments with family and friends at the beach or engaging in some outdoor activity before going back to work, school, etc. People like a good scare, but doesn’t seem more logical to release a scary movie, especially one named after a spooky holiday during the month of October? Then again, this is the Weinstein Company and they decided to release Grindhouse on Easter weekend as opposed to October or even the summer time. Not to mention, that the horror audience have their panties in a bunch over the idea of somebody remaking what is widely considered and I tend to agree, what is the greatest horror film ever made. So, the built in audience is already turned off. So, any curiosity factor that the horror fans have about the film will be satisfied by watching the pirated copy of the film, in fact, they may even seen a better film then the one that’s being released. Rob Zombie’s preferred cut of the film, maybe.

Also, the face of piracy has been redefined. It’s no longer that old lady on Canal Street, but some frustrated film school grad that works in an post production house that’s leaking these things on line. People are taking the film industry down from the inside. We have rushed strike pictures and now, post production people leaking semi finished product on line ruining the film industry. Now one has to wonder if Halloween performs poorly if Zombie will take all of the blame or will it all be chalked up to piracy? Or just both.

Aug 27, 2007

The Lawn Wranglers Forever

It’s really sad to hear about what happened to Owen Wilson over the weekend. Whether it was a suicide attempt or an overdose or what ever it was, it’s still rather sad. I can’t speak for all of my friends, but I know that in one way or another, we were influenced or inspired by Owen Wilson’s early work with Wes Anderson to pursue our various careers in the movies. Friendships and bonds have been made over the mutual love and affection for characters like Max Fischer, Royal Tenebaum and of course, Future Man. I’m not sure if any of my friendships would be as stronger as they are without endless viewings of Rushmore and Bottle Rocket during the summer in my last year of high school. And over the course of time, my love for Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson to started to slip a bit, but I always and will have always a place in my cinematic heart for Bottle Rocket and the character, Dignan. Of any character in Wes Anderson film, I feel the most like Dignan. I want to call him a dreamer, but I don’t think he is. He’s just a guy with big ideas and plans, but doesn’t know how to put it together. A lot of the time, I feel like that. I’m struggling to put all these big ideas and plans together, but one of these days, it’ll come together. Also, I feel a lot like Anthony, too, but that’s besides the point.

So, Owen Wilson, please get better, the movie going public needs you.

Roll On

Over the last few months or so, I’ve been noticing that people like to read blogs that feature photos with crazy captions written on them or watermarks. Maybe it has something to do with the content of the photo and not necessarily the watermark its self. Either way, I’m open to try new things in an attempt to get new readers (maybe updating more than once every two months is a good start), so, why not try out the caption thing out. I didn’t want to write out pictures the same way that everybody else does, so I wanted to use specific fonts. The Friday the 13th is indeed spooky and edgy, but it doesn’t evoke enough fear. Perhaps, if there was a built in sound effect it’d be scarier.

To me, putting captions onto pictures feels like lazy writing. I know that this writing is rather lazy, but when you put a caption on, it just seems as if you couldn’t come up with a reference to an episode from “The Simpsons,” or relate it to an event in you life or something remotely interesting. I know that the caption looks fairly rad cause it’s the classic Slayer font and the classic Slayer font is amazing. It’s just too duh duh for me.

Then again, its kind of fun to work in old timey catch phrases onto photos of babes. Especially if it’s the Misfits font. I think the Misfits either are becoming totally trendy or already are or will just forever be cool. The Misfits font is like Vans; it’ll never go out of style.

Speaking of or if you will, captioning of Rachel Bilson, whatever happened to her? She was on “The OC,” but then I stopped watching the show and it got canceled and then she broke up with that one dude who was in The Ten with Winona “Jugs Ahoy” Ryder. Then she fell off the earth or at least fell out of the papparazzi’s view. Why isn’t she in more movies? She was the best thing about that Zach Braff movie The Last Kiss, so why aren’t casting directors and producers flooding her agent and manger’s respective offices with scripts and offers of major motion pictures and pilots? I’m not sure if I could continue to go to the movies if Hollywood’s go to young brunette is Megan Fox or some blonde dyes her hair a darker color.

I don’t believe that I have any pull or power as a writer. Maybe a little or at least just enough to get my inbox clogged up with e-mails about Balls of Fury shifting release dates and the latest P.R. newsletters from Bad Boy records on a weekly basis. Maybe it has something to do with my lack of captions, but allow myself to direct y’all to some cool things. Well, the first thing, I’m not sure about, but a friend of mine sent out an e-mail the other day asking everybody to check out the movie, Dedication. It’s directed by Justin Theroux, who was in David Lynch’s Mulholland Dr. & Inland Empire, so he’s got cool points for days and weeks in my book. The movie also stars Mandy Moore, so you know if you’re a dude, you can take your girl to it and seem like a cool guy for once because girls love Mandy Moore. And if you’re local, I believe it’s playing at the Landmark multiplex on Pico. It’s a great theater if you haven’t been yet. So, support me supporting my friend, Morgan and her support of Dedication.

And the other thing, is fuck no shorts policies at bars. I tried to go into a bar that I’ve been in the past while wearing shorts and the dude at the door was like, “Nah. I can’t let you in on the weekend wearing shorts.” Say wha? Why not? There’s probably a grip of girls inside in shorty shorts in the bar and quite frankly, I probably looked better in my shorts than most of those girls in their shortys. I can understand not being let into Le Deux or Le Dipshit or whatever the fuck it’s called for wearing a pair of shorts, but a bar? A fucking bar? I just wanted to get a couple of New Castles and have some fun and I could’ve chosen to pick up a six pack at the market for the price of two beers and laughed my ass off while watching “Jose Luis Sin Censura” with my friend. I don’t know what’s the problem with a pair of shorts? I guess they want me to wear to a cardigan and a scarf and jeans in muggy weather.

One has to wonder if the fashion elite label certain things as ‘trendy’ and ‘cool’ and ‘hip’ because they know how funny it’s going to be for regular people like you and me when we see those duffer who’ll spend 200 bucks on a pair of sweatpants with ice cream cones iron ons? Or has Gavin McInnes made such a strong impact on hipster culture that people now want to go out in public and be a “don’t”? I haven’t watched VBS TV in a while, so I don’t know anymore. I can barely keep up with “Clark & Duke” and “Big Love” while we’re at it.

You know how the other day I mentioned that I was excited to buy blind the new Rilo Kiley album because it’s Rilo Kiley and I’ve pretty much loved every album they’ve done thus far. Yet as I put their new album in my car the other day, I had to turn it off after one song and put on No Age instead. Then the next day, I listened to two songs before putting Stern on. I don’t know what it is about the album. Maybe the album or at least those two songs sound way too polished and clean for my liking. Where’s that beautiful Mike Mogis produced sound of the last couple of albums? I’m all for artists for expanding and doing new things, but sometimes, there are artists that should continue to do the same thing over and over again. One of those artists is the band, Rilo Kiley; just keep on pumping those jams that got me through my shitty days and excited for work in the morning. Maybe the rest of the album is different and perhaps I’ll give it another try while I’m stuck in traffic or if Artie Lange isn’t being particularly funny on Stern that morning, but it just seems as if I’m listening to the soundtrack for “Grey’s Anatomy” or one of those other type of shows. It seems like they made these songs to have inane banter about who slept with whom over it. I love Jenny Lewis, I do. I really do, but she isn’t woman who could get me to watch “Grey’s Anatomy” again. There’s like one or two women in the world to get me to watch that show again and I think one of them is mad at the show these days. So, maybe it’s a grower, but the new Rilo Kiley album not for me right now.

Then again, I also think my initial rejection of the album has something to do with the fact that the album sounds less “indie” indie, if you will and more like a record you’d hear on Star 98.7. I’m not ready to make that leap into adult contemporary land. Granted, I didn’t go to Fuck Yeah Fest, but I’m going to try to make it on to the No Age free show at Amoeba on Tuesday night (Kill two birds with one stone; see a show and maybe pick up an import Garth Marenghi’s “Darkplace” DVD (episode 3 is my favorite; start here). I’m not ready to make the switch from searching for new Santogold MP3s to being stoked on hearing new John Mayer tunes on the radio (even if he goes to La Esquina aka the best tacos I’ve ever had. Well, I’m not sure if Mayer was cool enough and ate tacos or if he just went to the top-secret underground restaurant.). I’ve never been a fan of that particular genre of music but I fear and largely assume that with age, you just have to start listening to that particular brand of music. I want to remain with it, but I don’t want to be that weird old guy at the show whose still chasing whatever it is. I mean I’m not even listening to rap that much anymore, but I can sing “Say It Right,” the Nelly Furtado song.

Aug 24, 2007

One Track Lover

I don’t have a problem that they’re going to make a movie based on the G.I. Joe action figures and cartoons and comic books of my youth. You know, everything is up for fair game these days and you know, if there’s traction, then go with it. As much as I want to believe that film can still be an art form, it’s still mostly a business. Sure, a film or two that is an art film can sneak through the system and make no money what so ever, but nine times out of ten, unless Vince Vaughn is attached to it, it’s not going to get made. My problem with the GI Joe movie is how fast it’s going into production. The project was announced today in the trades and pretty much every other movie site and blog. According to reports, they’re expecting to start production on the film by February of next year and of course, there’s no script and once again, of course, producers are worried about a potential strike next summer. At one point or another, I thought I knew what the strike was about. It was something with the DGA or something with the WGA or both of their contracts are up. I don’t really remember or at least I’ve forgotten over the last couple of months. This potential strike has become a monster, perhaps it’s the monster in that JJ Abrams movie, that makes people rush a bunch of movies into production for fear of not having any product to release in summer 2009. I know that it’s a business. I’m learning this hard way, especially during job interviews and I mention Jodorowsky; it’s like I’ve said the sea word or something. They’re just throwing movies into production without much script development.

I know that film is visual storytelling and the script is just a blueprint, but can’t films have a decent blueprint? I’m not looking for a GI Joe script penned by Mamet or Tom Stoppard, but you know, take your time with it and don’t rush the thing to beat the strike. Let alone the rush to cast the thing. So many actors are scrambling to line up projects, not just directors and producers. Yet with such a high profile project, you don’t need a lot of high profile actors, but it doesn’t hurt to have a couple of names. Yet, how many name actors already have projects lined up? It just doesn’t make any sense to rush all of these things cause of a strike.

Then again, if produers are looking to stock pile some stuff to go before the strike, I got two pages of solid gold hit movies ideas. Granted, all of the projects seem like “Superbad as if it was directed by Antonioni” or “The Punisher meets A History of Violence but with big boobs.”

Also, can somebody please explain who James McAvoy is and why he’s such a in demand actor these days?

Aug 22, 2007

Futterman's Rule

All of these remakes of John Carpenter films remind me of a line from “The Simpsons.” Homer Simpson said it best when he said, “Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax.” You know, let the John Carpenter movies be John Carpenter movies and let other filmmakers do their own original projects. I’ll probably check out Rob Zombie’s upcoming reworking of Halloween because I think Zombie understands the concept of doing a remake; bringing a fresh and interesting take on the old material. But at the same time, why couldn’t he turn his fresh spin on a John Carpenter classic into an entire original full-length script? I’ve seen bits and pieces of House of 1000 Corpses and it was okay. Nice cinematography, but I just wasn’t into it. The Devil’s Rejects, on the other hand is a masterpiece despite having moments straight out of the Marenghi/Learner playbook (“Anything that wasn’t dialogue was open to being put in slow motion.”). Zombie is a solid filmmaker, but instead of doing a remake, why not give the money so Rob Zombie can make his own picture or at least restore the print of the original Halloween film.

Reading Jeffrey Welles’ piece about the recent restoration of The Godfather, it seems like a good idea to check out the quality of the negative for the Carpenter masterpiece. I know that it takes money to do a proper to preserve these prints and most for people, it seems that a nice HD transfer and remastering on DVD is a decent way to save a film. Even on HD, the viewer is not really watching the film the way it was meant to be seen. The audience is supposed to experience the film projected onto a large screen with an amazing sound system and an audience. Yes, film is a singular experience; everybody has their own personal relationship with it, but sometimes watching films with an audience enhances the experience just a bit. So instead of investing money in a needless remake of Escape From New York, why not spend a couple of bones on restoring the negative and saving it for future generations to discover how bad ass Kurt Russell used to be.

Or are studios remaking these films as a way to preserve them for future generations? Is it a better investment to spend a couple of million on finding the writer, then paying the writer for the first draft, then the series of notes, then another draft, then another bunch of notes, then maybe a new writer, then out to directors and who knows what else? Of course with the impending strike, this particular timetable is speed up about one billion times faster. Then there’s the casting, locations, special effects, etc, etc. Yet at the end of the day, with a brand new film, one can make a profit where as with a beautiful restored print of John Carpenter’s The Thing, there’ll be a couple of screenings at the New Beverly and the DVD re-release. Yeah, DVD is a moneymaker, but with a new film, they are good for at least a couple of DVD re-releases before the natives starting getting restless.

Or maybe, I’m just upset by the fact that Kate Beckinsale’s husband is going to direct the remake of Escape From New York. I’ve never seen any of his films, but from the footage I’ve seen of his work, he seems like a real safe choice. Just style for days. You know, why not let John Carpenter movie be John Carpenter movies.

It should be noted that there are few thing that you can count on in this world, but you should be able to count on the following two things: One: There’ll always be a line from the first ten seasons of “The Simpsons” that can be related to any life situation. And secondly, any female you met between the ages of 18 and 25 will have undying love and affection for Mandy Moore. You can always count on that.

Defamer has footage of Mary Kate Olsen on “Weeds. I don’t know, but my faith and hope in the show will continue because the first two episodes of the new season have been so solid. It’s stunt casting to a certain extent, but “Weeds” is a good enough that it doesn’t need stunt casting.

For all of the iPhone users out there; the few, the proud, the impulsive, may I suggest investing in a blue tooth head set. Yes, you’ll look like a robot and while driving people who only see your left profile will think you’re absolutely nuts, but at least your screen won’t be as greasy. The screen is going to get dirty naturally if you’re busy typing a text or e-mail while drinking a espererro mint chip from Coffee Bean, but come on how gross does the phone after you’ve been talking on it? My phone looked like a wrapper from McDonalds after I used the thing. Granted, I’m a sweaty guy, but it’s still possible to save the phone. Use a headset. It’s easier to drive and talk if one has to absolutely drive and talk. It’s a device that enables one to multi task. The other day, I was talking with one friend and sending text messages to another and checking my e-mail. I think the Edge network blew up, but still, it’s possible to do all of these things. The Edge network is a joke.

Oh, T.Lee! Will you ever learn?

Hand to god, I’ve never seen an “High School: The Musical” nor it’s sequel. I have however seen it on the news, you know, E! News Daily and I have to come to the conclusion that one of the girls from it is hot and I’ve done the legal research and it’s okay to say that she’s hot. Yet it still feels wrong to say so, you know?

Aug 21, 2007

For Marcus & Spencer

When I first saw all of those billboards for the show, “L.A. Ink,” I thought that the TLC had given Jewish adult film star Joanna Angel her own show. I scratched my head for a minute thinking why would they call a show that would primarily take place in the Pornando Valley, “L.A. Ink,” but then again, I can’t seem to find a gig in TV. So, I just put into the endless list of things that I’ll never understand. Then a friend of mine said something about how Kat Von D lost a lot of weight since she was on “Miami Ink” or something. Then my dreams of a reality show about a Jewish adult film star were crushed. Then I remember watching bits and pieces of “Miami Ink” over the years and realizing how dumb that show is. Some of the artists on that show do great work, but I don’t know, the main guy just made tattoos and the art of tattooing; well, to put it blunt, he seemed like the Chris Carrabba of tattooing. It seemed unless you were some girl in a bikini with a decent rack, you had to have some great emotional reasoning behind getting work done. This tattoo is to help me get through my divorce or this is about my son. You know, there always have to be an emotional reasoning behind a tattoo on that show. I remember the days when getting tattoos were dangerous and generally located on the sketchy side of town.

Probably over the years, thanks in large to college co-eds going wild, tattoos have become mainstream and commonplace. And shows like “Miami Ink,” and “LA Ink” have tattoos even more mainstream. I thought about getting a tattoo recently. It came to me while sitting in the blazing sun of Las Vegas working on an awful sun burn (I use sun screen all the time nowadays though and you should, too) that I should get one because at that moment in time, I wanted something that said “Never Again,” and literally, getting a tattoo that said “Never Again,” was something that I’d never do ever again. Then I forgot about it for a while, but then I went to a function where there were girls with tattoos and I came to the irrational conclusion that women with tattoos only date other people with tattoos. I tend to believe that people who dress in a similar fashion or style tend to date each other. It’s like what Karen O said, “The cool kids, they belong together.” So, I wanted to get a tattoo again because I wanted to be cool and hang with the girls that have shelves done. Despite the claims from friends that tattoos wouldn’t suit me and that my theory was ridiculous. Then I watched “L.A. Ink” and I realized that not only I do not want to get a tattoo, but I pretty sure that I don’t want to play in the sandbox with tattoo girls. I think the moral majority is behind these shows because it’s making tattoos seem so mundane and dull and clichéd and you’re going to have to make conversation with some body who may or may not dress up like Rob Zombie circa 1993 who says “dude” and “bro” a lot. I’m guilty of saying “dude,” a lot, but I have a few other words in arsenal.

Going back a couple of paragraphs ago, to the thing about a reality show in the Pornando Valley, Am I the crazy one in believing that there might be some reality gold in a series about the folks who work for the AIM in Sherman Oaks? There’d be some medical drama and some wacky plastic surgery and all sorts of wacky characters coming into the office and working in the office. I mean, honestly, how come nobody has done a reality show about this yet? It’d be a perfect slice of edutainment; educating the viewers about STDs and what not and entertaining us with nurses like the Olly Girls, but probably much, much, much, much smarter.

A friend of mine told me that Uffie and the Like are gonna be CineSpace tonight and I thought about for a minute, but then I realized that people like this would be there and I’d much rather stay home and be bummed as I watch Bresson’s Au Hasard Balthazar again. My friend is actually a decent person. So like her and her friends may be the only sane people there.

Am I the strange one because I’m excited to blind buy an album? For some magical reason the new Rilo Kiley album never leaked or at least I never found it, but then again, I didn’t really look that hard. Either way, it’s somewhat refreshing to have the first time I hear an album is when I first put it into the car stereo. Given, it’s Rilo Kiley and I would assume that by now, I’d know the routine and formula for their music. Great songs; whiny back up vocals by Blake, some country twang to it and that’s about it. Don’t ruin a good thing.

As for that M.I.A. album, it’s good, especially if you’re working out, but it’s pretty much a single song album for me. “Paper Planes”. That’s the only great thing about her album. “Paper Planes.” It’s like the Harold & Maude of electro/dance/hip hop/whatever you call it.

I don’t know who or whom owns the North American rights to it, but we have to figure it out because there needs to be a DVD release of “Garth Marenghi’s “Darkplace” soon. Please take a look at the first episode here and please tell me if you didn’t laugh. You might be dead if you don’t laugh.

Beloved “Veronica Mars” star Kristen Bell is going to be on “Heroes” this season. That’s a good thing, but it’s like, I’m kinda of over “Heroes”. The season finale was a lamey rip off of “The Watchmen” and a lot of those actors are, well, I don’t know how to say it aren’t the greatest. They’re good, but just not for me. How diplomatic, is that? But it’s good for Kristen Bell to get exposure and all. More exposure on popular things that do well might make it easier for a V.Mars movie.

Aug 20, 2007

Whatever happened to Baby Jane?

Whatever happened to the Empire? You know, that’s a tough question to answer because whenever I get in front of a computer to write something, I’ve forgot what I wanted to write about. Its either such and such thing is cool or such and such thing is pretty lame, but then again, does my opinion actually matter? Sure, a friend or two may tell me that they’ve enjoyed the long winded and rambling MySpace bulletins, but who actually has the time in their day to read a MySpace bulletin unless it’s about a party or something involving the word, “Free,” unless it’s one of those things about getting a free Xbox or gift card by simply filling out a survey. Has anybody actually gotten an Xbox from doing those things or is it an off brand Xbox style product? Like an Smbox or something? Let alone, the concept of how can an intranet company can generate enough revenue by having dopey teens answer questions about what they like about Applebee’s? So, that’s been the struggling as of late, forgetting about the words or just getting too entirely distracted by something else. Not to mention, what’s interesting these days? Or at least, what’s the different opinion I could prevent on whatever is interesting these days. It’s like really another person who thought Superbad was funny or was disappointed by (insert recently released album by a high profile group or artist here). Nor do I think I could work up the energy to make fun of famous people or at least pseudo famous people. Kim Kardasian has a big ass, but what else is there to talk about? Her sex tape was kinda meh and her dad was OJ’s attorney. Boring. Other so called famous people are going or have been to jail, but who gives a shit. Does anybody remember the days when famous people got to be famous and written about because they did great job? Sure, a high glossy close up of Jonah Hill on a cover of US Weekly isn’t going to move a lot of units, but the dude deserves it because his performance in Superbad was so good that it made me forget that Jonah Hill usually creeps me out.

Sure, I might be creating a plan in the back of my head to become Britney Spears’ third husband or if you will, rebound husband. Granted, my abs aren’t as solid or toned up as a back up dancer, but I think they’re at least good enough for one of the girls on “Rock of Love,” but not one of those old ladies or ladies whose hair is their entire personality. It should be noted that I’ve been working out while listening to Santogold (Dude, have you heard “Creator” yet?), so I’m getting into back up dancer shape. From watching all of this media coverage of Britney Spears’ meltdown, I’ve assumed that neither she nor any of her hang on-ers understand the meaning of the word, “discrete.” It’s fun to go out and get comp’ed at clubs like Opera or whatever the cool place in Las Vegas is, but do you really want to get the same type of treatment that any cute girl and her foxy wifetourage from Ontario, California will get from middle age business man in stripped button downs and linen shirts with True Religion jeans? No. These people need to teach Britney Spears things that can be fun without having to go out to the club. You know, going to the beach and just hanging out while reading a book can be fun. Stealing all of Bret Michaels’ hats and bandanas before a taping of “Rock of Love” can be a lot of fun. Be like Navin R Johnson and build a disco inside the house and book like Crystal Castles to jam out for a weekend, invite Cory Kennedy and that Skull Set kid to take pictures and have fun while being discrete. Perhaps, I’m all hoped on the term, “discrete” because it seemed like a solid buzz word I used in a job interview the other day. I mean it makes sense to be discrete and I assumed that Britney Spears makes assistants and nannies sign confidential agreements, but why doesn’t she sign one for her own life? Okay, I don’t think that teaching her on how to be sneaky like ninja is right place to build our relationship. You know, I assume that she’ll say something about how it’s easier said than done and probably the term, “y’all,” will also be added into the mix. Nor does any one who at one point in their life was considered to be one of America’s greatest sex symbols want to hear that she needs to act like Brian Wilson in the 70s and raise her kids. You just know that one of those kids is going to be overweight like Carnie Wilson, so why not embrace it and go all the way with it?

Or she should just go in the complete opposite direction embrace being bat shit crazy and hook up with Tom Sizemore and Danny Boudouche and do a VH-1 show. Or at least in a couple of years do a show like “Britney Spears is 30 With Two Kids and Single.”

I don’t understand MTV anymore. Whenever I flip by it, I see endless reruns of “America’s Next Top Model.” Who gives a shit? You know whatever happened to all the women who won America’s Next Top Model? I haven’t seen them in the magazines, but then again, you could count the number of fashion magazines I read on a single hand. Maybe they’re all “Deal or No Deal” girls, but whose got the patience to lock that stuff up? Let alone the concept of who wants to watch reruns of a show that people already know the outcome of? That girl won and didn’t have a career. I saved y’all two hours of programming, now let’s run a batch of dating shows, so I could see Cal State L.A.’s finest please or at least a couple of girls from The Social on Sunset; like the ones I drunkly yelled “Holler, Holler, Holler,” at a month or two ago. Without these dating shows, how all of the young and untalented going to get exposure? I know that there’s going to be a “Flavor of Love 3” and a second cycle of “I Love New York,” and they’re probably in pre production on a second season of “Rock Of Love,” but how many washed up musicians is VH-1 going to drag up? A dating show with Artie Lange? Well, I’d watch that in a heartbeat, but you know what I mean? Where’s the training in lightly scripted drama for these kids outside of bad student films? Sure, one could take the easy way out and start to date Audrinia from “The Hills,” but how many dates is one going to last without thinking about her face looks like a dummy.

Speaking of “The Hills,” I tried…. I tried real hard, Ringo to not watch it, but I did and all I can say is that Whitney is insanely hot. It look me a while to figure it out, but holy shit, that girl is a stunner. Smart and tall. Yet, the most interesting thing about those two episodes was that guy, Justin Bobby. Yes, I know that guy is the big waste of a sperm and egg since Rainbow from “The Rock Life,” but please don’t let that guy be the representation of what everybody in LA is like. Call me a hater, call me an angry man, but man who can’t cut his own food doesn’t deserve to live. These man sloths in flannels and ripped jeans, what a waster. What a fucking waster.

And have you seen the Cisco Alder vehicle, “The Rock Life” yet? I went into watching, thinking that Cisco Alder is a douche and it would be just 30 minutes of him douching off. Yet I found myself amazed that I felt bad for the dude. You know, his dog dies, he breaks up with Mischa Barton and worst of all, he has to hang out with that Rainbow guy. What a bummer. What a fucking bummer. Cisco Alder and Roy Osborne’s kid are the only normal guys. Everybody else is a piece of shit and/or some of the worst people alive. Why has television programming become about giving shows about horrible people?

Granted, it’s a good idea to show people like Spencer Pratt, so we know how to identify pure evil. Now only if this was the good old days, an angry mob with torches and pitchforks would be storming an high rise apartment complex right about now or at least a crazy doctor who looks like Donald Pleasance would be transporting him to a mental hospital. I can understand how shows like “The Hills,” and “Sunset Tan” serving as a deterrent for people to not move out to LA, which is a good thing because hopefully it means less crowded streets and easier parking for me. So, the rest of America, yes, LA is full of women with orange skin and clown tits and the men sleep for like 20 hours a day and spend like 200 bucks on a t-shirt and if you were to parking for half an hour in Century City, you’re going to need to take a small loan out from your bank to pay for it. Please, don’t come here. We’ve already had enough unless you’re insanely funny, happen to have a region 1 DVD copy of Garth Marenghi’s “Darkplace,” have real boobies, and willing to finance/purchase any of my movie scripts or the scripts of my friends. So, in other words, we need to more girls like Whitney from “The Hills” with a large disposable income and doesn’t believe that “surrealism” is a dirty word.

Anybody else wondering if Mitch Hurwitz, creator of “Arrested Development” will have a similar rise to success in the movies like Judd Apatow? Apatow had a bunch of brilliant, but canceled TV shows before he struck it big in the movies by doing the same type of humor as his TV shows just with more dirty words. I want to believe that it’s possible because Mitch Hurwitz needs to be do something funny. Or at least, can’t Judd Apatow throw Mitch Hurwitz a bone? Produce a movie that he wrote. Just don’t hoard all of the juice for Jonah Hill or Martin Starr. Granted, I like Martin Starr is hilarious and all, but you know, Apatow should use of this synergy and produce a decent film starring Gary Shandling written by Mitch Hurwitz. Spread the comedic love or at least make a Charlyne Yi movie.

So, I’ve never actual seen it, but for some reason I know who most of the cast of “High School The Musical” is. I feel bad about it. I don’t know all of the names of the Republican canadiates running for President in 2008, but I know who Vanesse Hudgens is and Corbin Bleu and Zach Efron and Ashley Tisdale. Something is wrong with America or at least me.

“Weeds” is still good. That’s all that needs to be said. Can’t say the same thing about that show named after that lame Chilli Peppers song.

And finally, one has to wonder what the cast of the third season of “Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County” is up now that the show moved up PCH a smidge to Newport. If Joe Francis wasn’t in so much legal trouble, late night television would be filled with commercials featuring the likes of Cammy and Kyndra. According to Wikipedia, a source more reliable than the New York Times, Kyndra got breast implants and MTV decided to move up the street for a new cast? What a bummer, man.